Why are relationships needed? This is the same as asking why water or air is needed? But many people cannot answer this question or give the most banal reasons.
Everyone knows the parable about two halves that God scattered around the world, and they spend their entire lives looking for each other. Not everyone manages to find it, so people start dating for the most ordinary reasons: not to be alone, to have children, to live like everyone else, to be a support in difficult life situations.
But what is a relationship for then? Why fall in love, waste time on friends, communicate with family, if the reasons for their creation are so prosaic.
Every person needs a relationship because he has a soul that requires harmony and warmth. Reuniting with each other for love and friendship, they give a sense of real life, turning each into a great value for the other.
Even when the relationship doesn’t work out, this is a wise lesson for each of us.
Why do people need relationships?
This term was first used by Aristotle and called the relationship “a symbiosis of two people, which is created by a mutual connection.” Their highest level is love, everything else is dictated by reason.
At different periods of life, the need for them is dictated by different reasons.
Why are relationships important during adolescence?
Romantic relationships during adolescence are an important stage of human development. During this period, the basic principles of future adult life are laid. The feeling of adulthood, independence, raging hormonal levels “leads” a teenager to his first, sublime love.
For a teenager, these relationships are very important; they look for the only person in the object of love with whom they can share their most intimate things, receive support, and feel new emotions and experiences. Often a teenager loves not a real person, but his dream, attributing non-existent traits to the chosen one.
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But it is precisely these feelings that correctly evaluate ourselves and others.
According to surveys, every ninth man is married to his first “school” love.
Why do we need a relationship between a guy and a girl?
There are several reasons why a guy and a girl meet: uncontrollable love at the level of a chemical reaction, logical choice, physical attraction.
In the process of developing feelings, young people experience a “mini-format” of future family behavior.
The beginning is full of hope, tenderness, and enjoyment of each other. After six months, the passions subside, and are replaced by a period of testing feelings and similarities of characters, the idealization of the partner ends, disagreements arise, and separations are possible.
If the partners retain their feelings, this becomes the threshold of marriage.
Long-term relationships are based on trust, the desire to share significant events, support each other in trouble, and the opportunity to be yourself next to your partner. This is an invaluable experience for the future long years of life together.
What is the relationship between a man and a woman for?
Relationships for a man and a woman, according to psychologists, have different goals; they need each other for different tasks.
It is important for a man:
- Continuation of the family line
- Constant sexual intimacy
- Taking care of him and making him feel comfortable at home
- Spiritual closeness and support
- The desire to care, provide, and protect one’s “nest” are three basic components of a man’s essence
It is important for women:
- Start a family, get married
- Have children
- Financial support
- Feel loved and wanted
- Feeling of security and stability
- Care and help
Sigmund Freud on relationships
Sigmund Freud is famous for his research into the psychology of the unconscious. It is he who owns the phrase that perhaps most fully reveals the essence of a person’s need for relationships: “We choose each other not by chance - we meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.”
Thus, in Freud’s understanding, the subconscious is more responsible for a person’s desire for relationships than a conscious choice. So if you figure out what your subconscious is looking for, you can easily understand why you really need a relationship.
Now the second and, as we wrote above, more important point. It is important to understand in whose subconscious we already exist. If everyone chooses only those who already exist in their subconscious, then we are chosen according to the same principle. If this is clear, then, after all, you will have to turn on your consciousness and try on the basic patterns for yourself.
For example, if a woman wants to feel protected always and everywhere, the likelihood of attracting the attention of a powerful, or even despotic, person is very high. If a man wants to reign supreme, then in choosing a partner he can rely at most on some kind of “gray mouse” who does not want to take responsibility for his life. A determined and independent girl is unlikely to tolerate someone’s despotism and total control.
Through the area of the unconscious, you can consider almost all the visible and, it seems, conscious reasons why people start or continue relationships. Of course, in this way you are unlikely to correct your subconscious, but at least you will reduce the degree of misunderstanding why your relationship is developing this way and not otherwise.
And one more thought from the master of psychology: “A woman should soften, not weaken a man.” Yes, this idea needs to be taken into account long before your first date. Few men will strive to be with a woman who makes him weaker. But the opportunity to be next to someone soft, kind and caring looks clearly more attractive. By the way, being needed is also one of the motives why the stronger sex seeks a relationship with the weaker sex. And one of the differences is in the motivation for relationships on the part of the stronger and weaker sex.
