Read the article and draw your own conclusions regarding all the words written.
Until we understand and feel what attachment is, we cannot understand how to get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Attachment can be so strong and subtle at the same time that it actually affects our entire lives.
Attachment is emotional support from a person or object in order to improve one’s own well-being.
We can only be attached to good emotions and good feelings. Many people become attached to their “soul mate ,” alcohol, tobacco, tasty and unhealthy food, and laziness. Some people become attached to the Internet and TV because they are sources of good emotions and security.
There is nothing wrong with affection or love. Therefore, there is no need to beat yourself up or scold yourself because of this . This is how it happened. You become attached, and there is nothing wrong with your attention being focused on enjoying something or someone. We enjoy life and that's completely normal.
Dependence on temporary
In life, many have had attachments, for example, to the opposite sex.
We become attached, and we feel good as long as the object to which we become attached allows us to receive from it those emotions, pleasures and feelings that we like. But absolutely every person and every object in this world is temporary. This means that it exists now and may not exist tomorrow.
And the problem is that ATTACHMENT = DEPENDENCE.
Of course, we don't want to be dependent. We don't want to depend on anything, but we still want to enjoy what is temporary. Any relationship is temporary . Money, a job, your favorite TV show, your favorite clothes, a car are temporary. Having lost it all, we are upset and want to quickly learn how to get rid of love addiction.
Sooner or later the object will disappear . Entire cities and people disappear, new ones appear. Or people simply leave, don’t want to have a relationship with a person, and new ones appear.
Everything in this world comes and goes. Therefore, initially treat everything as temporary.
Be alone
We have an innate need to connect. This is absolutely normal.
The essence of loneliness is not to isolate yourself from the world, to imagine that you can be completely independent and officially declare your independence to the rest of humanity.
“Loving yourself is incredibly difficult. But it's worth it".
It is important to learn to take care of yourself, to understand that your needs are very important and they will not go away if you neglect or ignore them.
The dependence of your emotional state on anything is always the result of the fact that you suppress your needs.
Here are some ways to take care of yourself emotionally:
- Recognize your needs and prioritize;
- Make plans to meet your needs;
- Enjoying solitude;
- Find or create a support group where you can express your feelings;
- Consciously return to the present moment several times a day;
- Exercise regularly to make your body feel better;
- Immerse yourself in something positive.
- And finally, never forget that wherever there is life, there is hope.
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Loneliness is your best opportunity to explore your condition. Imagine that you decide to spend several months completely alone. Ask yourself, “How can I make this time peaceful, relaxing, healing, constructive, and worthwhile?”
You're sure to find many amazing ways to have fun and take care of yourself. Perhaps through calming meditation, films, music, books, courses or walks accompanied by your imagination.
Analysis and self-exploration
By looking carefully inside yourself, you can see the source and the place that allows you to receive pleasure .
Ask these questions right now in relation to your loved one, car or apartment.
Imagine this object or person and ask yourself:
- What will happen if this person is not there? Will I worry, suffer and be afraid of this?
- Why will I worry? Why am I afraid of losing this in my life?
The answer is the fear of losing comfort, pleasure, fear of not feeling loved and becoming lonely . This is the fear of stopping receiving the pleasures that we now receive with this person.
This happens because if we are deprived of all this externality, we will not feel so good. Our mood will fall because we are internally looking for sources of pleasure.
This happens because our society does not take care of itself. Our society has other trends, other fashions. People live by money, live by the idea of fame, popularity, security, but all this does not bring happiness, does not bring independence and peace. This does not give anything most important to a person. And at the level of feelings, all this results in inner emptiness, depression, addiction, worries, fears of losing. A hasty search begins for a way to help get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Identify where you are being cruel to yourself
A good way to bring self-harm to a conscious level is to keep a list of your thoughts, feelings and activities that bring you down.
Analyze whether each of these reactions is fair? Would you do the same to someone you love? Can you replace this reaction with another?
“I'm not a pessimist. I’m a cold, tired, hungry optimist.”
To make friends with yourself, you need to listen to your inner world. Including its negative manifestations.
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Develop your confidence
A confident woman never becomes attached to a man if she barely knows him. Yes, she can fall in love, but at the same time she objectively perceives her partner, realizes his advantages and disadvantages.
If you have a lot of complexes and low self-esteem, then it is very easy to become attached to a man who is so strong and solves all problems. You consider yourself weak and are looking for a patron - but this is a road to nowhere. The problem will eventually get worse.
