Should you divorce your husband or wife? (test)

“Should I divorce my husband?” - such a question will never arise in a family filled with love and understanding. At a time when the current relationship does not satisfy both partners, the decision to break up is made much easier. But if family life is the only one that doesn’t suit you, how can you overcome uncertainty and dare to take full responsibility? Let's discuss this.

What to do if family life is not satisfying?

Possible reasons for divorce

Psychologists believe that the breakdown of a relationship for women due to mental stress is equal to the loss of a loved one. Therefore, before getting married, it is worth considering the reasons for the desire to get a divorce, in order to make as few mistakes as possible in family life and protect future children from worries.

You can destroy a love relationship for any reason, but let's look at the most common reasons for divorce:

marriage in the heat of passion. The basis of such a union was only sex. If there are no common views on life, husband and wife quickly get bored of each other. Rash actions very often lead to a break in relationships;
The most common reason for divorce is the betrayal of one of the partners. It is difficult to forgive the infidelity of a loved one, and if this situation has been repeated more than once, then the desire to get a divorce comes instantly;
couldn't stand each other's characters. The breakdown of a relationship is inevitable when both partners, due to their pride, have no desire to give in and get used to their loved one;
The birth of the first child becomes a difficult test for young families. At this moment, both partners need to take all responsibility seriously, learn to sacrifice their selfish desires, and treat each other with love and care;
people can get divorced over the slightest domestic disputes, but everyone knows that this is just a screen behind which lies the true reason for the breakup.

A common cause of divorce is infidelity by one of the partners.

Break up, or... The last nails in the coffin of relationships

No desire to just touch

Remember how in the beginning we could walk down the street holding hands. It was so natural and self-evident to walk hand in hand! Or, lie watching a movie in an embrace, pressed against his chest. We could just hug and stand there, inhaling his (her) smell. Feeling warm and protected at the same time.

What's at the end of a relationship? The need to touch my partner disappeared. Moreover, there is a desire to withdraw your hand upon contact. I want to stay away from the man (or girl) physically. The distance noticeably decreases while we talk. From an intimate distance (up to 0.5 meters), it first grows to a personal distance (1.2 meters). And then it strives for social (from 1.2 to 3.5 meters).

The partner has become unimportant for survival in society

This is when we clearly understand “I can definitely do without him.” And it’s not just about money or a roof over your head. Although, sometimes about them too.

It is curious that in living relationships we unwittingly assign to our loved one the function of satisfying our most important needs. For example, such as the need for social approval. The need for protection and support. Also, the need to feel significant, valuable, loved. These needs are important for the survival of any Homo sociologicus - a social person living in society.

But in a dead relationship we don’t care anymore. Because we are determined to get it all from other sources.

I don’t want to share or talk. At all

This point naturally follows from the previous one. Because, psychologically, we no longer need the support and approval of our man (or wife, girlfriend). So, why share anything at all?

There is a caveat here. It is necessary to distinguish for yourself a persistent, long-term reluctance to be in contact and share from temporary resentment. Because if it's just a fight, then we can cool down. And then, finally, find the resources within yourself and start talking.

What are the consequences of rash divorces?

Having experienced an unsuccessful marriage, people make the wrong conclusions, like “all women are hysterical” or “every man is a selfish creature,” and subsequent relationships will be built on the basis of this opinion. Children suffer the most after family breakdown. In their understanding, parents are a sacred, inextricable whole, and when it breaks, the child develops an incorrect idea about family life. Another psychological stress is the division of property, which in a painful state goes from a showdown over who will get the car to a decision about who the children will stay with.

Divorce after infidelity

Women and men may have different reasons why they decide to cheat on their partner. However, not everyone takes into account that any manifestation of infidelity can lead to divorce. Despite the fact that human morality and religious teaching condemn treason, this problem is still relevant to this day.

Many men explain their infidelity by the presence of a primitive instinct. They argue that resistance to masculine nature can cause mental disorder. However, polygamy in a representative of the stronger sex can be transformed depending on which woman is next to him. Wise wives try to change their image as often as possible and constantly surprise their spouse.

Wise wives try to change their image as often as possible and constantly surprise their men.
According to statistics, women resort to infidelity much less often than men, and decide to do this only if they are truly unhappy in their marriage. The reason for female infidelity may be the desire to receive male attention, which they lack in family life. A girl always needs to feel that her appearance attracts the stronger sex. At times, the husband’s same-type compliments become boring, but the courtship of strangers is perceived as proof of demand.

