12 tips: how to stop being a bore

What is tediousness

In psychology, what is tediousness? This is a character trait that makes a person uninteresting, unpleasant, tiresome with his opinion and imposition of his life position. Boring is considered a negative quality. It is inherent in pessimists - people who really look at the world, but note only shortcomings and negative aspects in it.

A person of a boring character approaches certain issues thoroughly, seriously and without a sense of humor. He does not compromise, because he reasons a lot and considers his opinion to be the only correct one. At the same time, he imposes his opinion on others, without perceiving someone else’s. Such a person is self-confident due to his position, but he causes irritation and boredom among others. It is difficult to communicate with him because he only hears himself.

Men are often boring. However, such persons can also be found among women. A boring person in a family will take on all the responsibilities, or rather manage and lead other members. He will tell everyone how to do laundry, manage the family budget, cook, clean the house, etc. In all matters, he will give his advice, insisting that they must be followed.

This behavior is often observed in wives who constantly nag their husbands and blow their minds. These wives don't like everything. They constantly talk about the shortcomings of their husbands. They spend time every day teaching them.

Boring is a character trait that develops in those who consider themselves superior to others, the chosen one. Often such people work under the leadership of influential people or have subordinates. However, often such persons occupy ordinary positions, while in the family circle they try to manage, command and give instructions to everyone.

You can identify a bore by the following manifestations:

Sticks his nose into other people's affairs.
Gets underfoot.
It fits under your arm.

The bore gives everyone advice on how to live or act in various situations. Advice is given even when others do not ask for it. Beneath tediousness lies despotism - when a person openly tyrannies those around him with his advice and presence.

A boring person has no sense of humor. The reason for this is the fear of changes and problems in life, deviation from some rules, guidelines, and violation of procedures.

A boring person believes that everyone should show genuine interest in his thoughts and desires, especially if he has them

If people shut themselves off, then he begins to press on them, attracting attention in various ways. Over the years, tediousness gains strength: a person becomes less cheerful and more aggressive

Boring does not attract and forces people to occupy positions where they can command someone, give advice or adhere to certain rules.

When grumbling is a reason to attract attention

How to live with a grouch

When Alya was visiting a friend, she was unpleasantly struck by the situation in her house. After an hour of communication, Alya, under a plausible pretext, ran away from the guests. The thing is that my friend’s husband constantly criticized everything. He started with the government, then smoothly moved on to mutual friends, telling how they annoyed him with their stupidity. It was especially hard on Pasha, who achieved great success in life.

In between, he did not forget to constantly poke fun at his son and wife, masterfully telling his guest about their shortcomings. He enjoyed his wit and did his best to attract Ali's attention.

In fact.

Often the cause of grumbling is dissatisfaction with one's own life and envy of other people. Grumping is indirect aggression, which results in unfounded and petty criticism of other people, which may not even be related to the reasons that caused the aggression. Often, at first glance, no objective reasons for dissatisfaction are visible.

A person can be dissatisfied even with external success. It’s just that this success is not the one he wanted, not what he dreamed of. Most often, he unconsciously criticizes those who personify for him what he himself strived for, but did not achieve.

Not only colleagues, friends and celebrities can be an irritant - a husband can envy his own wife, considering her better, more successful, more beautiful. Subconsciously, he is afraid that he is unworthy of her, that she might leave him. By constantly criticizing his wife, the husband instills in her a feeling of guilt, lowers her self-esteem, thereby raising his own.

A grouch may compare himself to others in certain aspects. For example, a man is not satisfied with his personal life. Or he’s happy with it, but for some reason it seems to him that his friends, colleagues, etc. don’t really like his partner. - she is lower in social status, not as educated, beautiful, etc. compared to friends' wives.

Every time he meets with friends, he begins to grumble and criticizes his wife, even if she is nearby. He makes offensive remarks about her, which he himself seems very witty. In fact, in this way he seems to separate himself from his wife and increases his importance in the eyes of his friends, showing that he is completely different, he is much better, and he ended up with this woman completely by accident.

How to get rid of boredom

To stop being a bore, you will have to make an effort. New habits need to be formed. Character qualities will help you achieve what you want. Difficulties are possible for the reason that a bore woman or man rarely notices his shortcoming or considers it such.

You need to get rid of the habit of talking too much. You need to control the amount of what is said, get into arguments less often, and philosophize. To understand when to stop, you need to monitor the reactions of others: when they become bored, irritated, try to move the conversation to another topic, it is better to end the monologue

It is important to listen more to those around you, during a dialogue, try to hear your interlocutor, and not wait for your turn to speak.

Living with a bore is often difficult due to excessive pickiness in everyday matters. You should scold other people less and reduce the number of demands. It is better to refrain from criticism, especially in cases where a sensitive person is very upset by harsh words addressed to him.

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How to live with a grouch? Psychologist's advice

He is always dissatisfied with everything and does not hide it. It’s hard for him to live because everything is stacked against him: at work he’s full of idiots, unprofessional and lazy, his friends are meticulous idiots and klutzes, his wife doesn’t know how to do anything, cooks terribly, dresses badly, and generally does everything wrong. If such a grouch is your work colleague, or, even worse, your boss, you can confidently say that you are out of luck.

What if this unbearable grump lives with you under the same roof and is your husband? Why does the guy you fell in love with a few years ago suddenly turn into a grouch who torments his family with constant criticism? Is it possible to somehow change the situation?

Read more: How to live with a grouch? Psychologist's advice

How to get rid of boredom

A bore will probably be able to work on himself, since his character has the scrupulousness and determination necessary for this.
But the problem is that a bore rarely sees his shortcomings. The main problem is excessiveness, they have too many unnecessary words (reasoning, complaints, questions, and so on). Therefore, first of all, such people need to learn to notice this shortcoming of theirs and stop it, that is, be able to stop in time.

To do this, you need to be attentive, notice the reactions of others, seize the moment when they become bored and unpleasant, and not be offended by such a reaction.

Depending on what type of bore you are, you need to get rid of the following bad habits that manifest themselves when communicating with people around you:

complain about life, “infect” others with pessimism, anxiety, panic, sadness;
to find fault with trifles and minor inaccuracies, to demand absolute order everywhere and in everything;
teach, instruct, advise, criticize others when it is unpleasant for them or is not asked for it;
asking too many questions, annoying with requests for help, shifting responsibility to others.

In addition, you need to try and work on yourself in the following areas:

get rid of existing complexes, fears, prejudices, patterns, stereotypes of thinking;
in a company, listen more than talk, be interested in the opinions of others and take them into account, develop the skill of active listening;
perform familiar actions in a new way (change the route, daily routine, old habits, and so on);
develop creativity and creativity;
be interested in and learn something new and unusual;
develop a sense of humor, learn to understand jokes and laugh heartily;
become an optimist, learn to enjoy life, notice the positive;
allow yourself recklessness and risk, fun and childishness, have fun and relax more often.

He's boring, you...

. phlegmatic person. Your couple is lucky. You know how to abstract yourself and not react to everyday negativity. But the danger lies in the fact that the lack of reaction can cause even greater aggression in an aggressive bore and even greater despair in a melancholic person. Sometimes pay attention to your husband or at least pretend that you are concerned about his problems.

. sanguine You will look for compromises with the same persistence with which your husband pesters you. The process can drag on for a long time, and the outcome will depend on who is more stubborn. But your marriage will be long in any case.

. choleric You explode immediately. This is for the best. A violent reaction can frighten a bore, and he will forget about his claims for a while, consoling you. Letting off steam is a good way out of a conflict, but don’t forget that the reason remains.

