How to start a new life over and from scratch - why people want to live again, how to act from scratch and not think about the past

Hello, my darlings! Lyudmila Redkina is in touch. In this article I want to raise a rather banal, but very useful and relevant topic. In whose life there were no disappointments? This feeling is probably familiar to many. I was once so disappointed in a person that I couldn’t “pull myself together” for a long time. Sometimes we are simply upset about something, and sometimes we worry so much that we need to fill the spiritual emptiness with new emotions, habits, and people. And it is then that we decide to start a new life without the old one that drowns us. Together with you, we will look at how to start a new life and change yourself to become better.

How to start making changes

The very first stage is awareness of the problem. You need to admit to yourself that this order of things does not suit you, and also decide which elements of everyday life bring the greatest discomfort, and what you want to leave. It is very important here not to confuse what to remove and what to take into a changed life, because people often tend to dramatize or make mistakes, idealizing what needs to be gotten rid of. This can be the case with a man - you can love him, think that happiness is hidden in him, but in fact it turns out that he is the root of the problems.

What if it doesn't work out?

It is because of fears that the desire to start life in a new way can fade. If after a few attempts you feel like you are losing, you may automatically think that you will not succeed. However, there will still be hope inside, which lights up after a while. What to do in this case? Experts say: if you think that every attempt you make will end in failure, take drastic steps. The more you delay the leap into a new life, the more difficult it will be to implement it. It is necessary to act at the very first stage, when the desire is strongest.

Reasons to start living from scratch

The reason for change can be one of two sequences of events - an abrupt situation that turns life upside down, or a gradual, monotonous deterioration of the condition. We have compiled a list of common problematic issues that, taken together or individually, can lead to a desire to change:

Employment in an unloved place: a distant field of activity, an unpleasant team or frequent mistakes, reprimands.
Exhausted relationships: last, but do not bring joy, inspiration, have no future.
Long absence of a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, spouse.
The presence of bad habits leads to apathy, depression, self-doubt, loss of purposefulness or a substitution of goals (instead of sports achievements, drink beer near the TV).
Medical complications - injuries, physical or mental illnesses.
Having excess weight or an unfit figure - problems with appearance often trigger a general wave of dissatisfaction with oneself.

If you feel one of the reasons presented, you need to try to cope with it or think about how to start life from scratch.

Motivation

Of course, in order to start a new life, you need to awaken within yourself the desire to change. It is important to realize one simple fact: all past negative experiences are a kind of suitcase without a handle - it is extremely difficult to carry and very difficult to throw away. If you have managed to learn all the necessary life lessons, say goodbye to everything that oppresses you without regret. Stop reflecting and analyzing what happened. Instead, appreciate what you have and develop ways to start a new life.

Reasons to say goodbye to the past

An urgent break with events, places, people and memories is necessary if:

Depression, apathy have appeared, you don’t want to get up in the morning.
Things fall out of hand, you can’t do your usual things.
Close people are “pulled to the bottom” - emotionally and physically, for example, by attracting them to bad habits and idleness.
You feel tired, weak, you start getting sick more often, your immunity has become worse.
Nothing makes you happy - neither the taste of ice cream, nor a conversation with your significant other.

These symptoms may tell you that something needs to be done.

Advice from psychologists

And here’s what psychologists recommend to people who want to give up everything and start life from scratch:

When freeing yourself from unnecessary things and a toxic environment, you should always remember about your own thoughts. When changing the scenery, you need to change the internal content so as not to continue to attract the same type of circumstances and people.
If the unknown scares you, think not about obstacles, but about new opportunities. Imagine the result you are striving for, the feelings you will experience when everything works out.
When we rewrite something completely, we want to do everything without errors this time. Don’t try to start living ideally and according to all the rules. There are no rules here. Be guided by only one criterion: I like it or not, it’s useful for me or not.
Forgive yourself and others, do not drag the ghosts of the past into your present and future. When you constantly replay the events of days gone by in your head, you take time away from your present day that you could spend on something more environmentally friendly and valuable.

How to awaken your desire to change

It is necessary to understand your problems and the reasons that lead to their formation. Then you will have a list of unwanted people, situations, opinions, circumstances that need to be corrected. Now evaluate how harmful their impact is, what could happen in the absence of this factor.

Let's give an example. A woman is married, unhappy in her marriage, 5 years old, cannot have a child, although she is physically healthy. She secretly suffers from mutual love for her colleague, but cannot leave her unloved husband because of feelings of pity and guilt. If she changes the situation and leaves her husband, she gets a healthy relationship, family happiness, and possibly the birth of a long-awaited child.

