Relationships: what they are, why and why they are needed

Author of the material:

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

Are there any rules for finding a partner for a relationship? There are no hard and fast boundaries or guidelines on this matter, but a few guidelines will speed up the entire process. In addition, these tips will help you find a truly suitable person for yourself, with whom you can build something serious and strong. What steps will need to be taken? What are the rules of “love search”, what is a relationship in general and what mandatory signs do they have?

What is a relationship?

Relationships are understood as the subjective connection of a person with external objects (this can be not only people, but also animals, for example), which leads to emotional reactions, assessments and other interactions.

Vladimir Nikolaevich Myasishchev, a Soviet psychiatrist and medical psychologist, gave a similar definition to this concept. In its meaning, he included a system of electoral connections of a particular individual, which he divided into three subgroups :

relationships with others;
attitude towards oneself;
attitude towards objects of the external environment.

Since the issue of relationships between people is of greatest interest to us, it is worth specifying the term used for this. It would be more correct, in this case, to say "interpersonal relationships".
Important! This term denotes not only the relationship of one person to another, but also the overall picture of the relationship between people, which consists of a certain set of rules (sometimes unspoken), the reactions that members of the same group expect from each other, and the results that close interactions lead to.

What influences them2

How relationships develop and change depends on many factors, including beliefs about behavior and attitudes between women and men in relationships, experience, or at least character.

This is largely influenced by a kind of matrix of “woman - man”, “woman - woman” and “man - man”, which people carry out from childhood. Simply put, a girl learns from her mother what it is like to be a woman, a wife, a mother. The “mother-daughter” relationship is a prototype of a girl’s relationships with other women in adulthood. And the girl’s relationship with her father is a kind of prototype of her relationships with men in the future.

For example, if the father is strict, demanding of his daughter, cold or aggressive, then the girl learns to fulfill her father’s demands, to be towards him, he can react with fear and objects to his outbursts of aggression. In adulthood, this girl, as a woman, can be defensive, submissive in relationships with men and react with anxiety to her partner’s outbursts of anger.

Why and why do people need them?

The main goal of any relationship is communication, and it is the basis for the psychological and social development of any individual . We begin to interact with other people from birth.

The first person with whom we establish a strong relationship is our mother. It helps the child live and develop, accept himself and know the love of another.

Later, the mother becomes the main guide to the outside world and helps the individual to socialize. When a person becomes adult and completely independent, he chooses what kind of relationship he needs.

Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in unpleasant relationships that they did not choose . V. M. Myasishchev also wrote about this: “An important feature of our society is forcing a person to enter into long-term interaction with other people, even despite a negative attitude towards them.”

For your information! To better understand the role that interpersonal relationships play in a person’s life, we need to understand the consequences of their absence.

If an individual lacks communication with other people, he experiences a feeling that psychologists call emotional hunger , and is divided into 4 types :

Hunger for stimulation;
Hunger for recognition;
Hunger in the absence of quality communication;
Hunger for recognition.

Now let's look in more detail at how all these types of psychological problems are related to interpersonal relationships.

Hunger for stimulation

This term was introduced by Eric Burn, an American psychologist and founder of transactional analysis. This type of hunger for communication occurs when there is a complete lack of interaction with other people .

If a person voluntarily or forcedly stops seeing and talking with others, after just a few days this leads to negative changes in his psyche. From this we can conclude that relationships with other people are the basis for the mental health of any person .

Hunger for recognition

This type of relationship deficit occurs when a person finds himself in an unfamiliar environment .

By the way! This often happens when starting a new job or moving to another city or country.

It seems like there are people around, but you can’t strike up a relationship with any of them yet, so you feel very lonely, even when you’re among a large crowd of people.

Hunger in the absence of quality communication

In this situation, a person can have a large number of different relationships: friendly, family and even romantic. At the same time, the quality of communication does not meet its internal requirements, which leads to dissatisfaction .

Hunger for recognition

Our professional activities are also an occasion for interpersonal relationships. We want others to recognize us as a master of our craft.

When this does not happen and a person cannot discuss his achievements and failures with someone, this also leads to dissatisfaction and irritability.

Now we can conclude that a person needs relationships to maintain mental health and feel like a full-fledged person . At the same time, it is very important that interpersonal relationships are of high quality and bring a lot of positive emotions. Otherwise, it will not bring proper satisfaction in life.

Can a person be happy alone4

There are many single people who lead a happy life; one can understand that at the current stage of life he does not need anyone to be happy. It happens. Nevertheless, sooner or later, more or less consciously, the need arises to create a strong, stable and safe union, the need awakens to share your life with another person.

People who live alone can be a source of sympathy from others and are labeled as “the one no guy wants” or “the one no woman can stand.” Despite this, single people are increasingly common in the modern world, and their marital status is no longer surprising.

Tolerance in the public consciousness is growing, thanks to which people living alone can mature in relative peace until the moment when they are ready to enter into a permanent, interesting and very successful relationship, or abandon them completely.

