Everyone has their own secret of happiness, but in the general understanding it comes down to one thing: living in harmony with yourself and the world around you, being satisfied and seeing meaning in your life. But the needs and desires of all people are different (not counting the lower needs), as well as different goals, values, and meanings. Therefore, it is impossible to derive a general formula for happiness, but knowing the basic rules, you can create your own individual and unique happiness. However, this is not the only issue that remains to be resolved. What is happiness: luck or the result of one’s own efforts?
What is happiness
“In a certain sense, what we call happiness occurs as a result of the previously unforeseen satisfaction of needs that have been suppressed for a long time,” Sigmund Freud.
Philosophy and ethics study happiness. In psychology, this issue was addressed only in 1974. Psychology rather studies the influence of personality on the achievement of happiness and the influence of happiness on the health of the individual. That is, as always, the question is at the intersection of sciences and is woven into different spheres of man, which immediately shows the ambiguity of this phenomenon. Psychology views happiness as a state, ethics as a moral category (value), philosophy as a way of thinking.
In the modern understanding, the state of happiness within the framework of psychology is on the same level with the search for the meaning of life and personal development. A person is happy when he understands and realizes his destiny.
Happiness is not the same as joy, but joy is an essential element of a happy life. Although happiness is an ambiguous, changing phenomenon, common features for all people can be identified:
- satisfaction of basic needs for safety, food, rest and so on (without this no one will be happy, but for some people this is enough, others achieve higher needs (self-realization), then if they are dissatisfied they will not be happy);
- a versatile, complete and harmonious life (physical, moral, intellectual, aesthetic spheres do not conflict).
I’ll make a reservation that in this article I don’t want to consider animal happiness (drinking, eating, sleeping), or hedonistic happiness. After all, we are people, higher beings, and that’s why I want to talk about high standards of happiness. Then it assumes the following elements:
- spiritual and intellectual (knowledge, beliefs, culture, values, attitudes, morality);
- material (health and financial independence, well-being).
But this is a theory that, without practice, remains only opportunities to be happy. All this is embodied in 3 types of activity: work (learning), love (interpersonal relationships, communication) and creativity (exiting non-standard and difficult life situations).
Happiness as a new personality formation goes through several stages:
- personal happiness, independent of the happiness of other people (sometimes the misfortune of others is important in order to feel even better);
- happiness associated with the group with which a person identifies (other people are not important);
- happiness only if all people are happy (but is this possible?);
- happiness as the unity of man with nature (God, the cosmos).
Be honest with the people you care about
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This is as important as being honest with yourself. Silencing grievances and concealing anger is worse than even the most complex quarrel. Because in a quarrel you can discuss and come to a compromise. Or at least after it, having calmed down, replay the conversation in your head and think about both points of view. But hiding your feelings from loved ones, you will certainly feel bad, even if you try to hide it from them and from yourself. This severe suppression of feelings prevents you from being happier in everyday life. So be open with your family, and then you will free up space within yourself from resentment for more pleasant emotions.
Luck or the result of hard work?
There are many opinions about what happiness is, and just as many opinions about what gives it: fate or the person himself. In my opinion, the truth lies between these positions, however, provided that the gifts of fate are considered to be the favorable family into which a person was born and certain innate characteristics that increase endurance and the likelihood of success in life. However, this is also a controversial issue, because from birth no stigma is placed on us and it depends only on ourselves, our environment and the prevailing circumstances whether we use our innate inclinations or not.
In the end I would say this:
- In childhood, a person’s happiness depends on other people, which is why it can be called luck/bad luck.
- In adulthood, a person builds his own life and is responsible for its success/failure. But for some people this is more difficult because they have to get rid of the burden of the past.
Troubles happen to everyone in life, and there are indeed factors that we cannot influence. But people react differently to difficult situations - this is the secret of happiness and the role of one’s own work.
No matter how childhood develops, it is during this period that a person is happiest. But childhood happiness is not suitable for an adult. It is based on ignorance, lack of reflection, irresponsibility and spontaneity. If an adult lives by the same basics, he will be knocked out of the real world, and the happiness of not noticing the hardships of life is very conditional and doubtful.
