Nobody wants to communicate with me - such a confession can be heard from people who are not bound by the same goal, who are dissimilar in character and, in general, very different. There are many reasons that prevent loved ones and work colleagues from maintaining good relationships with someone. After all, they begin to shun and avoid a certain person for a reason.
Don't forget to give the floor to your interlocutor
It will be difficult for you to get bored with a person if you give him the opportunity to talk about himself no less than you. An excellent option is the ability to ask open-ended questions that require free answers. All this is necessary in order to help the interlocutor engage in the dialogue. The questions must also be chosen correctly. For example, most likely the question “How long have you lived in Moscow?” will entail a monosyllabic answer, and if you ask your interlocutor why he moved to Moscow and whether he likes this city, here you can get a more interesting and detailed answer, which in the future will make it possible to develop the dialogue in new directions. This way, you will be able to find out more about your friend or acquaintance, which will provide the basis for further communication.
Control your time
Sometimes during a conversation it happens that our perception of time gets confused. Especially when a person is nervous and drowns in incoherent verbosity, while such behavior goes unnoticed, since the concept of time is lost. If this is your first time talking to someone, treat it like you would a press interview and prepare in a similar way. You can practice with anyone, with a friend, with your family. Imitate communication when you first meet and don’t be lazy to time your speeches. Your task is to intuitively determine when your monologue lasts 30 seconds and when it lasts a minute or more. At first, while contact is just being established, you should not go beyond this framework. But as soon as you feel that the conversation is going in the right direction, you can launch into monologues if your interlocutor is interested. Always remember that at first you shouldn’t dump a sea of information on your partner.
Why don't you want to communicate with a person?
Sometimes it happens that you don’t really want to communicate even with interesting and educated personalities. What could be the reason? In fact, there are a lot of options, but the most common can be considered the following: an unpleasant appearance, disrespectful attitude towards other people, reluctance to make contact with a person, inability to communicate and behave appropriately, as well as fear of friendship and communication with others. If you think why no one wants to communicate with me, then the first step towards solving the problem has been taken.
What is the essence of friendship?
It’s worth starting with the fact that friendship is, first of all, a relationship between at least two people. It is not subject to any laws; no one sets rules that are standard for everyone. All habits and rules of communication are born in the process and are developed as a result of prolonged communication. But in order to start communicating with a person, you need at least a mutual desire; it also doesn’t hurt to have common interests, values and aspirations. Quite often, people have problems establishing contacts in their work teams. People wonder why my colleagues don't want to communicate with me. You can find a lot of answers and you don’t have to look for the reason in yourself. Envy may take place here; this problem especially often arises among people who have just arrived at a new position.
Three things you can do
Now that we have sorted out the reasons, a few words about what you can do.
- Write him one message.
I have repeatedly mentioned the so-called (or rather, what I call) One Message. Read more about it here.
Here is a possible version of One Message:
- Take into account the following settings:
- All relationships are temporary.
- All people are replaceable, and so am I.
- I can't change anyone's behavior.
- I am 100% responsible for my emotional reactions.
If you intend these attitudes, it will be much easier for you to cope with any breakups.
- Work through your grievances.
You are on this site for a reason. It's not about your friend. The point is your emotional reaction to the fact that he stopped communicating with you, and even did not explain the reason.
I explained to you what could be the reason for the cessation of resentment. Gave you a recommendation on how to further build communication with your friend. I gave you a couple of instructions that will help you cope with the pain of parting.
But ultimately, the best thing you can do for your emotional balance is not to restore a relationship that has most likely outlived itself, but to change yourself. Stop automatically reacting to other people's behavior. Eliminate your emotional addictions. Stop clinging to relationships that you no longer need.
How to change and stop reacting to everything like that? Start by working through past grievances.
All your past grievances have, to one degree or another, influenced how you react to people's behavior in the present. Past grievances are the key to automatic emotional reactions in the present. They have created a whole set of limiting beliefs, as well as a victim mentality, which can lead to resentment well into adulthood.
