Arrogance is what it is: is it good or bad to be an arrogant person?

Remember the famous work “The Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights”, in which one of the heroines turns to the mirror: “My light mirror, tell me and tell me the whole truth: am I the sweetest, the most ruddy and whitest in the world?” In fact, this is not asked by the heroine herself, but by her arrogance. What happened after the answer that there is a more beautiful person? Anger, irritation, the queen’s anger and a broken mirror. A completely typical reaction of an arrogant person to outside criticism, alternative opinions and doubts about his uniqueness and superiority.

What is arrogance

Arrogance is an individual’s conviction of his own superiority, a disdainful attitude towards other people (lower in status, merit or position in the subjective understanding of the individual). An arrogant person neglects the needs and interests of other people, does not respect anyone except individuals of the same circle (elite) or no one at all except himself (with a pronounced god complex).

An arrogant person “measures” himself and other people highly. Only if he himself fits this bar, then those around him, as a rule, do not. We can talk about a subjective understanding of wealth, happiness, success, love, status. “I can do everything, and everyone owes me, because I am the best,” is the motto of arrogant individuals.

Arrogance is a variant of the manifestation of pride, although more often these concepts are identified. Pride (arrogance) is a mortal sin in the perception of believers and an intolerable personal trait in the understanding of atheists. The main difference between pride and arrogance is that pride does not require an environment; arrogance requires approval from someone or worship from someone, that is, there is dependence on other people.

Interestingly, successful, rich or wealthy people do not always suffer from arrogance. For example, a person who is convinced that success in life is achieved through connections, talents and fate, and who attributes his failure to “bad luck,” may be arrogant and arrogant towards those who have achieved this success. But you and I know that a person is the master of his own destiny, it’s just that some people don’t know this or don’t want to know. So they arrogantly say to more successful and accomplished individuals: “Teach me here again. It's easy for you to say. I also found a sage.”

Arrogance - pros and cons

As a rule, society has a negative attitude towards arrogance. Any sign of pomposity can be called a flaw. But arrogance also has its advantages.

Benefits of Arrogance

Psychologists consider the following positive aspects of arrogance:

balanced behavior in awkward situations - a self-confident woman can masterfully cope with stiffness and awkwardness;
inflated self-esteem, allowing an arrogant person to do whatever she likes;
pretentiousness, manners, stiffness - all this often accompanies arrogance, since such people take care of themselves and strive to be a role model;
lack of desire to give instructive advice - arrogant people do not spend time trying to make someone better; on the contrary, they are glad that those around them remain imperfect.

Although arrogance is associated with exalting oneself above others, people suffering from it do not pursue the goal of humiliating anyone. They extol their virtues and achievements more.

What are the disadvantages of arrogance?

Arrogant people are rarely popular in society. This character trait has a lot of disadvantages:

lack of real friends and difficulties in establishing interpersonal contacts - no one wants to be friends with an arrogant person who constantly elevates himself above others; and the owner of arrogance himself is not eager to communicate closely with anyone;
biased and negative attitude of others due to conspicuous arrogance and arrogance;
inability to work in a team - due to their peculiarity, arrogant people constantly prove that they are right, regardless of the opinions of others, which causes difficulties in team work.

But, in fairness, it is worth noting that some traits of arrogance in people may be liked by others upon closer acquaintance.

Signs of Arrogance

You can suspect arrogance based on the following signs:

disregard for other people and their needs;
conviction of one's own superiority and righteousness;
having your own opinion on every question and defending your opinion (contrary to the feelings and desires of other people);
heightened self-esteem;
egoism and egocentrism;
manipulation of people;
demonstration of one's benefits, virtues, achievements;
demanding of others and ignoring one’s responsibilities;
indifference, lack of empathy and compassion.

An arrogant person never admits his mistakes or asks for forgiveness. Even if he realizes (which happens rarely) that he was wrong, he will not apologize. Apologizing and admitting mistakes is beneath him.

Arrogance is written on the face, reflected in the gaze and gait. As a rule, it is indicated by a raised eyebrow, narrowed eyes, a grin or both lips slightly protruded with a raised chin, a sidelong glance or a “top-down” look. The gait is imposing, the shoulders are straightened, the back is straight, they will never give way on the way.

