8 steps to help you enjoy life

– this is when a person cannot receive basic pleasures from life. He has no plans or prospects, he doesn’t need or care for anything.

If you ask him: “How are you doing?”

, - you will hear endless whining:
“Everything is bad!”
Although in Russia it is generally customary to whine, because... We all come from the Soviet past, and the habit of living and feeling “shitty” is absorbed into us with mother’s milk.

Of course, anhedonia can vary in severity. For some it occurs unnoticed (in the background), while for others it occurs periodically, and then only in certain aspects of life.

An anhedonicist often chooses surrogate joys. Something that at least somehow gives him pleasure. These are alcohol, computer games or porn films. His types of pleasure are a way to escape from reality, to hide behind the artificial joy of intoxication or the virtual world.

Such a person seems to live not a real life, but a surrogate of it. He is not able to enjoy real and simple forms of pleasure, he cannot receive sincere joy.

For example: – I cannot enjoy delicious food when children in Africa are starving. “I can’t have fun when someone is suffering.”

How do people express anhedonia in my consultations?

A person buys some things for himself, but cannot use them. Everything is put aside for a special day. I bought a new dress or shoes - and it’s all lying around until a better time comes. We don’t curl our hair with a curling iron, we don’t straighten our hair with a straightening iron... It’s as if the anhedonicist is waiting for the next life, where he will finally live for real!

A wonderful gym, swimming pool or solarium has opened near the house - and it’s not difficult to afford it. But he doesn't allow it. Down below! And even if he allows it, he cannot be sincerely happy about it.

Program yourself to think positively

Feelings greatly influence thoughts and actions. That's why we don't feel like doing anything when we're upset or irritated. But there is no escape from negative emotions. But you can learn to think positively.

• Keep a gratitude journal. Every day, write down what you are grateful for and try to worry less about what you don't have. Gratitude makes us happier, increases productivity and has a positive effect on sleep.
• Repeat positive messages that confirm your progress in the area in which you want to improve.
• Try to surround yourself with positive people. Don't forget that emotions are contagious.
• Be active. When we are inactive, we begin to stress ourselves out and worry about trifles. But playing sports causes the release of endorphins.

Causes and Effects

Imagine the picture. A teenage girl is sitting in her room, listening to her favorite band, enjoying herself. Then her father flies into the room and yells at her to turn down the music, since she has no strength to listen to this rubbish! And so systematically.

And then this woman complains to me during consultations that she cannot enjoy music (or nature, weather, vacation). It just can't! As soon as a feeling of pleasure arises, she is immediately overcome by the fear of being barked at by her father, as in childhood...

Imagine another situation:

My daughter cleaned up the house, somehow kicked the dust away wherever she could see it, and sat contentedly, drawing or watching TV. Mom comes home from work and starts yelling from the doorway: “Oh, you’re so dissecting! Paul, you say soap! But I didn’t knock out the rug! And there is dust under the bed, and the flowers are not watered, they are completely withered! You ungrateful creature, I work two jobs for you, and you!..”

Do you think such a daughter will be able to experience joy in life?

No. After all, all her life her parents were unhappy with her, no matter what she did. She never received any words of gratitude! This girl will have to work through hundreds of techniques and undergo a number of psychotherapy sessions in order to recover from the obsession: “I’m bad and ungrateful! I can’t enjoy life, otherwise severe punishment will always await me!”

The habit of living in eternal fear and tension, just to avoid being beaten, is an obsessive phobia. And you can’t just brush it aside.

When a child does not know when and why he will be beaten, whether he will be punished or not, this forces him to remain in eternal tension and mobilize all his strength. After all, they hit in different ways! Maybe by chance, for no reason at all, you’ll get a stern slap on the head. And one of the cadets told me that it happened that they beat me with a cord from a boiler, a hose from a washing machine, a belt...

A person is used to feeling as if he lives not in the real world, but in a forest with wolves. As if severe punishment awaits him forever.

Set your alarm half an hour earlier than usual

Many successful people get up very early. And while you don't have to be like Apple's Tim Cook, who wakes up at 3:45 a.m., try getting up at least half an hour earlier than usual.

This will give you extra free time to spend exercising, meditating, reading, having breakfast with your family, planning your day, or even working on something that interests you. You will no longer have to rush out of the house, feeling like you don't have time to do anything and have no control over your life.

