Useful tips
In an ever-changing world, modern couples
are facing many challenges that previous generations never faced.
Marriage advice offered by relationship experts in the past is outdated in the face of these new challenges
.
Thus, modern couples often feel lonely
, trying to figure out how to create a happy and loving marriage.
Psychologists have noticed
that couples in healthy and unhealthy relationships follow similar patterns and have similar behaviors that lead to either happiness or unhappiness.
Regardless of the marriage advice received
, healthy and happy couples tend to invest more in their relationship than those who rate their relationship as unhappy and unhealthy.
In this article, you will learn some tips that successful, loving couples follow.
Don't compare your relationships to stories from books and movies
Stop trying to repeat the love story from your favorite movie, book, and especially fairy tales. You are not Cinderella and the Prince, not Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (or Bridget Jones), not Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, your relationship is developing differently, and that's okay.
And then, before plunging into the vanilla abyss called “happily ever after,” the characters go through a series of difficulties, because conflict is the engine of the plot. Create your own “happily ever after” without serial wisdom and without regard to the fantasies of screenwriters and writers.
Qualities of a happy marriage
Make surprises
Surprises can come in many forms, but for the most part, couples in which one partner surprises the other with a gift (physical or emotional) tend to have happier marriages.
Going on an unexpected trip or seeing your partner's favorite band perform can add a little excitement and mystery to your relationship in a good way. Couples in love consider surprises as a way to show their love for each other.
Help each other
In our busy lives, we are often overwhelmed with various obligations. This can make us feel stressed. A loving partner notices that their significant other is under stress and takes the initiative to help. This could be washing dishes, for example, or running some errands.
Create together
Working on a project together can be an extremely enjoyable experience and help you feel alive. Healthy, loving couples create together, whether it's gardening, home renovations, or cooking together. This helps them feel like a team and proud of what they have achieved together.
Common interests
Couples in love enjoy spending time together and get a lot of pleasure out of doing things together. Even if one person likes a particular activity more than the other, joint participation creates mutual support and brings the couple closer together.
Respect your personal time
Time spent together is, of course, very important. But every person in a relationship should also have personal time. This time is not spent on friends, but on realizing your own feelings and priorities in life. Loving couples understand this because it strengthens the relationship.
Don't ignore warning signs
In most relationships there is a presentation period when both partners try to appear better than they really are. And if already at the candy-bouquet stage you see danger signals, do not ignore them, trust your intuition.
Unreasonable outbursts of aggression, rudeness towards waiters, unflattering statements about exes and other things that bother you can easily be attributed to “it seemed” and “he/she will improve.” Most likely, it didn’t seem to you and your partner will not correct himself. Think soberly about whether you are ready to deal with such negative manifestations regularly.
How to live in marriage
Daily physical connection
It would seem that physical connection is a simple and reasonable thing in marriage. However, you'd be surprised how many couples go day after day without physical contact.
This type of physical contact does not relate to bed and comes down to holding each other's hands or hugging each other. Loving couples try to show physical affection to each other at least once a day.
Have a shared vision for your future
When companies start, they often articulate a vision of what they want their future to look like. This helps keep everyone in the company focused on a common goal and moving in the same direction together.
Likewise, loving couples have a clear vision of what they want their marriage to look like in the future.
Be transparent
In marriage, it is necessary to build and maintain trusting relationships. Transparency takes honesty to a whole new level.
Transparency means there are no secrets between you and your partner, and this may include passwords for email, social media accounts, and even without having to lock your phone. Couples in love do this naturally.
Make time for frank conversations more often
Most couples think that good time together is watching their favorite shows together or chatting with friends in a cafe. While these activities are truly beneficial and enjoyable, time spent together activates a whole other level of intimacy and connection that many couples neglect.
Some experts like John Gottman estimate that couples spend more than 5 hours a week exclusively with each other.
Intimacy in bed is very important
You might be surprised to learn that many couples struggle with a lack of intimacy in bed. Some studies show that they only need this closeness about twice a week.
