This is a continuation of the previous article about an unfinished separation.
Here we will talk about how to break off relationships and how to forget the past. Psychological techniques and exercises are presented to help get rid of mental pain and painful suffering.
Greetings,
Dear readers and guests of my blog!
In the last article, we determined that unfinished relationships lead to very serious consequences.
First, there is the pain and suffering that rejection and betrayal cause.
Secondly, there are difficulties in establishing new contacts and acquaintances.
This is because His/Her image intrusively invades new relationships and constantly spoils them with regular quarrels and conflicts.
It is obvious that at such moments a person is tormented by one single question: how to put an end to the past and everything connected with the relationship that brought pain?
Let's find the answer to this question!
But first...
Attention!!!
The main problem is that...
…it is impossible to forget the pain and suffering of the past without painful consequences and internal conflicts.
It is impossible to “forget”!
Sounds strange, doesn't it? But let's figure out what this means.
In fact, there is a confusion of words here.
Remember how you consoled your boyfriend or girlfriend who had just broken up with his significant other.
The most catchphrases: “Forget all this! Never mind! Don't cheat yourself! Start a new life! Fight fire with fire! Take a vacation and have a good rest!..”, etc. and so on.
Do you think it helps? No, not a bit. Why is this so?
The answer is simple: the advice to “forget, don’t take it into your head and don’t overthink it” is simply fundamentally wrong, because it ignores the key laws of psychology.
But all other advice is not timely, and at an early stage, the experience of separation only irritates and can easily drive the problem inside.
But let's take it in order...
Regarding advice
"Forget! Get it out of your head!”
Many who have experienced and are experiencing a breakup in a relationship sincerely believe that “getting over it” means forgetting everything that happened in the past.
But this is not true at all.
“Forgetting” means suppressing, putting away deep inside, isolating all experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions related to the breakup.
In this case, while suffering, we do not let our feelings and experiences out, we suppress them, strive to drive them as deep as possible, forget about them and not notice them at all.
And this further increases the suffering.
Therefore, the only and adequate way to get rid of pain is
this is not to suppress it, but to survive it
A person suffering from a breakup should not forget and get out of his head, but experience this suffering.
Don't play the strong man. Don't suppress emotions and feelings. They are not a weakness - they are a cry from the soul. And she needs to be allowed to scream.
You will learn about what “worrying” is and how to do it by reading this article to the end.
Regarding advice
“Take a vacation and relax!
Fight fire with fire! Take care of yourself! Go to the gym! And so on."
The advice is good, but it only works at the late stage of the experience of separation, when the process of this very experience is already over or is coming to an end.
So, …
Symptoms of drowning in the past
Perhaps it will be easier for you to understand that besides you, a lot of people are experiencing a similar condition. For those who have not let go of a past love, some of the following signs are typical.
- Waking up thinking about your ex-partner.
- Drawing pictures of the past in your imagination.
- In bed, the thought that your loved one is nearby does not leave you.
- Adjusting the route in order to “accidentally” meet your ex.
- Regular checks of email, visits to social networks - suddenly your loved one wrote, suddenly dropped a hint on the page...
- Searching for a hidden reason in every word thrown at a meeting, trying to read between the lines where the text is a solid “brick”.
In men, such symptoms are almost always less pronounced than in women. But everyone needs help dealing with the consequences of a breakup. Both men and women need to quickly let go of the past for the sake of a worthwhile future.
Are you afraid of loneliness
Fear of loneliness is one of the main reasons why people don’t want to let go of their past. You are used to doing everything together: watching movies, shopping, going on vacation. Now you are confused: during the relationship, you have lost the habit of doing something on your own and have managed to forget what it is like to be “I” and not “we”.
Instead of building castles in the air and lamenting your bitter fate, focus on yourself. Remember what made you happy - perhaps there was some hobby you left for the sake of your other half - or meet up with friends you haven't seen for a long time. Don't forget an important axiom: it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.
How to let go of past relationships
Regain your strength
During this difficult period, you simply need to unload your psyche. Stop trying to control your ex-partner's feelings. You only have control over yourself, but not over those around you, even those who were once close to you. Your loved one has made his choice and, no matter how hard it is for you to come to terms with him, you need to respect him. Someone else’s soul is darkness; understanding all the intricacies of another person’s psyche is incredibly difficult. In yours with a “spotlight” you stumble over and over again...
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
Perceiving what happened as a fact will help you move on with emotional relief. Let the material world help you work on calming your psyche.
- Get enough sleep. Nature has taken care of such a wonderful soothing and restorative remedy - do not neglect it.
- Walk (and a lot), start visiting the sports complex. Strong physical training has a good effect on the emotional sphere - after long walks or workouts, the psyche asks for mercy, which manifests itself in forced relaxation.
- Don't shy away from soothing music. Just hit yourself on the hands if they reach out to those very tear-inducing compositions.
- Nature has a lot of soothing remedies, like herbal teas. Switch from the usual harmful drinks to those that are not only tasty, but also healthy.
Painted Love
Many people do not realize that often a loved one is in many ways an image that has been formed by our imagination. Just as we perceive a film actor as a film character, so our partner is molded by us from our ideas about an ideal person. This perception is more characteristic of women, who are not as “dry” as male representatives with their love of logical thinking.
Don't let emotions rule the process. Perhaps he or she who is responsible for your inability to let go of a past relationship will, upon proper analysis, turn out to be not such an attractive person at all. Separate image and reality.