How does arrogance manifest in character?

Characteristic signs of arrogance appear in different states:

Consumerism. A pompous person expects praise, recognition and respect. Such people are convinced that everyone around them should satisfy their needs.
People under the weight of arrogance lose the ability to work in a team. They believe that they are the only ones capable of doing the work, and the rest will have to be pulled on themselves.
Devaluation of the individuality and merits of others. Such people do not take into account the feelings and achievements of others. They may accidentally offend, but deliberately ignore it.
Arrogance and vanity forces you to put yourself at the top of the pedestal. Such subjects read lectures, prove that they are right, and come up with comments. Moreover, they easily criticize those who do not meet their criteria, reproaching them for their mistakes and weaknesses. Such individuals always look for the mistakes of others to point out weaknesses, exalting themselves.
Attracts attention, demonstrates oneself - bright makeup on the face, an arrogant look, loud conversation, clear clicking of heels.
Arrogance encourages you to brag about your achievements (what you bought, what you achieved, etc.). Because it keeps everyone in the spotlight.
Arrogant people do not accept criticism. Only they know what is right. No one can tell them, much less tell them they are wrong.
The first impression when meeting arrogant people can be deceptively pleasant. Such individuals are characterized by charisma, extroversion, and sociability. But they are soon replaced by selfishness and contempt.
Never apologizes. The arrogant person is convinced that he is doing everything right, therefore he should not apologize. If troubles happen, he only blames others.
Difficulties in relationships. Arrogance scares off others. No one wants to be with a person who exalts himself above others. Arrogant behavior is characteristic of self-sufficient individuals, therefore they do not need society. Because of their arrogance, they themselves do not let others get close to them. However, forced isolation provokes serious psychological discomfort.

In turn, arrogance, an arrogant look, and boasting are common behavioral traits that are found in most people. However, arrogant subjects behave this way all the time. Moreover, they never doubt personal superiority and exclusivity.

The Origins of Arrogance

In a broad sense, two reasons for the development of arrogance can be noted, although these are completely different areas: overcompensation for shortcomings (a protective mechanism of the psyche) and arrogance against the backdrop of real success. Thus, the causes of arrogance are:

feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem, self-doubt (overcompensation);
inflated sense of self-worth and inflated self-esteem (including against the backdrop of real achievements);
egoism and egocentrism;
cultivation of certain values in the family, the example of parents, that is, hereditary arrogance (for example, nurturing arrogance from childhood based on social status);
education according to the “family idol” type;
flattery and servility (in relation to an arrogant person).

An arrogant person considers his point of view and his way of life to be the only correct one. He humiliates and ridicules everything else; he does not want and cannot understand and accept. More often, arrogance is based on material wealth or status, position, and much less often on human qualities.

As a defense mechanism, arrogance occurs when an individual is convinced that he is inferior to other people. So that his weaknesses are not noticed and taken advantage of, he attacks first (the best defense is attack). Sometimes behind the mask of arrogance there is a shyness or embarrassment of a person, an introverted personality.

How to deal with it

To cope with your own arrogance, you need to come down to earth, so to speak. An adequate attitude to reality, studying the world around us - the way it really is - will help to overcome this feeling. It is imperative to communicate with a large number of people. Getting to know a variety of representatives of the human race will allow you to realize your own weaknesses and the superiority of others in certain areas.

There is no need to be afraid of this superiority. Communication with people will also help you see that even initially weak people achieve success without really trying to hide these weaknesses.

To overcome arrogance, you need to learn to understand alternative points of view on a particular problem. Everyone can make mistakes, and you are no exception. But even if the other person is wrong, this does not mean that he is stupid and inferior. Our knowledge about a subject is formed on the basis of available information, and we obtain the maximum information largely by accident. A child born into the family of a rural priest and the son of a biology professor will receive different amounts of knowledge about a living organism, but the ignorance of the priest’s son will not be his fault. The same goes for wealth, fame and influence - they are the result not only of a person’s personal efforts, but also of the random coincidence of a number of circumstances.