. melancholic. It will be difficult for you. To an aggressive person you are ready to surrender immediately. With a secretive one, you will fall into despair from your imperfection. And a melancholic bore will infect you with his anxiety. Only a sense of humor will save you.

When can tediousness come in handy?

The desire to get to the root cause of the problem and bring the result to perfection, strict adherence to instructions, meticulousness, scrupulousness - all these qualities can irritate others. But they are also in demand in many professions where an impatient person will never succeed. Perhaps one of the professions that requires pedantry will suit you:

Accountant.
Safety Engineer.
Controller or instructor of standard control.
Statistical control specialist.
Editor.
Neurosurgeon.
Software tester.
Flaw detection engineer.

A profession that suits your personality will help reduce the degree of pedantry in everyday life. And also - to build a successful career where others are even afraid to approach. Famous perfectionists have worked in professions that require attention and clarity: American entrepreneur Bill Gates, actors Meryl Streep and Harrison Ford, 33rd US President Harry Truman, Japanese writer Haruki Murakami.

Conclusions:

A bore is a person prone to pessimism who bores others with his arguments, specific humor and stories that are interesting to him alone.
It is impossible to re-educate a bore, but you can learn to coexist with him.
A simple but effective way to recognize a bore in yourself is to directly ask your friends about it.
Boredom is annoying in everyday communication, but it helps to achieve success in professions that require attention to detail.

Let's look into the soul of a grumbler

No, it’s not even complexes and dissatisfaction. There is black, bad envy there. A painful feeling that can drive a person to the point of losing his mind if given free rein. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to be a degraded person, a loser or a chronic unemployed. Grumpiness is a state of mind.

A grumpy person can be a very successful person in terms of career and financial status; he can be a very talented specialist in a creative profession or a professional in his field. But his character leaves much to be desired, since all his communication with close people and friends comes down to the desire to humiliate, make comments on his appearance, behavior, manner of speaking, etc.

If you look even deeper into the state of mind of the grumbler, then this will become clear. No one else has ever managed to achieve absolutely everything they would like and dream about. Behind external signs of success there may be a deep feeling of inferiority and dissatisfaction. I wanted to become a businessman, but I became the head of a training center; I wanted to give birth to a boy, but I ended up with two daughters; I wanted to earn money for an apartment, but I had to suffer through the construction of a house on the site. Those. It is simply impossible to go through life following the planned route! You need to learn to choose the most important thing: if you wanted your own home, you got it; I wanted to start a family and children - it worked out; I wanted a career - I succeeded. But this side of the coin is not considered by the grouch...

And, like a snowball, dissatisfaction with oneself (more precisely, the inability to be satisfied with oneself) begins to express itself in pulling others down. It seems that my friend’s wife is much slimmer, but he is not so lucky with his plump figure; it seems that his children do not appreciate their father and do not know how to be grateful; it seems that his subordinates would treat him with more respect if he were taller or a technician by profession. There will be a reason.

Grumbling and nagging invariably lead to irritability and quarrels. Some everyday little things can drive a grouch into a rage: loud music in a child’s room is a sign of wind in the head and a lack of regard for studying; washing curtains on a weekend is a sign of mismanagement and inability to spend weekends with family.

How to recognize the bore in yourself

It is worth noting that there is not a single sensible test on the Internet on the topic “How to recognize the bore in yourself.” There are no specific methods for determining boringness. So let’s try to describe the bore, and also apply this information to ourselves:

There are only 2 opinions: mine and the wrong one.

A bore has his own opinion on everything. There is no way to convince an argumentative person, because the bore is right in everything. Boring individuals have a powerful insistence on convincing others that they are making the wrong career choices, clothing choices, friends choices, significant other choices, and moral values. There is no point in wasting your nerves on discussion. The bore is distinguished by powerful patience and perseverance. Promise to do everything he advises you.

Search for the guilty.

Who forgot to turn off the lights again? No, there is a difference

Who didn't throw away the candy papers again? How many times can you remind people to turn off the computer? It is important for a bore to find the culprit. No, not to punish, but to find him, show him the traces of the crime

The main goal of a bore is to keep order in the world.

Endless stories.

There is an opinion that it is easy to identify a bore by the first phrases. If, when asked “How are you,” a person begins to tell in detail how things are going with him, then he is a bore. Such personalities love to tell stories. Even a retelling of a short video in the mouth of a bore is accompanied by a huge number of plot twists and descriptions of minor characters.

Orders and laws.

See if you have endless respect for rules and restrictions. If yes, you are at risk. Bores observe prohibitions in everything, because this is a guarantee of the stability of the world. A boring person is a coward by nature, which is why he comes up with so many rules. This does not mean that you need to climb into a transformer or drive in the opposite direction, but sometimes it is recommended to prevent tediousness with a certain amount of hooliganism.

Attachment to things.

Boring people are very attached to things, they hate it if someone disturbs the order. There is nothing negative about this, and accuracy is a positive trait. But for nerds, following the rules is an obsession. Everything should be according to plan, and every thing should have its place. If something is broken, it causes anxiety in the bore.

Smarter than everyone else.

The more educated a person is, the more likely he is to be a bore. Researchers have proven that among those with two or more higher educations, the percentage of bores is higher than among less enlightened people. This is easy to explain. It is difficult for smart people to put up with the imperfections of the world order. An educated person knows exactly what needs to be done to change for the better.

Everyone will become boring.

It is worth noting that you cannot be born a bore, you can become one. After 20 years, the human nervous system stops developing, and therefore the activity of processes decreases. Over the years, damage accumulates in the body at the cellular level. Over the years, it becomes more and more difficult to make a person laugh, but easy to anger. So sometimes conduct an internal audit.

Female types

The woman is a bore

There are such women - from twenty-five, as a rule, and up to as many as they can - smart, beautiful, drives a car, has two diplomas. I planted the kindergarten myself, bought the hut myself. In bed - a goddess. There is a chef in the kitchen. In the bathroom - Aphrodite, only - only born from foam. Athena is Pallas and a knight without fear or reproach. The skin is smooth, the butt is toned, the breasts are beautiful. But there is no man.

No man. None of them stay long. They fly like plywood over Paris.

Because of one single “but”.

For women like this - see the specification above - there is one most disgusting option attached: tediousness.

So she will chisel and chisel like a woodpecker, chisel and chisel, chisel and chisel. Sawing and sawing like a hacksaw of a tile cutter. Itches and itches like a buzz saw. About the fact that in the year one thousand and ninety, Aunt Namereka No. 1 arrived at the wrong time and broke her favorite glass. Auntie has been in the grave for a long time, no one remembers the glass in person, but she keeps hammering and hammering.

Name number 2 will prove and prove that you can’t slurp meat and slurp soup, even when no one is listening. He will prove and prove and get him so bad that he will turn from a healthy, handsome, calm man into an exhausted, nervous idiot and run away to hell. No, not to a place where you can slurp and slurp, but somewhere just far away from here!

And so on and so on and so on.

When the men are exhausted, she will begin to attack her friends (however, such persons, as a rule, destroy the “crops” of men and friends at the same time). She will nag and nag her friend, convincingly proving to her that she is wrong in ______________________ (insert as appropriate).

Later she will marry a child from one of the Namers.

And he'll fuck you to death. If the child, of course, does not make his feet in time or, at least, does not pay any attention to his mother.

And then, finally, the bore will be left with all her virtues and beauty alone - alone. Proud. Independent. Knows how to do it.

And all that, it would seem, let Namey slurp, and to hell with her aunt. And for a glass too. And the bore understands this. She can explain to you for a long time and boringly that to hell with it, let him slurp. Okay, fine, if he wants to slurp, let him slurp. I don't mind his slurping. I'm even for his disgusting slurping. In the end, he has the right to slurp.

