It is difficult to find a person who does not know what the difficulties of life are. But there are millions of people in the world who do not know how to overcome these difficulties. They lie to themselves, denying the existence of difficulties, give up, stopping any attempts to solve problems or understand them. What does this lead to? Nothing positive. A person falls into prolonged depression or develops nervous and mental illnesses.
If you are a strong-willed person, accustomed to facing the truth, then this information will not be useful to you. If you don’t have the courage to solve problems, work on yourself from today, because you have already taken a small step in this direction - you have decided to learn how to overcome difficulties.
Accept reality
Acceptance does not mean agreement. You just need to admit that this or that event is a fait accompli. By insisting and repeating that this should not have happened, you are only wasting your time and energy. By accepting what is happening, you will take the first step to find a way out of the situation.
Imagine a traffic jam. One person will think: “How unfair! And why does this always happen to me? He will begin to get angry, nervous and argue with other drivers.
A psychologically stable person will simply remind himself: “Millions of cars drive on the roads every day, it is natural that there will be traffic jams from time to time.” This attitude towards what is happening will help maintain calm. Such a person will turn on a podcast and wait for the traffic to be restored.
To accept reality, we need to understand what we can control and what we cannot. In situations that you have no control over, try to control yourself.
Why does a person need difficulties in life?
Well, Nadezhda, let's argue about the simplicity and transparency of the laws of life. As an argument, I will take the Bible (I have not read other holy books of various religions, but I do not think that they differ from each other in the sense of moral laws and their presentation). So, the Bible is a holy book for all Christians and an authoritative source of knowledge for a large part of atheists (in the sense of a person’s moral code). This is a guide book to life, which contains the basic rules of human existence and morality. That is, the laws of life. These laws have been tested for thousands of years and are considered the absolute truth and the highest justice. However, even in the Bible itself, these laws are presented in the form of parables, which, if desired, can be explained in any way. This is what all kinds of interpreters have used for many centuries. Yes, conclusions based on these parables are made extremely transparent, but they are interpreted very differently - depending on the ideology of the interpreter and his needs. It turns out that the laws of life, as well as the various laws of society, whatever one may say, fall under the well-known saying: “The law is that whatever the shaft is turned, so it turns out.” After all, the basic biblical commandments, such as “thou shalt not kill,” “thou shalt not steal,” “thou shalt not commit adultery,” and all the rest, have never been simple and transparent. Here is an example: our Soviet intelligence officers, during the Great Patriotic War, obtained, and in fact stole data from the Nazis and thereby saved, for example, mined cities, saved hundreds of thousands of innocent people from senseless death. And these actions of theirs are not condemned, but, on the contrary, are called a feat, although they violated one of the sacred laws of life. So it's not that simple? What can we say about secondary laws? I mean guidelines that, although they have not become the main commandments, are considered the laws of life. Such, for example, as the “Law of Cause and Effect,” which states that nothing happens for nothing, or the “Law of Boomerang,” which is based on the idea that all actions come back to us, and even strengthened many times over. There is also the “Law of the Mirror,” which says that everything that happens to a person is a reflection of his thoughts and actions, or the “Law of the Barrier,” which states that a person, by the power of his intention, can raise any “barrier” that blocks his path to goals and a great many different rules called the laws of life. Where is the simplicity and transparency in these and similar laws? Not one of them is an axiom; all of them are not only constantly confirmed, but also refuted, and have any number of interpretations and exceptions. Most likely, these are not the laws of life, but our fantasies, from which we really want to make the Enduring Laws of the Universe. People really need fairy tales, and they make them up. In fact, I think the simplicity and complexity of our lives are determined not only by our attitude to a particular situation, but also by the situation itself, which is not always simple.
Answer
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Accepting reality will help organize your thoughts and feelings. This is the key to being productive. How we behave when faced with a problem determines how quickly we find a solution. Even if our problem cannot be solved (for example, the loss of a loved one), we still choose each time how to react to what happened.
You shouldn't indulge in self-pity. It will not allow you to move on and will completely deprive you of your fortitude. Ask yourself: “What can I do right now to help myself in some way?” You may have to overcome your fear or do something unpleasant. The main thing is to act.
How to survive failure
Every person has hard times. Some people cope with them more easily; for others, failures become an insurmountable burden in life. What's the secret? Why do some people cope with life's difficulties? Practicing psychologist Carol Morgan has developed several rules on how to survive failure.
We accept the situation
Our experiences only happen if we refuse to accept reality. If something can be changed, then action must be taken. But if nothing can be done, then there are two options. The first is to accept the situation and overcome the negativity. The second is to savor your failures and suffer.
There is no definition of "failure"
Carol advises eliminating the words “failure”, “failure”, “I’m unlucky again” from your vocabulary. It is worth remembering that all great people faced failure before their success. They didn't give up and learned from their mistakes.
What failure looks like in our eyes
It all depends on the point of view; if trouble is a global problem, then it will fill all emotions and thoughts with negativity. Sometimes it helps to think that a situation is a lesson and something you can learn from.
In most situations, external reality is our internal program. We want to think that circumstances change us. But in fact, they often appear because of our attitude. How to survive troubles? You can start changing yourself to change the situation.
If it doesn't work out now, then the best is on the way.
Carol Morgan says that often good things happen after something goes wrong. For example, getting fired from your job seems like a disaster. But over time, it turns out that this event helped me find my calling. Morgan recommends trusting that everything is as it should be.
