As a rule, I write articles for people who feel resentment or have previously experienced resentment and now want to get rid of it.
However, often resentment emerges in life not in you personally, but in your loved ones, which is also unpleasant. And it’s especially unpleasant if a loved one is offended by you.
This is unpleasant, first of all, because the person does not want to continue communicating with you. And now you’re already offended! It would seem that you are close friends with her, and it seems that you did not end the relationship, but in reality this relationship no longer exists. And now what i can do?
In today’s article I will give you 4 tips that will help you in a situation where your friend is offended by you and does not want to talk.
How to apologize to a friend
A quarrel between two friends can happen for various reasons. And if a person is really dear, then you need to look for ways to solve the problem.
If you offended her
The first thing you need to do is admit your guilt and tell your friend about it. Yes, you offended her and she is very offended. Therefore, you need to choose the right kind words that will melt your heart. When apologizing, explain that expressing your thoughts was just an opinion, and you did not want to lead to a quarrel with your thoughts. Say that you regret the situation and don’t want to lose it.
Of course, people are different. And if a friend is not one of those who likes to complicate everything, get offended for a long time, and beat herself up, then she will definitely meet you halfway. By the way, in many conflict situations you can check whether the friendship between you is real. Does your friend value you as much as you value her?
If I'm rude
Harsh words can greatly hurt a person. Therefore, with close people you need to control yourself and choose your words during communication. But if this has happened, and you have been rude to your close friend, then you need to act immediately. It is better to immediately admit your guilt and apologize to her.
What can we say:
- "I'm sorry! I don’t know how I could say that.”
- “I will not make such a mistake again and will never offend you in this way! Forgive me please".
- “You and I have been friends for more than one year, you understand that this is not what I meant at all. Don’t be offended, I love you.”
- “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that I offended you.”
The tone should be calm and friendly. Show your friend that you are truly afraid of losing her.
If both are to blame
In this case, you don’t need to wait long for an apology from her. Come first and try to peacefully improve your friendship.
Adviсe:
- Talk. Come with a conversation and try to clarify the situation in a peaceful, friendly tone. There should be a heart-to-heart conversation that will help you make peace with your friend.
- A simple “sorry.” To waste time and not think day and night how to return friendship, you just need to say sorry. It could be: “Forgive me if I offended you. Let's forget this conflict. I don’t want this quarrel to ruin our friendship with you.”
- Approach with humor. If the quarrel was not serious, then you can quickly establish communication with the help of a joke. For example, you can approach your friend and act out a funny scene in which you and her play the leading role. Let him play along.
As a rule, the first person to take the first step is the person who is more worried about the current situation or the one who treats everything that happened more simply and kindly.
You can end a friendship honestly and gracefully
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Sometimes friendships really fizzle out and end. I never again communicated with my friend Katya from my youth - exactly since she herself stopped it. Now I can agree that we couldn’t be friends forever.
Friendship has its ups and downs. Friendship does not mean that you owe something to a person for life, but friendship does mean that you treat him with respect - even when you want to stop communicating.
But a person has the right to an explanation of why you made such a decision. So why not do everything correctly and honestly?
How to make peace with your best friend
There are many reasons that can lead to a scandal with a close friend. You can build relationships both in a meeting and on social networks.
When corresponding
If it is not possible to meet (perhaps she is far away or does not want to see you), then you can try to make peace with your friend via SMS. At least you can start with correspondence.
Attention! You need to write sincerely, everything that you want to say to her live. You can add positive emoticons to your SMS to convey your emotions.
When writing a message you need to take into account:
- Start your letter by saying that you sincerely want to settle everything. Don't bring up the topic that led to the argument. The purpose of SMS is simply to fill the void, convey all the emotions, tell her how much you miss her.
- Use a little humor. Learn to laugh at yourself and the situation. Try to joke around the problem that led to the scandal. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. After all, if you joke a lot, your friend may think that you don’t take the current situation seriously.
- The end of the letter should hint at a meeting. At the very end you need to write something like this: “Meet me after classes (lectures, work) and talk.” Be sure to add a friendly emoticon.
After sending a message, you need to wait for a response. Even an emoticon sent in response will indicate that she also wants to make peace.
At the meeting
A conversation in person will help you understand what is in each of your thoughts and who thinks what about the current situation. You need to remain calm and be sincere. There is no need to talk about your worries or make accusations. Talk about your feelings and experiences.
How to make peace with a friend when meeting:
- Invite her to meet in a place that is important to you two. For example, this could be an ordinary bench where you spend a lot of time together, or a cafeteria where you keep secrets. Grab a cup of hot tea and have a heart-to-heart talk.
- Give a meaningful gift. These could be keychains that symbolize your friendship. Keep one half for yourself, give the other half to her with the words: “Let no quarrels destroy our friendship.”
- Postcard. Send by mail or place in her mailbox a beautiful card with two friends on it. Write a suitable verse on the spread.
If your friend doesn’t want to go to the meeting and refuses to have a heart-to-heart conversation, then your friendship was not as strong as you thought. There's no point in humiliating yourself.
Character of touchy women
It is not always the partner who is to blame for the girl’s insults. Does true love falter over trivial problems? Of course not. This means that the reasons for the behavior lie in the girls themselves. Now let’s take a closer look at what character traits lead to misunderstandings:
- Vulnerable character. That's why a girl gets offended by little things. It's just that the lady is very sensitive to the most trivial things. “Didn’t kiss you this morning? It means you don’t care and don’t care about me at all.”
- Cunning character. We already discussed this type a little at the beginning of the article. He rocks manipulative girls who achieve their goals through insults. I would run from such people. Although, it happens that such a character manifests itself unconsciously.