Don't get lost in the past
Without destroying an old building, you cannot build a new one in the same place. Continuing to fuss over relationships that have already passed, we leave no chance for future ones. During this period, it doesn’t seem so to us, but the world is full of people who suit us in all respects. Perhaps, around the next corner, that very same person, ours, is waiting for us, but the burden of relationships that have been lost in reality, but continue to live in the imagination, will not allow us to “dock” with him.
The ex-partner may already have a new serious romance, and we continue to live for his sake. Yes, getting stuck in a swamp of romantic memories is, in fact, laying one’s own life on the altar of the life of a stranger, who, who knows, may be completely unaffected by our problems. The idealization of a person and circumstances is deeply addictive; one of the keys to salvation is rethinking.
Set aside self-criticism
Breaking up a relationship at the initiative of a partner is always a blow to our pride and self-esteem.
During this period, it is important not to give in to self-doubt, so we need documented evidence that we are worth something. A good help in this is the list of our advantages. Everyone has a lot of them, so this won’t be a problem. And think: before leaving, your ex-partner chose you. So there's something in you, isn't there?
Get ready for new relationships
Now you're worried about letting go of past relationships , but it's time to tune in to new ones. In any case, they are just around the corner - this has been verified by millions of people. Do yourself a favor, don’t pretend to be the only one with an original biography. Draw conclusions from what happened. Despite the bitterness of parting, you now have experience with which you can build the building of a new relationship - on a solid foundation and from quality materials.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
Do you follow your ex-significant other on social media?
With a high degree of probability, immediately after breaking up, you will still be “friends” with each other. And according to psychologists, this is not the best idea. It's normal to be curious about what your ex is up to from time to time, but snooping can become an obsession.
Spying on your ex-significant other is a trap that forces you to dive deeper and deeper into the past instead of moving forward. Avoid the pages of your passions; if necessary, block them (this is not the most beautiful thing to do, but what can you do). Over time, you can be friends, but this will only happen when you are both ready for it. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to burn bridges.
You continue to communicate
You may be dwelling on the past if you continue to communicate with your ex (especially if the relationship was toxic). No one forbids you to remain friends, but if you were not the initiator of the breakup, and the feelings are still alive, such a continuation will be sheer torment. Every time, instead of moving on, you open up fresh wounds and feed emotional dependence. All this applies to daily correspondence. What to do? Set boundaries and keep contact to a minimum.
What to do if you have children
When you have children, it is impossible to break ties with your ex-wife. It will be more difficult to forget her. What to do in this case?
Your task is to reduce meetings to a minimum. Try to spend time with your children without her involvement. If you have planned to spend the day with your child, agree with your ex-spouse that you will immediately pick him up from school or kindergarten. Invite your children over for an overnight stay. When returning the child to the mother, do not linger at her home.
The article is nearing completion. Finally, I suggest you watch a short video.
How to forget your ex FOREVER and start a new life. –Method 6
There is a lot of similar advice on the Internet on how to “ forget your ex-husband forever and start a new life .” And they even teach you how to forget your beloved husband if you have children. And all the advice boils down to what is necessary:
- Switch to something new
- Get carried away with new friends
- Finally, take care of yourself, your beloved, now that the time has appeared
- Regain the energy that you previously spent on him - do something nice for yourself
- Load yourself with things so much that there is not even the slightest opportunity to think about it
- Think over and write down the benefits of a new position without a former loved one - freedom, time, rest
- Use your will to direct your attention to other places.
- And so on….
But, alas. Practice shows that this does not work for everyone.
Why?
Because the main condition has not been met. Namely:
To forget our ex forever, for good, we need to be completely DISAPPOINTED IN HIM!
This is the only way we can truly let go, forget forever.
Disappointment in a person is precisely the mechanism that destroys any relationship forever.
And therefore, I offer you a Psychological conspiracy to forget your ex forever.
And this conspiracy will help you forget even your ex, whom you see every day . After all, this happens. You work together and are forced to see each other. But I still really want to get it out of my head and forget it.
Do you regret something you (not-)did?
“Yes, here it was necessary to be more patient, here - to remain silent, here - to support. Perhaps then everything would have turned out differently.” You constantly think about things done and undone, and with a high degree of probability you blame yourself for everything. You may have made mistakes in your relationship, and perhaps you need to learn from them. But you shouldn’t think about your failures non-stop, repeatedly going through all the options. Once you have decided where you really were wrong, forget about everything: endless self-flagellation will only worsen the situation - you will remember your past relationship again and again.
Air element
Find an open, deserted and windy place. Be as free as possible: comfortable clothes, loose hair. Close your eyes and allow the air to envelop you, feel it physically. Let the wind carry away all past memories, claims and grievances. Imagine yourself floating above the earth, leaving your past behind. The wind gives you lightness, frees you from all the connections of the past pulling you back, feel happiness. As you finish, let yourself “land”, let your landing place be new and happy.
Water element
Purity is where a new relationship should begin. The first thing you need to do is do a general cleaning of the house. Along with the dirt, wash away all the past energy from your home, making room for new relationships. Give away all the things that remind you of your past relationship. Secondly, run a bath, relax, wash away everything that pulls you back.
Clear your mind of all thoughts that are associated with past relationships. Get under the shower and let the water take away everything that didn’t work out.
Thirdly, change your clothes and put on clean ones. And finally, when completing the practice, drink a glass of water, letting new, clean energy into your life.
