Ohio researchers found that men think about sex 19 times a day. And their British colleagues claim that 62% of men refuse sex more often than women.
If you hear “Sorry, but not today” for the umpteenth time, something has gone wrong...
What exactly? Let's figure it out!
The reasons for such voluntary abstinence can be elementary: fatigue, poor health, omissions in the relationship, or maybe he is no longer attracted to you as a woman...
I'll tell you what's happening to him and how you can deal with it.
So, the most common reasons why he refuses intimacy:
Overload
For many men, formal fatigue is not a reason to refuse sex and relieve tension after a hard day. But not always and not for everyone.
If your man has serious problems at work, a project is on fire for tomorrow, or global changes are coming in business, he has no time for sexual games.
He, too, sometimes wants to relax and not think about anything, surf the net aimlessly, and eventually “play” the PlayStation. At least just DO NOTHING. Fervor and passion for bed exploits require energy that simply does not exist.
In this state, leave him alone. And instead of harassing, organize a space for relaxation.
Love
You ask yourself: “Well, why does a man avoid meeting me?” The answer may lie in the strength of his feelings for you. There are two concepts “love” and “infatuation”, which are practically unrelated to each other. Falling in love is passion, violent emotions that soon pass almost without a trace. Another thing is love, which sometimes comes not so suddenly, but remains for life. Perhaps your boyfriend was in love with you, that’s why he said so many wonderful words and promised to move mountains for you. Maybe he himself believed in it, but then the love passed and the harsh reality set in. Feelings have cooled down. Do you want them back? Take the risk if you are sure you need them. But know that this is like a match that flared up and went out forever.
Grandma and children are behind the wall...
For new parents, sex takes on a festive coloring. Very often, after diapers, vests, and baths, there is simply no time or energy left for this. Especially if he actively helps you with this.
Even if you are taking care of the baby yourself, but the baby sleeps in the same bed with you, intimacy can be problematic for obvious reasons. Not to mention when you live with your parents, grandparents and aunts.
There is no room for romance here at all. No chance, no options.
That is why I insist: a worthy man provides his family with enough space for everyone to live a normal and healthy life. Both psychologically and physically. And this moment doesn’t fit in with the parents in the next bedroom.
Neither man nor woman should live with their parents. Turned 25? Find yourself an apartment!
Lost desire?
A much more familiar situation is when a man’s previously normal libido suddenly disappears for a long time or sharply weakens. The reasons here can be very different. For example…
…"nerves"
Excessive workload with certain unresolved problems, or more precisely, the anxiety associated with them, can complicate sexual life, especially if a man has neurotic traits. To get out of this situation, it is enough to get rid of fears and irritation.
…disease
Of all the diseases, the most dangerous for sexuality are mental ones, namely depression and schizophrenia. They are able to completely turn off attraction. Such disorders in the body as diabetes, atherosclerosis, alcoholism, and urological problems can also do a bad job. If libido is lost due to illness, in order to get it back, treatment of the underlying disease is required. But still, the sexual function of a mentally healthy person is quite strongly protected by nature, and if there are no congenital deformities in the structure of the genital organs, organic factors (with the exception of chromosomal disorders and some neurological diseases) rarely affect it radically, the main thing is not to neglect sexual practice.
...deficiency of sexual energy
If a man is capable of sexual activity, but belongs to a weak sexual group, his attraction and potency are generally low. A sexologist can help such men. Therapy in this case is reminiscent of sports training - the patient is taken to a higher level, gradually increasing the sexual “load” for him. …age
With age, the average man begins to dry out physically; it becomes difficult for him to withstand the same sexual load. If suddenly at this moment life makes excessive demands on him, he may begin to avoid intimate contacts. Here, the desire to “stay in the saddle” is important to combine with a reasonable and realistic approach to business.
...and just a temporary difficulty
It also happens that a man is healthy, sexual function is in perfect order (that is, erection, orgasm and ejaculation occur without problems), but sexual desire has disappeared. If only this is missing, it means that sexual energy has “flowed” in another direction (too much passion for work, unfulfilled dreams, unsatisfied sexual fantasies). This can happen during various internal crises, so-called growth crises, or when going through difficult stages in married life. In such situations, weakening libido should be considered as a temporary difficulty that can be dealt with independently or with the help of a psychologist.
He's bored
If you have explored all of each other's cracks, and sex has become bland and monotonous, it, like any dish consumed too often, gets boring.
I can't appreciate your creativity in bed. But if he began to perceive sex as a “marital duty,” especially if you are not yet married... trouble.
“I need” is not as exciting as “I want.”
If your loved one begins to stay late at work more and more often, avoids your company on weekends and, under any pretext, leaves intimacy - perhaps he is simply tired of your life together in general.
Think about it and analyze your behavior.
If the situation is not so advanced, you can gently introduce variety into your sex life and stimulate desire. The main thing is not to forget that his wishes also need to be taken into account.
