7 Tips to Stop Constantly Thinking About the Past

Author of the article: Anna Aleksandrovna Narushevich Consultant psychologist, adolescent psychologist, family psychologist. Practical work experience: 15 years.

Oscar Wilde said: “He who looks back on his past does not deserve a future.” And this is not just one of hundreds of spectacular aphorisms of the famous writer. It contains the truth of life. The way we perceive the past directly affects our future. And no matter what exactly catches us in the past - bad or good, this anchor in any case prevents us from being happy here and now. Therefore, it is very important to be able to let go of the past and live in the present.

Why the past won't let go

All people are different and they all perceive life and their place in it differently.
Some representatives of society can literally amaze with their ability to cope with severe shocks without much effort or survive the most dangerous trials without harm. Other people, after traumatic events, may break down and lose their zest for life, falling into long-term depression. It is difficult for such people to move on, because they are dominated by grievances and disappointments, pain and anger nest in their souls. All these feelings prevent you from letting go of the past, taking a deep breath and moving towards future happiness.

According to psychologists, there are two main reasons indicating a person’s inability to live on:

Self-pity. A person who has experienced a traumatic event begins to feel sorry for himself and in this pity he forgets about everything else. For him, constant soul-searching, cherishing his traumas, and regular memories of what happened becomes natural. To some extent, such behavior characterizes a person as a masochist.
Fear of failure. Regularly encountering failures in various areas of life, a person begins to believe that he is simply not capable of achieving success. He loses faith in those around him if he has at least once encountered betrayal towards himself.

Perform an emotional reset

In the process of searching for means and ways to get rid of jealousy of the past, a person tries to be calm and balanced. But this is not always the right approach. Negative emotions need to be released to make room for new positive thoughts and feelings.

This can be done in a variety of ways. You can scream loudly, break a cup, tear a newspaper into small pieces, cry your heart out. In terms of emotional release, physical activity helps well, which also brings considerable benefits to the body in terms of health and aesthetics.

How to stop worrying about past mistakes

In order to take the first step towards changing your life for the better, you should stop thinking about the bad. The following tips will help you stop worrying:

Learn control. It is necessary to clearly understand that increased anxiety and constant worry have a destructive effect on mental and physical health, shortening life. Learn to keep your emotions under control and not give in to your worries.
Analysis of possible difficulties. Take a moment and think about what you are really afraid of and what problems you consider to be the worst. Try to come to terms with these thoughts by letting in all the “worst things”, and then think about how you could cope with unwanted situations.
Monolithic wall. You can’t sit in one place and expect that sooner or later life will get better on its own. This doesn't happen. If you want it to change for the better, be ready to take action. Take the habit of meditating every day, creating a solid wall within yourself that will demarcate your painful past from the happy future you are working towards. Behind you is the past, covered with reliable protection, in front of you is the future, which depends only on you, and you are between, in the present.
Increased employment. A person is inclined to indulge in stupid and sometimes even dangerous thoughts if he has too much free time. Stop messing around and sign up for courses or training that will help you develop your skills and talents. Not only will you have a great opportunity to learn something useful, but your mind will also be occupied.
Positive thinking. Try to think only about good things, listen to invigorating music, read motivational books. There is enough negativity in the world without your worries, so it’s worth getting any bad thoughts out of your head.
Active life position. Remember that you are surrounded by family and friends who also need your attention. Often the problem of anxiety appears because a person focuses on his own ego. Put your interests on the backburner and find time to communicate with loved ones.

Important The most important thing is to get rid of increased anxiety. If you cannot cope with stress on your own, then seek help from a doctor. The right antidepressants will help you overcome nervousness.

Change your own life

Many people are interested in how to get rid of the past and live in the present. It sounds very difficult, but the main thing is to change your own life.

So, how to forget the past and live in the present? First of all, you must realize that you want this. Understand that the past is preventing you from living here and now. Now you face the most difficult thing - changing your own thinking. Yes, yes, changing the perception of the world around us is the key to getting rid of the past. We will consider how to do this further, but for now let’s turn to the auxiliary points.

