Problems in communicating with people: types of problems, difficulties of communication, causes and tips for solving the problem

October 6, 2018
Psychology of communication
Anna Mallaalieva

What categories of people have communication problems? Unfortunately, it is impossible to single out just one group of people for whom it would be difficult to talk with others. This problem can occur for many reasons. The main ones are fears, misunderstandings, disgust and problems of interests.

Communication model

You won't be able to communicate with everyone the same way. Each person needs his own approach. Dialogue with subordinates should be conducted according to one algorithm, with a boss - in a different way, with a loved one - in a third way. If communication problems do not disappear in a person’s life, then after a while he begins to get confused about how and with whom to talk.

In this case, a person may demand too much from others and behave closer to those people with whom he needs to maintain formal relationships. In such situations, the behavior of a person with communication problems is very noticeable.

What is mutual understanding

Mutual understanding is the ability of people to accept each other’s point of view when communicating, to take into account the interests and characteristics of the other party, even if they contradict their own. The task is sometimes difficult, but necessary. This is the basis of effective and pleasant relationships without conflicts and mutual reproaches, relationships that you want to continue and improve.

When there is no mutual understanding, this leads to negative emotions, problems in achieving common goals, quarrels and deterioration of relationships. Moreover, the lack of mutual understanding can be between someone specific (spouses, parents and children, manager and subordinate, etc.), and with people in general: I don’t understand them, they don’t understand me.

In any case, this situation is unpleasant not only because it happens, but also because it is not clear how to resolve it. “Why did he say that, act that way? What did he expect from me? Why doesn't he even try to hear me? How should I behave with him?

Why is there no mutual understanding?

How to achieve mutual understanding in a relationship if everyone wants to get their own?

For example, a married couple cannot agree on how to spend a joint vacation. A woman so wants to break out of her boring routine - to go on a trip somewhere, see interesting places, get distracted, get new impressions. Doesn’t her husband understand how great this will be and how much she needs it?! And for him there is nothing sweeter than a quiet holiday at home. Finally, I have the opportunity to relax, sit at home on the couch or at the computer for my own pleasure, and watch a bunch of movies or sports matches. And she’s dragging him somewhere!

And this happens in any area of life. For example, between generations, when parents are outraged by the fact that their child sits at the computer all day or immersed in the phone. “At your age, we’ve never been anywhere! We constantly talked with friends, walked, played football, went to the movies, and went hiking. But you don’t even see life! You’ll be completely dumbfounded by your gadgets!” And in response: “You don’t understand anything! It’s a different time now, everyone lives like that.”

But I really want to get along with loved ones or the right people. It’s one thing when interests, goals, and outlooks on life are similar. This makes it much easier to find mutual understanding and come to a common decision, avoiding conflict. And if the worldview is very different, even in small things, how does mutual understanding arise between such different people?

We have heard many times that everyone is different. But it can be difficult to perceive this in practice. This is because we naturally perceive others through ourselves and evaluate their words and actions based on personal beliefs, outlook on life, values, desires, and experience. And other people also evaluate us through themselves.

When our values and desires do not coincide, difficulties arise in mutual understanding. “How could he? I would never do that!”, “What kind of nonsense is on his mind!”, “He doesn’t understand anything!”

But if they are different, this does not mean that mutual understanding is unattainable. Building relationships is also a skill that can be mastered.

Nonverbal signs and hints

Problems in communicating with people may also lie in discussing a topic too enthusiastically. Everyone loves to discuss different issues, but some may seem too strange or disgusting to others. You need to be able to understand hints and non-verbal signs that make it clear that “it’s time to change the topic of conversation.” If a person does not recognize them once, twice, three times, then over time no one will want to talk to him.

Great Family Wall

What is the basis of misunderstanding in the family and how can spouses build a dialogue correctly: speak so that they listen to you, and listen so that they talk to you, says psychologist Mikhail Kernatsensky .

– Many people believe that the reason for the misunderstanding between spouses is gender differences. Allegedly, men and women react differently; dominance is given to the man...

– I don’t think so, because there are a lot of examples when men cannot agree with men, and women cannot agree with women. Each of us has both feminine and masculine traits. Their ratio is different in each individual. Of course, girls are not made of cars and construction sets, but there are many girls for whom construction sets come first. And hierarchy in the family arises not because I am a man and you are a woman, not on a biological basis, but because there is mutual respect and there is responsibility that we take upon ourselves. The one who takes on more responsibility is the one in charge. There is only one obvious hierarchy in a family - these are generations, and a man and a woman are very individual today.