Let go of desires
How to survive failure? Do not attach great importance to your desires. Many people, not getting what they wanted, fall into negativity. It is worth trying to be happy regardless of getting what you want.
Let us experience joy
Morgan says he knows a lot of people who literally forbid themselves to have fun. They are very dependent on their problems, internal chaos, that they cannot understand how to cope with difficulties. The psychologist advises focusing your attention not on difficulties, but on joys.
Avoid comparison
Yes, let someone have better times now, but why not look at those who are worse off than you? Many people live in a state of poverty, disease, and hunger. What great thing do you have that you can be proud of? What is worth living for in order to survive a difficult period in life?
I'm not a victim
We ourselves create the image of a victim and an unhappy person in our thoughts. It is worth taking personal responsibility, going through difficulties, coping with your thoughts and actions. The psychologist recommends giving up the image of a victim and becoming a winner.
Everything will change
How to survive difficult times? It seems to us that there is no way out of their difficult situation. But there will be changes, nothing lasts forever, you need to give up the habit of thinking that everything will remain this way forever.
Carol Morgan advises believing that miracles are possible. You need to believe that happy events will happen soon. How to overcome difficulties in life? Sometimes you just have to believe in miracles.
Control sad thoughts
The mind can be both our best ally and our worst enemy. If you allow negative thoughts to take over, you simply won't be able to do anything.
Thoughts like “I’ll never be able to do this” or “I can’t stand another minute” will prevent you from achieving your goals. So try to notice when your thoughts become overly pessimistic.
If you feel yourself panicking, think about what you would say if your friend were in this situation. Surely you would encourage him and assure him that he would succeed.
How to deal with problems
Problems do not allow you to live in peace, there is no strength left, the difficult period has dragged on. How to survive problems? Recommendations:
- We make lists. We describe all the difficulties point by point. When information is transferred to paper, the head is freed. We arrange them in order of importance. What needs a quick solution? What can be left to chance? What situations can we let go of? As a result, there won't be many problems left. We pay attention to the most important ones and develop a solution plan.
- Let's leave the worry. How to cope with problems without anxiety? Let us spend 30 minutes a day worrying, during which time we list all the horrors of what could happen. We spend the rest of our time searching for a solution.
- There is no need to blame anyone for your troubles. Only we ourselves are responsible for our lives. Negativity, anger and envy towards other people will only slow down the way out of a difficult situation.
- Letting go of the past. We try to live here and now. No need to hold grudges. Look for patterns of events in the past. The situation has already happened, no one knows how life would have turned out, whether it would have become more difficult or easier for you.
Video: speech by Viktor Frankl, a psychologist and concentration camp survivor. He managed to take this terrible experience as the basis for his scientific research.
Diagnosis of problems
To fight the enemy you need to know him by sight. Therefore, first we will determine the presence of difficulties and see which category they belong to. Life difficulties:
Serious problems from outside (loss of the most expensive property, a house burned down, a large sum of money was stolen, death of a loved one, incurable illness). Difficulties of moderate complexity (you were kicked out of work, your husband or wife cheated on you, you got sick, you have no means of subsistence). Difficulties in self-identification, psychological problems (fear of death, feelings of inferiority or worthlessness, depression, panic). Domestic difficulties (tired of cleaning, cooking, quarreling with my husband because of his carelessness, plumbing is out of order, not enough money, the phone is broken, difficulties in family life).
The problems described in the first two points are not necessarily the most difficult. The third type of problems - psychological - can be of any complexity. The subtle world called “psyche” is difficult to analyze, so to deal with this kind of problem, you have to try. Everyday difficulties from the last category are only at first glance inferior in complexity to the previous ones; they drag you into a pool of sadness, fear, sluggish, destructive hatred of yourself and the rest of the world. Therefore, any of the problems is serious, especially for the one who has it.
Statuses about overcoming difficulties
And I would also like to live, and not just overcome difficulties.
Do not complain in the face of difficulties, grit your teeth and overcome them.
Teach children to overcome difficulties, then they will not even understand that this is a great art.
Difficulties strengthen, without them a person relaxes and becomes limp.
Overcome difficulties - reap your laurels if you have time before the next ones arrive.
Overcoming difficulties, we gain wisdom
Easy and expensive can only be the last step.
I haven’t forgotten my mother’s instructions: overcome difficulties, and everything will work out. I overcome it, but nothing works.
Difficulties do not need to be avoided, they must either be stepped over or overcome.
A day without overcoming difficulties is a gift of fate.
Everyone is given strength, so you can always overcome your difficulties.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself when difficulties arise along the way; feel sorry for others who are afraid of these difficulties.
The harder your path to the top, the greater success awaits you.
When you overcome difficulties, it is important to go and do it in the style of the eyes being afraid, but the hands doing it.
Difficulties in a person's life
Imagine life without difficulties. It seemed like it could be better. You will be surprised, but it is the presence of difficulties that shows us how good life can be, gives us food for thought, and makes us, like the balls from the example above, move. If difficulties in a person’s life disappear, then there will be nothing to compare the rest of the events with; no one will even imagine what difficulties are, or what joyful events are. There won’t be any, since everything will be painfully the same.
To maintain vitality, to maintain self-control, you must always remember what was written on the ring of King Solomon. It said, “This too shall pass.” When he was in grief, he looked at this inscription and calmed down, because there was an instruction that everything would pass. But he was in no hurry to rejoice too much, so as not to be upset later, because even in this case he looked at the inscription and was convinced that this too would pass, that everything in the world passes and passes.
