Raising children in a family at the present stage of development of human society still remains one of the pressing issues.
I don’t like to repeat hackneyed phrases on the Internet, but no matter how you say it, the family remains the main university of education, upon completion of training in which a person, no matter how small, receives the title of “individual.” And how this individual turns out depends on the efforts and skills of the parents themselves. They, in the person of the child, are his first teachers.
Every family wants the best for their child. However, often it all comes down to just feeding them tasty food, dressing them nicely and teaching them some manners of behavior.
But the problems of raising a small child in a family cannot be solved this way. Children need more than means to grow and survive. A child needs education, which means that the child will soon be able to apply the acquired skills in independent activities - among peers and other adults who differ from his parents in status, character, etc.
The influence of the family on the upbringing of the child is therefore very great. Only in the family does the child receive the behavioral skills he needs for socialization.
Today we will look at all the main issues related to the family education of a child, regarding preschool age.
Features of family education
So, what are the features of raising a child in a family?
It would seem that there is nothing special, but there is nothing special about it. The child was born and grows up with his mother and father, surrounded by brothers and sisters. Parents go to work. The child is left with grandparents, or someone else’s aunt is brought into the house, who will look after the baby for some time.
Or they register the child in a child care facility for the whole day. And some even provide round-the-clock accommodation in order to take the baby to the family only on weekends.
It is difficult to call such upbringing of preschool children in the family and upbringing. I don’t even know what goal the parents had when they were planning the birth of a child.
Of course, there are many situations in life. Sometimes a child is born “by accident.” But in many families, children are truly desired. And yet, about such families we can say that they “gave birth and gave up.”
Raising children in a family should be the main task in raising the children of young parents, and not young ones too, who have received the most precious gift in the form of a baby.
The peculiarities of raising a child in a family are that parents should treat this process as a gift. Raising preschool children in a family is a responsible matter, and each family approaches this differently.
How do they raise children in different families?
Repetition
Psychologist Anna Bykova in her book “An Independent Child, or How to Become a “Lazy Mom”” pays a lot of attention to repetition tactics for a reason. In fact, this is a very simple method, and it is needed in order to establish contact between parent and child.
When we say “repetition,” we do not mean the usual term from the saying about “the mother of learning,” but the repetition of what we have heard. A simple example: a baby comes running from the bedroom after you have already laid her down, exhaled and went about your business. What will a bad parent do? Most likely, he will send you back to bed without really understanding the reasons for the baby’s behavior. A good parent, savvy in raising children, will take the baby in his arms and listen to the babble that the baby can’t sleep, the baby thinks there are monsters under the crib or it’s just very boring without mom/dad.
In such a situation, you need to listen carefully to what the child says, and then repeat his words, continuing with your thought, for example: “I understand that you are scared because the room is dark and it seems to you that there is someone under the bed. Let’s go together now and make sure that no one is there, and then I’ll light your favorite light bulb in the shape of an owl, okay?”
The repetition technique is the principle of talking through a problem in order to show the child that we understand him, and the opportunity to calm him down and make him listen to your advice and explanations.
In order for a child to be easy to educate, it is necessary not only that he understands you, but also that he is confident that you understand him. From this point of view, it is really important for a child to hear his words repeated from the mouth of an adult, but the adult, repeating these words, himself better understands the essence of the problem facing the child.
Principles of family education
A factor that influences a child both positively and negatively in terms of upbringing is the family. If parents adhere to certain principles, then they can become real educators for the child. If upbringing goes wrong, nothing good usually grows out of the child.
The principles of education are not difficult to understand. Let's look at them using illustrative examples.
Principle one. The child must be accepted as he is. Whatever you do, that's what you get - it's your job. Even if you don’t like something about your baby, you shouldn’t pull him for any reason. This is still the age when you can edit it. In skillful hands, stone becomes clay.
Let's say your baby is used to being capricious in front of strangers. This is unpleasant for you, and you stop going with him to various events and for walks. They say, let him walk in kindergarten with other children and the teacher.
But this is not a solution. When the baby grows up, he will be accustomed to walking only with strangers, without you.
To correct this situation, teachers and psychologists consider it necessary to discuss with the child the purpose of the walk, what you will do, where you will go. Perhaps offer to draw after the street what you will meet on the way there.
And if you have a meeting planned with someone, and the child should be with you, you can agree to bring the children to everyone who will be at the meeting. To give the kids something to do, you can prepare some simple games. This will captivate every child, and children will not be capricious, attracting the attention of adults to themselves. They will be busy with each other and playing together.
Principle two. The child needs to empathize, look at children's problems seriously, sharing the child's views.