Of course, if we talk about an Orthodox family, we assume that a man is a bearer of certain values, a warrior who takes a sword and consistently repels all adversities. They say about these people that they are the head of the family. There are more such men in the temple than anywhere else, but still in general there are few of them.

– Then what is the basis for the misunderstanding in the family?

– The basis of misunderstanding in the family is self-justification. Self-justification is a working mechanism of egoism. Let's figure out how it works. No matter what happens, we find reasons why we are right and the other person is wrong. We need this to maintain self-respect. This happens automatically, without additional consideration. For many, self-esteem becomes synonymous with satisfaction from life: if I did everything right, if I am right, then life is not in vain, I leave a significant mark on it. Over time, a person achieves a certain balance, but self-justification makes this balance crooked. This is how a person gets used to this crooked balance.

– How can we come from this lopsided balance to dialogue between spouses?

– The main topic of any dialogue between spouses is their expectations. Understanding this, you can build a very meaningful dialogue, which will consist of two parts: “I want to know what you expect and feel, and I want you to know what I expect and feel.”

The basis of understanding between spouses is the ability to hear each other. Psychologists highlight a number of tools for conducting productive dialogue between spouses. We will touch on only a few - those that I encountered most often in my practice and worked well.

The first is active listening, when you listen to your interlocutor, and then in the response phrase you clarify whether you understood correctly. For example, you ask me about active listening, and I answer: “Am I understanding correctly, you want to know what active listening is?” It is clear that this is a rather rough example. It gives you the feeling that I understand you, even though I haven't understood anything at all yet. Active listening is widely described and has many variations. Paraphrasing what has been said is only one option for active listening.

- It’s good to start a conversation - to let the interlocutor understand that you are tuned in to his wavelength, but then emotions often turn on...

– Dealing with the emotions of the interlocutor is the most difficult thing; and the most effective way to continue the dialogue is not to get involved in these emotions. That is, take the position of a researcher. This may seem overly distant, insensitive, or even artificial. But this allows you to do the main thing - not to respond to emotions immediately. Otherwise, the dialogue risks devolving into a squabble or a competition to see who can respond sharply. If I take the position of a researcher, this helps develop dialogue.

Nevertheless, you should not completely avoid emotions. The fact is that the expressed emotions become, if not weaker, then certainly not so painful. And for expressing your emotions there is the following tool - the so-called “I-messages”. This is when I say that I feel a particular emotion. Let's say: “I get very tired with the child” or “When you do this, I feel bad.”

However, we must understand that by expressing ourselves in this way, we risk plunging our spouse into a very dangerous zone of emotions that were hidden until that moment, because we were either not ready to express them or were not ready to hear them. Therefore, they need to be opened in an extremely measured and monosyllable manner. Most often, the interlocutor is not ready for this, he has not read our article, and does not know what we are talking about.

In addition, in addition to dosing emotions, it is necessary to understand how much the spouse is ready to tolerate tension of this kind. There is an axiom that the strength of a marriage is tested by the ability of the spouses to withstand each other's crises. It happens that one person is in a state of crisis, and the other is fine. It's worse when both are in crisis. Therefore, I recommend that everything that is being said now be done in as calm an environment as possible.

– That is, for a serious dialogue about the problems that have accumulated in marriage, you need to choose the moment?

- Exactly. Moreover, sometimes you need to devote time and effort to preparing for this conversation. As in the good old jokes: a husband brings flowers to his wife, and she already knows that he wants to ask her for something. Each participant in family relationships, perhaps without details, but knows what improves the mood of his spouse. And in this state you can say something affectionately and measuredly. In fact, it turns out that the better the self-awareness of those talking, the husband and wife, the more adequately they will perceive what is being said, the more effective their reaction will be.

For a productive dialogue, it is important to add a technique such as description. Description instead of reproach. For example, my husband stayed somewhere with friends. Here it is important to describe your feelings, and not reproach that you came late again: “When you are late and I don’t know where you are or what’s wrong with you, I get very worried.” This is a description of feelings. There is no need to say anything more. Over time, this will give results, because such messages sink deeply into the soul, if you really put an end to it, without going into details. It is important that the statement is devoid of criticism.

