Guys and girls from poor families have to get on their feet quite early. Various circumstances can force them to live separately from their parents (from mom and dad):
- The desire for independence;
- desire to ease the burden of parents;
- a thirst for other pleasures that are not available in the current financial situation (for example, paying for a hobby).
So how can you live independently at 18 years old, especially if you are also a student?
First things first.
Why is it better to live separately from your parents?
It’s good to live with your parents: they will feed you, give you something to drink, wash you, clean you up, wake you up, give you a lift, and give you pocket money. Ideally, of course, because there are also parents with whom it is much more difficult to live physically and mentally than on your own.
Why then do young people try to do everything to live separately on their own? Statistics have found that the age of separation from parents is decreasing every year. Now young people try to separate themselves as soon as they finish school. So what's the deal?
- Parental oppression. Parents are wiser, they always know everything better. Adults do not accept mistakes, because they chew everything so carefully to their foolish children. And young people want to make mistakes. And then learn and make mistakes again. How else to gain experience if not on your own?
- 24/7 control. You can't just come home at three in the morning without explanation. You must definitely say where and with whom you were, and also be sure to swear three times that this will not happen again.
- Eternal monitoring of progress. A C on an exam is a consequence of your drinking session with friends three months ago. So, no more discos anytime soon until you get a 4.9 GPA for the entire session.
- Constant guilt for doing everything wrong. Disappointment in the eyes of old people, which breaks their hearts and yours.
The advantages of living separately from your parents are that you lose all of the above. Be prepared to also lose a cozy environment, pocket money, round-the-clock love and care.
Don't be lazy
Many people who start living on their own stop seeing the point in regular cleaning. If a person lives alone, no one can complain that he throws things around and makes dirt. He constantly puts off cleaning, making excuses of fatigue, urgent matters and lack of time.
If you give in to temptation and stop tidying up, you will soon regret it. A clean and cozy space is the key to vivacity and good mood. Living in conditions of disorder leads to the development of stress and depression, so you should not encourage your laziness.
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Fight the urge to put off washing dishes and ironing until tomorrow. Train yourself to spend at least 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening on maintaining order. If you follow this rule, weekly cleaning will not take much time.
First part-time job
If you've never made money before, try to figure out what you're good at.
If you know that you are good at Russian language and literature, you can write essays for your classmates.
Okay, this isn't a completely legal example. Give private lessons to those who are lagging behind, provide tutoring. Don't worry: even astronauts and roboticists got their start with some crappy job as kids.
If you can't find a subject you're good at, find parents who need help with their child. Working as a part-time nanny for a few hours a week will help you start collecting your capital.
Pros : this type of work can be done without prior pedagogical training; you receive some kind of salary.
Cons : You may not have the patience to deal with capricious and restless creatures. After all, often these activities are needed not by them themselves, but by their parents.
Still not yours? Then pay attention to copywriting, contextual advertising, help with walking pets.
Here’s another great way to almost make money, which will allow you not to miss school or go to work.
Be a designer
When a person lives with other people, it is difficult for him to arrange a home in full accordance with his tastes and preferences. Separate living is a chance to create a space around you that will fully correspond to your ideas of beauty.
Don't limit your imagination when choosing finishes and furniture for your home. Imagine that you are a designer working on a fashion project. Choose the style that you find most attractive and then make your dreams come true.
If you're on a budget, start by purchasing the things you need to live comfortably. You can always add decorative elements in the future when you have the necessary funds.
First job
It’s immediately clear that you won’t get the same amount of money from a part-time job as from a full-time job. Therefore, having entered university, it’s time to think about finding something permanent and more serious than dog walking.
But how can this be done if the university requires you to attend all classes? Moreover, you need to turn in your homework, tests and labs on time. But work requires constant presence at certain hours, and being late is at least indecent. And the maximum that awaits you is that you will lose what you go there for: money.
Browse the advertisements. You will definitely find vacancies for merchandisers, promoters, couriers and other specialties that can be hired even if you are still 17.
As a rule, specialties that do not require special training and experience are paid in the amount of about 80 rubles per hour.
Pros : flexible work schedule, the ability to combine work, study and sports training or hobbies.
Cons : prepare to be tired, and very tired.
Here is an approximate weekly schedule that awaits you after getting a job, if you really want to start living separately from your parents.
Don’t forget that even with work, you will have to incur some expenses:
This is also worth considering when choosing a job with a certain salary.