If a boy's car breaks down, there is no need to run to the store for a new one to relieve the child's grief. It's better to look at this as an opportunity to repair a toy together. I don't think the breakdown is very complicated.
At this age they still don’t know how to break things seriously. But joint remodeling activities will bring him closer to his son and give him an understanding that an adult is nearby and is always ready to help.
The third principle is not to hoot, but to have an adequate conversation. Even the smallest children understand very well whether an adult is serious and truthful with him, or whether he considers him a fool to whom he is ready to give the whole world.
And the kids really like it. They grasp the idea - to manipulate their parents. This trait takes root very firmly in a child’s head. In the future, such kids will not become responsive members of society, but will become wonderful consumers. In a very literal sense of the word.
Parents raise in different ways, but the principles of education that I wanted to share are very good to follow, but at the same time it would not hurt to choose the most effective methods of education.
Methods of raising children in the family
Everyone has their own methods of raising children in the family. They are traditionally followed from generation to generation. “The way we were raised, so we will be raised” is the normal answer of modern parents. After all, as they believe, the system of raising children is not as important as the result that we will or will not face in the future.
Despite the many differences in the use of parenting methods, every parent at least occasionally talks with the baby. More often, of course, he convinces and inspires, instead of advising.
The personal example of an adult is important. The child is a mirror. We noticed how the kids copy the movements of us, their parents - either shaking their hair like dad, or shaking their finger at the doll like mom.
Other adults can use the method of rewarding their achievements. This is not bad, but you need to know when to stop. After all, a baby can easily get used to being good for praise.
And it is absolutely inappropriate to punish a child who also does not know how to draw conclusions from punishments. Punishment and threats are not the best methods for raising children in a family.
What are your methods of raising your family?
And yet, the main thing in family relationships is often considered to be the healthy development of the baby; the family often does not think about his formation as a person. But family is the basis for the development of an individual. And from the influence of the family on the child, certain character traits develop.
In different families, the relationship between adults and children cannot be called correct from the point of view of pedagogy, and especially psychology. Frequent punishment of a child leads to his rejection of the methods of such upbringing. The baby moves away from his parents and withdraws into himself.
And then it will be difficult or even impossible to reach him. And it will no longer be his parents who will raise him, but his offended feelings. Such states of the baby determine how he will relate to his parents when he grows up.
Specifics of impact
The family as an educational institution in the process of influencing the individual purposefully or at the subconscious level performs a number of functions:
- Reproductive. Procreation is a rather intuitive task. This is a genetically based need to produce others like ourselves.
- Social. Adult family members pass on years of social experience, communication skills in society, rules and prohibitions in behavior.
- Economic. This function includes the ability to ensure the level of material well-being of a particular family.
- Emotional. The task of the family is to ensure the child’s satisfaction in harmonious communication, love, acceptance and psychological comfort.
Family functions are closely interconnected.
In addition, their “distribution” in each cell of society is different. Some parents prefer to provide good material conditions for their children, believing that “life itself” will raise them in the future. Others surround their children with love, respect and care, supporting and helping them navigate the difficult ups and downs of life. Still others believe that only strict control over the thoughts, words and actions of children can ensure their proper development. At the same time, each representative of the group sincerely believes that he is doing everything possible to educate his children.
Despite the fact that the family is the basis of education, it is still subject to the influence of society. After all, the intimacy of family ties, blood ties, common thinking and moral principles do not exclude interaction with the social environment, to which the younger generation begins to gradually become involved, attending kindergarten, school, communicating with peers.
Therefore, it is necessary to consider the family as a social institution, with the help of which not only learning the skills of interaction with other members of society takes place, but also compliance with certain boundaries of behavior in society, which cannot be exceeded.
Family parenting styles
If the methods of education in each family can be completely different from other families, then the style of raising a child in a family can be classified into one classification or another.
The following parenting styles exist:
- democratic;
- authoritarian;
- conniving.
The first style of raising a child in a family - democratic - is the most acceptable in raising a child. Families with this parenting style take into account the interests of their child, make compromises with the child, and always find a way out of any difficult and capricious situation.
I would say a sharp “no” to the authoritarian style of parenting. After all, an adult is stronger; with this style, imposing his opinion, he will of course “win.” But is it worth it to make your baby dance to your tune from early childhood? Would you like to try on this style yourself?
There is another style with a clearly negative orientation - conniving. Here, adults don’t care about their children at all. Everyone in the family is on their own. But the baby still needs not only understanding, but also active participation in his development and learning.
It is worth noting that the importance of the family in raising a child depends on the choice or spontaneously organized style.