Here we need to take into account one more point - what are we achieving with this statement, the dialogue in which we are trying to involve our spouse? Suppose I speak out, and my internal tension will subside a little. But in a family dialogue there are three parties - not only husband and wife, but also a couple, a family. If we simply, as they say, “let off steam,” then personal tension decreases, and the tension on the party, which is called the “couple,” increases.

– And how, in this case, can we protect ourselves from our spouse’s emotional statements when we are not ready for the conversation, either emotionally or physically? Should we stop the dialogue or should we find the strength to continue it?

– First of all, you need to understand whether your partner will express his emotions by accident or on purpose. If an unpleasant dialogue occurs for us, in which we do not want to participate, we can say: “I heard you, but it’s hard for me to talk about it for a long time” or “It’s hard for me to be in these emotions for a long time.” At the same time, to maintain a warm atmosphere in the family, it is very important to say about your warm feelings, love, and understanding. This is a safety net for the person listening and at the same time expressing your feelings when you communicate that you cannot listen at the moment. And the other person must understand that such a signal from the partner means exactly what it means - that is, the spouse cannot tolerate it for long.

– What methods of resolving mutual understanding exist besides dialogue?

– Mutual understanding is also born when we get to know each other well. This is constantly maintaining interest in your partner, in what he wants, what motivates him.

For mutual understanding, you need to work on openness, that is, a willingness to understand and accept what is happening now. Because at some point you will be told something important and valuable, and you must be ready to accept it.

But the most important thing is not even in the forms, not in the techniques and not in the tools, the main thing is to understand the key points: the origin of your egoism, the goals that I and my partner pursue, and the mutual exchange and enrichment of each other. After all, in a couple, in a family, you can only change together. It is impossible to change alone.

Prepared by Ksenia Danziger

Source: Orthodox magazine for parents “Grapes”

Emotions

Misunderstanding of emotions is a serious problem. The same topic can cause a positive reaction in some and a negative reaction in others. A person must be able to recognize emotions, otherwise the interlocutor may completely break off contact.

Such problems in communicating with people are common. You can often notice how someone in a company is very fond of dark jokes. If the interlocutor experienced similar feelings, then his emotions and facial expression will change. Many do not notice this, continuing to tell a “funny” incident. This causes further problematic relationships between people.

The language of communication

The most common problems in communicating with people arise when people speak different languages. However, due to the existence of a large number of dialects, representatives of the same nation cannot always talk to each other. Therefore, many prefer to start a dialogue with the person whom they understand 100%.

In addition, it is difficult to communicate with those who are far from certain terminology. You should monitor your speech, making it as clear as possible to your interlocutor.

Values

Problems in communicating with people can arise due to different life values and experiences. Before sharing some entertaining story (in your opinion), you need to find out the person’s attitude to the topic of conversation. Only then can you decide whether to talk about it.

For some, one topic will seem fun, for others it may be taboo. If you do not pay attention to the value system of your interlocutor, he may consider that he is being spoken to by a boring, rude, cynical person.

Misunderstanding in relationships

All people are different and this statement is as old as time. The problem of misunderstanding between people can arise not only for the reason that there is no desire to understand, much less accept, someone else’s point of view, but also because all people have different values, culture, and systems of perception. People with different perceptual systems have great difficulty understanding each other. When wanting to explain something, a person should speak in a language that is accessible and understandable to him.

Visual people
perceive most information through vision, they describe their emotions using the terms of the visual system. When communicating with them, it is easier to attract their attention by what they can see and appreciate with their own eyes.
Auditory learners
- receive most information through the auditory canal. When explaining your point of view to such people, it is worth remembering that intonation and volume of speech are important for such people and they will never perceive someone who shouts or uses offensive words.
Kinesthetics
- perceive the world around them and information through sensations. They will understand the other person better if he uses words and phrases that describe something at the level of sensations. Words: sensation, feel, etc. will definitely attract the attention of a person of this type.
Discrete
- only through logical thinking and comprehension by them can the world be perceived. If it is possible to prove something to them, then only with the help of a logical approach and an ideally constructed chain of conclusions.

