How to solve personal problems: several effective techniques

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Personality is a set of habitual forms of thinking, emotional response and behavior. Each person is a personality that is formed in the process of development from imitation of significant people, from learned ideas (“what is good and what is bad”), from learned ways of finding satisfaction for one’s desires and reacting to frustration.

Personality normally helps a person realize his potential, but this does not always happen. Situations often arise that a person’s formed personality blocks many opportunities, leads to serious problems, a decrease in the quality of life and seriously limits a person in many areas of life.

Psychological traumas suffered in the process of personality development leave an imprint on a person’s personality, subsequently leading to personal problems.

Personal psychological problems

Personal problems include all the variety of difficulties that a person faces in various life situations:

• Self-esteem: low, high or inadequate.
• Rigid or primitive psychological forms of defense, that is, ways of coping with one’s experiences.
• Inability to relate your desires to reality.
• Persistent habits of forming dysfunctional relationships with others due to inappropriate beliefs about oneself in the relationship or about the other person.

According to the degree of severity of personality problems, it is possible to divide personality problems in a person with a so-called normal (adaptive) personality, with an accentuated personality and with a personality disorder.

Being a normal person does not mean conforming to some templates; rather, on the contrary, it is the ability to be an individual, have your own opinion and have internal psychological freedom, to be able to love and work.

People who try to focus on norms without thinking, rigidly following them, without understanding their context in any way and trying never to deviate from them are called normopaths.

Children's difficulties

Psychological problems in children arise at different periods of their lives. They are of different nature. These may be the following difficulties:

• children's aggression and impulsiveness;
• isolation;
• moodiness and tearfulness;
• timidity and shyness;
• low self-esteem;
• high level of anxiety;
• increased sensitivity;
• stubbornness;
• fears and all kinds of phobias;
• inattention;
• difficulty remembering information;
• various problems of psychological development;
• poor performance at school;
• difficulties with adaptation to a school or kindergarten;
• problems communicating with peers and adults;

If any kind of psychological difficulties arise, it is necessary to seek advice from a child psychologist, since the child’s psyche is a very fragile structure.

Normal healthy personality

A normal or more accurately healthy personality can be compared with WHO mental health criteria:

• A healthy person has a more or less continuous sense of his identity, his psychological and physical being. An important component of this feeling is positive self-esteem and self-respect. Of course, this means an adult, since a teenager still has to solve this problem and this is normal.
• A healthy person is characterized by the occurrence of identical and understandable experiences in similar (same type) situations. That is, a healthy person is open in his unconscious reactions to certain events, and is able to take them into account and reconcile them with his conscious thinking and self-image.
• A healthy person strives to be critical of himself and the products of his psyche (thoughts, ideas, fantasies, ideas, etc.). This implies both adequate self-esteem, the ability to look at oneself and one’s activities from the outside, and the ability to learn from one’s own and others’ mistakes.
• A healthy person reacts according to the strength of a stressful event; under severe stress, he may experience severe anxiety, which mobilizes him to adequate behavior to overcome the threat, if possible. If a stressful event could not be prevented (for example, the death of a loved one), then a grief reaction is natural. However, such reactions to mildly expressed stressors are uncharacteristic.
• A healthy person is also characterized by the ability to manage his behavior in accordance with the norms, laws and rules accepted in a given society. In addition to self-respect, an important criterion for a person with a healthy psyche is respect for others, as well as the ability to love. Social norms help to bring one's behavior into line with the environment in which a person is located. However, a healthy psyche is also characterized by the ability to flexibly and critically assess the appropriateness and nuances of applying certain rules to each situation.
• An important ability is also the planning of one’s own life activities and the ability to implement what is planned, as well as the ability to be flexible in the process of achieving a goal. A person with a healthy psyche acts as an active and independent subject of his life in a changing world, fulfilling his unique destiny in it.
• In addition, it is important to be willing to change your behavior depending on changing situations and life circumstances.

It is easier for a healthy person to solve personal problems if they arise, and it is easier to seek help (including psychotherapeutic help) if necessary.

In addition, participation in psychological trainings can be a valuable experience, which can, for example, develop self-confidence, the ability to solve certain problems that arise, develop communication skills, etc.

Reasons for divorce in the statement of claim

Family life is not always as happy and cloudless as it seems before the wedding. Sometimes spouses cannot get along in character or resolve everyday and material difficulties, and then it comes to divorce and division of joint property. The process of divorce is quite complex morally and psychologically. If a married couple cannot separate peacefully, they should file a lawsuit. The outcome of events will depend on how legally and correctly the document is drawn up.

It is especially important in the document to indicate the reasons why the husband and wife decided to break off their relationship. The objective reason for divorce is important so that the judge accepts the application, considers all the materials provided and makes the right decision. If you do not indicate the reasons for the divorce in the statement of claim, the process may drag on for a long time.

Sometimes the judge gives the spouses a temporary period for reconciliation, and in some cases the decision is made at the first hearing. Therefore, the claim must clearly and legally competently indicate the reasons for the divorce, which the court considers convincing.

