In the modern world, representatives of the fair half of humanity have all the rights equal to men. Women are able to realize themselves not only in the role of mother and homemaker, but also in the social world, business, build a successful career, study, develop not only as a woman-mother, but also as a person in general. At the same time, the other side of the coin appeared - more and more men began to meet who had ceased to be the breadwinner in the family and were fully supported by their wife, refusing to work.
A woman is sad, a man is lying on the sofa
To begin with, it is worth finding out the main reasons for the phenomenon when a man does not want to work, only after determining methods of how to force his husband to work.
Reasons why the husband does not want to work
Some of the most common reasons why a man refuses to work include the following:
- The man is used to living at the expense of others. When a man is used to being supported, forcing him to work is usually a hopeless option.
- The husband is a creative person. This phenomenon is often found among artists, writers, and musicians. The reason for the unemployment of such a man is that the creative person begins to wait for well-deserved fame to come, the world to recognize his talents, and then wealth to come.
- The man is lazy. The reason here is that the feeling of laziness exceeds the impulse to work.
Unemployed man lying on sofa with food
- Procrastination for later. The husband is going to spend his “last” day today in front of the TV with a bottle of beer; tomorrow he will definitely “begin the search.”
- Bad experience. Due to psychological problems at the previous workplace, there was a fear of repeating unpleasant situations again. Confidence in one's own strength and success is undermined.
- Lack of work in your specialty. Some men brush off excuses that five or six years of university cannot be wasted, so he waits for a job in his specialty to come along.
- Working "for my uncle." The man explains the reasons for his inactivity seven days a week by saying that he comes up with his own project, since any work for his “uncle” is humiliation for him. A “real man” cannot afford such humiliation.
Involve your spouse in planning the family budget
If the husband doesn’t work, “I want a divorce!” - this is the main emotion that arises in women faced with a similar situation. But think about it, perhaps the current situation is partly your fault. Sometimes women shoulder everything related to the household. In particular, we are talking about budget planning.
By making a spending plan and going shopping on your own, you create a sense of security in a man. He doesn’t know what and how much it costs in the store, or whether you have enough money for everything you need. The spouse develops an indifferent and consumerist attitude towards the issue of the family budget.
Choose a convenient time when both you and your spouse are free from work, and invite your spouse to make a shopping list for the week together. Keep your list to a minimum, taking into account only the essentials. And if your husband asks you to include his favorite products in the list (beer, smoked meats, confectionery, etc.), refuse, citing a limited budget (even if you have extra money in stock). And if you manage to take a man out shopping, the prices will probably impress him.
Types of men who don't want to work
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According to a number of studies, psychologists have found that the following psychotypes of men have no desire to work:
- "Misanthrope". This type does not like people and feels discomfort in the company of colleagues and co-workers. The reasons may include psychological trauma, temperament, and character traits.
- "Melancholic." This is a sensual type who perceives all his experienced failures quite painfully. Sees problems even where there are none, overreacts to all comments, criticism and demands.
- "Sissy". This type is accustomed to the fact that all responsibility was previously borne by the mother or parents, so the situation does not change when a wife appears. There are usually two reasons for this behavior. The first is that in childhood there was excessive guardianship, which broke the will and destroyed the inclinations of initiative. The second is indulgence in every whim, when a man was pampered beyond measure as a child. As an adult, he is sure that he will get everything, free of charge and immediately.
- "Careful". This type is afraid of making a mistake, so in order not to fail, he does nothing. The deeper reason lies in self-doubt and fear of doing the wrong thing.
Man with a scared face showing caution
- "Narcissus". He considers himself a top-class professional, with no doubt that he was underestimated. As a result, he comes to the conclusion that they are simply jealous of him. Therefore, there is no point in looking for a job: he will still remain misunderstood and undervalued.
A man is a narcissist, with a crown on his head and his arms crossed over his chest
Move away from relatives
Everyone knows that the fair sex reaches psychological maturity much earlier than men. But the latter can remain children even at a fairly advanced age. But it’s one thing to be a child at heart, and another thing to behave childishly in all areas of life. In particular, this concerns the reluctance to work.
This behavior of a man is often associated with the characteristics of his upbringing. Perhaps the parents never insisted that their son bother himself with daily trips to work and thoughts about the financial support of the family. It is possible that even now in their faces he finds support for his tactics of behavior.