It has. And he slurps. Somewhere far, far away and not with a bore.

Woman - "ambulance"

I periodically suffer from migraines, to which the entire doctoral fraternity bashfully succumbs - with and without a patent. One day, a charming lady managed to cope with another attack, voluntarily taking on the duties of a nurse and sitting down next to my bed with an expression of such dreamy sympathy that Bernard Shaw

In principle, there would be no need to write anything. All clear. But I’m not a genius, and if they’re ever going to give me the Nobel Prize for not publishing anything this year, I’ll gladly accept it and not refuse it, like the great playwright in 1925. And that’s because I’m so greedy , including down to the letters, I will sketch you a slightly more detailed verbal portrait of the ambulance woman.

She is always aware of your misfortunes and troubles, and almost before you. Sometimes it seems that she is the one planning them. It seems that the ambulance woman has, among other things, written in her diary: “Today Valya’s husband will leave her. Don’t forget to provide moral support at 18.00.” Exactly at 17.59, when you managed to persuade your husband to “try again” and you are kissing on the threshold and he has already dropped his suitcases in a fit of renewed passion, she bursts through the door - a woman - an ambulance - yours best friend, whether you like it or not.

- How long can you torture her, damn it?!!! Go away! Leave the unhappy woman!!! I won't let you bully her anymore!!! I remember very well how you...

Next comes a list of all the sins of the “damned “Like You,” which the wife herself could have carelessly forgotten. But now she remembers and she herself drives him out of the very threshold where a minute earlier they were kissing, until a flashing light began to appear and the sound signal of a woman sounded - an ambulance.

Don't worry, she won't leave your side for a minute. With her you always have a Valium, a bottle of cognac and dreamy sympathy. You will not be left to the mercy of sofa loneliness. It will help you cope with stress. And when you cope with stress - it has long been known that the best way to deal with stress is shock therapy - she will call you every evening and say in a tragically caring voice:

- How are you doing there? Are you okay? Yes, forget him, don’t worry! - And somehow you will immediately return to normal, you will realize that you have not forgotten and you will begin to worry.

- Well, calm down, calm down! “The woman will keep saying “ambulance.” “And somehow you immediately become nervous, although a second before her call you symbolized the Buddha.”

An “ambulance” woman always not only knows better than you how to treat children, dogs, cats and replant flowers, but she will also completely voluntarily come to you at any time and, with her grasping paws, snatch from your inept defenseless fingers a thermometer, an enema, a syringe and garden scoop will treat your children, dogs, cats and replant your flowers.

She will “get” scarce medicines for you and give you the only true hand creams, anti-wrinkle creams and hair masks. She will arrange funerals and memorials for your relatives and will not allow anyone to disturb you, so that you can carelessly revel in your grief, not for a second forgetting what exactly befell you.

She will gladly take your children with her to the sea, to the resort, to hell with the bald man, and be sure to take care of them much better than you. Children will not burn out and will be fed on time and correctly. They won’t go to bed without taking a shower and wake up like the little ones brushing their teeth. Every morning and every evening she will call you and tell you in detail what and how happened over the past time interval. And you will listen obediently, despite the fact that there is finally someone in your bed and twenty minutes ago - before she called - he was even standing. But you can’t help but talk to the one who helps you out so much.

This is the main goal, task, sources and components, as well as the meaning of a woman’s life - an “ambulance” - to help out.

Help out of trouble, help out of illness, help out of problems and situations. And she doesn’t care at all that troubles, illnesses, problems and situations passed a long time ago, were resolved, ended, melted away like smoke from white apple trees. She will not let you forget about them, nor about her role in resolving illness, burden, problems and situations. And you will never, never forget, you are a decent person, and you will carry your cross of friendship with a woman—an ambulance—all your life. Here, in the photograph, is a beautiful, cheerful woman with an envelope in her hands against the backdrop of the emergency room of a maternity hospital, and next to her are two sour young people - a man and a woman. This is your friend and you and your husband. And your child. It was she who found this maternity hospital and this doctor. Here is a video recording: at your dacha, a beautiful, cheerful woman carefully places new potatoes, generously sprinkled with oil and sprinkled with dill, on your husband, because you need to rest after a severe cut on your finger. And then you behaved like the last pig! And although your finger healed (and if she hadn’t been near her in time with hydrogen peroxide, it would have happened, eh? Sepsis. And painful death) you never showed up for the wedding of your woman friend - the ambulance and your ex-husband. But she's not like that! And despite the changes that have occurred, he will not leave you without support. Moral, ethical and even material!

- No no! Give it back when you can! I know how hard it is for you now. And everything is fine with your Petya. Very good. Both in bed and in terms of money, so don’t worry! Don’t worry, we won’t leave you in your hardship and will help you from ours very well.

And don't worry. It will really help. And he won’t even remember even once.

- Oh, I don’t even remember that ten years ago we gave Lidochka three hundred dollars. It was so hard for her then!

Such a woman reaches out to “first aid” not only her friends, relatives and acquaintances. It is enough for complete strangers - for someone else’s baby who fell from a slide, for someone else’s lost dog, for the placement of someone else’s kittens, for organizing a collection of money for the help fund of the unknown Vasya Pupkin and the search for justice for the never-before-seen Pupa Vaskin.

Most of all, it is not friends, relatives, acquaintances and strangers who suffer from the “first aid” woman, but their own husbands and children. Fortunately, sooner or later the first ones leave the ambulance woman, the last ones grow up.

If you were walking your dog early in the morning and saw an aging lady on a bench under your entrance with bags full of “cottage cheese”, “fresh eggs”, aspirin, analgin, bandages, iodine, food for cats and dogs, you should know that this is an aging woman “ambulance” “I came to help my thirty-year-old daughter or forty-five-year-old son. She doesn’t yet know that they secretly moved in yesterday. Don’t wait for your dog’s diagnosis and the phone number of an experienced “trusted” veterinarian, run in the other direction. Otherwise he will start saving and will not rest until he saves until death. First your dog, and then you - from acute respiratory infections, the wrong nail polish and, in the end, from a husband unworthy of you. Because her “ambulance” is vast, endless and does not ask the stupid question: “Do you need it?!” Of course, you do. It’s written in her diary: “In the evening, drive up to Lyusya. She’s had a migraine for three days now and she needs my help.” And no one will ever convince the woman - the "ambulance" - that Lucy needs silence and darkness, and the woman's own husband - the "ambulance" does not need a loud fuss to save her from anything, but just a little peace from her herself. Or at least from her help.

Woman - plan

A woman is a terrible woman, even if she is beautiful. If she decides something, you are finished. Especially if you are a man and she has decided to marry you.

It doesn't matter at all whether you are older or younger. Your religion, personal preferences and cultural and educational level do not matter. The plan woman will cling to you worse than an encephalitis tick.

She will sit out all your girlfriends and scrub off the dishes and, in general, your entire shithole after the get-togethers. If you can’t wait out everyone and you end up locked in the bathroom with someone, she will persistently knock and offer completely sincere help. What if you are vomiting there?

She will listen to all your stories about unhappy and happy loves and read all your inflamed poems and speeches to other women and even men.

-Where are you going now? - A woman will ask you - plan, when she finds herself at the place where you leave work during your exit from work. - Yes, just take a walk... - You answer indistinctly.

And she will go for a walk with you. Don't get your hopes up. She is tireless. And even if she is wearing twelve-centimeter stilettos, and you are wearing ankle boots, she will not leave you behind and will easily walk from the TASS building to the Borodino panorama.

- I was... I was going to visit here... - You say and try to hide in Filyovsky Park. - And I have absolutely nothing to do in the evening! - She will say and come visit you. And while you and your old friend are sadly drinking vodka, she will meekly prepare a snack and quietly sit next to you, resting her chin on her fist.