Accented personalities

Accented personalities (that is, people who have an emphasis on one character trait that may distinguish them from others, but also create a risk for the onset of a disorder) may also not have signs of a mental disorder if they are in favorable conditions. However, if they find themselves in unfavorable conditions, they may develop one or another mental disorder.

For example, a person with demonstrative personality traits who finds himself in a situation where he is chronically ignored may feel anxious, painful, and may develop hysterical symptoms.

A person with schizoid (closed) character traits who finds himself in a situation where he needs to communicate a lot (for example, getting a job as a salesperson) may develop depression.

A person with dependent personality traits can easily become ill if the relationship with the person on whom he depends is disrupted. And so on.

Psychotherapy for people with personality accentuation is indicated, as it can help them alleviate painful experiences that arise in unfavorable situations, as well as develop missing knowledge and skills, for example, in the process of group psychotherapy and personal growth training.

Her Majesty Depression

The rapid movement of life, the abundance of information (often negative), rapidly changing living conditions and activities, the development of megacities, daily stress - all this was not familiar to people until the beginning of the twentieth century, which is why depression is called a disease of modern society. Feelings of hopelessness and depression are familiar to many people of different ages; personal problems have arisen.

At an early stage, a person can cope with this feeling on his own, however, if depression persists, he should seek outside help to resolve personal problems. Only a psychotherapist can pull a person out of the swamp of a depressive state, restore joy from the sensations of everyday life, communication with friends, family life, relationships with a loved one, and overcome personal problems.

The most current reasons for divorce in the statement of claim

According to statistics, recently spouses are divorcing for the following reasons:

• Financial problems and everyday difficulties.
• Marital infidelity by one of the parties.
• Bad habits, alcohol, drug, gaming addiction of one of the spouses.
• Intimate problems.
• Lack of own housing.
• Loss of trust in each other.
• Poor attitude towards children of stepparents.
• Incompatibility of characters.

It must be remembered that the purpose of filing a claim is a quick and painless divorce. Therefore, the document should clearly and competently indicate the reasons for the divorce, and, if necessary, support them with facts. You can always take the help of specialists who have relevant experience and specialize in divorce cases.

Errors that arise when formulating the reasons for separation

But the statement of claim is not always drawn up correctly and competently; sometimes there are errors in the wording.

Below are the most common points:

• The facts in the statement are not stated accurately.
• In the complaint, the plaintiff stated incorrect or false information.
• The reason for the divorce is indicated superficially, an insufficient number of arguments are given.
• There is no specificity in the wording of the grounds for divorce.
• In the official document, the facts are presented in an abusive form, and this is prohibited by the legislation of the Russian Federation.
• The lawsuit states the reasons for the divorce with excessive detail and emotionality.

General grounds for divorce

There are quite a few reasons why spouses decided to separate, and they are individual for each couple.

Below are the most common grounds for divorce:

• The spouses did not agree on character.
• There is no mutual understanding between husband and wife.
• Lack of common interests, divergence of views.
• Material difficulties.
• Everyday problems.
• Conflicts and quarrels between spouses.
• There is no respect for each other.
• Cheating on one of the spouses.
• Adverse habits of a husband or wife.

If both parties agree to the divorce and resolve all issues amicably, the judge will quickly make a decision. In the future, the spouses will only need to resolve all current material and everyday issues.

If one party is categorically against divorce, the statement of claim must indicate specific reasons for the separation. And only if the judge recognizes them as objective and reasoned, the divorce will take place quickly.

What reason is indicated in the application if there are young children?

If there are young children in the family, the court always takes into account the interests of the children when satisfying the claim. Therefore, if the claim contains unconvincing personal reasons, the judge may consider them insufficient for divorce and postpone the hearing. In such cases, it is recommended to indicate domestic or material reasons.

For example:

• The husband has not worked for a long time and does not want to provide for his family.
• The husband gets drunk and raises his hand against his wife and children.
• The wife prefers her career to her family and does not take care of the children at all.
• The husband gambles, because of this the family constantly experiences financial difficulties.

According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation, spouses must support each other morally and financially. Therefore, these arguments will be convincing for the court.

Diagnosis of mental state

The cause of a psychological problem can only be determined through personal consultation with a specialist. Psychologists use several search methods:

1. Conversation. Diagnosis begins with this. It is usually not possible to find a problem during the first conversation, but the psychologist notes which area of ​​life the client is reluctant to talk about and then works with it.
2. Tests. Various questionnaires, graphic techniques, and free choice tests help to identify hidden experiences and evaluate worldview.
3. Observation. It is carried out within a hospital, emergency room or simulated problem situation. A psychologist observes how a person behaves, how he speaks, gestures, and in what position he stands or sits. Gestures are almost impossible to control and can reveal information about a person's self-perception and worldview.
4. Hypnosis. If the patient is secretive, the psychologist puts him into a state of hypnosis. This allows you to identify repressed memories and get to experiences that the patient ignores.

Having identified what caused the development of the problem, the psychologist selects a suitable means of therapy:

• consultations (individual and group);
• therapeutic games;
• toning and relaxation exercises;
• art therapy, creative exercises, color and sound therapy;
• fairytale therapy, record keeping.

The duration of treatment and the need for more serious medications are selected individually. At the same time, the psychologist is engaged in education, increasing the patient’s level of awareness.