So, how can you learn not to live in the past? First, you need to cleanse and harmonize the space around you. Get rid of old things that may indirectly remind you of negative past experiences. Once you throw away everything that has been cluttering your home, you will feel much better mentally, because your home is a projection of your emotional state.

Try to harmonize the space around you. Rearrange your furniture, buy some accessories, or surround yourself with flowers. You should be as comfortable as possible in your own home.

Do something with your free time. After all, you find it for memories and self-pity. Try to find a more useful use for this watch. For example, take a driving/dancing/embroidery course. Or study any creative skill on your own, because today you can find many instructional videos on the Internet. It is useful to do yoga and master meditation.

You can also completely change your clothing style and hairstyle. Women cut their hair precisely when they feel they need to get rid of accumulated negativity. And it settles on the hair.

Why you can't live in the past

While we look back at the past, moments and opportunities in the present elude us. Looking back is the same as walking backwards along the road: not noticing anything new around you, only your old traces. Your goals and plans may not be realized just because you are only looking back.

In the past, many people have people who were once dear to them. You need to understand that your paths have diverged. Everyone has their own path that they follow.

Someone has risen in life, someone has remained at the same level, someone has fallen... Just let them go and pay attention to those who are nearby

Often we remember past failures, grievances, problems. It is necessary to forget about all mistakes and forgive your ill-wishers. Live in the present day. Memories only “drag” you back and prevent you from moving forward into a brighter future.

What is the value of failure?

Think about it: if you burn your hand for the first time and immediately forget about it, how will you avoid a second burn? Will you avoid a third burn if you forget about the second, and so on? Aren't you looking at your feet because you fell? Are you dressing warmly because you have a cold? Are you choosing your foods carefully because you are familiar with the symptoms of food poisoning? Has anyone you know learned to swim without drinking too much water, or to skate without getting a single bump? This doesn’t happen, you say, and you’ll be right. Our experience is not given easily - we pay for it with pain and disappointment, which is why it is so valuable.

Don't let my examples seem too simple to you. I chose them because they are visual, and the mechanism of gaining experience does not change depending on the complexity of the situation, only the bumps can be more painful. For example, the breakup of a marriage. Tell me, would you have built a marriage if you had no experience of previous relationships? How many dangers would it face and how likely is it that it would collapse much earlier? And if you started all over again with today’s experience, then you would be able to save it or even abandon it right away and not think about how to let go of the situation on a subconscious level and be happy in the present. Conclusion: experience has been gained - you have become wiser and more careful.

Why do we obsess over failure?

Scientists once conducted a very interesting experiment.

Two mice were thrown into the water. They both stayed on the surface for about 20 minutes, after which they became exhausted and began to sink. One mouse drowned, the second one was given a plank at the very last moment, onto which it climbed and escaped.

The next day, two mice were thrown into the water again, one of which was the one that escaped last time. The new mouse drowned after 20 minutes, but the old one floundered on the surface for several hours! It was the memory of the tablet that so strengthened her thirst to live and fight.

A big disaster is deafening. It is difficult for a person to believe that he will ever be able to recover from it and live fully. Disbelief in the future gives rise to the desire to live in the past, gives it weight and value in our eyes, turns it into a surrogate for real life. It's hard for us to let go of the past, not because we really need it, but because we are afraid of losing everything we have along with it. But the mistake is that the past does not exist objectively, only the present exists, and life is found only in it. Thus, you need to be able to let go of the past in order to live in the present.

Stop thoughts about the past as soon as they appear

Every time you find yourself thinking about the past and the experiences associated with it, make an effort to interrupt this stream of thinking.

Think about the happiest time of your life. Or sing your favorite song out loud. You can also shift your attention to solving a math problem or studying a poem. And if you are learning a language, this is an excellent reason to repeat the material you have covered or try to remember a few more new words.

The idea is to overload the brain with work that will force it to stop negative thoughts.

How to let go of the past and leave it behind

If you're ready to let go of your past and free yourself to create the life you truly want, the following steps are sure to help you. Start working with them to actively let go of your past.