Kinds

All types of interpersonal relationships can be divided into three main types :

By status . Here you can distinguish vertical and horizontal directions. The first type includes communication between a boss and a subordinate, a child and an adult, a teacher and a student, etc. The second type includes the interaction of colleagues, friends, spouses and everyone who is in equal conditions in relation to each other;
By goals . There are only two varieties: business and personal;
By emotional coloring . They depend on people’s perceptions of each other, and are divided into negative, positive and neutral.

Also, all interpersonal relationships can be divided into 5 levels of intimacy :

Initial acquaintance . The first few meetings with a person. At this moment there are no relationships between people yet;
Friendship . People got to know each other a little. At this stage, there is a prospect of developing closer relationships if the communication was positive;
Partnership . People have mutual interests and common topics of conversation. At this stage, communication becomes closer;
Friendship . One of the closest types of interpersonal relationships. People already know each other well, have many common interests and communicate frequently;
Family relationships . The closest view. Possible between relatives, spouses, parents and children.

When is it too early to consider them serious?

The duration of an alliance does not always mean its stability and stability. You can intuitively feel that something is going wrong, but not be aware of what exactly. A number of points may show that the relationship is developing in the wrong direction and your future is at risk .

You feel constrained, select your words and think about every word. This is acceptable on a first date, when everyone wants to make a good impression and take a closer look at each other. But if the relationship continues for a long time, and the stiffness does not go away, perhaps this is not the person for you.

You don't know much about him. No matter how cheerful, kind, and understanding your partner is, you can’t talk about the seriousness of the relationship if you don’t know your relatives, don’t know where your other half works and how they spend their leisure time.

In addition, it is important to know about personality traits : behavior in a stressful situation, how one helps and how one accepts help, attitude towards children, animals, etc.

In case of a difficult situation, you will turn to him for help. If, when you find yourself in a difficult situation, you don’t want to ask your partner for help, this indicates a lack of trust and intimacy between you. The idea of turning to a loved one for help or support comes naturally, no matter how delicate the situation may be.

You don't want to open up completely to this person. If the desire to share your innermost thoughts and experiences does not arise as the romance develops, you should think about whether this is really your person. True intimacy is characterized by complete acceptance of each other's personalities, thoughts and feelings, even when partners have opposing views.

Attention! When analyzing the development of relationships, it is important not so much to be guided by the voice of reason, but by sensations, feelings and intuition. If your partner is ideal in your eyes, but the feeling of anxiety persists, perhaps you are looking at him through “rose-colored glasses” or he is playing a role without showing his true colors.

What are the relationships between a man and a woman?

There are all types of relationships described above between a man and a woman, but we will look at their romantic variety in more detail. In this category it is worth highlighting 3 main subspecies :

Periodic sexual contacts . Two people can be connected by friendship or only superficial acquaintance. The main goal is to satisfy the sexual needs of each partner. At the same time, there is no talk of a romantic component;
Polygamous . This is a full relationship. In this case, a man and a woman can have more than one sexual partner. It is important here that both partners agree with polygamy. It is worth noting that marriage is not an obstacle to polygamy. The main thing is the consent of two people to this type of relationship;
Monogamous . In this case, the man and woman have only one sexual partner. This type of relationship is possible both in marriage and without it. A man and a woman can even live separately, but remain faithful to each other. This option requires a high level of awareness and self-control on the part of both partners.

Can a man and woman be friends without a hint of romance between them? This question haunts many scientists, but they have never found an exact answer to it.

For your information! Most psychologists tend to believe that for a woman, unlike a man, it is not difficult to maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex.

Unfortunately, most men have a hard time seeing women as anything other than a sex object.

International relations as an expansion of the boundaries of the subject

Speaking about international relations, it should be noted that they can be both official at the largest public level and unofficial, friendly.
Unofficial international interaction is a whole layer of ethnopsychology, so we will limit ourselves to the generally accepted definition of international relations. So, international relations - what is it? First of all, this is an interaction that goes beyond the territory, which is why it is international. This concept combines many criteria by which states and individual citizens of different countries can cooperate and communicate with each other. These relations are regulated both by the internal law of the country and generally accepted norms of human rights.

Do you need a relationship without commitment?

Another name for this type of relationship between a man and a woman is polygamy . Partners have a full-fledged relationship, and do not limit their sex life to one person .

This type is achieved only with the mutual consent of a man and a woman, and is not something prohibited.

It cannot be said that there is a clear framework for such an alliance, because everything here is very individual, and is regulated only by the level of readiness for such experiments. Each polygamous couple creates its own internal rules, which are supported only by verbal agreement .

Statistics show that most often people are not ready to maintain an open type of relationship for a long time. In developed countries, only 5% of couples classify their relationship as polygamous, the rest try to adhere to monogamy.

Whether such experiments are needed or not, everyone must decide for themselves.