No sex: why husband avoids intimacy
Alena Vasilkova |
03/11/2016 | 11308 Alena Vasilkova 03/11/2016 11308
The fact remains: when it comes to sex, not only women, but also men have headaches. Why do husbands avoid intimacy with their wives?
It is foolish to believe that problems in bed arise only among men in their seventh decade. Both young guys and mature men who have reached a certain status and position in society have them.
Not daring to consider myself the ultimate truth, I will share my observations of married couples of people I know.
So, 4 reasons why a man may refuse intimacy .
Reason #1: Working Too Much
No matter how trivial it may sound, the need to perform too much work and high responsibility have the most negative impact on a man’s sex life.
When the project deadline is approaching, there can be no talk of any personal life
Some representatives of the stronger half of humanity, not only during working hours, but also in personal time, constantly think about work. Their work cell phone is ringing with calls from 7 a.m. (at best) until late at night. What kind of sex can we talk about in such conditions?!
If the amount of stress in your spouse's life is off the charts, hoping that he will be ardent and passionate in bed is very reckless. Moreover, neither seductive lingerie nor pole dancing will help raise the “fighting spirit” of the faithful.
The best thing you can do is organize a trip or at least a couple of days of relaxation for two. The main thing is that the spouse refuses to use a mobile phone and laptop during the trip.
Reason 2. Sick
Illness is one of the most common reasons why men refuse sex. Especially when it comes to serious illnesses. After all, it is much easier for some representatives of the stronger sex to come up with a thousand and one excuses for why “not today” than to admit their physical weakness.
What to do? Be attentive to your significant other. Pay attention to the pills or prescriptions that appear in the medicine cabinet.
If you feel that your spouse is hiding something from you, do not question him with bias. It’s better to do everything possible so that he himself wants to tell you about his problems, including those with health.
If your spouse puts off visiting the doctor by hook or by crook, but is suffering from pain, take the initiative and make an appointment for him at the clinic yourself.
Reason 3. Prefers virtual life to real life
Some women are very lenient when their husbands shirk their marital duties and prefer to spend time sitting at the computer or watching TV. Like, the main thing is that it’s at home, under supervision, and not in the next bar.
Of course, the spouse should have free time, and he is free to use it as he pleases. However, if you don’t want your harmless hobby for gadgets to become a real addiction, start taking action now.
Discuss with your spouse the amount of time each of you can spend on your hobbies, and do your best to spend several evenings a week, as well as weekends, together.
A spouse's love for computer games can destroy a family
Try to diversify your family life, saturate it with joint trips to theaters and cinema, and travel. All this will help awaken interest in each other and have the most positive impact on your sex life.
Reason 4. Tired of... you
If you notice that your spouse begins to stay late at work more often and, at every opportunity, tries to evade the fulfillment of marital duties and duties, perhaps it is not a matter of work rush. There is a possibility that he is tired of not only sex, but life with you in general.
This means that problems in sex are just the surface of the iceberg. If you dig deeper, it may well be that you and your spouse no longer have anything in common.
What to do in such a situation? First of all, don’t cut from the shoulder. Secondly, understand your feelings and attitude towards your husband. Then sit down and discuss the current situation together.
It may well be that after the conversation you will come to the conclusion that you have something to save. In this case, each of you will have to show miracles of tolerance and sensitivity in order to revive your former sensuality and passion.
In advanced cases, especially if the husband is not ready to make contact or has long had another woman on his side, no amount of talking will help. There are 3 exits here.
If you are ready to put up with the existence of not a mythical, but a very real rival, you can pretend that you don’t know anything and continue to live according to the established scenario.
You can also try by hook or by crook to return your husband to the family.
If you do not intend to put up with your husband having a mistress, it is better to put an end to the relationship. And you need to do this, first of all, for your own sake.
RelationshipsMan and womanHe and she
He wants to sleep
Man is a biological being. By the way, biorhythms, sleep patterns, nutrition and lifestyle in general greatly affect libido.
If he is a morning person and at 21.00 he gets sleepy, and you are an inveterate night owl and you just want a holiday at this time - the point is not that he does not want you, but that he really wants to sleep. Again, if you are the parents of a baby, read point 2.
He wants you. But he wants to sleep more.
An organism that has not had enough sleep is unlikely to be capable of sexual exploits; it is better to give it the opportunity to sleep.
What if he avoids sex only with you?
Sometimes it turns out that the issue is not a fear of close relationships, but a banal betrayal. Knowing that at home they will nag him, scold him at the slightest reason and humiliate him, the man seeks recognition on the side. And who will make you believe in yourself again, if not a mistress who looks at a guy with admiring eyes and indulges his every whim? In the article “How to find out that a man is cheating on you” on the official website of Pavel Rakov, I tell you how to catch your spouse being unfaithful and what to do about it.
Read more articles about problems in your intimate life and their solutions in the “Love and Sex” section. And to be sure that such troubles will bypass you or cause minimal inconvenience, sign up for the “Secrets of Women’s Happiness” course. There I will tell you how to build a happy family life, in which there is no room for misunderstandings and disagreements.