Ban on pleasure

Such people have a subconscious ban on all kinds of pleasures. Or they will always find an opportunity to punish themselves.

An anhedonic person comes on vacation, but he is not allowed to rejoice and go crazy. A person either gets poisoned and spends the entire vacation in the toilet, or catches a cold and lies in bed. In extreme cases, he may be punished after his vacation for such unaffordable joy in the form of caught worms...

Also, close people may start swearing and yelling at each other. After all, you can’t be happy, but you went to a resort... Internal tension arises, which can be relieved with the help of swearing and scandals.

In general, if there is a need, you can always suffer to the fullest! And so every holiday. All of my life…

Don't take on overwhelming commitments

We often set big goals for ourselves and give up halfway. It is much easier to stick to and achieve your goals when they are simple and clearly defined.

Start small. Don't try to run a marathon if you have no training at all. At first, for example, do 10 push-ups and walk every day. If you want to take up meditation, do at least five minutes of breathing exercises every day.

This also applies to business. Don’t try to develop in all directions at once, improve in one area. Don't promise what you can't deliver.

About joy in the next life

One woman at my consultation, while rewriting her biography, recalled that as a child she was often bought beautiful and expensive toys. But they were not always allowed to play. Sometimes they were allowed, but more often they were put away in the closet (because they are beautiful and can only be admired through glass).

The parents thought that they were teaching their daughter to be thrifty with things. But in fact, she could not even imagine how many tears and resentments would spill out during the psychotherapy session. All these childhood tragedies, when you can only play with a doll that can walk for 3 minutes, leading it a little by the hand (God forbid you get dirty or break it!..) As a result, the girl stopped picking up these toys altogether and separated them from myself…

“Joy is not mine! I don't deserve joy! I can't enjoy life! Why? Because it’s necessary!”

After these words, she understood why sometimes she works and saves money for the thing of her dreams, and then still doesn’t buy it, or buys absolutely NOT WHAT she needs. Or something that will only bring her problems. And he suffers at the same time, not even allowing himself to show these emotions of suffering!

How many emotions of grief she had to release in order to ALLOW herself to receive the gifts she wanted. And allow yourself not to punish yourself for joy. Allow yourself many pleasures.

Now, before she buys something for herself, she tells her inner parent: “I’m already an adult, and I can afford to take toys out of the closet and do whatever I want with them! I have the right to joy!

Express gratitude

Be grateful for the good things that happened to you today. This will help you feel better. In addition, researchers discovered R. A. Emmons. M. E. McCullough. Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that:

• Those who write in a gratitude journal every week exercise more and are more optimistic about the future.
• Talking about what you're grateful for every day increases your alertness, sense of purpose, energy, sleep, and may even help fight depression.
• People who think, talk, or journal about their gratitude daily are more likely to help others and offer support.
• Those who feel grateful place less importance on material possessions, are less envious of others, and are more willing to share their possessions.

Thank your friends, family, colleagues, clients, because sincere gratitude is a great way to strengthen relationships. Don't you yourself enjoy being thanked for a job well done or simply for listening to someone?

Being gloomy is profitable!

This is an opportunity to have happy and friendly friends. After all, you will always tell them: everything is bad for me! And when everything is bad for you, everyone loves and supports you!

But it’s worth telling your friends how someone “handsome, rich and with a big machine” proposed to you... How they will hate you! And if you bought yourself a new car, an apartment and a dacha in addition, then it’s a complete disaster! After all, not every friend is able to bear your successes.

If you live better than your friends, they will begin to suck the joy out of you like leeches. You immediately become indebted to everyone! Either they will borrow money and not give it back, or they will say nasty things about you. Or they will humiliate you to your face and find a bunch of flaws in you. Envy is a terrible thing!

No and no again! It’s better to tell everyone how “handsome-rich” is always disappearing somewhere, probably cheating... But the car is bad, it breaks down, and there are a lot of problems with it! And in general, I have gained weight, acne has appeared, my hair is splitting...

The same parsley happens to loved ones. While I am sick and suffering, I am needed, they take care of me. I am appreciated, after all! And the mother will come, treat her, and the husband (wife) will wrap her in care...

From here we get the secondary benefit of anhedonicists. After all, your sadness makes those around you tiptoe around you, save you from various troubles and help as best you can!