Set precise goals
Goals like “earn more money” or “start a family” have no value. You must set yourself achievable and precise goals that you can accurately track. For example, earn 15 percent more this year than last, save a certain amount next month, completely give up sweets for 30 days. You will be able to determine when you have achieved your goal. And by doing this, you will receive a boost of motivation that will help you move on.
Happiness and Needs
If a person stops wanting something, striving for something, it means that he has stalled in personal development. It is known that there is no limit to perfection. Accordingly, complete satisfaction cannot be achieved. But the essence of happiness is that a person knows how to satisfy his new needs and achieve a new goal, makes plans and brings it to life. He is happy because he is active and independent. It moves, develops and improves.
But here too there is a contradiction: a state that causes frustration and strong tension cannot be considered normal dissatisfaction. That is, if dissatisfaction is associated with unfulfilled expectations and losses, then it is perceived as a state of unhappiness. But if dissatisfaction is focused on the future, serves as an incentive to achieve something that a person has not yet had, then this is an element of happiness. As a rule, such dissatisfaction relates to creative activity.
You don't need a reason to celebrate
We look forward to a certain date or holiday in order to set a beautiful table, invite our closest relatives, friends, and spend these unforgettable moments together. However, older people are advised not to wait for a reason for this, because a holiday can always be arranged at any time. And most importantly, do not forget to capture these joyful moments, so that later over the years you can not only remember them yourself, but also show them to your offspring.
The meaning of life and happiness
An interesting connection: having the meaning of life gives us a state of happiness and harmony, but at the same time, the very acquisition of happiness can be the meaning of life. What then is happiness-meaning? Perhaps the most generalized and universal answer will be: preserving one’s individuality (personal) in the context of social relations (general).
Remember how often you have heard or admitted that the root of unhappiness is misunderstanding on the part of others, the inability to be yourself. The contradiction between personal and social is one of the most dangerous and destructive. An unfree person cannot be happy. Although freedom does not guarantee happiness. You need to have freedom and be able to use it, to use this right rationally.
Reboot
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Don't let stress become your norm. Many people only dream of everyday small joys, which in fact should be the norm: getting a good night's sleep, spending time in silence, getting away from the frantic pace of life at least for half a day. This leads to the fact that stress becomes not a temporary stimulant of strength, but a permanent condition that slowly drains vitality and energy. To prevent this from happening, you need to give yourself a “deload” at least once a week. Turn off your phone and the Internet, put everything aside and do whatever you want: take a bubble bath, draw, watch a new movie, or even just sleep for half a day - the main thing is that it makes you a little happier and reduces your stress level.
Where to look for happiness
There are two main questions in this category: make only yourself happy or try to make other people happy? The second is not the best option. Remember the relativity of happiness. Where is the guarantee that your opponent sees the world in exactly the same way? Wouldn't you be an intrusive advisor then?
No one can make other people happy, at least not purposefully. By accident, for example, by inventing something - quite. But do you think that during the creation process the author is driven by the idea of making others happy? Hardly. In the end, it remains that you can only make yourself happy.
Happiness ultimately comes from ourselves, our needs, values and interests:
- a person for whom health is the main value will be happy despite material deprivation;
- a power-hungry person will never be happy, since power and wealth will always be small;
- a rich inner world will give much more happy feelings than frequent changes of scenery, people, and sights.
Our happiness depends on what brings us pleasure. This in turn is directly related to the needs of the individual. As a result, it turns out that happiness is connected only with our personality, with what we are. External factors only influence 8-15% of happiness. From this it turns out that you need to first of all work on yourself in order to be happy:
- study your individual personal characteristics;
- make a list of advantages and disadvantages;
- deficiencies are divided into those that can be corrected and that need to be accepted;
- make a plan to maintain and develop strengths;
- make a plan to get rid of shortcomings;
- accept and love yourself;
- be friendly and open to new things;
- understand your inner world, interests and needs;
- develop a stable worldview and your own social position.