Misunderstanding between parents and children

The problem of fathers and sons has always existed. If we ignore the fact of the generational difference, then misunderstanding between parents and children arises for a number of similar reasons, the occurrence of which is often the fault of the parent, not the child. A number of conflicts can be successfully avoided if an adult stops resisting and sticking to his position. Each family is individual, but the misunderstanding in the family that arises between parent and child is often the same.

school performance and behavior;
failure to maintain order in the room;
children's lies that suddenly come to light;
noise (the child listens to loud music, TV or just makes noise);
disrespectful attitude towards elders;
demand for gifts, unsatisfied “I want” is a reason for the child to be offended;
inappropriate company, according to parents, bad friends;
unpleasant appearance or fashion that is incomprehensible to parents;
poor pet care.

Misunderstanding between man and woman

Every couple has problems in relationships due to a partial or complete lack of mutual understanding. Those who have learned to find a middle ground and sit down at the negotiating table live happily together until a ripe old age. Resolving any conflict with “two winners” is a wise decision that will benefit each of the partners. Misunderstanding between a man and a woman is expressed in five main problems.

the difference in the psychology of men and women;
failure to fulfill marital responsibilities;
selfishness;
misunderstanding of the purpose of the relationship;
lack of work on oneself.

Presentation

Some people are afraid to express their emotions, feelings, thoughts. As a rule, fear of presentation arises when it is not clear how the interlocutor will react. This factor affects social contacts much more seriously than the misunderstanding described above. Often people with such fears cannot start a dialogue at all. Why is this happening? On the one hand, a person wants to avoid misunderstanding and express his emotions, but on the other hand, he is afraid to do this. Due to the fact that he cannot gain experience, it is difficult to start communication.

What to do in such cases? It is obvious that misunderstanding is a much smaller problem than fear. The only way to get rid of it is to try. Only in this case there is a chance to gain a positive experience. Generally speaking, when trying to establish a dialogue, a person receives certain information that will help him deal with the problem.

Why do people understand each other poorly?

Igor Garin

Writer, Doctor of Physical and Mathematical Sciences

24 July 2022, 18:21

Is mutual understanding between people necessary at all?

I'll start with paradoxical questions and a trivial answer. Is mutual understanding between people necessary at all? Where would unanimity and unanimity lead humanity? Here is my answer: complete mutual understanding would lead to stagnation and boredom, and unanimity would lead to intellectual and spiritual death... When everyone knows and understands the way you know and understand, a collapse of information, development, evolution and a stop in movement occurs...

In 1957, Leon Festinger introduced the concept of cognitive dissonance, which is now understood as an individual’s painful mental discomfort caused by the clash in his mind of conflicting ideas - ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. This phenomenon explains conflict situations that often arise in the mind of one person and destroy his inner harmony. In this way, the individual “regulates” his thinking in order to reduce the conflict within himself. So, personally, I consider cognitive dissonance to be the driving force of culture and human evolution in general, because when a “clash of conflicting ideas” arises in the mind of a genius, it is from this that the entrances to new, wonderful and unknown worlds open. I have never been afraid of mutually exclusive ideas and incompatible ideas, because my inner world has no restrictions or prohibitions and easily accommodates EVERYTHING, everything conceivable and inconceivable. Personally, I see no contradiction between science and mysticism, because only the constant and powerful interaction and competition of mind, logic, revelation and insight lead to the greatest paradoxes of quantum mechanics and to powerful breakthroughs in the understanding of the world.

In accordance with the above, I am at the same time a supporter of absolute freedom of thought, powerful competition of ideas and the need for maximum mutual understanding between incompatible worlds - different people... Because when there is no mutual understanding, normal relationships disappear and people turn into brutes.

When they say that people are huge worlds, I perceive this not only as a deep allegory, but as a virtual reality: each person is incredibly complex, and, alas, often separated from others by intractable spaces, we are all connected to others as forces of attraction (gravity) ), and repulsion (dark energy). The War of the Worlds is not only a fantasy, but something that we constantly face from our birth until our death. People have always conflicted and fought among themselves not only because of “friends or foes,” but because of a lack of mutual understanding, mutual respect, and blinding and deafening egoism. We have somehow learned to express our own position, but, like thousands of years ago, it is difficult for us to understand or accept someone else’s. We do not know how to put ourselves in the place of another, because to understand another, as Marina Tsvetaeva said, means to become that other, at least for an hour. Selfishness, the insatiability of our ego, craves for all people to think or behave the way we demand of them, which inevitably ends in elementary misunderstandings, resentments, quarrels and conflicts.