How to know if you need a relationship
To understand whether you need a relationship, you need to honestly analyze your inner state and decide whether you constantly need another person by your side. Many people feel much better and calmer when alone.
| No | Yes |
| The person is an introvert, does not need communication, people are annoying | Lack of communication, I want to have a good friend |
| Love freedom from any obligations | Lack of sex life or its irregularity |
| Relationships hinder career advancement | Do you want a family and children? |
| No desire to make long-term relationships | Lack of care, support and help in life |
| You don’t see a worthy partner in your environment | Loneliness, melancholy |
| Self-sufficiency, best friend is a pet | Having confidence in the face of life's challenges is easier with two people |
| Negative past experiences | The state of unclaimed love |
Review of Key Needs
- Tactile contact
An international study has revealed a cause-and-effect relationship between a lack of tactile communication and the development of depression, stress, and alexithymia (the ability to identify and express one’s emotions).
- Sexual contact
Giphy
Neurologist E. Pöppel from the Institute of Medical Psychology at the University of Munich speaks of the positive impact of sexual intercourse on brain activity. Orgasm activates certain areas on the right side of the brain. This, in turn, causes certain hormonal changes that have a positive effect on mental and physical well-being.
- Continuation of the family line
This need provides for the continuation of oneself. The Bible says, “Be fruitful and numerous, populate the earth and subdue it.” It is easy to guess that the main task is to save humanity from extinction. Procreation has a paired nature.
- Security and safety
There is a saying: “Alone in the field is not a warrior.” The message is that we need to act together. By uniting in pairs, people create a microsociety, which, in turn, forms a territory of security and safety.
How to create strong relationships
In order not to make a mistake in your choice and understand whether it is worth planning a future with this person, you need to objectively evaluate your partner and the prospects for further life together.
Strong mutual feelings require the fulfillment of a number of important conditions:
- Sexual harmony and compatibility.
- Respect for personal space.
- Lack of desire to remake a partner in your own way.
- Everyone has the right to individuality and originality.
- Accepting flaws and preferences.
- Intuitive understanding of each other.
- No deception, no secrets.
- Caring for each other, lack of “terry” selfishness.
- Coincidence of life priorities.
Purely for myself
What is a relationship for now?
How does a person who lives in “post-truth” mode and perceives a girl as a feature for a show called “happy together” answer this question?
Status
— The status of a guy who is not alone, “in demand” by the female sex, is very important, otherwise you and your influence are too weak. You can read about the rules of life for a womanizer here. The principles of a womanizer or what needs to be done so that your constant does not find out about your mistress
Sex
- Be sexy and experienced. A need as important as uninterrupted access to Wi-Fi
Household items
-House cleaning and cleanliness. Little things in relationships, how girls help in relationships.
About men
Masculinity is power, action and logic. It is he who bears the enormous responsibility of revealing the essence of a woman and her strength.
A man is free from the excessive sentimentality inherent in women - he is consistent in his actions, stable in his judgments and reliable in the ups and downs of life.
Just don’t confuse a Man and a male individual. It's different. Just like Woman - this difference is not based on gender or wearing a skirt.
Why and who needs conflicts?
The psychology of relationships does not take into account one important fact - the dual nature of man. The spiritual principle is the personality and soul, and the animal principle is consciousness and body. Diana learned about this thanks to the books of Anastasia Novykh and programs with the participation of Igor Mikhailovich Danilov. And personal experience and many years of practice gave a clear understanding of how the human consciousness works.
“The intellect (consciousness), says the psychologist, is not at all interested in establishing human friendly relationships. It is the animal part of man that tries to dominate others. This is a tool with its own character, which must be curbed and learned to control. And only by accepting this fact within himself, does a person begin to study it, to recognize the beast and the egoist within himself.”
But if consciousness is a tool, then who am I?
Living together means less freedom
If you start living together, this is primarily a disadvantage.
All the shortcomings
What disadvantages can be identified if you started living together:
- This is especially a disadvantage if a serious relationship between young people occurs for the first time. You start looking for an apartment, find and arrange your things and begin to get used to each other.
- Everyone is used to different things and their own order . This can be such a painful process. Girls, as a rule, are more tidy, and men begin to scatter their things somewhere. Some kind of confrontation may begin here.