It goes without saying that the absence of such an important factor in a marriage indicates a serious problem that may contribute to the end of the marriage. Some loving couples put their bed life first in their relationship.
See if relationships make life easier
If your love story consists entirely of difficulties, overcoming, quarrels and rare but bright bouts of happiness, this is an unhealthy relationship. People quickly get used to the emotional swing, when despair and delight alternate, and can consider themselves quite happy with it.
But answer yourself honestly: does your partner make your life easier or complicate it? Do you feel happy more often than unhappy? Don't wait for the Titanic of your love to sink, get on the boat. Otherwise, you may not have enough space on the saving door.
The essence of a happy marriage
Be discreet when communicating with acquaintances and friends
Couples in love understand that problems can arise in any marriage and try to be very careful when talking to someone about their partner so as not to say anything bad. It is better to work on your problems away from prying eyes.
"I love you"
Couples can show their love in different ways. However, some couples often forget to express it with simple words: “I love you.” Saying it out loud is always important, and couples know that over time, as their relationship develops, those words can mean something more.
Express gratitude with words
One of the human needs is to feel valued, and this is even more important in marriage. Couples in love not only express their gratitude to each other through their actions, but also through their words.
Don't chase the ghosts of your exes
If you didn't meet in kindergarten, your partner was most likely already in a relationship. Just leave them in the past, no need to constantly compare yourself with your ex, check their pages on social networks and count how many likes they give to your spouse.
By the way, you probably had a relationship too. And you should forget about them too. It is very easy to start idealizing a person with whom you have a romantic history. But think about it: if the ex was wonderful, he wouldn’t be an ex.
Secrets of a happy marriage
Get new experiences
Another key piece of advice for married couples is to try new things. Everyone says that spontaneity is the spice of life. Couples need to try new things and have new experiences to continue to grow together. It is these new experiences that give couples in love new topics for conversation and discussion.
Laugh together
A sense of humor is a very powerful tool that helps strengthen any relationship. Couples who enjoy each other's company and can laugh and joke together are able to build a strong foundation for their relationship and show respect for each other.
Laughter can be the best medicine, and couples can gain a lot from it.
Best friends
Perhaps this is the most common advice for those who are thinking about starting a family and strong relationships. Friendship in marriage is as important as all other parts of marriage. Healthy married couples enjoy spending time with each other and consider each other their best friends.
Show small gestures of love and attention
They say that many things are in the details, and this also applies to relationships in marriage. Couples who are happy in their relationship make an effort to continually show love and attention to their partner through small gestures, such as bringing their partner a cup of coffee or leaving a positive note on the table or bed.
stumbling block
If in a long-term relationship situations arise where spouses disagree in their beliefs, this means one thing: they have long-standing unresolved problems and conflicts. The problem does not arise out of nowhere. The family system is already distorted. If someone in a couple lacks recognition, he will use controversial situations to get it. In this case, the problem cannot be solved. For example, one wants to get vaccinated, but the other doesn’t. Whether this is a reason to create a tragedy or not, each couple decides for themselves. A healthy person will express his opinion and listen to others. An unhealthy person will stand his ground categorically. In general, categoricalness is a sign of lack of flexibility and ill health. You can figure out what’s going on in a couple only by listening to everyone’s arguments.
He shouldn't be a general. Models of behavior of women that pull men to the bottom Read more
Learn to quarrel.
This probably sounds very strange to you, but the right quarrels can not only strengthen, but also save your relationship. What can cause a relationship to fail:
- Criticism of your partner’s character (insults, getting personal rather than evaluating actions).
- Shifting the blame (the other person is always to blame for everything, but not you).
- Insults (a quarrel can be over in a few minutes, but the words that were spoken in a fit of anger will stay in your head for a long time).
- Avoiding a quarrel (when you hold back negative emotions and carry it inside yourself, then this leads to a problem much more serious than just another conflict).
Be pragmatic
Any relationship is imperfect, because we ourselves are imperfect. So be pragmatic: figure out what each of you is good at, what you like and don't like to do, and then distribute responsibilities.