The idea that the past is in the past is false. The events are in the past, but the emotional burden of those events has not gone away. All your grievances continue to be stored in your subconscious, causing an automatic emotional response.
Therefore, it is necessary to take on the contents of your subconscious and eliminate all kinds of mental garbage from there - limitations, past grievances and traumas, fears, anxieties, etc.
Read about how exactly to work it out here.
GuruTest
Everyone can be within themselves, think about their own things, but everyone must correctly show everyone around their intentions and respect. If you don't, people will simply turn away from you. In order for others to be drawn to you, you need to avoid mistakes, which will be discussed below.
Reason one: you don’t call your interlocutors by name
Psychologists say that at least sometimes you need to mention the name of your interlocutor in conversations. It's not so much whether you use this advice or not, but how often others use it. If at least one person calls your name during a dialogue when addressing you, then he or she will have more weight for you than anyone else. There is one very important trick for those who want to make a person like him more when meeting someone - you need to say his name. For example, you say my name is Elena, and they answer you: “And I’m Artem.” You say: “Very nice, Artem.” This has a very powerful effect. The person will immediately remember you and, more importantly, he or she will remember that it is pleasant to communicate with you. If you have memory problems, society will still perceive it negatively, so write down names so you don't forget them.
Reason two: you only talk about topics that are interesting only to you
Think about whether everyone around you will be interested in hearing about your problems with children, a new diet, a new fitness trainer, a broken carburetor in the car, or politics. Take a closer look at people's reactions. It can be very revealing, because most people may not be interested in your stories about your personal life. People should want to ask you something if you tell something. If this does not happen, then no one is interested in your topics. Subsequently you will not be asked anything.
Another tip: don’t talk about politics and religion unless you want literally everyone to hate you. This is bad manners. Of course, this is not bad form for any society, but for most work groups it is terrible. If they don’t communicate with you after your monologues, then you are talking about the wrong topics.
Reason three: you only talk about yourself
Perhaps you are turning all the conversations on yourself. This is also incredibly annoying to everyone around. The person told an interesting story, and instead of saying your opinion about it, you start: “But I have...”.
You should only talk about yourself if you are asked something directly. Perhaps you are the person who constantly turns the topic to your loved one. You cannot do this under any circumstances unless you want to become an outcast. On the contrary, take an interest in other people after their monologues, ask them questions. Show interest, then they will quickly love you.
Reason four: you gossip and discuss others behind their backs
Nobody likes hypocrites, even if there are other hypocrites in the team besides you. Even if you really want to discuss your colleague’s new provocative dress with a friend or your boss’s new car with a friend, it is better not to do this. If you cannot abstract yourself from negative statements, then it is better not to say anything. Of course, rumors and gossip may be spread about you that you are pretending to be a saint, but no one is immune from this. Just avoid it without reproaching others for their sins. There are still a lot of good people, so they definitely won’t communicate with you if you constantly discuss someone with them behind their back. People understand that you can therefore discuss them too.
Reason five: your lack of confidence in conversation
People don't want to talk to someone who tries to say one thing but uses a lot of unnecessary words. Of course, this may not be fair to you, but unfortunately no one cares. There are few people who can understand others in this regard. Of course, this is not such a big reason to avoid you and not talk to you. But this irritates many people.
Reason six: you answer in monosyllables
There is no doubt, you most likely just don’t want to talk. This method of conducting a dialogue with someone who is not interesting to you can alienate other people. It is possible that you have high self-esteem and narcissism. This needs to be corrected, and as quickly as possible. People will not speak to someone who considers them to be inferior creatures. Here you will have to try to improve.
Reason seven: you constantly whine
Your life is filled with problems that you share with everyone. You can be understood because you always want to get some kind of approval, support, advice, but people get tired of your troubles, which are more familiar to them than their own.
Reason eight: you don't inspire respect
This problem can be called global, but light should be shed on the most important thing. You talk about one thing, but do something completely different. If your words contradict your actions, then you should take care of yourself. People avoid communicating with those who constantly lie or pretend.