The chosen parenting style is the key to a good relationship between parents and children. If you want your baby to trust you, do not be too demanding of him. More emotional warmth and joint activities are the basis of your trusting relationship.
Motherly attitude
In particular, I would like to consider the influence of a mother’s relationship with her child on his development. It has been scientifically proven that this connection is the fundamental basis of all human development.
First type
Such mothers easily and quickly adapt to the needs of the child. Their behavior is supportive and permissive. Mothers of this type do not set specific goals, but wait until the child is ripe for something.
Second type
Mothers of the second type try to consciously adapt to the needs of the child, but not always successfully. Because of this, the mother’s behavior becomes tense and the relationship with the child becomes formal. Such mothers are more likely to dominate.
Third type
Mothers behave like mothers only out of duty, they do not experience any feelings. They tightly control the child, show coldness, are very categorical and cold-blooded in matters of teaching something (they do not take into account the development of a particular child).
Fourth type
Mothers are inconsistent in their behavior. They do not adequately address the age and needs of the child. Educational methods and reactions to the child’s behavior are contradictory. They do not understand their child well.
The last type is the most unfavorable for the child; it creates anxiety and uncertainty in the child. The first type is the most favorable. It instills in the child a sense of control over his own life.
The role of the family in raising a child
I would like to share the story of one family in which a child became a welcome gift.
On the very eve of the May holidays, April 30, at 2.20 am, Amalia and Alexander Goldansky had a daughter. The child was born to both of them, because the irrepressible father, who delivered his wife to the 25th maternity hospital around midnight, flatly refused to part with her even for a minute.
Doctor Claudia Vasilievna Bondarenko had no choice but to allow Alexander to be present at the birth. The Goldanskys, who not long ago founded their unique “Theater Business,” are already accustomed to doing everything together: writing plays, marking scenery sketches, and working with actors. So they decided to give birth together too. Of course, Amalia got the main role, and Sasha constantly held her hand tightly throughout the entire process.
The birth of their daughter brought joy and relief to both happy parents. The girl was named Diana. The Goldanskys’ eldest daughter, five-year-old Anya, is now visiting her grandparents in America. She has already listened to her little sister’s voice on the phone and is now carefully visiting children’s stores in search of the most beautiful rattles.
The child came into the world, so desired and loved from his very birth. The kind of personality this baby will grow up to be will be greatly influenced by the future relationships between adults and children in the family.
When copying family relationships, we should not forget that the child, as it were, forms his own self based on the example of his parents. It’s good when the family is prosperous and relationships are built on a friendly note. Then the child grows up calm and obedient.
Also, its development is in accordance with the age norm. And if the relationship is built on negativity, there are elevated tones, strict demands, then the child receives a charge of negative emotions. And an unbalanced personality will grow up, unable to act adequately in life situations.
Raising children in a modern family rests mostly with nannies and grandmothers. I think this is not correct. After all, a child needs a mother and father, the older generation should be like dessert for a baby - good, but not all the time.
If we look at raising children in a single-parent family, there is a problem - grandparents cannot replace the missing parent. If you really can’t do anything about it, then at least explain to your child why you are “not all at home.”
Therefore, it can be stated that the family directly influences the personality of a preschooler.
The role of the father in raising a child
A father's influence on a child is invaluable. It doesn't even matter whether it's a boy or a girl. Every child intuitively seeks protection from a “strong dad.” Although some differences can be observed in the attitude of children of different sexes to the head of the family.
For example, boys are drawn to their father in order to learn from him how to act like a man in any situation. The boys look at how dad acts, how he speaks, and even what kind of hand movements he makes. All of dad's habits become desirable and, at times, intuitive for the boy.
Girls look to their dad for shelter from any negative influence. Girls are more cowardly by nature, and for them dad is the personification of a fortress that nothing can break. Little girls feel completely safe next to their father.
As for the educational effect on the child from the father, here we can state a fact - most children do not require so much time from the adult. A short conversation with dad is enough for them to understand that the rear is in place. And then you can take care of your own children’s toy business.
Stealthily, the boys will observe their father’s affairs, while doing their own. And girls can sometimes even be naughty, attracting the attention of big daddy. They require much more time for their father's attention.
The daughters are ready to sit in their dad’s arms all day. They always feel comfortable in their dad's arms. Daughters don’t get much benefit from sitting in dad’s arms this way, but their emotional state is formed favorably.
For both the son and the daughter, communication with the father has a very positive effect. Therefore, dear mothers of small and not so young children, before breaking ties with the fathers of your children, think about how a child will feel and grow up without a father’s shoulder.