Understanding randomness can help you overcome arrogance. After all, it makes no sense to be proud of what you got by pure chance: nationality, race, country or city of residence, level of education, parents, social status. If, knowing this, you still continue to fall into arrogance, then these are already signs of a serious mental illness, namely schizophrenia. Indeed, in this case, a person begins to believe that he is the favorite of God, fate, the entire universe, since he received all the best at birth. Thus, arrogance can give rise to religious fanaticism and other mental deviations.

Arrogance disguised as a victim

Sometimes arrogance takes a seemingly completely unusual and unrealistic form - sacrifice. Yes, sometimes playing “Mother Teresa” is nothing more than a belief in one’s own superiority. Such people try to reason with everyone, call for morality, set them on the right path, advise (when they are not asked for it), and express their opinion. And why all? Because they themselves always know everything better than anyone else.

Only the result is the same: irritation when their advice is ignored, manipulation (usually with the help of guilt), resentment for not being appreciated (insulted). So, an arrogant person, under the guise of virtue, cannot stand criticism and disagreement with his opinion, denial of help or advice. He imposes himself and tries to teach other people to live according to his canons. This is a hidden and more loyal form of arrogance, but no less destructive. Her motto: “Stupid, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing.” In essence, this is the same ignoring of the interests and needs of other people, elevating one’s opinion to a cult, denying the likelihood of one’s own mistakes.

How to get rid of arrogance

Although arrogance has some advantages, this character trait is undesirable, so it is better to get rid of it. If you find any manifestations of arrogance in yourself, you can use the following techniques to eliminate it:

More often put yourself in the shoes of those who have to deal with your arrogance. Remind yourself that they, too, are full individuals with their own qualities and talents.
If you realize that you have offended a person with your arrogance, do not make excuses. Just apologize from the bottom of your heart and move on with the conversation.
Learn to admit your own mistakes.
Accept other people's imperfections. Always remember that there are no ideal people; everyone has their own shortcomings.

A great way to deal with arrogance is to ask your loved ones to point out to you all the manifestations of this shortcoming. Accept all comments calmly, do not be indignant, do not argue, do not be offended; on the contrary, thank them from the bottom of your heart for their frankness.

Arrogance is an extremely unpleasant character trait, meaning a constant desire to demonstrate one's own superiority. But a pompous person does not suffer from it in any way, which cannot be said about those around him.

Because it is impossible to calmly cooperate with such people. It is especially difficult for those who have become arrogant in a close relative or boss. Because you won’t be able to distance yourself from them so easily.

Arrogance: good or bad

Let's dig deeper into the problem of arrogance: a person regularly proves to other people his importance and superiority, repeats this and tries to keep his mark. Accordingly, someone else’s opinion is important to him, which means he is vulnerable and unhappy: he cannot relax, has a hard time with failures, and cannot tolerate criticism. More often, arrogant people cope with this through denial (they don’t notice other people and criticism), but when the mechanism fails, the risk of depression and frustration increases (“I’m the best, how could this happen”). An arrogant person lives in a detached reality, his own world. This is not beneficial for socialization and personal development.

Arrogance is a trait of an immature personality, and accordingly it is a bad quality that needs to be gotten rid of. An adult personality knows that there is no limit to development. In addition, in any business there will be someone more successful and someone less successful, especially since you cannot be the best person in everything. And since you can’t be the best in everything, then you shouldn’t turn up your nose.

Our society functions on the basis that unique individuals complement each other, the more successful teach the less successful, rather than ridicule. Imagine this example: every teacher, having graduated and become one, begins to ridicule children and adults, calling them ignoramuses instead of teaching. Or doctors refuse to treat people of middle and low income, despising their standard of living. How long will such a society last? No.

Arrogance affects hostility, war, discrimination, aggression. At the personal level, arrogance can reach extreme forms and cause harm to health and life, for example, by proving to everyone that “he is not like everyone else, he is higher and more unique,” a person can work extremely hard, refuse sleep, forbid himself to express emotions and feelings, etc. Pride is a necessary and useful feeling, pride and arrogance are destructive personality traits.

Reasons for Arrogance

Arrogance appears in a person from the first feeling of arrogance, born on the basis of inadequate assessment by the closest significant people or the social environment involved in upbringing.