If you were under 18 years old when you started working, you will receive significantly less. Immediately after reaching adulthood, submit official documents to apply for a legal position. This will not only increase your level of earnings, but will also give a start to your work experience.
Here are some more useful tips for those living separately:
- Try to eat not in corporate canteens, but in the nearest cheap supermarkets. Food from Auchan will save you a lot of money.
- Don’t rush to buy yourself a cool training uniform from your first salary. Wait for your salary to increase, otherwise you will not be able to avoid debt.
- The better you study, the higher your scholarship. And a good scholarship is a good help for your salary.
- If you spend a lot of time traveling to/from work, take your homework with you. You will be surprised how much you can do in the time spent on public transport!
- Don't be afraid of difficulties. It will be hard at first. But over time, you will get into this rhythm and will cope with all the difficulties once or twice.
Keep a daily routine
Living alone pushes people to constantly disrupt their daily routine. They may begin to confuse day and night, eat irregularly, forget about necessary hygiene procedures, and so on. This lifestyle can lead to the development of depression.
If you encounter such a problem, try following a daily routine. Determine the time when you eat, sleep, work, and rest.
Housing issues
If a teenager already lives separately from his parents, then he knows what is possible and what is not.
But if separation from parents has not yet occurred, you need to know what you will have to face.
Dorm room
This only threatens the very, very purposeful:
- those who are excellent students;
- those who grew up in single-parent families, large families, military families, etc.;
- those who are in very difficult life situations (but be prepared to provide strong evidence).
However, this type of housing has quite contrasting advantages and disadvantages.
Pros : significant savings on rental housing; fun and freedom always reign; You can always get any materials for study, as well as simply for life - sugar, a blanket, yeast or a drinking buddy.
Cons : your neighbors will be not only classmates, but also other unwanted neighbors (cockroaches, bedbugs and other living creatures); regular passing of an additional “session” (fire safety rules, cleanup days, duty on duty, in the kitchen, on the floor, etc.); if you are late at a meeting with friends or with your parents, then after 23.00 you are unlikely to be allowed into the hostel ( this is the law!); you may come across a “not your dream” neighbor with whom you may have disagreements about the placement of things, cleaning, music or something else; It’s simply impossible to get enough sleep in a dorm.
Renting an apartment yourself
So, if you are a minor, then you need to know how long you can live separately from your parents. The law says that children under 14 years of age cannot be registered separately from their parents.
If there are compelling reasons, children may register at any location separate from their parents.
From the age of 16, if necessary, an emancipation procedure can be carried out - premature recognition as an adult.
All these difficulties can be completely avoided if you have a good relationship with your parents and they are not against the child starting to live separately at 15 years old or at any other age. In this case, they will help you with everything: in finding housing, concluding a rental agreement, and will also be responsible for you.
Renting a home yourself is very expensive. But we have some tips for you on how to reduce your tuition costs and help yourself and your parents a little.
The advantages of renting an entire apartment : the ability to receive guests or come home at any convenient time; housekeeping in the usual way, independence from the tastes and views of other people; choosing the right area (closer to work or university); you don’t have to worry about the integrity of your own belongings and products
Disadvantages of renting an entire apartment : high rental costs; the condition of the apartment is not always decent; landlords can show up without warning and raise rent without warning; may be asked to move out at any inconvenient moment; neighbors will keep a close eye on you and if there is loud music or guests, they may immediately call the police; The degree of wear and tear of furniture and equipment is unknown, so you are responsible for any damage.
Rent a room
Renting a room is much easier and cheaper than renting an entire apartment. And it seems like this is the same rented apartment, but not the whole thing, but only part of it.
But there are some nuances here that are worth knowing.
For example, my classmate rented a room in her first year from a seemingly sweet grandmother. But soon things took an unexpected turn. As soon as a student went to a disco or returned home 5 minutes later than the usual schedule of classes at the university, a sweet granny would play with her classmate’s mother and wash that bone. Not what we count on when we want to start an independent life, right?
However, if you come across an adequate owner (or even he will live separately and rent out the entire apartment room by room to different people), then there is quite a chance to live “high.”
Pros : you can choose the location of the apartment yourself; often good living conditions because often the owners themselves live in the same apartment and take care of the territory).
Cons : shared bathroom; restrictions on visits; inconvenience to the hosts if you return late; the possibility of running into inappropriate roommates.
An independent person - what is he like?