Live the present

How to let go of the past? Live in the present. It sounds logical, but it's actually a little more complicated than it seems.

Learn to focus on the moment, fill every day with events, do not leave yourself time for self-digging. This requires effort, especially if you are not yet very strong in mindfulness. Life shouldn't be a background to your memories.

Set goals

Looking to the future is much more productive than looking back all the time. Think about what you want and focus on achieving your goal. Even if this is a global dream - to start a family, build a career, see many countries - you can do something for this today.

Get away from people who live only in the past

If someone constantly talks about a time that you want to forget, you should directly say that this is unpleasant for you. Explain that you do not need pity, reproaches, regrets and do not want to discuss this topic anymore. You can also leave those who did not understand in the past.

Try not to become cynical or negative

Avoid thinking things like "No one will ever love me again" or "Everything I'm involved in turns out poorly."

When things go wrong, we tend to adopt catastrophic thinking, as if one bad experience means our entire life is ruined.

No matter what goes wrong, you have the ability and strength to recover and get back on track.

So, when you feel yourself becoming negative, change your negative thinking.

When you let go of your past, you will regret that you hurt someone because of your negative thoughts.

Seek support when you need it

If you find yourself holding onto negativity from your past, you may need professional help to help you free yourself from that negativity.

Seeking help and support is not a sign of weakness.

On the contrary, it is a sign of great strength to know that you need to ask other people for help and do it.

Write the situation on paper

Choose a time where you will not be interrupted. Sit in a comfortable chair at home or go to a secluded place in nature. Try to throw out on paper everything that is sitting in your head. Write down every detail, all the thoughts that come to you. Be sure to describe all the feelings you are experiencing. Free your mind from the negativity of the past situation.

When you are finished, read everything you have written carefully. Thank fate for the experience this situation has given you.

Give vent to emotions

Man is not an omnipotent being. To protect ourselves from negative thinking, we have feelings and emotions. Don't try to be all-powerful and hide your emotions from others. In most situations you need to cry and be sad. It is possible to release emotions through actions: breaking a plate, hitting a punching bag.

Don't hide your problems. Talk about them with a psychologist or a close friend. You can simply dial the phone number of any psychological service and tell them everything that worries you. When you speak up, you recover from negative thoughts and get rid of past failure.

Forgiveness

As time passes, it no longer matters who is to blame for what happened. Time cannot be returned, the situation has already passed, only suffering and your attitude towards this negative episode of life remain.

Mentally ask for forgiveness from those people who caused you pain and suffering. If it is difficult to say these words in your thoughts, you can draw a picture with the participants and ask everyone for forgiveness.

The second stage will be to forgive yourself. You won't be able to let go of a difficult situation if you blame yourself for what happened. The past will not change, but you can change yourself and begin to live on without guilt and regret.

Psychologists recommend an exercise to forgive yourself:

Imagine yourself in the past as a child, and in the present as an adult. Arrange a meeting for them in your thoughts. It is easier for an adult to forgive a child who did not do everything out of malice. He tried, but he didn't succeed. Can you really blame him for that? But he gained a wealth of experience, which will definitely be useful to him in the future.

Don't exaggerate your guilt

Many people consider themselves the center of the world, and their own mistakes seem catastrophic to them. However, more often than not, it’s actually not that scary. Try to look at your mistake with an open mind: is it really because of one mistake that your whole life has gone downhill and it cannot be corrected? Or did it have dire consequences for other people? This is unlikely to be true, which means you shouldn’t waste a lot of time on regrets.

Take a look at yourself from the outside

We tend not only to sympathize with our loved ones and friends, but also to forgive a lot. You should treat yourself the same way. Look at yourself through the eyes of a good friend, say words of consolation, and you will see that the mistake has ballooned to the scale of a catastrophe only in your head, and to any other person it will not seem so comprehensive. This will ease the internal torment and help you look at the situation soberly.

Clean up your house

External order leads to internal order. As you know, the more places to store something in the house, the more junk there is. Not only is it unhygienic and steals the necessary space, but it can also bring back bad memories.

