You've probably heard many times that it is important to live in the present moment. You may also have heard advice such as:
- “Don't think about the past or the future - live now!”
- “Be present in your life.”
- “All you have is the moment. Don't let it slip away.
All of these sayings boil down to the same basic message: living in the present moment is vital.
In our current life in the twenty-first century, this is not easy. There is always something we need to prepare for or anticipate, and our lives are so well documented that it has never been easier to get lost in the past.
Given the fast pace and hectic schedules that most of us maintain, levels of anxiety, stress and unhappiness are the norm. You may not even realize it, but this tendency to draw into the past and future can leave you feeling constantly exhausted and out of touch with yourself.
Important! The cure for this condition is what many people say all the time: conscious awareness and a commitment to staying in the “now.” Living in the present moment is a solution to a problem you may not have known you had.
You may think this all sounds great, but what does “living in the moment” really mean?
Why can it be difficult to live now?
Living in the present is so difficult because we are always encouraged to think about the future or dwell on our past. Advertisements, reminders, notifications, messages and warnings are all oriented towards the past or the future.
Our phones are incredible technologies that allow us to do so much more and do it much more efficiently than ever before, but we really need a break from our phones at least every now and then.
Other factors that contribute to our inability to live in the present include:
- We often correct the bad parts of our experiences by making our past more pleasant than it actually was.
- When we live in the present, we face a lot of uncertainty, which can cause anxiety.
Dealing with these factors can be difficult, but fortunately we are not slaves to our brain's tendencies. It is possible to overcome our destructive urges and make better choices.
Why is this phenomenon dangerous?
In addition to the fact that 10–30 or even more years are spent anticipating the future, rather than enjoying the present, there is a risk of “neurosis of deferred life” - a concept also introduced by Serkin.
In this case, the person is not only constantly waiting, but also does not solve important, pressing problems. Or sacrifices something, leaving things for later. He wants something, he can do it, but he doesn’t do it because the decisive moment has not yet arrived.
A person misses opportunities, does not grab chances and accumulates problems.
“I won’t re-glue the peeling wallpaper, we’ll move someday anyway.” “When I find another job, I’ll start spending more time on myself.” “The child will graduate from school, and then I will return to my hobbies and even learn new skills.” “I’ll get this set when there’s a special occasion.” That is, I will do everything, but only when I start to truly live.
It is important that, in contrast to temporary abstinence from any things for the benefit of a higher goal, the neurosis of deferred life involves years or decades of a passive attitude towards emerging problems and infringement of oneself in something until the defining moment. Instead of taking active steps to improve circumstances today.
Balancing past, present and future
Important! Sometimes it is useful to think about the past and the future.
Where would we be if we didn't look back at past successes and mistakes and learn from them? Where would we be if we never planned for the future or prepared for what was to come?
It's important for a healthy life to spend some time thinking about the past and future , but we think about it a lot - usually our problem is too focused on the past or future.
One of the goals of mindfulness and a key factor in living a healthy life is to balance your thoughts about the past, present and future. Thinking about any of them too often can have serious negative consequences on our lives, but maintaining balance will help us be happy and healthy people.
Important! It's hard to know what the exact right balance is, but you'll know you've achieved it when you worry less, experience less stress on a regular basis, and feel like you're living more of your life in the present.
Why doesn't the past let us go?
The burden from a past life, be it unrequited love, missed career opportunities, or the passing of a loved one, remains forever in our memory. People are built differently. And so the question arises: why is it quite easy for some to step over the dark streak of their lives, while others experience negative feelings and emotions for several years and cannot calm down?
Psychology studies this issue from the point of view of personality. Almost always, psychologists try to unravel a situation that has its roots in childhood. The atmosphere in which we lived as children greatly influences our behavior as adults. But this does not mean that everything that is inherent in us cannot be corrected on our own and stop worrying about past situations.
- Most of the time, we find it difficult to live in the present because we feel guilty about the situation. We are tormented by doubts as to whether we did the right thing. What would have happened if we had acted differently then? Could the ending have been changed?
- We are haunted by hidden grievances. We cannot forget how unfairly we were treated.
- Self-pity prevents us from forgetting the past. Some people enjoy being a victim, even if they don't openly admit it. I like it when people sympathize with them, feel sorry for them, and try to help them. It is so convenient to sit in their shell and regret the unfair world around them that many do not even try to break out of it.
How to live at the moment?
To achieve a healthy balance, try to remember the following:
- Think about the past in small doses and make sure that you are focusing on the past for some reason (for example, to relive a pleasant experience, identify where you went wrong, or figure out the key to past success).
- Think about the future in small doses and make sure you are focusing on the future in a healthy way without worrying about yourself (e.g. don't waste time worrying about the future, think about the future long enough to prepare for it and then move on).
- Stay in the present moment most of your time.
Important Details
✅ Practice begins and ends with the visual channel of perception. This is because our primary perception is visual. When we look closely at a tree, we do not imagine it in our imagination, but perceive it directly. It’s the same with sounds: while concentrating on sound or silence, the internal dialogue stops. It is impossible to both imagine and perceive things in direct experience. Thanks to this feature of perception, through the practice of “here and now” you pull attention from imagination and thoughts into the present moment.
✅ At the beginning and at the end, try not to look at distant objects. Hold things at arm's length to notice details. It is better to look at external objects rather than your body.
✅ You can listen to sounds with both open and closed eyes - whichever is more convenient. You may find it easier to close your eyes so as not to be distracted by external images.
✅ Maybe at first you will be distracted by thoughts - just return to observation and concentrate on the details of perception. You can do it.