Once you become cheerful and healthy, everyone is unhappy with you. The husband stops feeling needed - after all, there is no one else to take care of! Here it is not far from a quarrel. Therefore, “whether you like it or not,” you will have to frown and feel sad. This is the only thing that saves your relationship.

Do something you've been putting off for a long time

We all put off doing something: calling the insurance company, cleaning, or buying new batteries. Over time, even such small things accumulate and prevent you from relaxing. If possible, try to do them as soon as you remember them.

Or add one such task to your daily task list. After you deal with the main things, do what you have been putting off for a long time. You'll be surprised how much happier and more productive you'll feel when you take that weight off your shoulders.

Scenario "Sword of Damocles"

If you suddenly had a good and joyful life - wait, soon it will definitely be bad!

Remember, Damocles was given to rule the state for a while and receive all the delights and privileges of a royal luxurious life. He could have rejoiced, but all the time he saw a sharp sword hanging above his head on a horsehair, which at any moment could break and kill him...

So is our heroine. Once in her childhood she knew how to be happy, draw, play, sing songs... But her mother always yelled at her, punishing her for any offense. So the girl unconsciously became accustomed to always being afraid of retribution for her joy.

The anhedonicist believes that negative feelings give him a guarantee that things won’t get any worse.

Suffering and anxiety give him the feeling that he is in control. Even if everything was, is and will be bad - but stable! There is even a feeling of comfort, only oppressive and sad comfort. And this is normal, therefore good and correct.

If, God forbid, feelings of joy and delight arise, the person will immediately feel threatened. “After all, I can FALL! It’s painful, strong and scary! And I will scrape my white bones from the ground. What a horror! Horrible! Noooo! It’s better for me to remain in grief and sadness the old fashioned way. From here falling is not scary or painful. It’s low!”

Learn to want again

Free yourself from the power of “shoulds”

The word “must” comes from childhood, and therefore has enormous power over us. In a dispute, we perceive it as the last argument, we lose our will and, submissively sighing “well, it must be so,” we do what is required of us. Without freeing ourselves from its shackles, we will never get through to our desires, because by default they contradict “should.”

- From time to time it would be good to double-check - who needs it? To you? Or someone else? Do your needs coincide with this external authority? What do you want for yourself? This is how, gradually, our needs become noticeable,” explains Anastasia Rubtsova.

Start over

Now it is no longer so important why we forgot about our own desires and forgot how to rejoice. We are adults, and we have the power to change this. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood, but a second childhood depends entirely on us,” says Regina Brett, an American journalist and author of “50 Little Lessons for Life.” To do this, you need to get off the beaten track and start doing things differently.

“In childhood, we form stereotypical reactions to repeated stimuli,” explains Mikhail Labkovsky. — Strong neural connections, or a reflex arc, are created in the brain, which makes a person react one way and not another to any similar stimulus. Hence the fears, uncertainty, and inability to enjoy life. To overcome all this, to raise self-esteem, the arc must be broken. There is only one way to do this “without using a lobotomy” - through actions.

Ask yourself: “What do I want now?”

Desires have nothing to do with logic - they are the sphere of emotions. Therefore, when you make a decision, more often listen not to common sense, but to your emotions.

- So you got up in the morning. What do you want for breakfast? Muesli with milk? Falafel? If this is not in the refrigerator, go to a cafe, says Mikhail Labkovsky. — How do you usually dress? “I have ironed it, it’s not dirty...” No need! Wear what you really want! Don't do anything without desire. No desires? Sit and wait for them to appear.

- Close your eyes, relax. How does your body feel? Are your clothes and shoes comfortable? Would you like to eat, sleep, take off your shoes, walk barefoot, open a window, close a window? What sensation, taste or melody would please you right now? The body and psyche respond very gratefully to such care,” adds Anastasia Rubtsova.

Sometimes we forget that the pleasure of life directly depends on how well we feel, how comfortable we are.

- When something hurts, of course, there is no time for joy. But we may not notice less obvious interference: noise at work, stuffiness in the office, an uncomfortable chair. Or someone doesn’t get around to replacing an old, sagging mattress on which they have trouble sleeping for years. Meanwhile, scientists have proven that the contribution of good sleep to our sense of joy and well-being is enormous,” says Anastasia Rubtsova.