Before moving on to practical recommendations, let's draw up a portrait of an independent person. Independence in a global sense is the ability to provide oneself with everything necessary for a happy life. A person who has this quality is an autonomous, independent unit.
An independent person is able to provide for himself financially, create comfortable living conditions, maintain a consistently positive emotional background, and make responsible decisions independently.
Many people, reading the description of an independent person, imagine a kind of hermit who despises people. But this is not true at all. Independent people willingly interact with other individuals and do so very successfully. The more independent a person is, the easier it is for him to build relationships.
And all because dealing with them is a pleasure. They do not pull the blanket over themselves, do not try to sit on someone’s neck, and do not use tricks and manipulations. Due to the habit of relying on themselves in everything, they endure any difficulties. Next to them you feel like you are behind a stone wall. I believe that all people should strive for self-sufficiency and independence.
In the process of upbringing, the child gradually becomes independent. By the end of the first year of life, you can notice the first signs of independence in the baby. But the most organic time for the development of this quality comes at the age of 15–16 years. But even if you are already much older, do not despair. You can still get rid of infantilism and addiction by following special recommendations. The main thing is to want it.
The benefits and dangers of loneliness
Solitude can be incredibly beneficial, but if used poorly, it can also be dangerous.
First, about the benefits. Many nature writers, from William Wordsworth and Henry David Thoreau to Annie Dillard and Mary Oliver, have said that solitude helped them connect with the world around them and experience bliss. Many artists argue that solitude is a necessary condition for creativity.
The artist Agnes Martin once said:
“When I paint, I turn my back on the world, because the best things in life happen in moments of solitude.”
Most world religions claim that solitude promotes spiritual development.
According to the Bible, Moses spent 40 days on Mount Sinai before receiving the Torah. During the Roman Empire, Simeon the Stylite lived for 37 years on an 18-meter pillar. In Hinduism and Buddhism there is a tradition of going into the forest, and in Christianity there is a tradition of seclusion. My favorite recluse is Juliana of Norwich, who retired from the world at the age of 30 to indulge in her visions.
Trappist monk Thomas Merton and psychologist Carl Gustav Jung noted that withdrawal from society allows us to rid ourselves of illusions. “I am alone,” Jung wrote, “because I know things that no one knows or wants to know.”
In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche wrote that solitude can save us from the bustle of everyday life (“Run, my friend, into your solitude! I see you are deafened by the noise <...> of people”) and help us find ourselves (“You want <…> go into solitude? Do you want to look for ways to yourself?").
But loneliness also poses dangers. Zarathustra says: “In solitude what each one brings into it grows, even the inner brute.” The inner beast can be anxiety, melancholy or grief. “Therefore,” continues Zarathustra, “I dissuade many from loneliness.”
“Nietzsche understood very well that solitude is dangerous,” says Fong. —For the unprepared, entering a dark cave of loneliness can be a scary experience. And for those who have psychological problems, it’s better to wait.”
Psychologists generally recommend proceeding with caution. If loneliness scares you, it is better to start with short periods of time and gradually increase the “dose”.
If you are experiencing a panic attack, now is not the time to learn a new skill; It's better to calm down a little first. Your five senses will help you do this (it is no coincidence that so many people have recently started baking sourdough bread and growing herbs).
Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, it was gradually no longer possible to prepare for loneliness. Quarantine fell on our heads suddenly. But even in such conditions, progress can be made.
Learn to forgive yourself
It so happens that we are able to forgive others, but when it comes to our mistakes in life, we become fixated on it. Give up self-flagellation. This will not lead to anything good. If you constantly reproach yourself for what you have done, you will automatically become convenient for those around you, and not for yourself.
If you learn to forgive yourself, you will become a better person. You don’t need to make excuses in the eyes of those around you, suffer from low self-esteem, or strive to rise in your own eyes. By blaming yourself, you lose energy, which is spent on self-flagellation for imaginary and real actions.
To learn to live for yourself, you need to find your desires and take steps to bring them into reality. Over time, your life principle will become to make pleasant moments for yourself. As a result, you will find peace and become more peaceful.
Communicate with people
When a person lives alone, he may lose the desire to communicate with other people. It seems to him that his free time is better spent on his hobby or recreation. However, voluntary self-isolation has a negative impact on mood and can lead to the development of stress and depression.
Even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to communicate with other people. Invite relatives and friends to visit, for a walk or to the cinema. Start going to the gym or taking courses, and attend public events more often.
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