Married relationships. Rules and advice for men and women

Older couples walking down the street holding hands cutely deserve respect. The question involuntarily arises: how did they manage to maintain love and tender warm feelings through many years? Perhaps they know some universal secret in the psychology of relationships in marriage?

A happy marriage is a constant work on relationships. A common cause of divorce is the fact that newlyweds, after a while, let everything take its course, taking love for granted. We get used to the presence of a partner in our lives, we stop feeding our feelings and taking care of ourselves. As a result, passion subsides, and love disappears along with it. What to do if the spark goes out and how to prevent “coldness” in marriage? Next, we’ll figure out how to improve the relationship between husband and wife.

Psychology of men in marriage and their needs

It is important for a husband to be the absolute authority in the family. It is important for him to feel responsible for his wife, children, and financial well-being. In marriage, he wants to be himself, so when he is constantly nagged for his shortcomings, a man can become embittered. His self-esteem depends entirely on his wife’s unconditional faith in his abilities. If a woman is not sure that her loved one can solve any issue, her husband will stop believing in himself and will become apathetic. As a result, such a relationship can lead to divorce or the woman will now have to solve all problems in the family on her own.

For the strong half of humanity, personal space and freedom of choice are important. A woman can be a good mother for her children, but not a “mom” for her husband. Also, not all brutal representatives will like constant comparison with others not in their favor, although there are such individuals, but now we are talking about healthy normal relationships.

By nature, all men are males. They are pleased to see a beautiful, sexy and self-sufficient woman next to them. They will always pay attention to attractive people, and the partner’s task is to always be out of competition, the one and only.

It is difficult for men to express their emotions; they are often accustomed to experiencing difficulties on their own. You need to accept this fact and not try to get your lover to talk with abuse or demand expression of feelings during difficult periods.

What does a happy family mean?

A happy family is a family in which mutual understanding, warmth and love reign. In a happy family, spouses sincerely love each other, resolve issues together, experience joys and sorrows.

After work, family members rush to home; they have common interests and a desire to do things for the benefit of loved ones. They are successful and happy with life. In such a family, children grow up in an atmosphere of harmony and love. They are playful, carefree and have unlimited trust in their parents.

What should a happy family be like? In a family, partners play two roles - spouses and parents. In a happy marriage, these hypostases are equal and balanced. As psychologist and writer Irina Rakhimova explains in her book “Mistakes in Family Life,” in a happy and deep relationship, spouses find time to read together, walk, watch a movie or discuss events. When partners devote time to each other and spend leisure time together, their lives are filled with positive emotions and experiences.

Psychotherapist-sexologist, specialist in the field of family building, writer Artem Tolokonin believes that family life has 4 main components:

Lifestyle;
children;
sex;
money.

Each of them is important and is considered in conjunction with other factors. As the author writes in the book “Secrets of Successful Families. The view of a family psychologist,” a family can be happy when love is the foundation, and in all other components the spouses have found mutual understanding and achieved harmony.

There are common characteristics in psychology that indicate that spouses, spouses and children have harmonious relationships.

Secrets of a Happy Family: Pixabay

By what signs can you recognize a happy family? Here are some features of such a union:

Mutual support. In a strong and happy family, spouses, without fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed, share their worries, worries and thoughts, and ask for help or advice. They know that any endeavors will be supported by their partner.
Confidence. Psychologist and writer Andrei Logus in the book “Infatuation, Love, Addiction. How to build family happiness” writes that without special trust, spouses cannot have a sense of kinship, physical and spiritual unity.
Respect for personal space. The publication Psychologies notes that partners in family life determine personal boundaries together, adjust them and change them if necessary.
Harmony in sexual life. A family is happy if both partners are satisfied with their sexual relationship. Happy spouses do not avoid intimacy, but experiment in bed and receive physical and psychological release.
Communication skills. Writer Bruce Feiler in the book “Secrets of Happy Families. A Male View” says that in a happy family, all its members talk about different topics. The manner of communication is always clear, open and honest, even if they disagree with each other.
Joint leisure. A common hobby, playing together, going out into nature or discussing a film after watching it in happy families brings true pleasure to children and adults, helps them discover their talents and see the best qualities of their loved ones.
Financial arrangement. In happy families, both spouses are confident in their partner’s responsible attitude towards finances and completely trust each other in matters of the family budget. This is important because, according to Bruce Feiler, one of the most common causes of conflict in families is finances.