Arrogance is never formed at the time of birth or childhood; its prerequisites and the most favorable moments for development are periods of maximum well-being. Those. those situations when a person receives recognition, his business is successful, he himself is in his best shape - then self-esteem skyrockets. If such a period begins abruptly and has not yet reached the plateau stage, then it is most likely that the psyche does not have time to quickly adapt to the changed conditions and attributes all merits, coincidences and simply the slightest change in the standard of living as individual merits. Criticism begins to be lost, and then, when the acquired level begins to be lost or some kind of threat arises for it, a person, in order to keep at least his internal sense of self the same, begins to humiliate others, treat them with some disdain, trying to show his superiority.

Over time, inadequate self-esteem leads to the constant formation of an egoistic life concept and overly developed pride, which generates a false sense of one’s own greatness with all the ensuing consequences. It seems that it is luck in many matters, the ability to take advantage of the situation and a favorable combination of circumstances that contribute to the development of arrogance. And this is true only for some cases when the fragile internal structure of self-esteem, focusing on external factors, attributes all accidental merit to itself and begins to show all the negativism of the consequences.

However, most studies confirm that there is no direct relationship between success and arrogance; many people living below the poverty line, having neither social nor scientific status, can be quite arrogant in their behavior and worldview. This state of affairs is explained solely by the fact that the personality itself is not mature or its defectiveness is so great that there is no understanding of objective assessment.

It is impossible to single out any one external or internal reason for the development of arrogance. This is always a whole spectrum, including both the characteristics of upbringing, the ability of a person to react in one way or another, as well as the emerging external situation. The level of personality development, perhaps, remains the fundamental factor that influences the emergence or, conversely, the attenuation of arrogance. It is easier to highlight the points that warn against such behavior - this is a high level of personal responsibility for the decisions made and actions taken, as well as the level of intrapersonal development and maturity, which allows one to adequately assess oneself and reality. Thus, if a person manifests himself as an adult (psychologically and emotionally), then neither the external situation nor the resulting complexes can lead to the development of arrogance or arrogance such as to lose the perception of reality or important social connections.

What to do

So, how to get rid of arrogance:

Make a list of motives or highlight one, but persistent motive that will allow you to get rid of arrogance. In the future, always remind yourself of this goal. Without desire and motivation, you shouldn’t waste time on other tips.
Force yourself to communicate with people, learn and learn to understand other people's points of view.
Ask yourself if you are that good. Write down as many different types of activities and areas of work as possible, answer honestly whether you can successfully do at least something in each of them. For example, can you write a song, paint a picture, design an airplane, cure a tooth, build a house? I'm sure not. So it turns out that you are not the only and best person in the world?
You might be the best in the business. This may well be the case, and that’s great. But are you sure that right now a new, stronger and younger specialist is not aiming to take your place? There are no irreplaceable people, no doubt about it. In the modern world, replacements are quickly found, you need to keep up with the times, constantly improve yourself. For this, two aspects are important: criticality (reflection) and activity. Accordingly, you cannot become the best and stop; you need to constantly become the best version of yourself.
Learn to admit your mistakes. Pay attention to criticism and discuss the problem with your opponent. Force yourself to admit and apologize.
Stop focusing on yourself, pay attention to other people, their problems and interests. To do this, you will have to communicate with those who are “lower”. Who is it for you - decide for yourself. But remember that during communication, reproaches and neglect are not allowed. You must listen and try to understand the other person, see in him similarities and unique features as you.
Ask your friends to tell you about your shortcomings and strengths. Accept this portrait, make a correction plan. All people have weaknesses and shortcomings, learn to deal with them.
Map your life path and the benefits you have. For each stage, add people you meet along the way and who played a positive role in your development. Write down the people who brought negativity too: this negative experience made you exactly like this, successful and strong. Are you happy with yourself at the moment? If yes, then all the connections along the path of life were not in vain. All these people influenced you. Tell them thank you and stop being pretentious.
Play chess and checkers, board games, etc. Losses teach us humility, which means they get rid of arrogance.
Allow yourself to learn from others and share what you know. A frequent companion of arrogance is envy. Force yourself to do it, because there is no magic pill, there is motivation and willpower to get rid of arrogance.
Learn to be polite. Force yourself to say “thank you,” “please,” “I’m sorry,” and give compliments. In addition, every day write down five gratitudes addressed to someone in your environment, life, weather or day, to yourself (don’t get carried away and don’t go into devaluing yourself).
Praise, don't criticize. Arrogance runs deep, it is a way of thinking. You can change it only by starting to respect and recognize the dignity of other people. Practice every day looking for strengths in people and analyzing their success. You can consider someone from your environment or take random characters from books and films. As with kind words and compliments, praise (express your satisfaction) the person directly to their eyes.
Don't expect quick results. In each case, it will take your own period of time to get rid of arrogance, it all depends on desire and effort. Each time it will be easier and easier to say “you’re great”, “thank you”, “you did so great, teach me too”, “I understand you, but you also understand me”, “let’s think about what kind of compromise there could be” . One day you will not be able to act or think differently.