Remember Alexander Ivanov’s song “God, what a trifle”? There was some great advice there:

God, what a trifle!

Do something wrong at least once

Throw the trash out of the house

And invite old friends.

By the way, celebrating liberation from the past with friendly gatherings is a great idea.

Effective techniques for dealing with memories

If you cannot get rid of memories of the past using basic methods, use additional techniques that work quickly and clearly. Here are the main ones:

Positive attitude. Before you get out of bed in the morning, tune in to perceive something new. Program yourself for the fact that the new day will bring positive moments, which will subsequently fall into the “piggy bank” of your pleasant memories.
Give the negative to the water. If you feel like your thoughts are overwhelmed by negative memories of the past, go to the sink and turn on the water. Looking at the stream, scroll through your head everything that worries you, imagining how negative emotions flow down the drain along with the water.
Change your surroundings. The ideal scenario is a radical change of residence. A more realistic option is to add new details to your environment (re-glue the wallpaper, hang new curtains, acquire a new interesting hobby).
Expand your social circle. Contacts with people help you switch from negative thoughts to interesting conversation. It’s good if, during a period of emotional decline, you communicate with some new people with whom you do not have common negative memories from the past.
Change your image. Internal transformation, according to psychologists, occurs much easier if it is accompanied by external transformation. Visit the hairdresser, adjust your wardrobe, join the gym - update your appearance.
Get rid of bad habits. Oddly enough, this is a common recommendation from psychologists. The fact is that alcohol and nicotine depress the psyche, forcing you to return again and again to unpleasant moments of the past. By giving up these habits, you will cleanse your body and thoughts.

Meditation

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to get rid of your past life. It's simple, accessible, and doesn't require any special skills. The main thing is to devote at least a few minutes to meditation every day. This is done as follows:

Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you will feel comfortable and where no one will disturb you.
Take a comfortable position. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position like yoga. You can sit, lie, stand.
Close your eyes and try to completely relax.
Imagine that you are surrounded by endless and beautiful nature. But you have a heavy bag in your hands, which prevents you from running towards the world around you.
Mentally open the bag, revealing a pile of stones. Throw them out of the bag one by one, giving each stone some meaning - an event from the past.
When the stones “run out,” lie quietly for a few more minutes, then take a refreshing shower to wash away any remaining negativity.

Turn thoughts into introspection

One of the first steps to curbing the negative effects of rumination is to turn it into self-reflection. You will still think about the old times, but in a positive way. For this to happen, you need to ask yourself questions such as:

Do I like it?
What experience did I gain from this?
What do I want to get by constantly thinking about the past?
Do I think about the same incident over and over again?
Do I still have feelings of resentment or other negative emotions?

If you receive more responses with negative connotations, you should try to direct your thoughts in a positive direction.

Try to understand your feelings and find out the reason for them. Give up negative thinking and self-criticism about what you have done in the past.

Practices for letting go of past relationships

If you didn’t manage to break up correctly and your past still haunts you, there are certain practices and meditations based on visualization that can be used to cleanse yourself of past connections. These practices use the power of the four elements.

Water

1. Give your home a thorough cleaning. Imagine that, along with the dust, you are washing away from your home all the energy that remained after the breakup and prevented new energy from coming to this place.

2. Throw away all those things that make you remember the relationship you want to get rid of.

3. Take a shower. Stand under the stream of water and imagine how the water takes away with it everything that connected you with the past. Water cleanses you from painful bonds, making you clean and free.

4. Dress in clean clothes, replacing the ones you wore when cleaning.

5. When completing the practice, drink water, imagining how this water fills you with new energy from the inside.

Fire

1. Choose a time and place so that no one will distract you.

2. Close your eyes and imagine a person standing opposite you, with whom you are still connected by invisible threads.

3. You finally see these connections - threads, ropes, even ropes. They are stretched between you, passing through parts of the body, and connect you. Don't analyze this picture, just observe.

4. When you are ready, say goodbye to the person. If it’s difficult for you to decide on this, ask for support (from higher powers, from your guardian angel, from the Universe...), and say goodbye.