- First of all, this is the aspect of freedom . It will inevitably seem to both of you that somehow there is less living space. Especially if you lived alone before, there will be a clear problem of personal space. If it’s completely unbearable, then this can become a stumbling block for both of you.
Literally from the first days the question may arise: To live or not to live further?
But behind such a veil of love, everyone can forget about it , when in the first months of a relationship most of the time is spent in bed.
The value of relationships from a scientific point of view
There is a theory that the institution of family played an important role in human evolution. Stable relationships help to accumulate material wealth, increase the level of comfort and security. As a result, people gain capital and longer life, as well as dominance over other animals.
A “lone wolf” is more difficult to control, so on the other hand, the imposition of family values can be compared to religion. But people for the most part are social and have difficulty living outside society, so by creating “their own cell,” they gain status and can not be distracted by finding a partner, focusing on work and the development of society. The man receives emotional stability, the “instinct of the breadwinner” and the head of the family is activated. Bearing responsibility for your beloved and children, you have to be more active, stronger, more decisive, which is why a man ultimately reaches greater heights than if he were alone. Psychology speaks about this, but there are other benefits of a stable relationship.
Self improvement
Very often, love and the desire to have a relationship force a person to improve. For example, in order to please a certain person, you begin to study topics that interest him, try to become better, and highlight the most positive qualities in yourself. It happens that a person finds a soul mate in the process of self-improvement, which makes this reason for looking for a relationship doubly productive. Even if you don't build a relationship, the fruits of self-improvement will remain with you forever.
Main types of unclear relationships
Incomprehensible relationships are complete uncertainty. It seems that you live with a man, and are nominally considered a couple, but he does not offer you anything serious. He either remains silent to all your questions, or promises you “mountains of gold.” Let's take a closer look at the main types of relationships that have no future.
Love triangle
Girls who are in the position of a lover often ask the same questions: “Do I have a chance to be loved? Will he keep his promise? How soon will he divorce his wife and put a ring on my finger?” Of course, there are chances that the situation will be resolved in your favor, but they are very low - about one in a hundred. First of all, I propose to figure out why you fell into the trap of a triangle and agreed to the role of a mistress.
- Low self-esteem
. You deserve to be loved, to take the throne of your lawful wife, but you agree to much less - rare meetings and eternal competition with another woman. - There is a fear of loneliness
. What if you no longer meet such a wonderful man on your life path? It's better to meet on weekends than to cry in splendid isolation. - Unconditional love. And faith that he will turn out to be a real, worthy man and will not let you down. And if he said, I’ll get a divorce, then he’ll definitely do it.
- Minimum responsibility
. At first, a woman can take this step consciously. Because he doesn’t want a family, children and extra responsibilities. But the relationship, which seemed like a temporary option, sucks her in like a swamp. It won't be easy to get out of them.
The mistress's position in the triangle is the most vulnerable. A woman gives her beloved man her youth, emotions, energy, and in return receives rare meetings, gifts and nothing more. Because there are no guarantees that he will leave the family. A man in such a relationship feels good and comfortable: he receives energy, achieves self-realization, raises his self-esteem and... returns home to his wife.
Even if he decides to break family ties and you end up in that same 1%, you will have to pay off the karmic debt. For destroying someone's happiness, someone else's life. But most often the woman just waits. Years pass, but nothing changes, and the resources of faith and energy are depleted. The mistress comes out of such a relationship like a squeezed lemon. She gave the man everything she could, but her hopes remained unjustified.
Relationships with children
The relationship between parents and children also very often develops into conflict situations. Some of the questions from viewers who turned to a psychologist for help are: “What should I do if my parents are still playing tyrants and trying to teach me how to live? How should a child behave if a parent is constantly dissatisfied?”
“The topic of control and suppression is quite difficult for parents and their children,” says Diana. Psychology of relationships, as well as questions: “How and why?” - sounds from people indicate a lack of understanding of the reasons for what is happening. They are focused on investigation and blaming others.
The problem is that people ask, “Who is right and who is wrong?” And sometimes parents themselves seek to control and manipulate. Naturally, children begin to adopt these behavior patterns and resist. Why, if it only brings suffering?
Using her personal example, Diana told how she faced problems of mutual understanding with her children. Until she began to ask herself questions: “Who is the child trainer in me and who is the evaluator of other people’s actions in me?” — there was no clear understanding of the situation.