Psychology of women in marriage and their needs

It is important for a woman in marriage to feel completely safe, to feel confident that her husband will make serious decisions, will always support and help cope with problems. She wants her lover to pay attention to her experiences, thoughts and dreams. When a man does not want or cannot understand the inner world of his soulmate, the woman withdraws into herself, feeling unnecessary, flawed and lonely.

Women always appreciate compliments, but many men give beautiful words to their beloved only during periods of courtship before marriage. Words of admiration for them seem meaningless, because the main proof of love is already in the passport. She wants romance and surprises, to feel wanted, and not like a housewife tortured by everyday life.

How to build family relationships correctly

Previously, girls were taught loyalty and justice even before marriage. They also taught how to cook well and run a household properly. All this was considered very important for the future bride, and then the wife. First, the girls were formed into a kind and good character, and then they were given the necessary knowledge. Now everything is the opposite. Teachings consist of a bunch of unnecessary information that does not lead to anything good. This does not save family relationships from divorce.

Very often, wives condemn their spouses for infidelity, alcoholism, and spending little time with the family. If you dig deeper, it emerges that the wives themselves do not understand their spouses and make the whole problem their own relationship. For example, for a husband, his wife is the center of aesthetic pleasure. And if after the wedding the wife stops taking care of herself and gets better, then naturally the man can look at other people’s skirts.

Being attractive is a girl's obligation, and if her lover ignores it, who is to blame? Even at home, a woman should always look beautiful and well-groomed. But in our life it’s the other way around. At home, a woman walks around with unwashed hair and a greasy robe, but in public she almost looks like a TV star. This is where many problems and misunderstandings lie.

( Also read: How to live without love for 30 years?).

Types of psychology of relations between husband and wife

Conventionally, relationships between spouses in psychology are divided into 8 varieties:

Cooperation. The most harmonious relationships. The family always supports each other, each partner knows how to negotiate and understands their other half. Conflict situations are resolved in their infancy or through constructive dialogue. Roles in such a union are distributed based on the individual capabilities of the partners.
Parity. The alliance is based on mutual benefit. It differs from the first type by a lower level of emotional attachment and mutual assistance. Husband and wife strive for personal gain, but are able to negotiate if necessary.
Competition. Relations develop harmoniously and benevolently, but the “fly in the ointment” is added by the constant desire of both for leading positions. Superiority is achieved not by humiliating a partner, but by a competitive method to achieve success in various areas: solving everyday problems, moving up the career ladder, better raising children, etc.
Competition. The husband and/or wife proves their superiority by any means and asserts themselves in the event of their partner’s mistakes or failures. At the same time, jealousy and envy are present in the couple. Despite the negativity, an alliance can last for many years if there are feelings, common interests and goals in the relationship.
Antagonism. A disharmonious family model, where there is no mutual understanding and common interests, conflict situations are constantly brewing. As a rule, such couples break up with a loss of passion and affection.
Rivalry. The union is characterized by inconsistency between spouses, regular quarrels and hostility.
Pseudo-collaboration. Outwardly, such a family seems ideal, the spouses pretend to care about each other, but everything is not so smooth - there is no support and mutual understanding in the relationship.
Insulation. The husband and wife have no emotional attachment, they keep their distance, everyone in the family cares only about their own well-being.