What is understanding? To a first approximation, this is the coincidence of “maps of the world” in the minds of different people, unanimity regarding any information - thoughts, ideas, feelings, desires, and so on. We perceive well what is close and familiar to us, and much worse - what we are not informed about. Because, purely subconsciously, many are afraid of new, unknown, complex information. But “brothers in mind” perceive everything known as their own and it is then that they understand each other. This means that in order to achieve mutual understanding, it is necessary to assimilate for a long time and persistently the whole variety of information - in order to learn to perceive someone else’s as one’s own.

Learning to understand, see, hear is a complex art that few master. Few are given the ability to understand others, to put themselves in someone else’s place, to perceive the unusual, to become tolerant, to notice the invisible, to accept others as they are. For many people, understanding another person is like hugging a cactus or kissing a snake. Why is that? Because the ability to understand others is not only a virtue or dignity, but also a huge and hard work, a great and inaccessible culture. Mother Teresa’s prayer contains the following words: “Lord, help me to honor the good of my neighbor above my own. May I work to understand him, and not seek his understanding, may I work to love him, and not seek his love...” “Work to understand my neighbor,” the work of understanding is in many ways commensurate with the enormous work of love.

One of the serious reasons for mutual misunderstanding is the difference in the meanings we put into the same words.

Everyone has probably seen squabbling dogs, jackals driving away their fellows from their carrion, or even pigeons pecking weaker individuals for a crumb of bread. So, in human relationships our animality is still manifested - a huge tail of the collective unconscious that stretches behind us from holes and caves... It is this tail that explains our intolerance and deafness towards each other. Like primitive savages, we lack trust, tolerance, sympathy, empathy, a sense of spiritual anxiety... I would strengthen the thought: with humanization came additional causes of discord, hostility, mutual misunderstanding and selfishness - the mind brought us not only an ocean of information, but also a huge bunch of problems , strengthening what divides us. Religions, ideologies, parties, nationalities, but - most importantly - different levels of our development - become intractable problems that give rise to the most absurd contradictions and lead to intolerance and wars. Usually people judge only by their own standards, and simply do not take others into account.

I have already spoken about the harm of our egoism, which prevents us from hearing and understanding each other, strengthening our ambitions. We still love to take more than to give, and this quality depends little on the level of our intelligence and the knowledge we possess. We are little aware that our ego, constantly looking for opportunities for self-satisfaction, is a brake on our spirit, which has just begun to realize that it is much more pleasant to give than to take.

Everything that makes humanity diverse, multi-colored, bright, polyphonic, at the same time creates barriers between peoples and people: races, nations, religions, ideologies, mentality, education, intellectuality, awareness, advancement, gender, language, taste, personal, age differences - everything can serve as obstacles to mutual understanding or reasons for hostility.

I absolutely cannot stand the words “objectivity”, “objectification”, “objective assessment”, because in this world only God can be objective, and we hide our own interests and our wretched reality, presented as the absolute truth, behind vague concepts. Unfortunately, we do not understand each other largely because our inner worlds are not comparable in knowledge and capabilities. These differences do not promote sobriety, open-mindedness, or even the ability to truly assess one's own capabilities. Understanding is impossible without removing the veil from our eyes, without the desire to enter the world of your interlocutor, without goodwill and tolerance towards him. Understanding the world is accepting it as it is. Understanding is necessary for the development and spread of culture: what is the understanding, so is the quality of communication and, ultimately, of life itself...

The problem of understanding is of a complex existential nature, and, as such outstanding thinkers as Heidegger, Gadamer, Ricoeur found out, is connected not simply with the procedures of human thinking, but with the very way of human being in the world. Apparently, understanding is generally the main thing a person needs in the world. We are not even talking about acts of cognition, but about existential or ontological response, the discovery of new, hitherto unknown facets connecting consciousness and being.

Mutual understanding is largely hampered by differences in personality types, individual characteristics of perception or emotionality, different levels of perception, degrees of development or underdevelopment of the mind and feelings. Moreover, the higher the level of personal development, the more complex the personality pattern becomes and the more difficult it is to fit into any typology. “Those close at heart understand each other without words,” “love prefers equals,” “everyone has their own logic” - these and similar statements emphasize the differences between people that are necessary to understand each other.