How to live in the present but plan for the future
It may seem difficult to figure out this delicate balance, but it is not as difficult as it seems.
When we do present moment meditation, we do not ignore or reject thoughts about the past or future , we simply choose not to dwell on them. We can recognize and label our past and future-oriented thoughts, categorize them, and recognize their importance.
The important point is to not allow yourself to get caught up in thinking about the past or the future.
When we are aware and imagine, we don't have to worry about getting caught up in thoughts about our past or future, we can go back to our past and anticipate what is going to happen without losing ourselves.
What is a deferred life scenario?
The concept of “delayed life scenario” was introduced by “Socio-psychological reasons for the migration of the population of the North-East of Russia”, V.P. Serkin, Doctor of Psychological Sciences and Professor Vladimir Serkin. Initially - to describe the peculiarities of thinking of the majority of people living in the Russian Far East.
The fact is that the phenomenon of the “northern scenario” has spread in this region and even began to be perceived as something completely natural. People created comfortable conditions and prepared for the life that would come later, when they fulfilled the “northern dream” - they moved to an area with a mild climate, bought an apartment, a dacha or a car, and so on.
The professor says that a similar phenomenon was previously described by Rudyard Kipling. Serkin called this a “colonial scenario,” and here everything is exactly the same as in the case of the northerners. Many Englishmen, during their decades in India, believed that “real” life would only begin when they returned to England. That is, the whole 20-30 years were, as it were, “unreal”, anticipating.
These are just a couple of options, because the “delayed life scenario” is a broader concept. And this phenomenon is not limited to any specific territory or a particular period of history.
According to the “delayed life scenario,” a person spends a long period of time—up to decades—preparing for some significant event or waiting for a goal to be achieved, after which, as he is sure, a “real” and happy life should begin.
That is, he simply exists in anticipation. “I’ll get married and immediately become happy” or “I’ll buy my own apartment and how I’ll live!” - a person designates for himself the moment until which he will not live to his full potential, but then...
And then, when an apartment appears, he will understand that it is too early to relax: after all, he needs to make repairs and pay off the mortgage! So “real” life and happiness will have to wait again. And perhaps they never will.
Using the present moment to stop worrying
Speaking of anxiety, being aware of the present moment is a great way to reduce your anxiety levels.
Follow these six steps to become more present and free from anxiety:
- Develop mindfulness: Stop thinking about your work.
- Practice Enjoyment: Avoid worrying about the future by fully experiencing the present.
- Focus on your breathing: Allow mindfulness to make you more peaceful and smooth your interactions with others.
- Find your flow: Make the most of your time.
- Improve your ability to accept: move towards what's bothering you instead of denying or running away from it.
- Increase your engagement: Notice new things to improve your awareness.
Practice the steps to achieve the state of “here and now”
You can be anywhere. You can sit, stand or lie down. Take a look around. Notice things that are close to you, at arm's length.
1️⃣ Start looking at objects . Look at anything: a keyboard, a pen, a cup, a book, a blanket. Look at the little things. Not on the overall shape of the thing, but on the details: specks of dust, scratches on the surface, texture.
Look at every detail for just a second and immediately move your gaze further. Focus is important: to get sharpness, as in a photograph, and then move. If you focus on one detail for a long time, your attention will begin to blur out of habit.
If you notice how thoughts arise and distract you between looking at them - this happens, continue to look at the details. Consider small nuances for two minutes. We caught the focus and turned our attention to the next detail. We saw the next one and moved on.
2️⃣ Listen to the sounds . Focus on the details. Hear the sound of a refrigerator or a voice outside the window, their timbres and intonations, the sounds of cars passing on the street, the chirping of birds.
Just now you were looking at the details of objects, now listen to the details of sounds in the same way. If you hear the nuances, switch to the next sound. We listened, we heard - the next one. Notice all the richness and variety of sounds. There are a lot of them, even in silence.
You will hear the sound of your breathing. If you pay attention, you will hear the sound of a heartbeat. Hear everything you can hear in detail. All the sounds that are near you. Listen.
3️⃣ Notice the smells . Smell several smells that surround you. Smell the skin on your hand, listen to the subtle smell of water or tea. Feel 5-7 smells in the space.
4️⃣ Feel the tastes . If you have water or tea nearby, taste it. Notice the nuances of taste.
It’s interesting that both taste and smell cannot be imagined in your mind. You can't explain the taste. The smell is impossible to imagine. But you can feel it. Feel several tastes in your mouth.
5️⃣ Notice the tactile sensations from touching the body to surfaces . Feel how your body is in contact with objects. How the feet touch the floor. How the arms rest on the armrests. How your back touches the sofa. Notice the details of these touches. Consider all sensations.
Through these sensations, become aware of your body in space. Move it a little and notice its boundaries. Be aware of it completely. From heels to crown. Feel it completely. Notice that the body breathes on its own, without your participation.
Start touching objects that are near you. Take something in your hand and direct all your attention to this touch. Feel the surface of the object, its details, temperature, texture, density and other nuances.
Switch to another subject. Also begin to touch and feel its smallest details, becoming aware of its surface, temperature and texture. Concentrate and feel the nuances.
Touch something else and also feel its density and consider all the subtleties of sensations. They touched, felt, let go, touched again - and so on several times. Pay attention not to the general feeling in your hand, but to the subtlest nuances of touch.
6️⃣ Again, pay attention to the things around you . View them at a distance at which you notice all the details and nuances. If a mosquito lands on your hand, see it in detail: what kind of head it has, what transparent elongated wings it has, how it moves its proboscis.
Look at the skin on your hand. Consider the hairline, hair color, skin texture. Focus on the details. Focused - turn your attention to the next detail.