Why do you think men are in no hurry to have an intimate relationship? What is this connected with, and has it happened in your life?
He is unwell
This is not necessarily a potency problem. He may simply feel bad, or may have a cold or poisoning, but he is brave.
Or maybe it’s worse... It’s quite possible that he doesn’t want to admit to himself, much less to you, that he has problems. Please note that alcohol abuse and taking certain medications (for example, antidepressants) also deactivate libido.
Stress, depression and excess weight also directly affect a man's sexual performance. If you suspect something is wrong, do not put off visiting the doctor.
Call for a conversation2
If a young man +does not want to have sex, there is no need to be offended by your partner and throw tantrums - the man will not develop a desire for sex. You need to sit down calmly and discuss this problem with him.
Let everyone present the situation from their side. You can’t put pressure on a young man and reproach him, like “I’m also a person, and I also want sex” or “when you want sex, I’m always ready, but what I want, you don’t have the desire.” Of course, this is exaggerated, but the essence should be clear.
When talking, you need to gently ask what the problem is with his behavior. Find out if everything is fine with him, if everything is fine in the relationship. It is delicate to find out whether he is healthy or not.
He doesn't see you as a woman
Girls, let's be honest! I very often observe a situation where married women simply stop taking care of themselves.
But in vain!
Ask yourself, are you in your best shape right now? Have you recently updated your wardrobe and looked sexy?
In addition to appearance, there is also communication.
If you nag him, make claims, reproach him, get offended, or are in a bad mood, you push him away.
The other extreme is the role of mom. You look after him like a little son. A NORMAL MAN DOESN'T WANT A MOM!
Well, in general, the lack of mutual understanding, trust, and respect in a couple does not add tenderness to the relationship.
Work on yourself, analyze the roles you play in relationships and finally become yourself. And then upgrade your femininity!
Who can this happen to?
They are so different, these men who are afraid of sexual contact. Oddly enough, it’s not just the plain-looking type who is ashamed of his unattractive appearance who can avoid intimacy. Sometimes real handsome people turn out to be asexuals. So who is afraid of sex? It’s good for a girl to know about this:
- Victim of a strict upbringing .
The responsibility for the fact that a man is afraid and avoids sexual contact lies with the parents. Due to their Puritan views, they forbade their son to communicate with girls; they considered interest in the opposite sex “sinful.” This is how sexuality was gradually suppressed. The result is sad - an adult young man is indifferent to women, even afraid of them. But there is a risk of developing homosexual attraction. - Sissy. The main woman in his life is his mother, and most often such a parent protects her treasure from communication with the female sex. It’s unlikely that the mother talked to her son about sex. He is shy and afraid of this side of adult life.
It is likely that it is with his mother’s approval that he will choose a partner for intimate relationships, if he decides to take this step at all. The son does not want to upset his mother, which results in a basic fear of sex.
- A man with weak sexual energy .
Here the reason for the lack of interest in sex is caused by the genetic program. Low levels of desire are observed in only a few percent of the entire male population. By the way, among such “weaklings” there are specimens of a very courageous appearance. But alas... They are not interested in sex. - Sensitive nature .
Belonging to the stronger sex does not mean that your partner is necessarily self-confident and used to achieving goals. There are overly impressionable, emotional types who painfully experience failures in the intimate sphere. If the poor fellow was repeatedly denied sex or was hopelessly in love, then the risk of hating the female sex and avoiding intimacy is very high. - Victim of failure in bed .
This is a colleague in misfortune of a too vulnerable man (see point above). But only here the matter concerns a purely physiological side. Failures in bed sometimes happen to everyone - the erection failed at the most crucial moment or the partner remained unsatisfied. But not everyone will focus on this. But someone who regularly experiences fiasco will be afraid of new sexual contact.
Useful information on the topic of relationships between a man and a woman:
- Personal life as a diagnosis or why he doesn’t want sex?
- Psychology: why does he ignore the lady he likes?
- How to bring back your former passion - recommendations for action!
- How to do something nice for your loved one?
- Harmony between you - a list of the main mistakes of the weaker sex.
He has sex. But not with you
Perhaps you miss tenderness and affection from him for a simple reason - he has another. Treason is a topic for a separate article. Cheating does not happen in a vacuum.
And one more thing: both are always to blame and both bear responsibility too. You need to look deeper for the cause and then solve the problem.
I talk in detail about how to learn to understand and hear a man, how to find out what he thinks and how to behave in a harmonious relationship in my author’s free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.”
Two sides of the same problem
Lack of sexual desire is considered to be a women's problem. Although, by and large, for a woman, a decrease in sexual desire can hardly be called a problem at all: the level of female libido in a calm state is already low, it increases, as a rule, only in a sexual situation. A man, being by nature the initiator of sexual contact, is always tuned in to THIS. Unlike a woman, his norm is an elevated sexual mood, and if a man’s sexual desire suddenly decreases or disappears, this is perceived as a catastrophe and pathology. So in the male version, the problem, although much less common, is much more acute.