The desire for change can be easily stimulated by embracing a brighter future.

Change your appearance

What do most women do after breaking up with a man? Of course, he goes to a beauty salon, where he changes his hairstyle and tries out new makeup. External changes are an excellent symbol of a new life. Change your style, replace your glasses with contact lenses, try to do something with your appearance that you haven’t dared to do for a long time. The main thing is that the changes correspond to your inner mood. You can be sure: an insecure guy can literally amaze the audience with his daring image, and a previously unremarkable girl can become a femme fatale who will receive a huge number of compliments every day. The main thing is to understand that your entrance into a new life is a kind of podium on which you must appear in all your glory.

How to let go of the past and start life over

We become attached to the familiar - to everyday life, to acquaintances, even to the same bus. This gives a feeling of stability, success, calmness, and prosperity. The most difficult step is the first, preparatory step. It suggests a break with previous years. It could be:

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

Leaving the family. Are you 30 and living with a mom who controls every action? You can only get rid of control, evaluation, condemnation and suppression of potential by moving away. Personal space not only makes it possible to stay awake at night and throw things around, but also to realize self-realization.
Divorce or separation from a young man. Difficult relationships that lead to nowhere, betrayals, quarrels, resentments - this wears you out emotionally and prevents you from being happy. Assess the situation - do you need to fight for the relationship or will nothing else save it? In the second case, it is necessary to separate.
Quitting a job you don't like. Identify interests and skills, find a position that bridges the two fields.

The rule of care applies to everything - stop reading a book you don’t like, watching an uninteresting movie, eating something that tastes bad, doing things that are familiar but unnecessary. When you leave, don’t look back - by giving yourself a chance to return, you reduce responsibility for decisions and confidence in action.

Books

There are no specific instructions on how to become a different person in order to live differently. Everything described above is just recommendations and advice that you may not even use. But to reinforce your desire to move to a new city or change something else, read motivating books:

Eric Bertrand Larssen “Without self-pity. Push the boundaries of your capabilities” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
Brett Blumenthal “One habit a week. Change yourself in a year” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
El Luna “Between need and want. Find your path and follow it” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
Robert Holden “Starting a new life!” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).

You can even memorize some quotes from these books. They can become the motto of your changes.

Where to start a new life

I will give you 10 recommendations that can be taken as a guide to action in the first stages. To start:

Finish the things you started and cut off these ends - you should not be burdened by an unfinished obligation. Give your report, call your ex and dot the i's, write a letter of resignation and talk to your boss.
Clean up - sort out all the old trash that reminds you of your routine. Some items can be thrown away as unnecessary, the rest can be sold on one of the sites. The most valuable things should be left behind.
Forget the past. Let's give an example in relationships: throw out old photos together, hide (sell, give away) gifts, do not go to a page on social networks, do not re-read correspondence.
Live for tomorrow - plan, dream, set goals. It's pleasant and productive.
Draw a tree of tasks - in the center there are one or two large ones, below that there are smaller steps, gradually strive to complete them. For example, a big goal is buying a car, smaller ones are getting a driver’s license and approval for a car loan, raising funds for a down payment.
Come up with a motivation system. When you make the right steps and decisions, reward yourself. Incentives vary depending on specific circumstances. For example, for an overweight girl, the motive may be to lose weight, and the result may be a downward arrow on the scale.
Don’t give up, stay positive, always look on the bright side of the situation.
Visualize your “plan” by dividing the page into two columns: “leave in the past”, “implement in the future”.
Imagine the material result of where to start living in a new way - a private house instead of a one-room apartment, a magnificent wedding for 100 people, or the office of a company director. A visual picture will help you not to deviate from your intended goal.
Believe in yourself, then those around you will believe too!

Learn to value time

People who have started a new life know very well: time is one of the most important resources, which in no case should be wasted. Each day consists of only twenty-four hours, almost half of which is spent on rest. That is why it is strictly contraindicated to sit for hours on end in front of a computer or TV, devote time to social networks and other trifles. You can't learn a foreign language if you're constantly scrolling through your Instagram feed. You won't be able to have time to do exercises or meditate if you get up late! Control your daily routine, leave enough time for sleep, replace useless things with useful ones. However, do not forget that a moment of idleness will not hurt you, although in order to get it, you will have to work a lot first.

Get rid of fears

If you woke up in the morning and thought: “I’m starting a new life!”, be bold in your decision. We are always scared, especially when there is uncertainty inside. We cannot approach the manager and ask for a promotion, we cannot tell our other half that we are not satisfied. But it is enough to take the first step to make it easier to control the situation. Why spend a long time getting ready if you never take the long-awaited road to a new you? Step over all the barriers that prevent you from moving on, and change yourself and your life to something new.

