How to overcome stiffness and fear of sex

Relationship with a regular partner

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How to overcome constraint and fear of sex? Stiffness is a serious barrier to achieving pleasure from sex. Not to mention achieving orgasm, the feeling of stiffness will interfere with even sexual arousal. This feeling goes hand in hand with feelings of guilt or anxiety about sex. The origins may also lie in strict upbringing or in some unsuccessful sexual incident from adolescence.

These cases are rather exceptions to the rule, since in general they are not so significant as to interfere with our sex life. But these exceptions still occur, causing us to feel uncomfortable even at the thought of sex and avoid it. The purpose of this article is to change approaches to sex, to make them fundamentally new, to make you understand that you have the right to sexual pleasure.

How to deal with sexual guilt?

Feelings of guilt can be the cause of suppression of sexuality. Over time, such a person begins to sincerely believe that he is not interested in sex. So what to do about it?

1. Work on your imagination. This is a great start because it is much easier to overcome guilt in fantasy than in the physical world. If this is problematic, then you can resort to the help of erotic magazines or books. Unusual situations may arise in your fantasies; other people should not be afraid of this, since you do not necessarily need to make these fantasies come true. The purpose of this exercise is to feel the palette of emotions that you have been suppressing for a long time.

2. Change your approach. Try to rethink your attitude towards sex. What is this bias based on? Emotionally? Is it justified? Free yourself from previous experiences for a while and imagine that the topic of sex has touched you for the first time. If negative feelings from sex are based on emotions, try to get rid of them once and for all!

3. Try to become a hedonist. As a rule, sexually constrained men reject the principle of pleasure for the sake of pleasure. If you are consumed by a feeling of guilt because you don’t work hard, relax a lot, waste money, then most likely you don’t enjoy life. It is not right! Try to make room in your soul for simple pleasures - music, delicious food, painting, erotic magazines. By doing this, you will open the door to a new source of pleasure - sex.

4. Learning to be an active participant! Men who are constrained by a feeling of guilt during intimacy are mainly characterized by a rational assessment of their own actions. During sex, such men oppose themselves to what is happening, indifferently contemplating, instead of feeling the palette of emotions. In these cases, you should focus on your own sensations, on the female body, on mutual touching.

5. Restraint is the enemy of orgasm. Sexually constrained men usually experience a fear of losing control over what is happening in sex, appearing funny, or doing something wrong against this background, which could disappoint their partner. They are afraid to behave frankly, to show off their pleasure.

To cope with this problem, you need to let the situation go by itself and stop mentally controlling yourself and sexual intercourse. Be assertive in your movements without hiding your pleasure, which may be accompanied by heavy breathing or even screaming. If this is still problematic, try repeating these exercises to satisfy yourself. But you shouldn’t overuse masturbation, as it can become a habit!

Signs

Avoidance behavior takes different forms, sometimes the person himself does not understand that the observed reactions are the result of his fear. For example, a coitophobe experiences real headaches or pain during sexual intercourse. Referring to this, he refuses intimacy. Women mistake coitophobia for frigidity, and men for physical health problems.

Some individuals refer to asexuality or a special worldview in which sex has no value, causing disgust. They say that this is their conscious choice, a rejection of “human passions.” In this case, a person can live quite comfortably because he really believes in it and stops worrying. But, as we understand, he is unlikely to be able to start a family.

If someone tries to persuade a coitophobe to have sex, or a person tries to force himself, then he experiences somatic reactions:

dry mouth;
dizziness;
headache;
tremor of the limbs;
chills;
tachycardia and arrhythmia;
pressure surges;
shiver;
chest pain;
sweating;
icing of extremities;
feeling of suffocation;
feeling of wobbly legs;
confusion;
problems with formulating thoughts;
a feeling of unreality of what is happening;
presyncope and fainting.

At this point, a panic attack may occur. Human reactions become unpredictable. Some scream and become aggressive. Others cry, try to run away or hide.

It is important! The patient cannot relax during sex or foreplay.

Getting rid of the fear of intimacy

Many men are so afraid of intimacy that they avoid communicating with women. For this category of men, below are tips to help you meet women without fear. For men who are able to establish friendly contacts with the opposite sex, we suggest starting with the third point.

1. Non-binding date. Your goal is to go on a date with a girl who is somewhat interesting to you, but you do not find very attractive. The meeting place should be the most ordinary - a cinema, a cafe, a circus, a lunch break - without any romance. Invite a girl on such a “neutral” date until your feeling of fear dulls.