How to understand yourself and understand that it’s time to leave

Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get a divorce. There are no people in the world who, in their marriage, would not have problems in their relationship with their significant other. All families face difficulties. Some couples overcome a relationship crisis, while others decide to divorce.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to dissolve your marriage or whether you’ve just hit a bad patch in your life:

“Do I want a child to be born into our family?” Any woman who loves her husband wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you don’t want to have children, then there is an unloved person next to you. In such a situation, the right decision would be divorce.

“How will my life change if I separate from my spouse?” When asking yourself this question, imagine that you have decided to get a divorce and have finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?

“Do I want to live with my husband (wife) all my life?” Now imagine yourself and your soulmate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be with this person and grow old with him?

Should I divorce my husband?

Often the question “Should I divorce my husband?” arises due to the infidelity of a spouse. But this type of breakup is not necessary, and a loving woman tries in every possible way to maintain the appearance of a happy life. However, you should not deceive yourself - forgiving your husband does not guarantee that there will be no new betrayal. In fear of losing financial stability, it is very difficult to decide to divorce, especially if there are children in the marriage.

But it’s very rare for a woman to understand that a child has seen disrespect since childhood in a family where cheating regularly occurs. As children grow up, they notice that dad is unfaithful to mom and consider this to be the norm. Subsequently, they will begin to build their family according to the same principle.

Reasons why you need to get a divorce:

Violence in family

violence in family relationships. If your husband hit you once, be sure that this situation will happen again. Do not deceive yourself in the hope that he will realize his mistake;
constant humiliation of your personality. The psychological state of a person is very difficult to treat, and if your spouse asserts himself at the expense of your suffering, you do not need to endure such a life;
partner's bad habits. Craving for alcohol and drug addiction are common causes of family breakdown. If your chosen one does not want to get out of this state, you have no reason to hold on to such a relationship.

In what situations is it better not to rush into drastic changes?

you fell in love with a young, charming and sexy man. Should I get a divorce because of this? Psychologists are sure that you shouldn’t rush into a new relationship like a whirlpool. In most cases, such love quickly passes, and there is a desire to return to the previous relationship. But will they take you back?
It seems to you that your spouse has ceased to understand you; it has become boring to be with him. If you really loved your boyfriend, then understand that he is not a clown, but a person who also has personal concerns and problems. He also needs your support, so learn to compromise before you announce that you want a divorce;
You can forgive your loved one many things, but he must understand your actions and also strive to preserve the relationship. Otherwise, all attempts made will become another humiliation of your personality.

To divorce or not?

Divorce from a long-term partner (husband or wife) is not an instant event, it is a long, painful process. Like amputating a rotting limb. And there may be complications. And fever and inflammation. If you are already thinking about divorce, then it has begun. How to survive a divorce?

If you yourself are thinking about divorce - but your spouse does not know yet or he is against it, then before making a decision, consider the following questions in writing:

What will I gain in a divorce?
What do I lose by deciding to divorce?
How will my life situation change after a divorce?
What new goals will I have after divorce?
What problems will I have?
What side effects can you expect?
Will new decisions be needed after a divorce?
Will I benefit the people close to me?
Will I harm people close to me?
Am I satisfied with these results and will I be able to put in so much effort and experience so many feelings?

If you decide to save your family. then a psychologist will help you do this at a new level of better relationships.

There are situations in which there is no need to doubt whether a divorce from your wife or a divorce from your husband is necessary: this is if your partner is a complete drug addict or alcoholic and does not want to see a narcologist. Or if he hits your children or beats you badly in front of your children. Here you need to think about how to survive a divorce.

In all other situations, you need to think about it. Cheating, for example, is not a reason for divorce. Spouses who have children together or children who are accustomed to new parents should especially think about it. In this case, this decision will not only change your life irreversibly.

Imagine that you got divorced, 5-10 years have passed. Look at yourself in this new life, where are you, who are you with, how are you?
Imagine that you are looking at yourself from the outside through the eyes of a wise observer, what advice would you give to yourself? Or to yourself?
Are you looking for your ideal partner? Are you looking for your mom or dad? If so, then you are in captivity of illusions.
If you still decide to divorce, then you can turn to psychologists who will help you and your children understand how to survive a divorce without unnecessary pain.