5. Mentally set fire to your connections and watch them burn. In what order and in what quantity to burn them - all at once, several at a time or one at a time - depends only on you. Do what you feel is right.

6. At the end of the visualization, there should not be a single thread left between you. “Bless” him for a future happy life without you and leave.

Air

1. Go out to a place where no one will disturb you and the wind is blowing.

2. Let your hair down, clothes should be as comfortable and loose as possible.

3. Close your eyes and let the air wash over you. The wind removes the burden of painful memories, grievances and pain from you. You can imagine that you are rising above the ground and flying, leaving all the connections of past relationships behind, somewhere far below. The wind frees you from everything that you are trying to get rid of, making you seem lighter, making you happier.

4. As you complete your practice, imagine that you have “landed” in a completely new place, being a free person heading into a new happy life.

Close your eyes and let the air wash over you. The wind removes the burden of painful memories, grievances and pain from you.

Earth

1. To carry out this practice, you need to take the most comfortable position and relax.

2. Imagine that you are walking through the forest. Feel how calmly and easily you observe the surrounding nature, noticing all its beautiful details.

3. You come out of the forest into a clearing, where you are met by a person with whom you cannot let go of your relationship. This is the last meeting. Look into his eyes and tell him everything that has accumulated. Express all your grievances, throw out all the pain he caused you.

4. When you free yourself from accumulated negativity, forgive this person. Imagine how with every inhalation and exhalation, grievances and pain go away, and you grant forgiveness to your past.

5. Remember the happy moments of the relationship, all the good things you had with this person, and thank him for everything.

6. Sincerely ask for forgiveness for the pain you caused him, intentionally or accidentally.

7. Say goodbye to him, putting an end to your relationship. Turn around and leave the clearing without looking back. Now he has his own life, you have yours. And you go to your wonderful future.

Visualize

Visualization is an effective tool for learning to cope with thoughts about the past.

You can imagine yourself putting up barriers so that negative thoughts can't get to you. Or how you push them into a room and slam the door loudly.

Blocking sad memories is considered a skill that can be learned. It may take practice to perfect. Every time sad memories arise in your mind, forcefully bring them back to the depths of your mind through visualization.

Recommendations from a psychologist: how to learn to forgive yourself

How to forgive yourself for past mistakes - advice from a psychologist:

Realize that you are the only person you will spend your entire life with. You are the only one you can always rely on. Any other person can leave your life. Make friends with yourself. And for this you need to forgive, love and accept yourself.
Replace self-flagellation with healthy introspection. Instead of drowning in guilt and shame and simply reliving the past over and over again, learn to analyze traumatic situations and learn from them.
Learn to love yourself unconditionally. You are valuable and deserving of love for the mere fact of your existence. Stop trying to earn good treatment for yourself. You deserve it for nothing.
Study the life stories of famous people. In interviews, media personalities willingly share their problems and methods for solving them. Many openly tell what they were once ashamed of, what they scolded themselves for and how they eventually forgave. For example, the famous actress and TV presenter Larisa Guzeeva for a long time could not forgive herself for her cold attitude towards her own children, as well as for alcoholism, indecent behavior, disruption of performances, etc. But the woman found the strength to take the path of correction, let go of the past and prove to herself and others that she could live differently.
Consult books. For example, read the book by M. Mikhailova and M. Arkhipova “Forgiveness. How to make peace with yourself and others.”

Group psychotherapy is very helpful in forgiving yourself. If you cannot yet contact a psychologist, then find a support group on the Internet. For example, on psychological forums people actively share their experiences of forgiveness. And some psychologists conduct free consultations via chat and answer user questions.

Important! Understand that everyone makes mistakes. This is fine. And life doesn't end there.