To avoid painful attachment, you need to become self-confident. To do this, engage in self-development, find new interests, and emphasize your strengths. Let him become attached to you, not you to him. Always love yourself a little more than others - this is the key to a healthy relationship.
Letting go of attachments: stop taking your condition from outside
Outwardly people can be very rich, but internally they are very empty ! I'm not saying to throw away everything external, let it be - it doesn't bother anyone.
Just stop boosting your mood with external objects and paraphernalia.
For example, the idea of a guy having a girlfriend makes him feel better every day. He needs to stop thinking about the fact that he has a girlfriend from the very beginning of the day. as much as possible from the idea that you have something in this world . Find a small moment in your head that allows you to enjoy and discard it. You just stop thinking about him. You just stop enjoying it.
Do it all little by little, not all at once. It's like a diet.
You will feel worse at first . But it is necessary. Throw away attachments from your life, no matter how hard it may be at first.
Live by the idea that you are already okay . You keep throwing away and removing attachments from your life.
You have a loved one, but you should not extract emotions from him in order to improve your fortune.
Over time, you will learn not to think that you have it. At the same time, you will not be afraid of losing it. Ultimately, you will be able to get rid of love addiction. You no longer need to suck out fortunes from somewhere, because your condition is already better . Thanks to self-development, you find the reasons why you depend on something, throw them away - this increases your inner state, your inner self-esteem. You begin to love yourself more and be more independent.
Strong attachment to a person: how to change a minus to a plus
Below are tips from Hal Shorey, Ph.D., who is a professor of clinical psychology at Widener University.
Write positive affirmations on cards.
An affirmation is a short positive statement, such as “I am attractive to girls” or “There are a lot of good people around me.” In the beginning, it doesn't matter whether you believe it or not.
If you're like many people, you've had a constant stream of negative thoughts running through your head for years. These pessimistic “tunes” play in the background like annoying chatter: “I’m a loser,” “All girls are the same,” “Love is suffering.”
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Often when you read cards with positive statements, you simply rewrite this “background music.”
If you don't believe this works, try to remember a time when you had a song from a stupid commercial playing in your head all day, even though you really didn't want to remember it. Has this ever happened? There is only one reason: repetition. Well, it's time to record a new jingle!
Become your own motivational coach
Many of us spend years uncontrollably criticizing ourselves or thinking negatively about others. When you do this, you reinforce negative, anxiety-producing pathways in your brain. Therefore, try to begin to be aware of these moments and stop the negative statements of your inner voice.
Practice telling yourself things like, “I can do this and everything will work out just fine,” “Happiness is just around the corner,” and “Tomorrow will be a great day.” Researchers have found that people who are optimistic about the future use positive self-talk when tackling challenging tasks.
- FAQs How to become an optimist: 10 tips to help you start enjoying life. Useful recommendations on how to change your way of thinking and tune in to the positive.
Learning to talk to yourself as a friend, rather than a subordinate who always gets everything wrong, will help not only change your attachment patterns, but also improve your overall psychological well-being.
Work with the mirror
Be warned, the next task from Dr. Shorey may sound a little strange. He suggests staying alone in a room, looking at yourself in the mirror, straight into your eyes, and saying as sincerely as possible: “I love you.”
As the psychologist recalls, when he did this for the first time, he could not keep a serious face or stop laughing. However, after some time, I began to say this with genuine sincerity and feel completely natural. Try it too!
Remember that your emotional system only accepts incoming data. She doesn't care where they come from. The main thing is that at this moment she recognizes that someone is looking at you and saying: “I love you.”
- Lifestyle How to accept and love yourself: a guide to caring for a cool guy named “you” Why lack of self-love is harmful and advice from psychologists to help you accept and value yourself.
People have a wide range of reactions to this task, and some of Shorey's clients have told him they could never bring themselves to do it. But he suggests looking at the situation this way: if it's pointless and stupid, then why is it so hard for you to do it? We promise we won't tell anyone.
Why condition is not the main thing
“Happiness is a state , and a person has no control over the state.
Freedom is an understanding that you can come to by chance and desire.
When you are free, you cannot be unhappy, and you are no longer interested in experiencing happiness - since this will be just another feeling against the backdrop of your freedom.
Therefore, freedom is much more fundamental and limitless than any happiness.
And it is precisely this kind of freedom that is happiness.”.©
Attachment is the habit of receiving good things from outside. But wealth shouldn't be your priority. The condition is always changing and always different. You shouldn't depend on it or get too hung up on it.
Conditions come and go . You don't have to take it from outside, take it from within. The condition should not be based on external factors.
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