Test to see if there is still a chance:

Remember why you fell in love with your partner?
Remember what was good between you?

Answer these questions. Ask your partner these same questions. Test transcript: “If you and your partner still remember this, then your marriage can be saved.”

Hard life test:

Live separately for three months and if you are attracted to each other, it means that this is still your partner. And divorce between husband and wife is not necessary.

Example of advice from practice 1: A woman at an appointment with a psychologist. “Everything about him irritates me, he throws his socks everywhere, doesn’t twist his toothpaste, doesn’t lower the toilet seat.” - Is he doing all this to spite you? - No. “Then why does it annoy you?”

Example of advice from practice 2: A woman at an appointment with a psychologist. - You know the doctor, he cheated on me! - How was your sex? - Yes, you know, for the last 7 years somehow nothing... - Wow, how much he loved you! You endured it for seven years!...?

Example of advice from practice 3: A man at an appointment with a psychologist. - Help me understand what I want? My wife is always striving for something, she has a goal in life, and she wants an apartment and a car, but I don’t care! - Can I ask a “stupid” question, what do you want? - And I want everyone to leave me alone!

If your partner is thinking about divorce...

Then not everything depends on you. And if you don’t love him, you don’t have children, then let him or her make a decision calmly.

But if you are not sure that you do not love and have children, then you can try to change this situation. Just remember that hysterics about his (her) conscience, requests to make a decision as soon as possible, dismantling yesterday’s exploits are definitely not a means to save a relationship.

There are usually two reasons for divorce. Your partner tells you that he/she is not interested in you or that you don't understand him/her. Or all at once. If you don’t understand him or her, then forget about grievances and your pride, take a step towards the needs of the other person.

If you are not interesting, then it is more difficult, because... you will have to stop living the life of your partner and create your own world. And then either your partner will notice you, or you will no longer need him.

True, partners sometimes lie and hide, or they themselves do not understand the real reason for the divorce. Sometimes it's sex or even a change in sexual orientation. Can you really say something like that? Sometimes a divorce from a husband or a divorce from a wife is caused by unexperienced pain from the loss of a child, unconscious resentment for an abortion or infidelity. Then it is more difficult for you to influence the situation.

In any case, remember that it is more difficult to leave a happy and self-sufficient person than a weak and dependent one. And if your partner agrees, then go to a psychologist together. To understand what he is really not happy with. By the way, if it works, then all is not lost for you. This is also a test. If it doesn’t work, go yourself.

Fight for your relationship with all your might while you can. Do not destroy the family while there is at least some possibility of not leading to a divorce from your wife or a divorce from your husband. If you don’t have enough knowledge and strength, that’s normal, because... You are not God, but only a person and have not even studied family psychology, then read books and articles on the topic of relationships.

If it doesn’t help, go to a psychologist. He can save your marriage. It will help you understand the possible causes of divorce or conflict.

If the marriage cannot be preserved and the relationship cannot be improved, then psychologists know how to survive the divorce for you and your children. Just remember, a second marriage can become a worse copy of the first if you yourself do not change and understand that you, too, and not just your partner, are responsible for the reasons for divorce.

Published on the website. May 22, 2022.

How do children feel when their family collapses?

If there are children in your family, think about whether it is really necessary to inflict a psychological blow on your child because you quarreled with your husband? Children make it very difficult to get a divorce. From birth, the baby gets used to the fact that his parents sleep in the same bed, have dinner at the same table and spend their holidays together. Growing up in a complete family, he realizes what a strong and loving relationship should look like.

At the time of divorce, one of the parents disappears from the children's sight, leaving them completely confused and not understanding what is happening. According to statistics, most often men leave the family, and a woman in a stressful situation can rarely calmly explain to her child what happened. As a result, the mother reacts aggressively to the child’s question about dad, thereby awakening a feeling of guilt in his thoughts.

Children who have reached adolescence, having experienced a parental divorce, often slip in their studies and become uncontrollable, starting to steal and run away from home.

After the breakdown of the family, the child begins to perceive adults as enemies who cannot be trusted. And in his understanding, a parent who left the family is presented as a traitor who simply left.