- Who is this? - A friend will ask in a whisper. - This is... uh... Lesya (Alla, Luda) - You will answer. - A-a-a... - An old friend/girlfriend will pull. - Not really! Nothing! She is a good friend and a wonderful comrade! - You will mumble because you have already gotten used to Lesya (Alla, Lyuda). It’s kind of like your pocketknife, and who likes it when their pocketknife is looked at with bewilderment. Everyone has the best pocket knife!

The plan woman will listen to the stories of your girlfriends and friends, invite them to theater premieres and restaurants at lunchtime. Talk about anything except you, so that later I can tell you:

- You know, he/she is a great guy/girl. He just considers you to be somewhat young/old/careless/inflated turkey.

And now your own boyfriend/girlfriend seems to you like an inflated turkey.

Then you will go on a business trip and have passionate intercourse with someone completely stranger. Or maybe not on a business trip, but right on the train. But on the platform a female planner will already be waiting for you, although you wanted to fall into a tavern with Petya/Irka. Now the three of you are hanging out and for some reason it’s no longer possible to have fun messing around, because the woman-planner has long calculated your salary and even bonuses, and even the “leftists” and in a loud, stern voice tells you:

“You haven’t paid your rent yet this month!”

Petya and Irka feel awkward and they take out theirs, you – yours, all together – argue for a while under the dispassionate gaze of the female plane. In the end, you still get drunk on everything, but somehow you’re not as bright as before. For some reason, the ghost of tomorrow began to loom, which had never been ignited before. Still would! Today there is a silent, reliable caretaker - a female planner.

After you have a fight with Petya and Irka, you will tell the plan woman how good it was for you with the stranger on the train. And then you’ll drink some more, and cry, and talk some more, and drink some more. And for some reason you will stay overnight in the bed of the plan woman in her apartment, paid for six months in advance. You really don’t remember why and, to be honest, you can’t remember, because it’s part of her plan, not yours.

Then you will be treated together for common gonorrhea, given as a souvenir by a stranger on the train. Then you will plan a trip to the registry office, because the planned woman is pregnant. Buying an apartment (in her name), a car (so be it in yours) and the birth of three children. And after five years you will be in the blissful confidence that you are in charge here. It is you who decide...

- Honey, shouldn't we put blue tiles in the bathroom?

... what color tiles to lay in the bathroom.

A female planner will never nag you for your harmless hobbies like collecting stamps or being attracted to old friends. Never with half a word, half a glance, or half a hint will remind you of gonorrhea and poetry. It will quietly, gradually, in a planned manner, wipe out, displace brands, memories, friends from your life. And it will seem to you that it has always been this way. But that’s exactly what happened. Always. Ever since you came across one of the most fatal femmes - a woman - there has been a plan.

I love them. I admire women who plan. They are persistent and cunning, they see the goal and are not distracted by anything smaller, such as emotions, feelings and other nonsense. If a girl wants to be a Snow Maiden at the matinee, and not a snowflake, she will be, even if she has to add prussic acid to the semolina porridge of her potential rival for the role of the Snow Maiden. And - note! It is important! - no anger, no reflections, nothing like that will happen. She's not cruel at all. It's just her plan.

- Lesya! Call Oleg to the phone! – You will say joyfully a couple of years later. - And it's you? Hello! – The plan woman will say in a bland voice. So insipid, as if it wasn’t she who admired you a couple of years ago, said that if it weren’t for you, Olezhka would have been so sad and lonely. - He's on a business trip. — Has his mobile phone changed? – Still in a cheerfully idiotic voice, you, fool/stupid, clarify that tone. - Yes. - She will answer. And will become significantly quieter.

And for some reason you won’t want to know his new mobile phone number. You will convince yourself that you need to clarify, you need to call back again, and ask the hell out of it, what’s wrong with this? But something will always bother you. You know what? Not stupid emotions and not the human tendency to take offense. And it’s just her, the woman’s plan, plan. It is not written in her plan that you should have a new mobile phone for Oleg (Vasya, Petya, Nikolai Ivanovich).

Overdone girl

So, the girl is overdone. (WARNING: the text is as angry as a sectioning knife, so maybe don’t, eh?)

Not to be confused with “a woman is an eternal child.” Because it's a girl. Exactly too much.

She is usually well over thirty. But she still looks like Angelina Jolie. Just without makeup and photoshop. Only Angelina Jolie has a job like this, and an overdone girl has a state of mind. Once in childhood or youth she said sweetly and viscously:

- U-u-u-u, ha-a-chu-u-u-u...

And they gave it to her. A doll. Candy. Hamster. Fur coat. A car. Apartment.

And she decided that this formula was magical. And, despite her entire subsequent life denying this, she still did not believe that in her case this magic did not work. Because in the case of Angelina Jolie (okay - okay, insert another one), it is Angelina Jolie who works. And it doesn’t just work, it breaks in like a Belarus tractor.

The overdone girl doesn't want to break in. He doesn't even want to work. Well, that is, actually she wants to - she is full of projects. But right now, he doesn’t want to. Because she is talented, pretty, and people like her, in her opinion, should not be working right now. Only later. In those future projects. In the light of the spotlights. Or in some less dazzling, but no less prestigious radiance. God be with him - flickering. Shouldn’t she be at the hawker center and wash the floors in the hallways?! That's why the overdone girl writes poetry. Or a novel. Or draws something with something. She also dances a little, photographs a little, saws a little with a jigsaw, and makes soap a little more.

By the way, he really likes to be photographed in elegant poses, just like in magazines. And, if there is no house and interior (and the girls, alas, don’t have their own overstuffed rooms), but only a rented one-room apartment or an old mom and dad, then on construction sites, roofs and in the studios of familiar artists - photographers and in the apartment buildings of poets - writers and musicians.

She has many friends. Great amount. One replaces the other. Another - a third, and if they exist simultaneously, then the favorite pastime of an overaged girl is to pit her friends against each other. She doesn't know why she's doing this. Probably because in movies and books there is intrigue and passion, but in life it is complete oops. In life you have to work. But I don’t want to. Therefore, working friends periodically give her one-time work, money for a phone, for the Internet and for coffee and cakes, or even an inheritance of a man, because the over-aged girl already had one anyway.

The girl is an over-aged intellectual, loves animals, envies all living things, is dissatisfied with all living things, and dresses well. Okay, but ridiculous. Because she can’t believe that she’s no longer a girl. He just can’t accept the fact that he’s already too old. And he doesn’t realize that what is wonderful at eighteen or twenty is, at about forty, already ridiculous even on the most ideal figure. Especially in the subway or on a sun-drenched street in a metropolis.

If you accidentally find yourself in the same company with a girl who is too old and you have a male companion a little more beautiful than a monkey, a little taller than a gnome and a figure a little prettier than a concentration camp prisoner, you can rest assured that she will begin to flirt. It will seem subtle to her. Like an elegant speck in the languid ray of sunshine in his eyes, clouded from alcohol. Everyone else will be covered with logs of cheap station whoredom, but everyone will politely not notice these rubble and will not use the hooks, because the girl is too vulnerable. And you are all intelligent adults and do not offend girls. Even if they are overdone.

It cannot be cured. It can only be amputated. Phantom pain is possible. After some time, an overaged girl may call and appear, all unhappy, trembling, exhausted by hunger and lack of money, and you will tremble. First, she will modestly drink the coffee you brewed, then she will ask who called you just now:

- Lucy. - You will answer. - Oh, Lucy?! - The girl will ask sarcastically - she’s too old and will immediately crap on Lucy.