- Unstable character. This is a case when a woman does not know how to control her emotions. Often resentment can emerge for no apparent reason at all. In fact, she had been storing up anger inside for a long time. Eventually, the little things merge into a single nuclear bomb and explode.
In general, all people are offended.
It’s just that someone knows how to let go of anger in time, come to terms and continue living. And some people torture themselves and others every day.
How to get your girlfriend back after a big fight
In most conflict situations, both are to blame. If the quarrel was serious, then it is better to wait a while for emotions to cool down a little. During this time, you and your friend will think about everything and even have time to miss each other.
After 2-3 days, if she has not taken the first step towards reconciliation, you need to start acting. You can start with an SMS “Hello. I miss". Next you need to offer to meet and talk. When meeting, in order to make peace with a friend, you need to be real and sincere. Take her hands, look her in the eyes and offer to discuss everything. In a quiet voice, without unnecessary emotions, tell us what you think about the quarrel. Explain that you don’t want to lose her, that you want to share all your secrets and experiences only with her.
What to do if your friend doesn't want to communicate
In this case, when a person close to you does not make contact and completely ignores requests for a meeting, then act like this:
- Write SMS on social networks. Surely interest will prevail and she will read the message. Talk about your emotions and feelings. Then all that remains is to wait for an answer.
- Leave everything for a while. Give her time to think and draw the right conclusions. When the storm subsides, you will definitely talk.
A strong quarrel can break a friendship forever. You need to start from the cause of the scandal and act as your heart tells you.
Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment
This emotion provokes diseases and disruptions in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ may be damaged.
Aggression, as an integral component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. Part remains inside until the person gets rid of the memories of the situation, turning his attention to other topics. While inside, an aggressive reaction has a destructive effect on:
- nervous system: headaches, discomfort in the solar plexus area, problems with the spine;
- endocrine system: hormonal balance is disrupted due to anxiety, which provokes other diseases.
Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer from heart disease. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. Unexpressed or unfinished grievances aggravate chronic diseases and add new ones. For example, gynecological problems, including infertility with an unknown cause, may be associated with misunderstandings between partners. Depression and depressed states often appear. Particularly difficult cases transform accumulated negativity into cancer or suicide attempts.
Timely work on character will help to avoid particularly serious conditions. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it’s never too late to start building a harmonious personality:
Psychologist's advice
Friendships are rarely equal. Someone always becomes the leader. A strong and strong-willed person always takes the initiative in reconciliation.
Recommendations from a psychologist:
- If you are a leader in your friendship, then you must be wise, fair and kind. To make peace with your friend, show the maximum of your leadership qualities. Be active, take the first steps. Write a message, invite to a meeting. Of course, if the response is complete ignorance, then you should think about whether you need this friendship.
- If you have thoughts that you are not to blame for anything, and you don’t need to do anything to reconcile, then think about who you will spend your free time with, who you will trust with all your secrets. Therefore, draw the right conclusions and understand for yourself whether you need to put up with your friend or not.
Learn to forgive and meet halfway. You always need to find compromises, because every person needs a trusting relationship. The main advice that psychologists give is to suppress your selfishness in time and think not only about your feelings.
Sincerity and the ability to admit your mistakes will help reconcile girlfriends after any quarrel. But you need to understand that sometimes it happens that a scandal can become a “cumulative bomb.” In such cases, it is almost impossible to restore friendly relations.
It looks like ignoring and boycotting, but it's much worse
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If a guy starts ignoring you, he's just a guy. You conclude that he is simply the hero of a novel that is not yours. However, friendship means much more than “the hero is not your novel.”
That's why friendship exists, so that you can talk about any topic. So when a friend disappears without explanation, it feels like a worse betrayal than if your boyfriend dumped you.
The fact that a true friend (as you thought) who knows you so well abandons you is truly a long-term trauma.
How to maintain friendship for many years
There are no ideal people and sooner or later conflicts arise between two friends. Different points of view, emotions, understatement lead to them. But if you follow a few simple recommendations, you can maintain true friendships for life.
So:
- Realize and admit your guilt in time. This will help quickly resolve the situation. Your friend will understand that you respect and love her.
- Know how to remain silent. When a conflict situation arises due to a bad mood, you should say that you do not want to talk in such a tone and your conversation will continue after she calms down.
- Overcome stress without harming those around you. It is important to deal with aggression and anger on your own. When you are in a bad mood and want to quarrel with someone, it is better to listen to your favorite music and come to your senses.
- Remind yourself of your feelings. Say that you love your friend and respect her opinion, that she is dear to you and is an important person in your life. Such kind words will lie deep in her soul, and when she needs to make peace, she will definitely remember them.
- Be able to give in. Often girls quarrel when they cannot share a guy or a dress they like. In such cases, you need to talk and find compromises.
- Learn to apologize. Most often, both sides are to blame in conflicts. The ability to ask for forgiveness and take the first step towards reconciliation strengthens friendship.
The most important thing in friendships is respect. You need to respect not only your feelings, but also the person close to you. If the person is not indifferent and the friendship is real, then you will be able to competently overcome any quarrels and avoid misunderstandings in the future.
This situation lowers your self-esteem
Your loved ones know almost everything about you, and even that as a child you stole change from the pocket of your grandmother’s robe.
Your friends are always there to encourage and support you. Therefore, you are really shocked when a friend who knows you inside and out decides to stop communicating unilaterally.
Even ill-wishers do not act this way, and this act makes you doubt friendship as a phenomenon. You think about whether the friendship was real and what is actually wrong with you.