Important! It is worth noting that people tend to strive for stability, and relationships without obligations can hardly be called a reliable and predictable partnership.

A strong union, in which a high level of intimacy and mutual understanding can be achieved, is built only on the trust and loyalty of the partners to each other.

Interaction of people in the context of legal relations

Many people do not know what legal relations are, because of this, problems begin with the law, with the executive branch, and so on. The definition of this concept reminds us that there is a certain object that determines the range of rights and responsibilities (for example, a child). Also in such relationships there are subjects of law (for example, parents) who are participants in the relationship regarding the object. So, legal relations mean the interaction of subjects, regulated by the rules of law and their volitional efforts, while each subject has its own legal obligations and rights (for example, adoption of a child, alimony, maintenance until the age of 18, and so on). Such relationships can easily be corrected using the letter of the law.

Useful video

From this video you will learn more about relationships between people:

It is important for all people to have trusting and comfortable relationships. They can only be built on mutual affection and respect. Moreover, any relationship requires effort on the part of each participant .

But how nice it is to receive feedback and reciprocity from another person, and it doesn’t matter who he is, a friend, lover, relative or colleague. If you want to build a strong relationship, try to get to know not only the other person, but also yourself as much as possible.

What indicates readiness for them?

The main factor of any union is a strong and tender feeling . No couple can have a long and happy relationship experience without feelings of love, tenderness and respect.

Important! But distinguishing love from infatuation, especially at the very beginning of a relationship, is quite difficult.

Answering the following questions will help you understand your emotions::

Do you feel protected and safe around your partner?
Do you have a desire to share your experiences and emotions?
Do you feel like you “speak the same language” and your views on life coincide?
can you imagine your union after 1, 5, 10 years of marriage?
Are you ready to sacrifice something important for the sake of a common future?
Do you agree to support your partner during financial difficulties or health problems?

If all questions are given a confident positive answer, then the relationship has every chance of developing into a long-term serious relationship . If it is difficult to give a definite answer to some questions, or if there are a large number of “no” answers, the relationship cannot be called serious.

Any relationship is a “tango for two.” Both partners must have the desire and desire for common long-term plans for life .

For your information! There is a metaphor that love is a distance of 20 steps with a barrier in the middle, and everyone in a couple must walk their 10 steps.

The path to happiness or the path to nowhere

When describing their problem of an unfulfilled or collapsed relationship to a psychologist, many people (mostly women) emphasize that they were deceived, betrayed, or even used under the guise of serious intentions. Finding themselves alone and beginning to analyze their recent happy past, these people come to the conclusion that they did everything possible, “put their whole soul” into making a strong union take place. In other words, they were confident that by their actions they deserved guarantees of a successful outcome.

However, life does not give any guarantees, and the person who caused the breakup is not at all to blame for the fact that the partner initially perceived him as a party to an unspoken agreement, and not a person with free will. He could have really serious intentions, but circumstances developed in such a way that a relationship became impossible. Such an everyday situation, if not analyzed from the point of view of useful experience, can give rise to a feeling of fear of the relationship in the deceived partner.

Fear, as many famous psychologists say, is the antonym of love. Without giving oneself the opportunity to hear a former lover and understand the motives for his departure, a person deliberately deprives himself of the opportunity to move on. Therefore, if such a situation does occur, you should not dwell on the failure and regret the time spent. You should give yourself a break to realize all the benefits received in connection with the death of an unnecessary person and continue to move forward.

How to recognize a guy's serious intentions

Every girl would like to understand that a guy is serious with her even before she receives a marriage proposal. This is how women are made, they need it for peace of mind.

There are a few simple signs that indicate a guy is really serious about you.

The first one is getting to know the family. Men do not introduce their mothers to the temporary characters in their lives. The same goes for a man's best friends. If you see that a man wants to introduce you to people close to him, you can be calm.

Another important sign is making general plans for the future. This does not apply to plans for the coming weekend, we are talking about long-term projects. For example, a man is planning to move to another city and is thinking about whether you will have something to your liking there.

Or maybe he has dreamed of visiting some country all his life and plans to take you with him.

Another sign is the desire to spend important days together. For example, on his birthday, a guy wants to be only with you, and does not go fishing with his friends.

Different points of view

The meaning of a serious relationship for a person changes not only with a change of partner, but also over time. A young couple can position themselves as strong and established in the presence of a harmonious sexual union, and being abroad for their 50th birthday, people will pay more attention to the sensitivity and prudence of their partner. This explains the huge difference in views and values between people with large age differences.

Modern views of young people on relationships are also ambiguous. Despite the fact that in their dreams most girls adhere to the traditional relationship scenario prescribed by the classics, in reality they have to literally prove to a potential companion their right to exist next to him. Of course, this doesn’t always happen, but more and more young people are entering adulthood with the confidence that a serious relationship comes not with taking responsibility for their significant other, but after a certain number of successful dates.