Preschool children get many phobias from worries and worries. The child takes on the character traits of the parent he misses so much. When leaving a family, an adult does not even understand how much pain he is doing to his children. And especially impressionable people can subconsciously return to infancy, suck their thumb before going to bed or wet the bed. Often after parents divorce, the child becomes depressed and falls ill. Therefore, before deciding to divorce, think about the people close to you.

Divorce of parents is a psychological blow for a child

Test “How painless is it for you to break off a relationship?”

Sometimes going through the divorce procedure is much more difficult than forgiving all the betrayals and improving relationships. Do you want to know how to get through this moment easier? Our test will help with this.

How long ago did you realize that you wanted a divorce?

from the first day you felt that this relationship was short-lived - 1 point;
You’ve been planning how to break up for a year now – 2 points;
this decision is sudden – 3 points;
you have long thought that you need to break up, but you decided only now - 4 points;
no final decision yet – 5 points.

Does he annoy you or not?

every little thing in it infuriates you – 1 point;
his actions are very often annoying – 2 points;
sometimes he is simply unbearable - 3 points;
you rarely get irritated – 4 points;
you’re just bored next to him – 5 points.

What strength is your emotionality?

you are always restrained and calm – 1 point;
do not consider yourself an overly emotional person – 2 points;
try to be balanced – 3 points;
sometimes you let off steam – 4 points;
you are very emotional and sensitive – 5 points.

Going through the divorce process is not easy

What reaction do you think your partner will have when you leave?

anger and accusing you of wanting a divorce – 1 point;
will make attempts to return you - 2 points;
switches his attention to work – 3 points;
he will not show that he is in pain - 4 points;
this will greatly upset him – 5 points.

What will your life be like without your lover?

happiness of being free – 1 point;
you can cope without it without any problems – 2 points;
the habit of being with him will remain, but you will not give in to emotions - 3 points;
it’s hard for you not to think about him – 4 points;
you cannot imagine that he is not next to you – 5 points.

What is the situation with children together?

you have no children – 1 point;
he does not participate in raising children - 2 points;
he loves children, but rarely communicates with them - 3 points;
he devotes enough time to children – 4 points;
he is a very loving dad – 5 points.

Reason for your leaving?

he betrayed you - 1 point;
he disappointed you - 2 points;
you fell in love - 3 points;
you are unhappy in this relationship – 4 points;
you want to be free – 5 points.

Spouses often have a chance to come to an agreement.
Now calculate the amount of points you got depending on the answers given. Here's the result:

From 7 to 13 points. To get a divorce less painful, you need to pack your things and, slamming the door as loudly as possible, leave his life. This break will help you release the anger and resentment towards your partner. And the man will understand that this could not continue.
From 14 to 20 points. You can leave your partner without much explanation. But if you want to make it easier for your man to participate in this situation, then you need to calmly tell him what was the main reason for your decision. Otherwise, he will consider himself completely to blame for your departure and will not be able to decide on a new relationship for a long time.
From 21 to 27 points. Trying to convey the reason for your leaving to a man you are tired of will only worsen his suffering. The most humane thing would be to pack your things while he is not at home, and, having communicated your desire to start a new life, leave quietly and peacefully. This will free you from the burden of debating what he did wrong.
From 28 to 34 points. Should we be friends after a breakup? If you understand that you cannot completely let him go after a divorce, and he perceives you as a close person, but there is simply no more passion, you need to discuss the issue of friendship together. Even if you don't spend your free time on picnics and eventually stop seeing each other completely, this friendship will help you get through the breakup.
35 points. The test confirms that you should stop wanting to tell your husband about the breakup. This decision will be a stab in the back to your partner, which cannot be mitigated by any words. Most likely, you are driven by emotions that push you to take rash actions, but there is no truly global reason to get a divorce. Just ask your spouse for a break and live separately from each other.

A test to help you understand whether a relationship is worth continuing: basic rules

I would like to say right away that the test does not oblige you to anything. Don't take it as a guide to action. Listen to yourself and your heart. Increased brain activity, by the way, is also not a hindrance to love.

The testing conditions are extremely simple: look at the picture and choose a blot of the color that you like best. Choose without thinking or analyzing anything. This is where it’s important to turn off your brain and listen to your intuition.

That's it, the test is passed. All that remains is to find out the results.

10 signs that it’s definitely time for you to break up.

How to build true love? Good advice.