Choose for yourself and respect your choice

It is difficult to understand your own desires when there is a legion of advisers nearby. It begins to seem that we ourselves are not able to make the right choice: “we need an outside view, an objective assessment.” And so a woman, putting on a dress she liked in the fitting room, immediately calls her husband-friend-mother for help: “Well, how? Pale? Fat? Getting old? Emphasizes? At home, the scene is replayed several more times, and the next day they bring the dress to hand over.

— Make your own decision. Like? Take it. Not sure if something suits you? Stay until the store closes, and come again in the morning until you realize that this is exactly what you want. When you reach the cash register, give the money, throw away the receipt and tear off the tag so that you are not tempted to return the item. Respect your choice, do only what you really want, otherwise you will spend your whole life hanging between “probably” and “I don’t know.” This is the first and most important of my 6 rules of life, says Mikhail Labkovsky.

Trust your Self

If you live according to other people's advice and coercion, then sooner or later everything will go downhill. All because we wishful thinking. This happens due to pressure from others. But listen to yourself! What does your subconscious, your heart say? Maybe you want something different? If this is the case, then start following your goals, not the imposed ones. Only then can you begin to live in pleasure.

But how can you hear yourself?

This can be done using a simple technique:

1. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts.
2. Start thinking about what you want with all your heart.
3. Imagine yourself when this goal is achieved.
4. Stay for a moment in this reality in your mind.

What feelings did this picture evoke? Did you feel comfortable and pleased that your wish came true?

If this did not happen, and you are still indifferent, then your “true desire” is not yours, it is imposed.

When you find yours, then feel free to start taking steps towards its fulfillment.

Dangerous symptoms

A person usually blames circumstances and other people for the fact that life is boring and gray. But this is not the reason.

People often unconsciously prohibit themselves from enjoying life.

This manifests itself in the following symptoms :

• lack of desires;
• a tendency to self-sacrifice even where it is not necessary;
• self-criticism;
• setting strict limits;
• lack of energy.

Apathy
There are several ways to change your life. To do this, you don’t need to delve into yourself, look for the reasons for what is happening. We need to act!

People and relationships with them

We all have friends and acquaintances, and we know that we can only share our deepest secrets with a few people whom we trust very much. You must learn not to hold back people who move away from you, because all those who want to communicate will remain and be close. However, it is important to realize that not all relationships are healthy.

For communication, choose people who can always listen, whom you can trust, and with whom you can be yourself. And while traveling, you will meet new acquaintances, who are sometimes better and much more interesting than a couple of old bores whom you considered friends for many years. Remember the law of the can of crabs, when those who remain below hold those who want to get free - this works even more effectively with people. Don't be afraid to run away from the crab people

Don't hold on to old connections - your loved ones shouldn't drag you down,

The best pleasures in life

The best pleasures in life are the ones you dream about. Well, when you get stronger in these practices after a couple of weeks, give yourself permission to dream. Do not immediately set your sights on Santorini and yachts, so as not to feel the bitterness of impossibility. Although you now already know that you need to switch from depressing emotions right away. Choose any desired event that warms you up at least a little. And start thinking about it as if you are in it all. In the moment of complete real fulfillment.

It’s a mistake to try to build a path from the you that is now to the you that is “there.” This will nullify all efforts. Your task is to “see” yourself in the desired state. Concentrate on how you feel in the moment when everything came true. Understand how you feel. What an expression on your face. What do you see in front of you? How your body is positioned, what you might hear. What details surround you, smells and even taste!

Everything is real. The more details are presented from living these ideas in a state of lightness and joy, the more wonderful and sparkling energy of embodiment is generated. The more likely it is that your life will soon change its vector to a set of blissful turns. And you will begin to feel its taste again. We care about more than just ourselves. We build the surrounding reality and make this World better and more joyful. And this is already quite a serious mission. The importance of which cannot be overestimated. Enjoying life is the primary serious task of every person living on Earth.

Friends, if you liked the article “How to Enjoy Life,” share it on social networks. This is your greatest gratitude. Your reposts let me know that you are interested in my articles and my thoughts. That they are useful to you and that I am inspired to write and explore new topics.

Happiness and joy depend only on us

Research has shown that just as people have different levels of intelligence, they also have different levels of happiness. I have friends who have everything, but they are constantly unhappy with something. And I know other people who have almost nothing but are happier than most other people. One of my closest friends is a cheerful and positive person. He didn't even get depressed when he went broke. And he is truly happy living his normal life. Therefore, happiness largely depends on our internal state and on how we perceive certain circumstances.