Adequate self-confidence, adequate self-esteem, healthy egoism and pride are necessary and useful properties that must be preserved. What is the main difference between a self-confident person and an arrogant person (these qualities are often confused)? A self-confident person always keeps promises, bears responsibility for his words and actions, admits mistakes, lives with benefit for himself and other people (responsiveness, goodwill, help, social and work activity). An arrogant person is strong in words, avoids responsibility and fulfilling promises, offends and humiliates others, and does not admit his mistakes.

Rules for dealing with an arrogant person

If there is such a person in your environment, you should learn how to competently build interaction with him. Arrogance goes hand in hand with manipulation, and therefore it is important not to allow yourself to be controlled.

What do psychologists recommend in these cases:

Build personal boundaries. A person who loves to assert himself and elevate his dignity by belittling others very often goes beyond what is permitted. Don’t be afraid to refuse and talk about how your opponent is currently behaving. Often such people themselves do not understand the harm they cause to others.
Don't let yourself feel guilty or make excuses. Manipulators often use gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse that aims to make the victim doubt their own adequacy through accusations and devaluing jokes.
You shouldn’t be too secretive and shake the bones of one of your mutual acquaintances together with such a person. All this information can easily be used against you later.
Remember how strongly an arrogant person reacts to criticism. If you need to convey a point to him, use the sandwich principle: place criticism between two “layers” of praise or compliments. Then your words will have every chance that they will reach the consciousness of your opponent and will be taken into account to one degree or another.
Often people with excessive pride provoke their interlocutor to respond with violent emotions. Do not give in to provocations, remain calm. Your poise will leave the manipulator's expectations unsatisfied and will moderate his ardor.

Afterword

Arrogance may be a manifestation of “star disease,” which is more often contracted after real achievements and victories or against the background of outstanding abilities. However, this forgets that every person is unique, everyone is capable of becoming a talented musician, actor, athlete or rich man. In addition, it is important to remember and understand how many people contributed to the success of one person. For example, was it only the actor himself who made a career for himself? Or did those who taught him at school, clubs and university, supported and helped, and, in the end, love and appreciate his work, also participate in this?

In society, all people interact from birth. Electricity in the house is the result of the work of many ordinary workers, and some arrogant person uses it and repeats how much he despises these workers. You may not like or respect specific people for specific actions, but you cannot exalt yourself above all of humanity.

“I realized that one person has the right to look down on another only when he helps him up.” - Gabriel García Márquez, Colombian writer, journalist and political activist.

An example of an arrogant person from my life

At one of the country’s universities, a short woman worked in a fairly simple position: she collected money for a paid toilet and cleaned the room. When students were around her, they had the feeling that she felt no less than a dean.

Always a straight back, ironed clothes, a contemptuous look. Despite her height, she seemed to be looking down on her. In a metallic voice with notes of superiority, phrases were uttered to almost everyone who visited this place: “Don’t you know that you need to bring money without change?!”, “Is there a rag on the floor for beauty?! Maybe you can wipe your feet after all?!”, “Close the door! They haven’t been taught any order!” This is an example of a person whose arrogance most likely serves as a defensive reaction in response to his own experiences.

If we talk about successful people, then most pop stars, actors and politicians definitely have arrogance. Each of them considers himself the best, trying to earn as much attention as possible and demonstrate his own superiority over others.