To force your spouse to reconsider his views, you need to limit his communication with those who support him in his beliefs. Of course, the ideal option would be to move to another city where his parents would not be nearby. But since this option is rather utopian, you will have to look for ways to reduce meetings with relatives to a minimum.
How to motivate your husband to earn money
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No one will argue that a man is the breadwinner of the family, and a woman is the keeper of the hearth. The wife’s task is to properly motivate and inspire the head of the family to earn money. Here are the challenges facing a woman whose spouse does not work:
- Make sure the family has common goals. Partners should move towards the same goal, discuss joint plans and ways to achieve them. This will not only allow the couple to get closer emotionally, but will also form a trusting relationship in the family. Men will move forward much faster when they clearly understand where and what result they are going to. This approach, as a component of motivation, is very effective, because the spouse will realize that he has a leading role.
A man and a woman look at each other, set common goals
- Allow a man to feel his value and importance. A man needs to feel that he is loved, appreciated and believed, even when things don’t work out for him. With the unconditional support of his wife, a man begins to understand that he has someone to try for. A woman needs to raise the self-esteem of a desperate man. In this case, he will have a desire to do as much as possible, earn money, and improve his professional level. You should also learn to be grateful for all the efforts of your life partner, so that your other half has the desire to give all his best. It is important for a man to realize that he makes a woman happy, including gifts. The desire to provide for a wife is one of the most powerful motivations for men.
- Create a suitable environment. The environment, without a doubt, has the most direct influence on a person: it forces him to strive for new goals and meet the required level. To fit into a certain company, it is necessary to have common interests with new acquaintances and correspond to them, including in material terms. If a woman can help a man create a social circle that will inspire him, then the husband will make every effort to become a full-fledged part of this company.
Practical help
For a long period, the husband does not want to work... What to do in this case? Sometimes a woman should take control of her husband’s employment process. Here's what to do:
- Have a frank conversation to identify the problem and come to the conclusion that it needs to be resolved immediately.
- On a piece of paper, write information about your spouse's education, knowledge, skills, and work experience.
- Help your spouse create a competent and presentable resume. This is not difficult, because there are many templates and tips for creating a self-presentation on the Internet.
- Explore job sites in your city. Mark the advertisements that suit your spouse's skill level.
- Send your resume to potential employers.
- If you receive a response, help your spouse prepare for the interview.
- Make sure that your spouse comes to the specified place at the appointed time and does not ignore the offer.
What to do if you can’t force it
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If motivation, persuasion and psychological techniques do not help, then how to make a man work? Here are a few extreme measures for a man to take some action and “get off the couch.”
Stop giving your husband money
Unemployed husband and wife sitting at the table
It is necessary to stop paying for the man’s expenses and buying him food. A normal man would feel awkward asking his wife for money for every little thing. Women's money should go to personal expenses, but not to cover the needs of the family budget. Every monetary contribution to the “common pot” will undermine a man’s motivation to be the breadwinner, support and protection in the family.
Make it feel like all responsibility is on the man. For example, inform your significant other that you quit your job (take a vacation for this period). The spouse needs to realize that now all hope is on him. Achieving, proving, providing, earning money are not women's goals. It is necessary to transfer all dominance to the man. Responsibility for the well-being of the family is a male task, thanks to which representatives of the stronger half of humanity become stronger and more confident.
It may be difficult at first after taking such measures, but it will only benefit the man. All rights and responsibilities for providing for the family should be delegated to the head of the family.
Financial difficulties
If a woman meekly takes on the responsibility of providing for the family, is it any wonder that her husband does not want to work? What to do in this case? Create financial problems. Not for real, of course, but for fun.
Lie that you were sent on free leave for an indefinite period, that your salary was reduced, that there were some unexpected health-related expenses. It is important that in the eyes of your spouse, your income has decreased significantly so that you no longer have enough money for delicious food, entertainment and all the other benefits to which you are accustomed.
Next, you just have to monitor your spouse’s reaction. Ideally, when faced with financial difficulties, a man should begin to search for sources of income in order to provide his family with a normal standard of living. If the husband does not want to work, despite the hardships, and begins to save, it means that he is incorrigible.