Reason nine: you are not confident in introducing yourself to people
When you come to a place, you need to say hello and introduce yourself to everyone who doesn’t know you. This will show that you are inclined to dialogue and are ready to conduct it with everyone. Simply saying hello to everyone at once will not be a gross mistake, because this is what most people do. It is for this same reason that it is worth doing everything differently, so as not to attribute yourself to this majority.
It is very important to introduce yourself not only yourself, but also to introduce your companions to people you know. It will be easier for your companion to engage in conversation, and the people around you will automatically look more positively at you as a person who knows how to behave in society. The rules of good manners were not invented just like that.
For these nine reasons, many people may stop communicating with you or may not want to communicate with you. If you recognize yourself at several points, then this is even worse, but there is no need to hang your nose. You can become better, more popular and win people over if you try a little. Overcome the fear of communication if you have it, because people who are too secretive also become outcasts, as well as those who are very talkative.
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10.03.2018 01:49
It looks like ignoring and boycotting, but it's much worse
Photo by Pexels
If a guy starts ignoring you, he's just a guy. You conclude that he is simply the hero of a novel that is not yours. However, friendship means much more than “the hero is not your novel.”
That's why friendship exists, so that you can talk about any topic. So when a friend disappears without explanation, it feels like a worse betrayal than if your boyfriend dumped you.
The fact that a true friend (as you thought) who knows you so well abandons you is truly a long-term trauma.
Reasons to keep in touch
If people do not have hidden grievances and claims towards each other, then they can freely maintain communication on a friendly or even friendly level.
It is also possible to identify a number of factors based on which continued interaction is recommended:
- Having common minor children.
- Material dependence on each other.
- Strong interpersonal intimacy.
The last point is worth mentioning separately, since the end of a relationship does not always mean conflict . Sometimes people switch to the status of partners from friendship, but do not agree on everyday life or values. In this case, they disperse peacefully, but can confidently continue communication at the level of friends.
Separated, but live together
This is a very stressful situation, a way out of which must be sought first. But it is not always possible to move quickly. At first, to maintain well-being for a woman, we can recommend :
- Spend as little time as possible on the shared territory.
- Place a “transparent wall” between yourself and the man (when a person is visible and heard, but has no influence on the feelings of the other).
- Divide household responsibilities in such a way that everyone meets their own needs.
- If strong emotions arise, deal with them in a safe way (write an angry letter, cry alone, etc.).
I can recommend it to a man:
- Perceive a woman as a neighbor (the “transparent wall” technique will be relevant here too).
- Take out anger and other painful experiences outside the home (the gym or any other physical activity will do).
- Set boundaries if a woman begins to enter into conflict.
Tips to make people reach out to you
If you want to attract people to you, then you should follow these tips:
- Accept people for who they are. You should not concentrate on the shortcomings of others, criticize them, or impose your opinion. All people are different, this must be understood and accepted.
- Don't try to please everyone. You shouldn’t flatter, be hypocritical, or pretend to please someone. Be sincere and don't worry if someone isn't happy with you.
- Accept and love yourself. Concentrate on your strengths, love yourself, present yourself as an interesting person, and then others will be interested in you.
For people to want to communicate with you, it is enough to love yourself and respect others.
Correspondence rules
They directly intersect with the rules of communication:
- Do not write sudden messages without a good reason . This is perceived as an invasion of privacy.
- Choose one messenger or one social network. A person should have the right not to answer if he is in a non-resource state.
This is especially true for cases where the breakup was painful.
- Don't ignore . This is a very unpleasant form of passive aggression that should be avoided at all costs. If there is no opportunity or desire to correspond right now, it is better to write this to the person directly and disconnect.
You will learn more about correspondence after a breakup from this article.
Ignore
Ignoring your ex-partner can come in two forms.:
- Sincere reluctance to continue communication.
- A form of passive aggression.
In both cases, the person hides his real experiences . This may be due to fear of a reaction to his words, or it may be a sign of complete emotional cooling towards another person. In any case, this is the behavior of an immature person. Conflicts and misunderstandings are resolved only through dialogue.
Read more about ignoring after a breakup here.