Sources

https://blizosti.net/kak-otpustit-proshloe-i-nachat-zhit-zanovo/
https://psyfiles.ru/phobias/zivu-proslym.html
https://www.Teatr-Benefis.ru/staty/psihologiya/kak-legko-otpustit-proshloe-i-nachat-zhit-nastoyashhim/
https://uspeh-woman.com/otpustite-svoe-proshloe-i-osvobodite-sebja/
https://heroine.ru/10-sovetov-dlya-tex-kto-ne-mozhet-otpustit-proshloe/
https://mozaic-life.ru/otpustit-proshloe-i-nachat-zhit-nastoyashchim/
https://knife.media/toxic-cargo/
https://vsvoemdome.ru/psihologiya/samorazvitie/kak-otpustit-proshloe
https://FB.ru/article/399772/kak-izbavitsya-ot-proshlogo-sovetyi-psihologov
https://astro7.ru/online-journal/luchshie-stati/ochishhenie-ot-proshlyih-svyazey-kak-otpustit-proshloe.html
https://lifemotivation.online/razvitie-lichnosti/samopoznanie/kak-prostit-sebya

And experience, the son of difficult mistakes

Another hook that can firmly hold you in the past is a fixed first bad experience. It is joined by an instrument of the psyche, given for good, but which, if used incorrectly, works for harm - the ability to generalize.

It is given to systematize knowledge and skills. In the absence of realization in society, a person begins to generalize his own negative experience. Plus is fixed on it. For example, the first pure love ended sadly, the girl preferred another. A generalization occurs: I was betrayed by one, which means that all women in the world are liars. And that’s it, now he can’t create any relationships, he’s afraid, he doesn’t trust. He now knows for sure that all women on planet Earth are equally bad.

And all because of the necessary and useful function of thinking, which was given for something completely different. More precisely, for others. In order to benefit other people through realization and be happy yourself. A person is satisfied with life only when he fully realizes his natural abilities for the benefit of society.

Get away from the standards

Psychologists have such a concept as “standard of expectation.” Most people absolutely know that any standard situation must have its own standard development. And, accordingly, most traumas and grievances from the past are unfulfilled expectations.

A woman gets married, knows for sure and therefore expects that her husband will provide for her, the husband earns pennies and does not move to earn more, the woman gets divorced and is angry with the whole world, considering all men mean and lazy. The divorce took place many years ago and, if it were not for the eternally angry and depressed state of mind, the young energetic woman would simply find herself another man from among those who are “imprisoned” to earn money, and do not consider this a feat. However, all her energy is spent on regrets about the past and the “best years of her life” that are gone forever.

Parents raise their children wishing them a better future. A better future includes Early Development School, English, mathematics, 100,500 clubs, a gold medal, admission to the Faculty of Economics or Law, but aimless pastime, strumming the guitar and studying at a cultural college are not included in the parents’ imagination. Parents are stressed because their children are “not like everyone else”; their children have a boring, low-paying job as a low-level clerk, because... Without personal motivation, there is nothing to do today either in law or in business. But if the parents would take care of some of their own affairs, you see, and they themselves would have no time left to worry that they did something wrong, and the children would be more successful or at least happier.

In general, if you are still expecting something from your children or husbands/wives that they are not going to do, stop with it now. If the portrait of your parents seems to be painted exactly like yours, remember that you don’t have to feel guilty for the fact that your mother’s friend’s daughter got into Foreign Languages, and you only got into the Faculty of Philology, and only on the second try. You don’t have to feel guilty that your wife “could have married an oligarch” - just take my word for it that if she could, with such mercantile ways, she would marry the oligarch, and not you.

By the way, our psyche already has a built-in mechanism for repressing negative emotions and thoughts that cause discomfort. You just need to not interfere with this psychological defense mechanism working when it is for your benefit. Now let's summarize the above.

Top 7 effective ways to let go of the past:

Understand.
Forgive.
Do not hurry.
Give yourself time to think.
Plan time for action.
Act.
Don't wait for mandatory approval and matching.

And to keep your spirits up and help you move on from the past, we suggest listening to the song Goodbye To Yesterday, which was presented by Estonian performers Elina Born & Stig Rästa at Eurovision in 2015, and which, according to the situation in 2022, will still heard on radio stations in Europe:

If even this does not help, we invite you to our course “Mental Self-Regulation”, where you will learn about new techniques that will help you take control not only of any situation in your life, but also of yourself.