Everyone has their own concepts of beauty, their own ideals, preferences, their own logic, their own ideas about the World and God. Each person builds his own world and lives in it. We all look at the world through the prism of our attitudes, needs, desires, habits, etc. Consequently, we see it selectively, or better yet, distortedly. We don’t even see the world, but our ideas about it, our own interpretations and schemes that have developed in our heads. Therefore, we never know exactly how another person sees and experiences the world.

A person is able to master only what he is able to understand, and he can only understand what is commensurate with his world. Even when we see or read the same thing, we perceive it differently. Each in their own way. Everyone sees what they want to see and to the extent that is available to them. According to the French philosopher Bernard Werber, very few people are able to understand what is happening for themselves. They repeat what their parents told them, then their teachers at school, what they saw on the evening news. Finally, they convince themselves that this is their own opinion, which they ardently defend if they are contradicted. However, they could look and think for themselves in order to see the world as it really is, and not as they want to show it to them.

A person is able to understand only what resonates in his soul or memory, as well as what corresponds to his internal attitudes, expectations, and forecasts. According to psychologists, understanding is a component of thinking that is aimed not at obtaining new knowledge, but at comprehending it. The key words for understanding are “meaning” and “value.” From his unique experience in a fascist concentration camp, the author of the bestseller “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Viktor Frankl, concluded that the main thing for a person is to find the meaning of life. But the meanings and values are not the same and sharply reduce the points of contact between different people.

Misunderstanding between people arises due to the fact that they attach different meanings to the same words. Any word has multiple meanings, but the meaning for a person is one of the meanings that he chooses, which he is not indifferent to and to which he actively relates. They often talk about the tyranny of words: no matter what we say, our words, when they get into the head of another, mean to him something completely different from what we wanted to say. Humanity has never created a universal language that does not require interpretation. However, such a language is apparently impossible or has greatly limited the poetic and allegorical richness of our communication, making us robots...

The American scientist Paul Ekman showed that in understanding it is not the verbal factor that plays a big role, but the empathetic one. Eyes, smile, facial expressions, gestures, sympathy - all this is of great importance. It is not only what a person says that plays a role, but also how he behaves when doing so. If a person is deeply antipathetic to you, then achieving a feeling of intimacy with such a person is much more difficult. We understand only those actions that acquire some meaning for us or represent some value. Understanding is associated with empathy, that is, with empathy for the current emotional state of another person, with our affective-emotional attitude towards the object of understanding. We always compare the current situation with what we think it should be. Neuroscientists from Princeton University have found that empathy, mutual understanding, and being “on the same wavelength” lead to synchronization of the activity of certain parts of the brain, the speaker and the listener.

But cognitive methods are clearly insufficient when invading the spiritual “I” of the subject. Therefore, neither logic nor rationality are the basis for mutual understanding. Creative moments of understanding are not described by any cognitive procedures, etc. This is something associated with illumination, insight, epiphany, an elevated state of spirit when a person rises above his material essence. Abraham Maslow's concept of peak experiences is very important here. He asked people about the most vivid experiences in their lives: what they felt in those moments, why they remember them and how it changed them and their lives... So, mutual understanding between people of different mental structures, say, between believers and atheists, is only possible with great mutual respect and is a peak experience in itself. But Nicholas Roerich has the idea that understanding comes during silence, not broken by words. Words only interfere with understanding. But this is a subject for further research...

In addition to the problem of understanding, there is always the problem of morality, that is, what is permissible and what is not. To better understand another person, you should never lie or deceive; consent in this regard is uncompromising. A lie is a deliberate distortion of facts, and only a vicious government achieves “mutual understanding” with the people at the cost of a huge lie... Immanuel Kant taught that it is absolutely impossible to allow lies in anything, since any lie always harms someone: either a person or humanity.

Understanding is largely hampered by denseness, conservatism, habits, and old beliefs. Therefore, it is always easier to interact with liberals and neophiles than with reactionaries who are not ready to sacrifice their stubbornness even for the sake of loved ones. Men who are not inclined to make concessions are more susceptible to the influence of beliefs. Women are by nature more flexible and therefore more prone to smoothing out conflicts. By the way, flexibility of thinking is established in childhood and therefore intelligent families produce more tolerant children than conservative ones.