Happiness has two eternal enemies - pain and boredom. Try to eliminate from your life what causes these conditions. In turn, health and beauty (not so much physical as spiritual) are the basis of any happiness.
Try to change your thinking to a positive one (this is where happiness begins):
- Why do we sometimes suffer? Because we give in to value judgments. If you do not evaluate your situation as good or bad, then you do not feel happy or unhappy. Try to evaluate your condition and satisfaction/dissatisfaction. Note what exactly oppresses you and how it can be changed. It is clear that we cannot do without an assessment, but try to make it more specific.
- Try to talk about more than just what you don't have. This usually creates a feeling of unhappiness, especially if left unattended and unaddressed. Think about what you have, but what would happen if you didn't have it.
- Realize that nothing and no one is perfect.
- Don't get attached to things and people - everything comes. Remember that the only constant in your life is you, but even then you undergo regular changes.
- Constantly expand your comfort zone, circle of acquaintances and interests.
- Get rid of the burden of the past with pleasure and ease.
You should not choose something from the outside world as a source of happiness. The outside world is unstable. The only thing that is always with us is our inner world. This is where the work needs to be directed. There is no need to look for happiness in another person, work, or helping others. These elements, undoubtedly, should be included in the concept of happiness, but the base is our inner world.
At the same time, it is worth understanding that we experience not so much happiness from something achieved, but from the contrast between the new and the old (happiness and unhappiness). Therefore, it turns out that happiness is an unstable category, it cannot be permanent, but we can control it.
It is noted that congenital characteristics also contribute to the possibility of achieving happiness. It has been proven that extroverts and people with low neuroticism are happier than their opposites.
“After a period of happiness, joyful excitement and a sense of fullness of life, there will inevitably come a taking of what has been achieved for granted and there will be restlessness, dissatisfaction and doing more.” - Abraham Maslow.
Be honest with yourself
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If you suspect that you are doing the wrong thing, that you are going towards the wrong goal, then you do not need to force yourself to convince yourself otherwise. Self-hypnosis can sometimes be very effective, but lying to yourself and behaving in the wrong direction means wasting precious time that you could start spending on your dreams. The same applies to small desires and aspirations that a person is sure that he should love. No matter how skillfully he lies to himself, when he achieves his goals, he will not feel happier, because these are not his goals. Be honest with yourself and pursue your own goals.
How to enjoy life
The best way to learn to enjoy life is to develop your creativity. Our whole life is creativity. Creativity gives us new knowledge, benefits, achievements, aesthetic and moral pleasure.
Creativity consists of inspiration and work, and only 1% is allocated to the first element. You can create in 3 directions:
- create spiritual and material values;
- create or discover something new;
- express yourself and develop yourself.
Creating yourself, transforming the world around you is also creativity. Creativity is something between work and rest. On the one hand, this is relaxation from the process itself, but on the other hand, it is targeted effort. Creativity makes us burn, rejoice, and open up. If you perceive your whole life as a continuous field for creativity, then the feeling of flight and joy will permeate it “from” to “to”.
The modern world allows everyone to express themselves. How? Of course, via the Internet. You can create a page on a social network, a group, a website and publish your own drawings, comics, articles, videos, poems there. Moreover, I am sure that every creator will find his audience.
But this is not even the only option. Associations with artists, singers, and poets are becoming a thing of the past. Today, the term "creativity" has a much broader meaning. But it is important to remember the 2 main risks of a creative person:
- Dependencies. It is no secret that many geniuses were accompanied by drug, alcohol or cigarette addiction. These substances provide that state of happiness that is impossible at the time of creative crisis. But our body cannot calmly accept these substitutes. Many famous people had to die early or end their careers because of this.
- Workaholism. Another extreme of receiving endorphins (hormones of happiness). With active mental activity, the body produces natural hormones, they are not harmful, unlike synthetic ones (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes), they are not dangerous due to “swings” and prolonged depression, but mental work for wear and tear devastates mitochondria - glucose storage facilities, cell batteries. When they are depleted and the level of endorphins is high, the blood begins to circulate faster, intracranial pressure increases, which can cause cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, death at the table during active mental activity is not a fiction. For example, such a fate befell I. M. Tronsky, a Russian philologist and an avid workaholic.