If you remove the assessment and stop picking on children over trifles, then the relationship will gradually improve. We must understand that they are just learning to live and interact in this world. Therefore, it is better to just help them with this and love them.
Why are we important to each other?
The man is the first to take a step to further develop the relationship, but the woman pushes him to do so: with a look, a gesture, a smile. Without her love, he cannot live happily, it is important for him to feel needed, in demand, every achievement of a goal is like defeating a dragon in the Middle Ages for the sake of a princess (after all, thousands of brave men did not sacrifice themselves out of sporting interest). A man feels his importance, his masculine strength only next to Her.
And who is a woman without a reliable male shoulder? Boy-woman, who “gallops into the fire”? Without male love and attention, the flower of femininity will never bloom, but will remain a withered bud of uncertain purpose.
It is important for a woman to feel his protection; thanks to a man, she gains confidence in the future. The man teaches her the art of love and forgiveness, just as she teaches him to be strong and persistent, for his sake she strives to become more beautiful, wiser and more feminine.
To find, you need to stop looking!
People cannot find someone for themselves, or choose, or select, or do something to make a meeting with the person of their life take place. There is no point in forcing the meeting - it has already been planned from above, and will not happen before you are prepared for it. If you have not yet met your person, this means that you are not yet ready to meet him. You need to believe, wait and work on yourself, focusing on personal development. As soon as you are ready to meet your destiny, this will definitely happen, because, as we know, “marriages are made in heaven.” However, it also happens that a person is internally sure of what he needs to look for, he knows exactly where, and he will definitely find it. Know that each of us has our own Destiny, our own Path. You need to learn to listen to your inner voice and follow it: it will never deceive you. “Your” person will meet you on time. And this will be exactly the person you need for your Destiny, for your personal development, for realizing your best qualities and exposing the dark sides of your personality. And in a relationship with him, you will be able to see yourself from all angles, from the best sides and the worst sides, and this relationship will certainly be deep, bright and colorful.
Love between a man and a woman in adulthood
The development of relationships in adulthood is much more complex and problematic.
You must be able to:
- take responsibility for your actions;
- competently resolve conflicts;
- hear and listen to your partner;
- correctly present dissatisfaction with your partner;
- plan further life together;
- perform duties, etc.
All positive energy comes from a happy relationship with your significant other. Every year the relationship changes, the couple gains new experience, learns to support each other, achieve their goals and feel as comfortable as possible together.
Even the attitude towards simple things can cause conflict. For example, men believe that they should solve all problems that arise on their own, without telling the women they love about it.
Female representatives, in turn, are accustomed to sharing their experiences and supporting loved ones. Such a difference of opinion can offend a woman, because her emotions are sincere.
You put in more than you get
With you, a man lives with everything ready: you diligently iron his shirts, prepare a three-course meal and faithfully wait if he is late at work. And believe that he will soon appreciate and understand what a treasure is in front of him - and will definitely ask you to marry you. Years go by, but he is still in no hurry to offer the treasured ring.
You know, if you constantly hear from a man “Right now I don’t have the opportunity to pick you up from work (have a wedding, buy a gift)” - look for a partner who has these opportunities. Because otherwise you will sit there with “noodles” on your ears and wait for him to turn on “man mode”.
If a man is interested in a relationship, you see it.
- He is trying for the sake of your future together. Comes home and tells what worked or didn’t work out for him
- You make joint plans and set goals.
- You feel an emotional impact. Even a simple “Thank you” for a delicious dinner raises a woman’s self-esteem.
- There is a give-receive balance in your relationship. It is important. Because if you go out of your way for him, and the answer is silence, burnout occurs. You can continue to live in the same territory out of habit, but the most important things - love, trust, mutual understanding - will be lost.
Many men take advantage of women's naivety. They make promises, tell tales, bribe with periodic gifts - and things don’t go further than that.
We are responsible for those we have tamed
For those who have wondered why relationships are needed, it becomes interesting: is it really that important? After all, love can be different: for work, a pet, creativity or music. Why do men and women need each other so much?
It's simple: a woman makes a man who he is and vice versa: a man creates a woman. But knowing that everything in the world has a dual essence, a woman has every chance to destroy the masculine principle, and a man - the feminine. They are connected at subtle levels, and very often these connections are never interrupted (even if people have not lived together for a long time), influencing a person’s consciousness and life.
To understand this interaction, let's look at each in detail.