Then she will ask you to get her a job with you, not as a courier or secretary, but as a creative director. What? Are you the creative director? Well, then the director of the creative director. Then he will ask you for your boots, the stump is clear. He will borrow your money, of course, forever and most likely will make unambiguous advances to your current boyfriend/husband or even a teddy bear and a cactus. If you don't push her out the door of your life, that's it. Gangrene. Girl, overdoing it will stay with you forever.

Don't try to marry her off. What she wants has already been taken apart by all sorts of “fat, stupid mediocrities.” Vanya, a machine operator, is not suitable for her, don’t even try. Because he is the only one who can make her a normal woman. And the overaged girl is very afraid of becoming a normal woman. There is no place for a magic formula in the life of a normal woman:

- U-u-u-u, ha-a-chu-u-u-u...

They just give it to a normal woman. Because she always gives. Anyway. Such magic.

However, if you like old, sick, shrill, capricious, jealous lap dogs, you won’t find a better friend than a girl—you won’t find too many.

Main signs

Firstly, a boring person is someone who has serious communication problems. He does not feel (and in some cases does not want to understand this) that the interlocutor is bored and uninteresting, that he is annoying the interlocutor. It is worth noting that this concept is quite subjective. For example, for a young womanizer, a boring person is anyone who does not adhere to a riotous lifestyle, and in this regard he will consider 99% of the population as such. However, it is still possible to identify several criteria by which real bores differ from others:

They try to find hidden logic in everything and everywhere. They are constantly fixated on some subject and can talk about it for hours. In his conversation, the bore gives an endless number of different details, always going into detail. He is also inclined to correct his interlocutor, and often does this in the presence of other people. He does not notice that his interlocutor has been feeling bored by the conversation for a long time and would like to stop it or at least somehow revive it. A bore has a passion for teaching others how they think they should live. Often uses the phrases “but here we have...”, “in my time...” in conversation. He loves to shock his unfortunate interlocutor with some foreign word or scientific term, and when he sees misunderstanding in his eyes, he launches into detailed explanations. Even during a romantic date, he will not hesitate to take out a adding machine and divide the amount between two people, accurate to the penny. If the interlocutor had the imprudence to joke or somehow show irony, the bore will still strive to convey the truth to him. A boring person tries to attach a negative connotation to any question, even the most innocent one. For example, in response to a compliment, “You look great today,” he or she will respond, “What, did I look terrible yesterday?”

Signs of a real bore

You can identify such a person by their characteristic features. Among them:

constantly focusing on the shortcomings of someone or something;
imposing your opinion on others;
excessive seriousness even in funny situations;
lack of sense of humor;
pessimism in everything;
unwillingness to compromise;
disagreement with someone else's opinion;
boredom when performing any tasks;
constant confidence in one's own rightness.

Self-centered and constantly self-obsessed - that's what a real bore is. He is usually emotionally cold. He is insensitive to other people's needs. A bore doesn't know how to listen. A boring person talks only about himself and his problems. He either ignores or quickly suppresses all attempts by the interlocutor to change the topic.

Additional categories

What does a boring person mean and are there additional types of boring people within this category? All whiners have one main feature in common - they are constantly fixated on one thought, and in communication they do not know how to compromise. They are practically impossible to re-educate, but scientists believe that it is quite possible to get along with them. Psychologists distinguish the following types of bores:

Rigid-aggressive - they are too stubborn and prone to displays of aggression. If you want to finish watching a series, but you're bored with football, all attempts to change the channel for a few minutes will be doomed to failure. However, this stubbornness gives them significant advantages in the career field. Melancholic people - the basis of their tediousness is anxiety. He demands attention to himself in order to be calmed down. If, for example, you are going on vacation and there are still five hours before departure, he will already be worried about the possibility of being late to the airport, simultaneously asking questions about whether you forgot to take medicine, a razor or other items. The positive quality of such bores is loyalty. They are so preoccupied with worries that they simply will not notice that someone is flirting with them. Hidden bores - they are not inclined to express the problem directly. They are dissatisfied with their whole life - the state, salary, weather, and take this out on loved ones

The positive quality of such a bore is his attention to detail.

Type Palette

Regidno-aggressive bore - has an epileptoid character, prone to stubbornness and self-centeredness. He gets his way no matter what. They say about such people - “it’s easier to give in to him than to explain that you don’t want to.”

A typical situation: he is eager to watch football, talks about the new team, about the Champions League, and does not let go of the remote control. and doesn’t hear your request to let you finish watching the series.

Positive qualities: his determination, it gives him an additional chance for rapid career growth. Be patient for a couple of years, and your husband, having climbed the corporate ladder, will be able to buy you a fur coat or pamper you with another expensive gift. Besides, straightforwardness is not so bad in family life. At any moment you know what your husband wants.

How to live with him? It is better for such a person to give up immediately or hit him on the head with something heavy. Or you can turn his attention to himself: “Why don’t you...” Perhaps such a castling will force him to change his goal. You can offer barter - I will give in to you, but you will do this and that. Sometimes the prospect of washing a mountain of dishes or taking your mother-in-law to the dacha stops even bores.

Bore melancholic - has a psychoasthenic character. At the heart of his tediousness is anxiety. He unconsciously demands attention to himself, wants to be reassured. But it is impossible to calm him down with real arguments.

Typical situation: you are going on vacation, there are four hours before the train departs. Considering that it takes you half an hour to get to the station and all your suitcases are at the door, you still have time to take a shower, drink tea and have a final chat with your friend. But will your boring husband let you do this? Since the morning he has been hovering around the collected things, forcing us to unpack and repack our suitcases. “Did you take my razor? Please check”, “What about the medicine for motion sickness? Look..." And now he just pushes you out the door. “It’s difficult to get a taxi in our area...”, “There may be traffic jams in the center. ", "What if the car breaks down on the way?"

Positive qualities: he will never prove something to you by force; it’s easier for him to whine in your ear for an hour or two. And, most importantly, he is a faithful person. He has so many worries and worries with you that he can’t even think about having an affair on the side. If any woman decides to flirt with him, he simply will not notice it.

How to live with him? Humor is the best cure for anxiety. Laugh at his fears. But not over himself! Melancholic people are very vulnerable people.

A hidden bore is a closed person who does not know how to express a problem directly. The basis of his tediousness is dissatisfaction with his wife, the situation at work, the weather or politics. And the first person he comes across, most often his wife, becomes a scapegoat. Internal dissatisfaction is expressed in endless nagging.

Typical situation: have you noticed that you often leave cups of unfinished tea all over your apartment? "When it was?" – you ask in bewilderment. “The day before yesterday, on the coffee table, and, by the way, there were traces of polishing,” the boring husband will clarify.

Positive qualities: this person is attentive to detail, and not only your shortcomings, but also your preferences and desires do not escape his attention. Did you mention that you love cornflowers and daisies? For your birthday, he will definitely give you a bouquet of wildflowers.

How to live with him? First of all, understand what he is really dissatisfied with. If he is unhappy that you are paying little attention to him, take note of this. If the reason for his suffering is the weather or politics, scold the government with him - let him let off some steam - or reassure him with a favorable forecast for the weekend. At least, at least for a while, the nagging over the smallest reasons will stop.

How to change the situation

Once you change your schedule and give up bad habits, there are several very specific actions you can take that will transform your life. Even if you've been a boring person for years, it's never too late to start changing. Get started now! By following the steps in order, you can become a much more joyful person without much difficulty.

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What does a real bore look like?

Those who would like to see what such behavior looks like will be happy to watch a video about the most boring person in the Comedy Club - “In the office” (“Fired for being boring”). In this scene, Garik Kharlamov plays the head of the enterprise, and Demis Karibidis plays the most boring subordinate. The video will appeal to all humor lovers, and at the same time it will help to get an idea of what a real whiner looks like. Sometimes you can find another name - “The most boring person in the enterprise.” After watching this video, recognizing a bore from your environment will not be difficult. However, even keeping in mind the described signs of tediousness, you can easily identify representatives of this category of the population.

