Why a friend doesn’t want to and has stopped communicating with me - this question has arisen in my life. I have stepped on such a rake many times and I want to share with you 3 real tips from my experience on what to do now if he does not respond because of a girl or communication has come to naught for some other reason.
Yes, it happens that a friend doesn’t want to communicate. This, of course, is not a painful but pleasant topic. But something needs to be done, because a friend is a friend, no matter what. And since life without a friend, what can I say, is not a thrill at all, then we must try to bring the friend back to life or bring the friendship back to life, depending on the situation.
The point is that communication is a very important indicator. It can be used to judge whether everything is good in relationships between people. And if communication breaks down, then this is a serious signal.
Anything can happen in life, so let's start with a case where something serious might have happened to your friend, and he needs your help, even if he is not able to turn to you.
My friend doesn't want to communicate with me or can't?
It happens that a person dives because of some troubles in life. He feels bad, he’s depressed - he doesn’t want to communicate with anyone now, or see anyone. In this state, he is already lousy - he doesn’t want to communicate with anyone: there is no strength, no will, no desire, no urine - nothing. This one got smeared.
It’s unpleasant when friends fall into such an ambush, so it’s better to try to get them out of there. If he really is in such a shitty situation: he is demoralized, then some cheerful ideas, proposals that flaunt him will never get him out. If he feels bad, then you need to speak to him in his language.
Start communicating with the fact that everyone around you also sucks, that you feel bad: your life is a complete ass. It’s clear that this is not the case, you’re just communicating with him on his wavelength. Start with funeral music and he, at least, may listen to you, and maybe even start communicating with you - he will also give off something in the spirit of emo.
Then change gear. Now your communication has already started, this was the first program: it is about how everything is bad, all of Russia has been sold, life has no meaning, nothing will work out - a complete paragraph, in short. But you got going, the main thing here is that communication has begun at all.
Then move into second gear: fear. Start talking about what you're afraid of. Isn't he afraid? Everyone around him is afraid. For example, what can you be afraid of, but it’s scary to walk down the street, all sorts of idiots are driving by, I’m afraid that they won’t run over me.
Now, how people get rights is by buying them. And communicate in this spirit: it’s scary that a plane might fall on a house. And so he really begins to be afraid that the plane will fall on his house. He says: “Maybe it’s better to go outside.”
And it will be very good if he goes outside and looks around - this is very useful, especially in his condition. Your task here is to get him to this state and become afraid. When you figure this out, then move on to the next gear.
This situation lowers your self-esteem
Your loved ones know almost everything about you, and even that as a child you stole change from the pocket of your grandmother’s robe.
Your friends are always there to encourage and support you. Therefore, you are really shocked when a friend who knows you inside and out decides to stop communicating unilaterally.
Even ill-wishers do not act this way, and this act makes you doubt friendship as a phenomenon. You think about whether the friendship was real and what is actually wrong with you.
Caution - high voltage!
The third gear is anger. Here you need to be angry and swear at those who are wrong. Not this friend of yours, but some asshole who took the plane and landed it on a house - a lot of victims! What an asshole, these guys should be shot! Or the asshole cut you off on the road, you freak! He needs to have his balls amputated!
The emotion of anger is a very important emotion. If a person passes it, then he is already out. From there he can handle it himself. We talked to him like this, scolded some idiot. He may be a normal guy, but for the good of the matter, we now need to find some kind of scapegoat. You're not going to actually catch him and hit him, right?
You just need to scratch someone's tail, just so that your friend comes out of fear and starts getting angry, like being angry in a normal way. Here, by the way, be careful, because he can hit you with his fist and fight with you in a serious way. This is such a difficult 3rd gear. But you need to get your friend out.
And then you need to switch to argument, disagreement, you should be against. Now, they don’t understand anything about economics, how is this possible, they’re just idiots! They dropped all the salaries below the plinth... And so he joins you and also begins to tell you what radishes they are, everything needs to be redone, they don’t understand anything - their hands are growing out of the wrong place!
This is how he becomes a convinced debater, a dissenter. The main thing is not to argue with him, but with someone else. Choose a target for criticism and have fun with this whipping dummy. Aunt Klava, she’s always screwing the light bulb in the wrong place!
We need to buy normal light bulbs, but she buys all sorts of crap! She burns out every once in a while! And then you see that your friend, he has already risen to this gear, his engine copes with it perfectly. And now we continue to pick up speed.
How friendships change as we grow older
As a child, we are friends mainly with children from our class or neighbors. At this time there are still no special interests, intimate conversations and intimacy. Children share Friendships and Adaptation Across the Life Span games and activities, learn to empathize with others and come together to achieve a common goal.
In adolescence (13–19 years old), we keep some of our friends from school and make new ones. At this time, close peers partially replace our parents. Mental closeness and mutual support appear, we learn to open up to another person, trust him and understand what he wants. Friendship also prepares teenagers to become couples.
In youth (19–30 years old), social connections reach their peak.
We lose some of our friends, but the broken contacts are more than replenished with new ones. Fellow students, first colleagues, partners, their friends and acquaintances - the circle of friends is wide and varied.
And now, after 30 years, our connections are slowly beginning to evaporate. Teenagers spend 29% of their waking hours with friends, but in middle age this figure drops to a measly 7%.
By the age of 65, 12–22% of people remain without friends at all. And although pensioners have much more time for communication, many simply no longer have anyone to communicate with. Old connections are lost, and it is difficult to make new ones.
And it can be boring and sad too
In fifth gear you start to get bored. Boring... Boring as hell. It's boringly impossible... I don't want to do anything - I'm so lazy. Yes, Aunt Klava, well, you can’t change everyone... To hell with it... I was thinking about going to the cinema, but I have to go, you don’t know what shows there are yet... You yawn. Get used to the role of a sleepy fly. You're frankly bored. And he is slowly getting better.
Then you can come up with something constructive. Don't drink beer so that he comes back down. Something sensible, but not yet fun or extreme. So moderately positive. Somewhat cautious, calm, reasonable. Or, you can just start talking to him in this way. There is no need to force him to do something.
“Listen, let's go somewhere. The constitution does not prohibit taking a walk.” He responded to this: “Well, I’d rather sleep now.” Here it is important to try not to let him fall into the clutches of Morpheus, but to really bring him to a good state - there is just a little left. He has already become sane. He was just a vegetable, a whiner, then paranoid, then rowdy, arguing like a stoner.
“Come on, let’s go for a little walk - it’s good for health...” - “Well, it’s good...” - “Now it’s warmer, the girls are wearing these minis: it’s nice to look at... We, thank God, have the girls we need - both well-behaved and pretty " And now he’s already getting ready to go shave