Mistakes made in relationships

Any difficulty overcome brings the couple together; the main thing is to know how to cope with various mistakes. According to statistics, the following difficulties most often occur:

Misunderstanding . You need to be prepared for the fact that at the physiological level, men and women have different points of view and views on things. If you understand and accept this, minor misunderstandings will be immediately resolved without quarrels and conflicts.
Lack of trust . If one of the partners previously had a negative experience with infidelity, one of them gave rise to suspicion, this can lead to a loss of trust. It is important to talk to your husband/wife about this in a timely and honest manner in order to find ways to resolve the problem. Trust in a relationship between a man and a woman takes years to build.
Financial difficulties. A woman on a subconscious level always strives for well-being in order to raise children in comfortable conditions. If a man does not grow and goes through difficult times, reproaches and conflicts may arise. A wise wife should support, guide her husband, and give him time for rehabilitation. If there are no changes, then the question is whether there is a future with such a husband.
Living together with parents. Typically, such situations are observed in families with housing problems. Living with parents, one gets used to comfortable conditions, not wanting to change anything, while the other endures discomfort. The situation in the family becomes especially aggravated when children appear. Psychologists insist that the family should live separately from the parents.
Sexual dissatisfaction . When the peak of love passions subsides, it often happens that partners are faced with a mismatch of temperaments. One of them may lack intimacy, often a man. A woman will be worried not about the quantity, but about the quality of sex. You can normalize bed affairs only if you learn to communicate on the topic of intimacy and talk openly about your desires.

Advice from psychologists

To reduce the risk of alienation between husband and wife, use the following tips:

never get what you want from your spouse through manipulation;
avoid insulting words addressed to your partner, even in a joking tone;
in conflict situations, do not use closed gestures (crossing your arms, leaning your body forward);
do not forget about personal space;
leave work problems at your doorstep;
do not accumulate irritation and resentment - always speak out and discuss unpleasant situations.

Equitable housekeeping plays an important role, especially if a husband and wife work in the family. Often, in addition to work, women are burdened with a huge burden of housework and childcare. The husband needs to help as much as possible so that the wife does not turn into a tortured housewife.

Who is destroying family traditions and why?

Today, in a variety of directions, there is an attack on family values. This is done by the so-called social parasites (Dark Forces) and their assistants in the world and locally (UN, IMF, national governments, officials and many others). One of the main goals of this is to destroy people and reduce their numbers on the planet.

How do normal families interfere with parasites?

A normal family gives life and initial education to its children. It is in a normal family that a child with little intelligence (we are all born rational animals) begins to turn into a reasonable person. In the family, the child receives various information that activates his brain and turns him into a human one.

The more intelligent the family, the more adequate and reasonable information the child receives from childhood and the more developed he will be in adulthood. Then he himself will raise intelligent children. As a result, the overall level of development of society will also increase. This is in no way included in the plans of social parasites, who are trying to destroy family foundations.

A normal family is a very important element in the evolutionary (spiritual) development of society and man in particular. It is from such families that geniuses and creators emerge.

But if the family is dysfunctional or the child grows up without a family at all, then his chance of achieving a high level of development decreases significantly. And the children of such a child will develop even worse, or even degrade. To achieve this, the enemies of humanity are making every effort to destroy the institution of the family.

How to resist the destruction of the family institution?

Now almost the whole world is trying to destroy our families. What can we oppose to him?

First of all, we ourselves must devote a lot of time and effort to raising our children , and not shift it to teachers and others. Nothing should be spared in raising children - this is the most valuable investment in the future of humanity.

also necessary to control what is happening at school , and not leave processes there to chance and think that teachers know better. There's a lot going on in schools today.

For example, in the West, children are molested from elementary school (they are taught masturbation, accustomed to pornography, etc.). And this is gradually being introduced in our countries through “sex education” lessons, etc. You need to fight this crap with all your might, create scandals, sue and literally fight for your children.

Parents themselves need to instill in their children chastity and respect for the opposite sex. Children need to be developed in all directions, and I highly recommend removing any Western information from their lives as much as possible, since it is 99% distorted and often only causes harm. Children also need to be helped to open up in what they have a natural inclination towards: creativity, physical exercise, and more.

In general, the destruction of family values must be fought with all our might and by all means. Educate those around you, tell them about it and help as much as possible.