What a bore is like

These are not just one type of people. There are different types of bores. There are 4 types of such personalities:

pedants;
melancholic;
smart guys;
gossipers.

The first type of people adheres to the principles they have invented. This means that such a bore follows them strictly and demands the same from others. Any deviation from the principles of boring pedants is perceived with hostility by them. Such people like to impose their opinion, considering it the only correct one.

Boring pedants are picky about everything

Melancholic bores are constantly depressed. They consider themselves the most unfortunate people. They are characterized by frequent complaints about a difficult life. Such a person constantly expects pity and support from his interlocutors. Not receiving them, he plunges even more into a depressive state.

Nerd smart guys think they know everything about everything, as shown in the photo.

Nerd smart guys are sure that they know more than others

They consider themselves smarter than those around them. Such individuals can spend hours proving that they are right. They don't listen to other people's opinions. For them, only their own is authoritative.

Often, nerdy brainiacs achieve success in a particular field and believe that they have achieved perfection in it. They constantly emphasize their superiority in this. Boring smart people are incapable of making compromises.

Who is this bore

A bore is a person who is always fixated on one topic or problem. When doing work, he is annoying and boring. When communicating, such people are boring. One of the traits of nerds is nerdiness. They believe that they know more about everything than others.

The word “bore” has a definition formulated by linguist Efremova. These are called boring and annoying people. Ozhegov's dictionary gives a shorter meaning for the word "bore". This is a contemptuous name for a boring person.

Bores love to be smart and interfere in conversations

How to recognize a bore in yourself

Tests to determine whether you are boring are not very popular. Still, there are few people who want to recognize the bore in themselves. To be honest, in a bad mood or after a hard day, many of us become not very pleasant people. But if you are avoided too often, accused of being intrusive, or called a boring person, try answering 15 questions. Perhaps a certain amount of tediousness is still present.

In conversation, do you use the words “I think/I don’t understand”, “I always/I never”, “I hate”, “I insist” too often?
Your jokes only make you laugh, but does other people's humor seem primitive?
Are you convinced that only frivolous people are capable of spontaneous actions?
Until you express your point of view to the end, is it impossible to interrupt you?
When meeting with an acquaintance, do you prefer a detailed conversation to a short dialogue?
Are you trying to explain obvious things to others?
Do you always prove that you are right?
For each argument of your interlocutor, do you have several counterarguments?
Do you listen to your interlocutor with half an ear, don’t let him finish, and don’t try to understand his thoughts?
Do you condemn what others admire?
Do you prefer to talk rather than listen?
Do you care whether your interlocutors are interested in the conversation?
Do you prefer to control everything, even the fun?
Are people around you reluctant to accept your help?
Are you rarely called upon in company or are they completely ignored?

Try to answer these questions truthfully and only to yourself. Even better, answer in front of a mirror and watch your facial expression, posture, and gestures. Later, in society, you can play any role. But be honest with yourself. The more positive answers you have, the higher the likelihood that you are not the most pleasant person to talk to.

There is another way to find out the degree of tediousness: directly ask your friends about it. Ask them to speak out, but make it clear that you won't be offended. The method is tough, but effective. If the answers bother you, then it's time to work on yourself.

Maybe you're just tired of each other?

How to live with a grouch

Sveta's husband was almost ideal. If it weren’t for the bouts of tediousness and criticism of her beloved that appeared out of nowhere, the girl was completely happy. Her husband's grumbling frightened her because it came unexpectedly and had no explanation.

Usually it started for no apparent reason. For example, my husband came home in the evening, threw his bag on the table - and it fell and hit a cup, which, in turn, broke. It would seem like an insignificant reason, but the husband, usually calm and restrained, suddenly unleashes a whole tub of criticism on Sveta: couldn’t it have been cleared from the table, you’re a bad housewife, you don’t do anything, you don’t care about anything, etc. and so on.

Or, for example, they arrived from the dacha, they were both tired, Sveta was preparing dinner, and her husband suddenly began to criticize her for her sluggishness and indifference.

In fact.

Grumping, criticism, boringness, scandals - with the help of these methods it is easiest to achieve the right attention. We learn simple everyday manipulations from childhood, because the more persistently a baby cries and screams, the faster he receives the attention of his parents. When a child is in a good mood and calm, adults prefer to mind their own business, and when he cries, they drop everything and run to him.

In addition to cynical everyday manipulation, aimed at getting what you want by imposing feelings of guilt, grumbling can be a completely sincere call for help.

For example, a husband troubles at work, he is stressed, but keeps his emotions to himself and tries to cope with the problem on his own. In this state, any little thing can make him angry.

He cannot directly blame his wife for his troubles, but he may well take it out on her, pestering her with everyday nagging. If a wife does not give her husband the emotions, attention, tenderness and care that he needs, he tries to get what he lacks through criticism and grumbling.

Even if you have a great relationship, do not forget to tell your husband about his strengths and why you appreciate and love him. Otherwise, just like a child, he will demand attention using not particularly pleasant methods.

Signs of tediousness

Boredom has certain signs by which it can be recognized:

The use of categorical words and expressions: “never”, “always”, “love”, “hate”. The desire to attach importance to what is valuable to a person. The desire to be different from others. This is not the preservation of individuality, but the desire to show one’s superiority over others. Inability to “read between the lines,” that is, to perceive the hidden meaning of words. Lack of sense of humor

A bore only laughs at his own jokes. At the same time, he tries to find a philosophical meaning in other people's jokes, which he then discusses. Transforming something small into something important and meaningful. The desire to teach others about life. A person is constantly looking for examples of how others should not act. Inability to hear other people's opinions, since a person has many arguments in favor of his own point of view.

Often boring people remain lonely because they do not know how to build relationships with others. Their beloved partners and friends leave them.

It is difficult to stir up such a person, to encourage him to do something unusual. He is usually inquisitive and meticulous, but with high anxiety and slowness he becomes even more fixated.

From childhood, tediousness develops under the influence of certain circumstances. Over the years, a person acquires more and more fears, complexes, and prejudices. His thinking is stereotyped, and his actions are habitual. He is not able to show emotions, fun, take risks, or be spontaneous.

Bores are excellent complainers who always sit on someone's ears. How to avoid becoming a bore’s “favorite”? Everything is simple here: you need to show the person that you are not going to waste your time listening to his problems. He, of course, will seem like a good person who you don’t want to offend. However, otherwise, if you do not set a boundary between yourself and him, you will have to devote all your time to being a bore. Gently or roughly “send” the bore, showing that you value your time and are not going to waste it listening to other people’s complaints or boring stories.

Signs of tediousness vary, depending on the person’s life position. This is why there are many manifestations of nerdiness:

A victim is a person who blames the whole world and people for his own troubles. He is always ready to talk about his failures.
A smart guy is a person who likes to talk about “smart” topics, because he wants to show that he knows everything, can do it, etc.
An envious person is a person who feels good only when others feel bad.

Advice to loved ones

If you want to help a loved one who suffers from the desire to constantly teach, complain or pester with questions, you should not tell him directly: “You are a bore!”, This must be done carefully, noting the excessiveness of some of his traits and manifestations.

You can show him how not to be a bore:

invite you to a fun holiday, a trip, a hike;
give an active pet;
ask to communicate (play, take a walk) with the children.

Animals and small children are spontaneous and unpredictable, and communicating with them brings a lot of joy and fun. And when traveling and on holidays, a person understands that life is good even when it is unpredictable and full of new events.