2. The next step is to make a date with a girl who you find attractive and who, in your opinion, also likes you. You may feel anxious - try to maintain a neutral attitude, as in the first stage. In the end, you are just friends.

3. At this stage, friendship should turn into intimacy. You remain convinced that you will not have sex, even if she hints otherwise. If this does not happen, you must show her that she is desirable to you, and at the same time look at her reaction. Try having dinner in a homely atmosphere by candlelight or in a restaurant, or a romantic movie while you watch it and gently hold her hand.

Most likely, it will cost you some effort, but not so much that you will be overcome by an already dull feeling of fear of sex. This is a normal phenomenon, since you sincerely desire this girl. If there is no progress, then most likely you have missed something: maybe you are not active enough because of the fear of rejection. Keep trying and you will definitely succeed.

4. Once the spark has flown between you, it's time to get past a more serious obstacle: the fear of failure in sex. There are 2 options here:

a) If you are convinced that this is a sensitive and responsive woman in front of you and that she can treat your words with understanding, then tell her that you have had some difficulties in your intimate life and you are worried about their repetition. An attentive woman will treat your words with understanding and, perhaps, help overcome your fear and constraint.

In addition, a frank conversation will only strengthen your relationship and dull your fear of sex. But if the girl is inexperienced and modest, then it is better not to be frank, as this will put her in an awkward position, since she does not know what to do and how to help you. In this case, plan “B” remains for you.

b) Just go forward! Don't explain anything to your partner. Moreover, if you came into contact with a woman, then your feelings of fear of failure should have dulled slightly. Therefore, everything should work out for you! Even if everything doesn’t go as smoothly as you would like, after intimacy it will become easier for you to talk about your problems, which you can solve together in subsequent attempts.

We hope our tips will help you overcome stiffness and fear of failure in sex.

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“Fear of sex - how to deal with it. Part 2"

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“Fear of sex - how to deal with it. Part 2"

How to reveal your desires to your partner

Playing with a man is the most reliable way to achieve your goal.

The entire relationship between a man and a woman is based on play. Here it is important to understand what exactly drives a man to please his woman:

He needs to be “begged”;
In fulfilling his woman’s dreams, he sees benefits: emotional, sexual, material.

Through the connection of your state with the masculine one lies the sure path to getting what you want. For example, you want a new car. You know that your date loves to drive. In this case, you can bring the fulfillment of your desire closer through his emotions.

What it looks like in practice: “Darling, do you remember the first time you got behind the wheel? How incredibly cool did you feel? I would also like to experience these emotions next to you.” See the difference between the above example and “Buy me a car.”

The main thing is to balance the desire with the possibilities.

Treatment

First of all, it is recommended to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist.

As with other phobias, there are several treatments for erotophobia, or fear of sex. It is better not to take strong medications for anxiety, as they are often accompanied by side effects. Taking strong medications leads to chemical dependence. Many anti-anxiety medications have side effects such as loss of libido or lack of interest in sex. Only a qualified specialist has the right to prescribe such medications in case of emergency.

The goal of drug therapy should be symptomatic relief of anxiety symptoms during coitophobia.

Other forms of therapy for erotophobia should be used as a comprehensive treatment and the doctor should focus on correcting the underlying cause of the disease.

It is important that the patient understands that there is no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about their condition. This is the first step in treating genophobia. He should be ready to seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. A hypnotherapist may use a technique called past life regression, which is often helpful. Other modern treatments for coitophobia include NLP (neurolinguistic programming) and gradual desensitization. Both of these remedies can help eliminate the fear of erotic phobia.

A hypnotherapist may use a technique called past life regression, which is often helpful. Other modern treatments for coitophobia include NLP (neurolinguistic programming) and gradual desensitization. Both of these remedies can help eliminate the fear of erotic phobia.

Some individuals who experience pain during sexual intercourse should visit a gynecologist.

“I came up and suggested it myself.”

Wife's visit after vacation

She: Doctor, I couldn’t help but come to you and tell you that everything is fine with us now - just as it was at the very beginning. You can imagine, my husband was even ready to sacrifice this! A man in the prime of his life - this is unthinkable! No, no, now that I know how attached we are to each other, that side doesn't scare me anymore. You should have seen the surprise on his face when I came up and suggested it myself... It was happiness for me to show my feelings for him.

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