Advice from psychologists
My husband can’t find a job, what to do:
- Tip #1. Intimate talk. You should talk to your husband and try to find out the real reasons why he is sitting at home, and whether there are plans to somehow change the situation.
- Tip #2. Offer assistance. It is necessary to show a willingness to support the man if necessary.
- Tip #3. Help with the search. Offer ideas that your spouse may have overlooked.
The husband is looking at the newspaper, his wife is helping him and standing slightly behind him
- Tip #4. Seek help from a specialist. If the reasons are hidden deeply, there is a fear of failure, of not receiving recognition, you should seek help from a professional.
Married couple at a psychologist's appointment
- Tip #5. Give an ultimatum. The spouse should be given the choice that if he does not earn money, then his support will cease.
If all measures have been taken, but no changes have occurred, you should seriously think about whether such a spouse is a support and soul mate or more of a burden. Since if a man himself does not want to go to work, then it will not be possible to force him.
A man drinks beer in front of the TV
It should also be taken into account that if there are only promises and no real actions, most likely nothing will change subsequently. The role of the breadwinner in the family will remain with the wife; the man’s attitude towards such a wife will be as to a woman with whom he is comfortable. If this scenario does not suit, then separation will be the best option.
Creative person
Sometimes a woman complains that her husband has not worked for a year or more, but is constantly busy eating, although there is no money from his activities. He calls himself a creative person and lives in the clouds.
In fact, absolutely every person is a creative person. Because everyone is capable of creating, inventing, creating, doing something. But there are “specially gifted” who imagine themselves to be different from everyone else.
All these factories, offices and 5/2 schedules from 09:00 to 18:00 are not for them. Such a husband will not be able to work according to schedule. He needs adventure, self-expression, risky deals, romance and the eternal search for himself.
In fact, this is infantilism and a low level of responsibility. As a special species, such men have a right to exist, but it is better for them not to start a family, because the wife will have to work and cover all the bills.
Dependent
This refers to harmful addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, and gambling.
It is completely natural that an alcoholic husband will not stay long at any job; this is at best - and at worst, he will sit on his wife’s neck and still demand money from her. It is worth understanding that any addiction is a disease that needs to be treated. And alcoholism and drug addiction - even more so.
In the case when the husband drinks and does not work, when asked what to do, psychologists agree - distance himself and start a new life.
You shouldn’t expect any changes from such a man; he will only degrade and slide down.
Indecisive
Another psychological problem in cases where the husband does not work is his indecision as a character trait. Low self-esteem can also influence hesitancy to act. For people with low self-esteem, any failure can unsettle them, and for some time a person may become confused, reduce his activity and not make any attempts to find a job.
Magic will help
If you are already desperate to convince your spouse that he is wrong, but do not want to ruin the family, perhaps you should turn to magical rituals and conspiracies. If the husband does not want to work, wait for the waxing moon and place a pan filled with water on the stove. when the liquid boils, read the spell over it three times. When the water has cooled, pour it under the tree.
Just as the water was cold, so were you (name of husband or son), cold to work. As the water boiled, the coldness disappeared from you (name of husband or son). True.10
If your husband no longer wants to work, despite the persuasion of his loved ones, take a few of his favorite things (pants, shirts, etc.). In an inconspicuous place, embroider small crosses using threads to match the fabric. While working, say a spell.
Just as the Lord learned carpentry and did not shy away from work, so my husband (son) (name) will not be afraid of work and will enjoy the work. Just as monks fulfill their obedience, so my husband (son) (name) suffers from work and does not run away from work. Just as hermits search for God, so my husband (son) will look for work. Angels to help. Exactly! 10
If the husband does not want to work hard for the benefit of the family, if he is a pathological lazy person, there is another conspiracy that needs to be pronounced when you set the table. While putting food on your husband’s plate, quickly recite the text of the spell. Repeat the same spell when you wash your husband's plate. You need to do this daily until you notice positive changes in your spouse’s behavior.
Just as I wash the dishes for you, I’ll give you a job. If you are diligent, hard-working, a real man, you will help me. For everyone to enjoy. Amen.
If everything related to magic scares you, turn to religion. Pray daily to a saint whose name is the same as your spouse's. Ask the patron to guide him on the true path.