From everything mentioned above, the conclusion suggests itself: you cannot build happiness on one thing, you need to create your own multi-component formula. This is important in order to regularly maintain a state of joy, satisfaction, expectation, inspiration, but not to overstrain any system of the body. The golden mean and moderation are good in everything. You should not put happiness on one card; it is important to always have many options for insurance and safety.
Take pleasure in everyday small rituals
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Yes, purchasing a new thing, which is equivalent to buying happiness with money, is, although short-term, a quick way to feel better and gain satisfaction from the present moment. But by constantly resorting to this method, you risk becoming dependent on things. Another method is also fast and short-term, but has no harmful effect, but rather the opposite. Taking pleasure in everyday little things means taking your time to drink your delicious coffee in the morning, instead of doing it automatically and on the go. Treat yourself to a delicious and leisurely breakfast on your day off. Turn the road home from work into a walk. Much nicer than living the whole day mechanically, isn’t it?
Afterword
Thus, happiness is a certain emotional response to success in any business, first of all, socially useful and creative, which contributes to the course of history and leisure, the development of society. That is, to be happy, you need to do what you like, but also make other people happy.
The second option to find happiness is to find your calling and become an excellent specialist in some field. Satisfaction from work and its results is a powerful semantic factor and a lever for feeling happiness.
In a broad sense, happiness can be characterized as general satisfaction with life, the predominance of positive events over negative ones. The events themselves are different for each person.
In our world, everything is neutral until we pass it through the prism of our own inner world. Only after this does something plunge us into a state of happiness, and something into unhappiness. Happiness is satisfaction with life (as an element of thinking and consciousness, that is, the cognitive part), the absence (minimum) of negative affects and the predominance of positive affects (emotionally personally significant events).
You will find even more information on how to live happily in the article “10 Steps to a Happy Life.”
Fight your fear
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There is an expression that people themselves are often “afraid to be happy.” This does not mean that if you are offered instant fulfillment of your dream, you will be scared and refuse. And the fact that many don’t even try to take a step towards her because they are afraid of defeat. But any dream becomes much more real when we begin to realize it. If you dream of learning how to move objects with your thoughts, then this is most likely impossible. But if your greatest desire is to become a famous musician, then it seems “impossible” only because of the fear of difficulties. And it will become more real as soon as you begin to take action to implement it.
14) Move.
Research shows that physical stress can reduce mental stress.
The Harvard Health Blog says that aerobic exercise is key for your head, as well as your heart:
“Regular aerobic exercise will bring noticeable changes to your body, your metabolism, your heart and your mood. It has the unique ability to excite and relax, provide stimulation and calm, resist depression and relieve stress. This is a common phenomenon among endurance athletes and has been confirmed in clinical trials in which exercise has been successfully used to treat anxiety disorders and clinical depression. If athletes and patients can benefit psychologically from exercise, so can you.”
According to Harvard Health, exercise works because it reduces levels of stress hormones in the body, such as adrenaline and cortisol.
It also stimulates the production of endorphins, which are natural pain relievers and mood lifters.
Exercise helps keep your body strong and your mind sharp. Train your brain and body by thinking thoughtfully about your life, where you are going and how you are going to get there.
Train your body to be ready for the amazing life you are about to live. There have been many studies that show that people who exercise regularly are happier.
You might not enjoy running a 4-minute mile, so don't do it. Find a place where you can take a leisurely walk and enjoy the company of yourself, your breath and the sound of your feet on the ground.
13) Don't rely on other things or people to make you happy.
It's not your job to make you happy. If you're unhappy at work, you're unhappy at work.
Happy people know that there is life outside the office walls and they don't need to extract any value from the work that helps them make money.
The money they earn helps them live a better life, but it is how they choose to approach that life and use that money that makes them happy.
Your spouse, children and family are also not responsible for your happiness. When you take full responsibility for your happiness, you will find yourself getting closer to what you want in life.