How to get rid of the boring status

Attention to detail, the desire to thoroughly understand the issue of interest, deep knowledge, and a calculating mind are undoubtedly excellent qualities. If they become the main ones, the person loses communication skills

After all, communicating with a boring, even erudite interlocutor is tiring. If you notice a similar sin in yourself and want to change, the advice of psychologists will help you:

Adhere to the “one time principle”, but do not force your communication. An obsessive person violates the boundaries of the interlocutor, so at best they begin to avoid him. At worst, they are openly ignored. Learn to offer help or ask for something only once. If people are interested in you, that will be enough.
Your problems are your problems. Yes, you can discuss difficulties with friends or family, but otherwise keep them to yourself. Learn to cope with your difficulties on your own and do not rush to save others until they ask for it.
Strike a balance between seriousness and recklessness. Growing up is the normal logic of life. But sometimes we lack the imagination, creativity, spontaneity that is characteristic of the inner child. Listen to your teenage self. Perhaps this is a chance to make life a little more joyful.
Get rid of the habit of commenting and correcting other people's mistakes. Even if a person puts the accent incorrectly or pronounces a foreign word, do not rush to correct him right away. Nobody likes to be lectured to, especially in front of strangers.
Don't teach other people's lives. Even if a friend steps on the same rake over and over again, he offers his forehead. All people have the right to make mistakes and make bad decisions.
Control your erudition. It is not always appropriate to sprinkle in historical facts or quote classics. Sometimes it's better to tell a funny story. In addition, the interlocutor may understand the issue better than you. Yes, this happens too.
Learn to listen and hear people. Let your interlocutor finish, but don’t get distracted by your own thoughts. Try to remain patient, watch your non-verbal communication: look directly at your counterpart, in case of hesitation, nod or make an encouraging gesture to encourage him to continue speaking.
Learn to respect other people's opinions. Reluctance to listen to other people's opinions, the inability to look at the situation through the eyes of the interlocutor reduces the number of friends and breaks up families. The more you allow the other person to do as he or she wishes, the sooner you will learn to control your ego and tediousness.
Practice art therapy. It is difficult to know one’s own “I” through logical reasoning or analysis. But the psychotherapeutic practice of art therapy copes well with this. Exercises under the supervision of a therapist help you escape from looped thoughts and completely immerse yourself in the unconscious.
Learn to have a casual conversation. You may think that a non-committal conversation is pointless, but this is where most business and intimate relationships begin. “Small Talk” is the art of communication. To master this you will need all your erudition and patience.

Boring is in many ways a bad habit that can be replaced with a useful one. If you find it difficult to take care of yourself, ask a friend about it. Come up with a conventional signal known only to the two of you. When a friend notices the first glimpses of tediousness on your part, he will be able to discreetly tell you about it.

Tip 3. Don't want to be boring? Stop correcting people

I’ll tell you one simple truth: no one likes to be corrected, especially in a large company.
Memorize this rule as an axiom and stop arguing with people.

If you are told a joke, it is better to laugh with everyone, rather than criticize the narrator for twisting the facts.

By the way, graduates of philological faculties often suffer from tediousness.

Apparently at the philology department they study it as a separate subject.

Learning to get rid of complexes

For example, one of my friends from the philology department, who was also a bore, loved to loudly and publicly correct the speech mistakes of other people, sometimes even strangers.

She could say loudly on the street:

“Julia, aren’t you ashamed?! You put the wrong emphasis on the word agreement. But it’s okay, I’ll teach you now how to do it right.”

I don't think you even have to tell me that she ended up losing all her friends and moving away.

Who is a bore, what is bore

A bore is a person who tends to dwell on one topic for a long time and stubbornly return to it in conversation, which greatly annoys his interlocutors. He can impose his position on others, argue, prove. Other people may find it unpleasant, quickly get tired of the interaction, and avoid contact. Boring individuals have pessimistic or realistic views of the world and prefer to focus on the negative aspects of any phenomenon. They are often overly self-confident, not inclined to compromise, and do not listen to other people's opinions.

More often than not, men suffer from tediousness. In the family, the bore husband assumes leadership in everything: manages the family budget, resolves issues of division of responsibilities, determines travel destinations, can choose types of family leisure or sections for children, without taking into account the wishes of other family members. In women, this more often manifests itself in excessive pickiness towards their spouse, a tendency to blame him for all troubles, and a desire to point out every shortcoming, even a minor offense.

However, there are also advantages to this phenomenon: a boring person brings any started task to completion, does his job well, finds out any details that may affect the matter. He is a good performer, a goal-oriented, responsible employee, although sometimes he can be too slow.

Learn to catch her mood

Do not impose under any circumstances. If you see that a girl is not very inclined to talk, then it is useless to seek a common language with her. You'll only make the situation worse. It is difficult to talk to such people, and instead of communication, you will most likely receive a rude message in a certain direction.

In general, learn to catch the mood of your interlocutor and end the conversation before you get bored. This is a very fine line that needs to be felt almost with the ends of your hair. Crossed the line - that's it, welcome to the point of no return. Now it will be more difficult to please.

Disappointed Man Syndrome

Sometimes it seems that such behavior is simply a character trait, a specific personality trait. On the one hand, this cannot be denied, but on the other hand, tediousness is a symptom of an interesting psychological mechanism. It is a signal that a person has experienced a collapse of illusions in one or more areas of life and is now psychologically stuck with this regret. A boring person is, first of all, one who, for some reason, is disappointed in his life.

He is constantly in a state of deep disappointment and all he can do is constantly whine. After all, he can’t change anything. For those who are wondering: “What is a boring person?” — we can offer a rather original version of the explanation for this phenomenon. This is, first of all, someone who does not want to take responsibility for their condition and life in general. He is literally bursting with a feeling of disappointment in the whole world, and therefore he expresses his condition in whining and tediousness.

Relationships and tediousness

Often whining and complaining are a unifying factor for people. On this they can live for many years in marriage or be friends for decades. But as soon as one of them stops being a bore, the relationship ends. This may seem strange, but many families exist precisely because the partners are real bores and complainers.

Types of tediousness

Not all nerds are the same. It all depends on what a person fixates on most often and to what extent he experiences difficulties from it.

Types:

Pessimist

A person who is always not satisfied with everything, so that everything bad and wrong does not happen. A pessimistic bore loves to complain about life, talks about problems for a long time and tediously, he is always in a bad mood, he is passive and lazy.

Pedant

For such a subject, everything should always be known, clearly, and thought out. A bore loves order in everything; spontaneity and impulsiveness are something terrifying for him. Surprises and unpredictable situations disturb, anger, and cause other negative emotions.

Professor

This is a man who endlessly “lectures.” The “professor” is smart, well-read, erudite. He always begins the story from afar, delving into details, making lyrical digressions. His speech is a monologue, he speaks as if he is reading a book. Such a smart bore loves to cling to words, correct, supplement, interrupt his interlocutor.

Dependent

Such a bore is dependent, helpless, inexperienced. He pesters those around him with requests for help, likes to ask unnecessary clarifying questions, and gets offended if he is not given enough attention and participation.

This is a “tail” person; he will not lag behind until he receives the desired help or shifts responsibility to the “guardian,” although he can handle many things on his own.

A bore can be a wonderful person, but with his annoyingness and arrogance he can push people away. How to eliminate excessive intrusiveness, which makes others bored? How not to be boring?

First, let's figure out where tediousness comes from?

There is a type of people who are boring almost from early childhood. Such people are characterized by increased anxiety and distrust of others. As children, they criticize all teachers who do not want to understand the younger generation and their environment: “Everyone is morons, I’m the only normal one.” As they grow up, they learn to grumble about improperly placed dishes, irrational use of space in the closet, and incorrect management policies. At the same time, they constantly say that “you can’t trust anyone, you have to do everything yourself. If only they would let me into the government, I would do this, I would do that.” In fact, such people need support and reassurance. Below you will find out how to ensure this.