Make your comfort zone where you feel good

We can be disappointed in the people we interact with for a long time and do nothing. This is fear speaking in us. Fear of change!

We are afraid to find new acquaintances, move to another city, quit a boring job. And that is why we remain dissatisfied and upset. Of course, it is difficult to get out of the mud, which is warm and safe, but this must be done in order to live in pleasure. You can create a new one for yourself, which will be filled with good people, laughter and favorite work.

You need to start by stopping communicating with parasitic people who bring nothing but disappointment into your life. After all, they are the ones who make you feel bad and upset? Then finally tell them that same “no” and forget about this futile communication.

Next, start looking for suitable people. Just let into your life those who always support you, listen, and advise you. Of course, you will need to do the same, but this is a small part of what you can give them in gratitude for their tolerance and constant support.

Smile first of all

When we smile sincerely, luck itself comes into our lives. If you look at the future with negativity and indifference, then it will be the same in the end. Learn to react positively to things, then you will see what changes such an attitude brings about.

If you are walking down the street and all the people around you are walking with a gloomy face, then do not blend in with them. Enjoy this day, even if it is cloudy, give a smile to everyone around you so that they will smile too. Of course, we're not talking about weird happiness without a foundation when you look ridiculous. A sincere and easy smile is what you need.

Stress Relief Products

Proper nutrition helps our body cope with fatigue and stress faster and easier. Here are a few recommendations for increasing resistance to negative external factors:

1. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. “Live” food greatly helps the nervous system.
2. Include fish in your diet. The iodine it contains helps relax muscles, and phosphorus maintains hormonal levels.
3. Eat foods rich in magnesium, a natural antidepressant. It is found in nuts, legumes, buckwheat and millet porridge.
4. To compensate for glucose deficiency, which leads to nervousness, eat honey and potatoes.
5. Herbal and green teas will help remove toxins and harmful substances from the body and restore strength.

Attention! I strongly do not recommend relieving tension with alcohol or pills. This method will only bring you temporary relief, but in the long run it will significantly worsen the situation.

And these foods in the diet contribute to the release of joy hormones:

• bananas,
• black chocolate,
• strawberry,
• raspberries,
• blueberry,
• apples.

Don't limit yourself, everything is possible

When you are at this stage, you will most likely begin to resist some changes. It will seem to you that this is common sense speaking to you, but it is again the same fear of the unknown. It comes when after the white stripe comes a black one, and everything seems to collapse. But no, you can fix it. If you broke it, fix it! It's possible if you want it. After all, we need to live for our own pleasure? But this is impossible if you get stuck halfway.

Of course, there is no need to overestimate your capabilities either. Yes, you can do it, but maybe not now. You will probably need some kind of preparatory phase when you apply only part of the effort. The main thing is to do everything to make the goal possible, and then just “pull the hook.”

Good deeds

Not everyone likes to do good deeds, but it's worth a try. Making others happy is also a pleasure. Make a sandbox for children in your yard and every evening, when you come home from work, see them seriously and intently making Easter cakes and loading the car. And there is pride in my soul: “This is my merit, it was I who gave joy to the children!”

Good deed

Buy bread for your old neighbor and see the surprise and gratitude in her eyes. This is also a pleasure, although not accessible to everyone, but it’s worth a try.

Parenting programs in action

And in some families it was customary to buy condensed milk in cans or red caviar - and store it in the refrigerator for six months. The child must not touch it! Why? Because you have to wait for the New Year, when mom bakes a Napoleon cake and prepares a delicious salad for the guests.

After such executions, no grown-up child will ever allow himself to enjoy shopping, or, moreover, to use it. Only in six months, only by the New Year, or rather never at all...

And there are grandmothers who will “teach” how to live correctly: “If, granddaughter, you walk around beautiful and joyful, then they will jinx you, and you will get sick, and everything will be very, very bad for you!”

“You can’t laugh and be happy! After all, then you will suffer and cry just as much!”

How many such religious beliefs exist in our society?

“We came into this world with suffering and pain, and we must live the same way! We are here not for joy, but for suffering! But we will definitely go to Heaven!”

But one of the grave biblical sins is despondency! How to deal with this?..