In addition, many couples advise defining some rules in advance. For example, how will you divide all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What must you buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?
Some even hold “annual reports” during which they discuss business management and decide what to change in the household. This, of course, sounds trivial, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and wants of your partner and strengthens the relationship.
Control your emotions
If an argument breaks out between you, take a deep breath and calm down. Psychologically stable couples are emotionally intelligent. They use healthy coping skills to cope with unpleasant feelings such as loneliness, anger, and sadness. They accept discomfort as part of their own healing process, and also understand that they themselves are able to change their emotional state when their feelings turn out to be harmful to them. You must be guardian of your own inner peace.
Dig Deeper11
Conflicts are inevitable. You just need to learn to behave correctly. Talk about how you feel and why. Instead of insults, say: “I feel bad because... . I understand that now you are offended by my words. I feel that …".
This approach requires courage and honesty. It’s much easier to tell your partner to go to hell than to talk about your feelings and show your vulnerability.
You will always have time to send it. And then start yelling at each other and go to different rooms, breaking all the dishes.
But let's do without second-rate Mexican TV series today.
Touches8
Kissing, cuddling, and sex are incredibly important ingredients for a healthy relationship. Talk about sex. Take care of it. Touch each other more often (this is not just about sex).
The amount of sex is an indicator that is individual for each couple. By the way, it would not hurt you to discuss this issue. It is better to learn about an emerging problem and begin to resolve it than to part with accumulated grievances and omissions.
What was your relationship like in the early days, weeks and months? Did you constantly hold hands, watch movies only cuddling and had the habit of kissing every morning, leaving for your business? We turn on the time machine and go back to the past.
Ask2
For some reason, it seems to us that long-term relationships turn our partners into psychics who can read minds: “I won’t say what I want! Is it really that hard to guess?”
What do we end up with? Inflated expectations, collapse of illusions and a heap of unnecessary grievances.
Learn to talk about your desires. No complaints, ultimatums or reproaches. Talk about everything you would like to get from your partner - be it a restaurant for the evening or some kind of sexual desire.
Study your partner3
How well do you know the person next to you? And do you really want to try to find out?
Do you consider yourself an expert in everything that concerns your partner? We don’t want to upset you, but most likely you are mistaken. We so love to think out their thoughts for others, make wishes for them and analyze the motives of their actions that we often make big mistakes about the people closest to us.
You can just have a heart-to-heart talk or play a game like “36 Questions.” The main thing is to be prepared for the fact that your partner may open up to you from a new side.
Attracting love: tips
Tips for attracting love:
- Change yourself . Learn to be responsible for your own failures. Only losers complain about bad luck or bad luck. People who are successful build their own lives. They don’t shy away from bad luck and solve problems quickly. If you can't attract love, change your appearance. Take care of yourself, tidy up your figure, change your wardrobe.
- Reconsider your views on life and behavior. Appearance, of course, is only part of what helps attract love. You will have to completely change your own behavior, for example, become a good conversationalist, learn the main rules of ethics, watch what you say. Do not shout during a conversation, because active gestures and obscene speech make it not always pleasant to talk to a person.
- Believe in your happiness is one of the important tips of love. Even if statistics show that in most cases couples get divorced, but without faith, you will not get a happy relationship and love.
- Radiate sexual energy. Do you want intimacy? Men feel this well. They will begin to shower you with their own attention.
- Don't put pressure on your significant other. Don't consider all men as a potential spouse. Men do not like women who have hypertrophied syndrome.
- Don't rush the events that are shaping up for you. Love is not considered a competition to see who gets to the registry office first. Everyone becomes happy in their own time, therefore, do not take just anything - this is a losing tactic.
Attract love
Be realistic
True love is not at all the same as romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of our partner. It's a choice. This is constant support for another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is the understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with your partner’s problems, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t want to.
This kind of love is more prosaic; it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not just another short-lived euphoria.