If you are very scared, imagine yourself as a fireman. When a person in this profession enters a burning building, he also experiences fear, but all negative emotions fade into the background when he realizes that he needs to do his job - save people. Start taking action: save yourself, and you will simply have no time for fear.

Criticize yourself.

Criticize yourself
To do this, take a sheet of paper and a pen. Maybe someone likes to write with a pencil, and someone has completely forgotten how to write and uses only a keyboard, but I love gel pens and white A4 sheets, because “what is written with a pen cannot be cut out with an axe.” Even if I cross out some of my writings, they can be read later, and this often helps me, over time, return to a good thought that at first seemed stupid. In general, a piece of paper and a pen stimulate and organize my thoughts. By the way, if you don’t have a blank sheet of paper, then immediately make a note to yourself “always have a sheet of paper on hand.”

So, draw a vertical line, dividing the sheet into two equal parts. Now in the upper part of the left half we write “Disadvantages”, and in the upper part of the right half we write “Advantages”. Now you need to analyze yourself and list ALL your qualities in the appropriate fields. Don't spare yourself! It is impossible to solve a problem without identifying it. Remember the first phrase that a person says in a support group: “My name is Vasya and I am an alcoholic.” After all, this is not done in order to humiliate yourself in front of others, but so that a person realizes for himself what his problem is. But you don't need to be modest either. In a conversation with yourself, you can frankly admit that you are a “good conversationalist,” or an “outstanding specialist,” or simply a “polite person.” Unfortunately, many people do not even realize that it is modesty, politeness, goodwill and non-conflict that endear other people to them. Many bosses would prefer just such a person to any rude person, even if that person’s professional qualities are at a higher level.

Well, the list is ready. Now we put another sheet of paper next to it and write the heading “Work on yourself.” Below you need to write down the qualities that you need to acquire, change or get rid of. For example, “stop smoking”, “don’t spit on the street”, “say hello to employees”, “shut up if you start to get angry” and the like. These are your wishes for yourself. They will be difficult to achieve, but they are necessary to remember, so this sheet will hang in your room in a visible place.

Maintain your previous contacts

Of course, when we start a new life, advice that we should communicate with old friends may seem a little strange: you can just make new acquaintances! However, do not forget about those who supported you in grief and shared their joys. Despite all your grandiose plans and enormous busyness, it is extremely important to maintain relationships with such people. This is not difficult to do, just write a message or call, sit in a cafe or cinema. Knowing that you have people in your life who can be there and support you when you need it is one of the most rewarding things.

Getting a hobby

It is extremely important to introduce new hobbies into your life. Surely, you dreamed of mastering a hobby, but circumstances forced you to put it on the back burner. Why not learn beading techniques, take a driving course or buy a gym membership? Any undertaking is useful for those who have decided to start a new life.

The time has come to realize all your secret desires and enjoy freedom without borders and frames! If the problem is a lack of funds, then you can turn your hobby into a business. For example, a craving for cooking can develop into the production of baked goods and custom-made desserts.

Think about what's stopping you

Can you honestly say what exactly is stopping you from making the most of your talents and ability to enjoy life? Perhaps you feel like you don’t have enough talent or time, you just don’t have the resources or don’t have enough money. Now think about which of these points will seem unimportant to you if you are told that you only have a year left to live. Psychologists note that awareness of death can quickly bring order to priorities. All that remains after this is just to begin to act actively.

Making plans for the future

Planning is a valuable skill that helps you determine priority tasks and deadlines, build a certain range of tasks, and gradually move towards your intended goal. Making plans will help you get closer to your dream step by step, and not lose your initial passion.

The visualization rule works great here. Sometimes it is not enough to outline all the plans. You can create a wish map that will help you visualize your future plans. Imagine what a new life should look like. Let the image of a happy future warm your imagination and stimulate you to further achievements. If at some point your dreams seem like just a fantasy, there are several effective rules that will help you “reboot”:

to express your emotions, you can keep a special diary that will help you get rid of the negative emotions accumulated during the day;
Meditation will help you relax and put your tense nervous system in order;
fashionable detox programs will help you get your body in shape, get a boost of vigor and strength;
Water treatments also help relieve tension and fatigue.

Having an action plan will help you not get confused and go towards your goal, regardless of external factors.

Set long-term goals

In order for the path to a new life to be as effective and productive as possible, it is recommended to set long-term goals: for example, building or buying a house, losing 15 kilograms, getting a new profession. Write down the approximate date when you want to achieve the desired result and start moving. You can break the time period into small periods and reward yourself after completing each of them.