If you are a bore - a specialist in standardization and certification, talk about how everyone around you is a liar, the sausage contains only soy and a flavor enhancer, cane sugar is not on sale - this is ordinary tinted sugar, you are guaranteed. If he is an occupational health and safety expert, it is likely that you will often listen to: “Are you watching the chicken?”, “Did we burn something?”, “Don’t hunch over, your posture is getting worse,” “What are you doing?” Don’t you know that burn blisters cannot be pierced?”, “You shouldn’t hang a picture over your bed, it might fall at night.” The problem of a person with professional deformation is that he cannot relax after work and has difficulty switching to home mode.

After 25 years, the growth and development of nerve fibers stops, and therefore the activity of excitation and inhibition processes decreases. As a result, a cheerful and sociable person can eventually become a gloomy and boring moralist.

Origins and causes of the problem

The answer to this question depends on the nature of the origin of this negative personality trait in a particular person: either it is due to innate characteristics of temperament, or it is developed as a character trait.

Anxious melancholic people and serious phlegmatic people are more often boring than explosive choleric people and cheerful sanguine people. The combination of individual characteristics of these two temperaments can give rise to the desire to get hung up and be overly intrusive in communication.
For example, a love of detail, curiosity, and meticulousness combined with anxiety and procrastination are likely to give rise to excessive attention to detail.
The tendency to get hung up on something, as a character trait, can be formed in the process of education, self-education, developed under the influence of certain environmental factors and living conditions.
A bore is often a person who, with age, has developed certain complexes, fears, prejudices; he thinks in stereotyped ways and acts in a habitual way. A person who has forgotten about the manifestation of momentary emotions, creativity, spontaneity, dreams, fun, risk and freedom is also a bore.
A person can become boring and intrusive in communication due to professional deformation. For example, teachers and professors with extensive experience, accustomed to teaching and teaching, often become bores.
People who become boring become people who are too serious, accustomed to thinking and making decisions based only on logic, who love to plan and carefully organize their living space. These are often conservative, moralizing, philosophizing people who like to condemn innovation and originality.
A bore can “wake up” in a person at moments of strong passion for something or someone. This looks like a short-term fixation on a favorite activity or person, which is often observed when there is passion and adoration.

Sociable, energetic, cheerful, frivolous people have difficulty communicating with bores. It is difficult for a person who is accustomed to making a decision based on a momentary idea to understand someone who can spend hours thinking about a problem, weighing the pros and cons, thinking about and discussing all possible consequences.

A bore looks at those around him who are too different from him as too emotional, unpredictable, frivolous and even stupid subjects. Without close people who understand and accept him, a bore may suffer from loneliness and forced isolation.

Know your limits when it comes to licking

If they tell you some kind of joke, even if it’s not funny, it’s better to laugh. Remove that defiantly arrogant expression on your face. Be simpler, be lighter, laugh and smile. Suck up, in other words, everyone loves it. But don’t overdo it, otherwise there are such fools. She says, "I love dogs." To please him: “Me too.” She says: “I don’t understand why everyone criticizes milk foam. I adore her,” and he, holding back the urge to vomit, replies: “Me too.” She says, “I prefer black men,” and out of habit, he echoes her: “Me too.”

How to get rid of boredom

Psychologists recommend getting rid of your tediousness if this quality manifests itself in you. It interferes with normal existence and building relationships. The only advice that applies in any case is to change your usual behavior. Since everyone manifests tediousness in their own way, to get rid of it, you just need to change your usual actions to the opposite:

If you like to give advice to everyone, then train yourself to help others only when they themselves ask for it.
If you like to complain about your problems, then learn to communicate with people about other, more fun and interesting topics.
If you prefer to sit at home in front of the TV in the evenings, then diversify your life by going to new places and meeting new people.
If you like to insist on your opinion without hearing someone else’s, then you should accustom yourself to hear other people and see the reasonable grain in their opinions.

A boring person needs to make his life more varied, active, free and positive. It is necessary to develop a sense of humor. Start to perceive the world around you more positively.

Give freedom to those around you. If you want to lecture and reproach them, then it is better to shut up and keep your mouth shut for a few minutes. You should learn to allow others to be different, different from yourself. If you want to express your reproach, then it is better to do it alone with the person and express your opinion once, and not many times in several different phrases. They said and fell silent - let the person decide what to do with your opinion. At the same time, calmly react to the fact that a person does not want to listen to him and continues to behave in a way that is convenient for him.

Use simple rules to get rid of boredom:

Break the system of rules by which you are used to living.
Bring some fun into life.
Stop correcting and teaching people.
Don't impose on other people.
Get rid of your fears and complexes.
Think big and be flexible.
Don't teach others about life.

In getting rid of boredom, giving up the desire to surpass others in everything will help. Do you know and can do a lot? Focus all this on transforming your own life, and not on teaching other people.

Try not to impose yourself on people. Notice when other people are bored around you, they are already tired. Complete the communication or meeting yourself, devoting less time to it than before. Communicate with people as equals. If you are not asked about something, then there is no need to say it. If they are not interested in your problems, then you should not disclose them.

Allow people to be different from you. Let them live the way they want, even if they do it wrong!

At the same time, develop big-picture thinking, when you see the world in all its diversity, and not just from one side. The opinions of other people who have reasons for their occurrence will help with this: if people think differently, it means they see something in the world that you do not see.

How to avoid being boring

The surest way to avoid communicating with such people is to ignore them.

The best way to avoid contact with a bore is to ignore him.

You should not have long contact with them. A person with a strong character can make it clear to a bore that he has his own opinion and does not want to listen to his instructions. If a person is forced to communicate with an annoying person, then he is recommended:

find a boring activity that will make him feel like a necessary and important person;
act according to his scheme, also constantly complaining about life (many bores themselves will want to stop such communication);
during conversations, persistently change the topic of conversation;
constantly refer to being busy in order to avoid meetings;
do not listen to what such a person says, do not respond to his messages.

When ignored and lack of pity on the part of others, a boring person often stops communicating and begins to look for other interlocutors.

Boredom is considered one of the negative qualities of a person. The appearance of such a character trait is often associated with childhood fears and complexes. In adult life, tediousness greatly prevents a person from contacting other people. To begin with, it is recommended to eradicate this quality in yourself. You should avoid communicating with bores, as such people take a lot of energy.

Relationships with Virgo

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This sign does not take criticism and if he is offended, it will be difficult to establish contact with him. Most likely, Virgo will simply cut you out of her life. But there is no person to whom you cannot find an approach. The key to Virgos is mindfulness. People of this sign are very romantic - they love gifts, hugs and compliments. But gaining trust again is only half the battle. The main thing is to keep him.

In order not to alienate your beloved, but so touchy Virgo, try to criticize and point out mistakes as little as possible. To be close to such a person, you need to surround him with constant attention and care, as well as maintain neatness in appearance and maintain order in your affairs. If you want to arouse Virgo's admiration, do not go to extremes and do not be categorical in your judgments.

Weaknesses of Virgos

Overly critical of people. They strive to have everything around them done the way they want.
They will never remain silent, they will defend their position, even if it is not correct.
Arrogant and vindictive. Representatives of the sign consider themselves the best in everything. They cannot stand it when someone condemns their actions and criticizes their actions. In controversial situations, they will pretend to be cool and think through a clear plan of revenge.
They consider it their duty to monitor relatives and friends so that they respect morality and high traditions, as well as maintain cleanliness and order.

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