Many communication problems between men and women arise due to gender differences in the psyche and peculiarities of perception of the surrounding world. For example, women who are mothers are more sensitive to the problems and needs of other people who need support. They believe that this is also true for men. And since representatives of the fairer sex are mistaken in this, they develop a feeling of grief and resentment towards their partner. For their part, men, who are more focused on logic and constructiveness than on emotions, expect the same from their partners, which often creates conflict situations between men and women. In addition, women are more focused on interpersonal relationships, and men are more focused on the objective world and relationships with it. Therefore, men are more interested in sports, politics, etc., and women are more attracted to people. Men understand lies and deception directly and directly, but for women this transition from the conscious to the unconscious is very diverse.

If people, when communicating, developed the desire to understand, accept or forgive, and not judge or mock, they would quickly break the ropes connecting them with the Neolithic. So you need to spend your entire life learning to understand and not judge. Alas, very few are given such happiness. People love to talk about happiness and love, but few people know that happiness and love are impossible without understanding and forgiveness. Only by fully understanding and accepting can one love deeply. As Vasily Rozanov said, whoever awakens understanding in us awakens love in us. There are two ways to be understood: through true love or through common sense.

One of the mechanisms for the formation of our unconscious is repression - removing from our consciousness everything that is unpleasant to us, often transferring it to another. We hate in others what we do not perceive in ourselves. The people we most dislike are in some way similar to ourselves. Arthur Schopenhauer believed that a person can see in another only as much as he himself possesses, and he can understand another only in proportion to his own mind. But this is at the level of consciousness. But on an unconscious level, we are all Jekylls and Hydes to each other...

The degree of understanding between people is related both to the level of their culture and to the differences between cultures. A low level of consciousness and culture, and sometimes basic bad manners, do not allow people to hear and understand each other. Only limited people, who do not know how to make logical judgments or rely in their judgments on primitive ideas about the world order, consider their understanding to be the only correct one. The situation is completely different for people of developed intelligence. Just as a polyglot understands many languages, a cultured person is usually more tolerant and tolerant. The more cultured a person is, the more inclined he is to perceive new information, but homo vulgaris in this regard is sometimes lower than monkeys, because monkeys are very susceptible to new signs... Productive communication is, first of all, the exchange of new information, and therefore, not I’ll admit, it’s much more pleasant for me to communicate with neophiles than with idiots who, alas, are always in the absolute majority and whose main and defining thesis in communication is “you’re wrong.”

One of the serious reasons for mutual misunderstanding is the difference in the meanings we put into the same words. It’s better to even talk not about differences, but about richness or a bouquet of meanings, because for advanced people the concept is always multidimensional, but for primitive or zombified people, at best, it is stereotypical or emasculated to the level of the plinth. Propaganda widely takes advantage of the primitiveness of the “intellectual majority” and is therefore built and tuned to the level of mold, moss and lichen. Because of the primitiveness of the mind of the mind, the expression “you’re wrong” is so widespread - this is the main argument of idiots in a discussion with highbrows. However, everyone wears their own cage, shell, chimera inside themselves or on their shoulders, perceiving their surroundings through the sight slit or their own embrasure...

They say that people are not evil, but subordinated to their own interests. So, many difficulties in communication are due to the fact that we too often put our own interests above compromise and a peaceful solution to the problem. The main condition for freedom is dissent, the freedom to think with your own head and be different from everyone else. Also - tolerance, the ability to hear, understand and accept others. Callous people are not capable of this, so egoists hear only themselves.

It is important to understand that we are all different and that it is this difference that decorates and lives the world. It is through the difference of our minds, our feelings, our values and virtues that we move forward, just as current in wires can only flow if there is a difference in potential.

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Rejection

Like any other fear, this one appears in the absence of positive experience. For example, a person wanted to chat, but was rejected. In this case, there is no need to isolate yourself. We need to find a society where, even if a person does not show his best side, they will listen to him and support dialogue. If finding such a team is problematic, you can contact a psychologist.

Why does misunderstanding arise?

The categorical nature of many people and the lack of desire to accept or hear another point of view leads to conflict situations. Misunderstanding is the path to hostility, and the reason for its occurrence is a passionate desire to win in any dispute or to impose on others that you are right. Misunderstandings between people are vividly described in literature, and the examples given there show that being overwhelmed by pride only leads to a narrowing of one’s horizons.