Good luck!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
12 Anger Management Strategies
How to forgive an offense and is it always necessary to do this?
How to stop being a victim
Creating psychological distance
Types of freedom available to everyone
The benefits of keeping a diary
The art of managing yourself
Definition of values
How to Deal with Annoying and Irritable People
How to get rid of emotional baggage

Key words: 1Cognitive science, 1Psychoregulation

Get yourself right

Usually we say this phrase in the “understand me correctly” version to our interlocutors - bosses, parents, friends, audience. And if they don’t understand us, we get offended, angry and angry. And often the point is only that we ourselves cannot understand correctly. And if your past gnaws at you and worries you, perhaps this is precisely the problem.

Try to honestly answer the question for yourself: what actually worries you or why you cannot forget some negative events, experiencing them again and again? There may be two points here:

Resentment.
Guilt.

A person may be offended by his parents for their inattention or excessive care, by his boss for a low salary or inflated demands, by his classmates because they teased him and called him names in childhood, by his ex-husband for leaving him with a small child in his arms.

A person may feel guilty for allowing a romantic relationship with a partner he liked to be destroyed at the first disagreement, for not receiving higher education on time because he was too lazy to study, for paying little attention to parents or children, because... I was always busy with something more important at that moment.

There is only one way out of such different situations and the way to stop worrying - to forgive. Just think that people are not perfect, and neither are you. Parents can have their own idea of what is good for children and what is bad, the boss also has a boss who demands something from him, and among his classmates there could very well be some very stupid individuals. Moreover, stupid people are not always to blame for being stupid. So what, now spend your whole life thinking about it?

Of course, it will not be easy to forgive a husband who ran away at a difficult moment in life, especially if this harmful artiodactyl ran away without paying alimony. But in the 21st century, it’s unlikely that anyone would force a woman into marriage. Think that a person cannot be perfect in everything. And if your spouse is cheerful and charming in company, easy-going and open to new experiences, perhaps he simply does not have the strength to earn money, help with the housework, and is generally bored within four walls.

You should probably reconsider your priorities in choosing men, and next time choose not the most handsome and cheerful, but the most reliable and hard-working, who may well turn out to be quite boring and overweight. Or it may be that you need to forgive yourself for such a frivolous choice, and continue to enjoy life without straining either yourself or your man with excessive obligations. Fortunately, children grow up quickly, and soon you will have more time for new relationships, entertainment and experiences. In general, forgive yourself and everyone else around you - and you will no longer have the lion's share of reasons to lament the past.

One mistake, two mistakes...

Perfectionism. Is it good or bad?

Bringing any undertaking to perfection is an indicator of professionalism. Inaction due to fear of making mistakes, of not doing it perfectly enough, is a path to nowhere.

Once upon a time, perhaps in childhood, you made a mistake. You were scolded, punished, ridiculed for it. You remembered this and got another thread in the web. Mistakes of the past, especially emotionally charged ones, are recorded and endlessly replayed in the head. There is a fear of disgracing yourself in the present. You retreat into imaginary safety—inaction.

“What if it doesn’t work out again? How will I look people in the eyes? Shame, disgrace. It’s better not to start.”

Instead of living life to the fullest, realizing their innate talents, a person constantly replays the same unpleasant thoughts and pictures in his head, with details and details. The exhausting mental stirrer has been launched. There is no time for life, there is something else in the head, a person analyzes himself, systematizes, generalizes.

Some answers

Remember that everything that happens to you is not a test and it is not a problem. These are your lessons and training.

Perhaps some of you will have questions about the injustice of this world in your minds. But our world is measured down to the millimeter. And everything in it proceeds as it should.

Why did some people survive the war?
This means their souls had to learn compassion and mercy. They had to go through this suffering in order to be purified.
Why do people get serious illnesses?
A person earns his own diseases. Based on his behavior and thoughts, he acquires one or another disease. Sometimes this is a punishment for bad deeds in a past life.
Why do children suffer and die?
These are the lessons of their parents or the whole family.
Why do they take the brightest and most talented people at a young age?
This means they fulfilled their mission in this particular incarnation. By the way, their next incarnation will be even more successful.