Man is a social being, but not everyone and not always want to talk to people. If you avoid public places, new acquaintances, and try to spend time alone as much as possible, then this article is for you. Here you will find out why don't you want to talk to people?, and what to do with it.
Causes
If you have no desire to communicate with people , then it’s worth understanding the reasons, let’s look at the most common ones.
- Constriction
There are many shy people who are simply embarrassed to communicate with people, especially strangers. They are not confident in themselves, so they are afraid that they will not like them, they are afraid of criticism and comments.
- Unpleasant interlocutors
If there are no people around you whose intelligence and life principles are close to yours, then it is not surprising that you have no desire to communicate with people. Few people enjoy communicating with a person with completely different views on life.
- Burnout
If you have to communicate a lot with people at work, sooner or later this leads to emotional burnout.
- Introversion
Introverts are people who gain energy not from communicating with other people, but from being alone. They feel comfortable alone and have no need for communication. They are interested in thinking, dreaming, and their own inner world comes first.
- Lack of social skills
Since childhood, we develop social skills when we begin to communicate with other people. But, if at an early age there were problems with socialization, then with a high probability they will continue into adulthood. And even if you are a confident and interesting person, you may simply not be able to carry on a conversation.
Come up with an excuse that will allow you to sneak out early
Yes, it's a lie, but a white lie. Prepare a justification that will raise as few additional questions as possible. Depending on the degree of closeness with your interlocutors, you can limit yourself to the phrases “I’m tired” or “I have to run - I have another meeting today.”
Of course, all these tips are only suitable if there is still something left in your “battery”. If the “battery” is low, perhaps you shouldn’t risk your well-being and just stay at home. In most cases, the world will not collapse from this, and you can make up for lost time the next time you meet.
What to do
If you don’t understand why you don’t want to communicate with people and leave the house , then you should understand whether you have apathy and depression. If, in addition to the lack of desire to communicate, you have no desire to do anything at all, then it is worth taking action. This condition can lead to real depression and suicidal thoughts.
If you have never been a sociable person, and you are comfortable being alone, then you should not try to change yourself. You probably have close people with whom you sometimes communicate, and if you feel so comfortable, then you shouldn’t make a problem out of it.
Also, don't worry if you don't want to interact with certain people. This is absolutely normal, and if you are unpleasant or not interested in a person, then you have every right not to communicate with him. If you don't want to communicate with relatives , then you need to know how to behave . It is problematic to completely cut off communication with loved ones, but it is worth minimizing it.
If you avoid communication, but this interferes with your life, and you would like to communicate and meet people, then it is worth taking action. If you realize that it is difficult for you to communicate with people, and you are hampered by embarrassment or lack of social skills, then you need to work on yourself.
The most important thing is practice. You must not miss the opportunity to communicate with someone. It must be remembered that to develop any skill, practice is necessary. At first it will be difficult for you, you will experience anxiety and fear, but over time you will become more and more confident in yourself.
You also need to become an interesting conversationalist in order to feel calmer and more confident. You need to read books, watch films, expand your horizons. This will help you carry on any conversation.
Problem with socialization. I'm tired of talking to people
I am sure that my communication skills are not developed enough. Can you give advice on how to develop them?
Alena, of course!
TO PRACTICE. This will be written in all books. Without practice, nothing can be achieved, really. Tested for myself. Here are some good books : How to Talk to Anyone by Mark Rhodes and How to Improve Your Communication Skills by Alan Barker.
Your problem will be solved by at least 50% by developing these skills. Imagine how much easier life will become? The remaining 50 percent or even less are your internal attitudes and beliefs, which you can also work with.
First of all, I pay attention to how a person is disposed towards me: how interested he is in me at first and then I evaluate how interested I am in him. Based on this, I choose a communication format for myself: either “superficial” with standard phrases, or “close” if we are to some extent friends.
It’s very good that you mentioned this, maybe this “evaluation of a person” is already taking away your energy and putting you in an unpleasant state? Do you think it would be easier to just nonjudgmentally accept the fact that there is a person standing next to you, just like you, without trying to adapt to him? Focus primarily on your emotions?
When communication with a person reaches a dead end, I suddenly notice that I do not take the initiative of the conversation into my own hands, that is, I usually talk about myself much less.
Do you seem to feel responsible for the entire dialogue because you talk less? Why are you responsible, because the essence of dialogue is pleasant communication that is created by TWO, and responsibility is 50/50.
. I don’t want to burden my friends with my everyday problems/thoughts, because I see how after such conversations they leave loaded and tired,
Did they tell you this?
Often it just seems like it to us. You can do this practice. After each conversation, when it seems to you that the person is not interested, at the end of the conversation tell him, “I’m conducting a study, so I want to ask you, just answer the truth, I won’t be offended, it will help my research.” What did you think about our conversation now? (or why did you interrupt our conversation? And the like).
This practice will help us understand that we often misinterpret and understand what a person meant. For example, a person left, and we think that he was bored, but after a direct question to him, he said that he was in a hurry to train, and was sad because his mother was sick, and we had already drawn conclusions. We can't read minds, can we? We must ask! The exercise will also help develop your communication skills.
I do everything wrong compared to them.
After tracking this thought, immediately think “what are the rules? A book of rules on how to behave with friends? Right for whom? What does right mean?
Yes, I think I have a pattern. I always understood why I was comfortable with only one person. I am still looking for a person who is at least approximately open, similar in interests, tact, interest in me, and so on. But with age, it only becomes more difficult for me to open up to new people + the level of trust is gradually decreasing...
Maybe you don’t find it because you created a template that doesn’t suit you? And are you weeding out the people you need based on an outdated or unsuitable template? Try creating a new one. Better yet, try communicating with every person, anyone, at least as an experiment, to train your communication skills.
Alena, if the number of characters is over, you can always click “extend” and we will continue the conversation. If at this stage a lot has become clear to you, please click “extend” and there you will see the “complete” box. I will be very glad to receive feedback about our work with you in a free consultation.
If they don't want to talk to you
If you are drawn to communicating with people, but they do not want to communicate with you, then the following tips will help you.
- Be a good listener. In dialogue, it is important not only to speak, but also to listen. If you reduce all your conversations to stories about yourself and don’t listen to your interlocutor, then you will alienate any person.
- Don't complain. Nobody likes a whiner. Look for positive topics to discuss. Forget about your problems and complaints about life, because no one needs negativity.
- Look for common themes. You should not talk about a topic that is not interesting to your interlocutor. But you shouldn’t even try to support a topic that is not interesting to you. To make communication enjoyable for everyone, it is necessary to find common ground.
- Don't criticize. You should not ridicule or criticize the opinions, desires or tastes of another person. Learn to respect other points of view.
Becoming a good conversationalist is not difficult, you just need regular practice.
If you don’t understand why you don’t want to communicate with people as you get older , then don’t worry. For most people, the need for communication decreases with age. At a young age, you often want to have a big company, to constantly be in the spotlight. With age, interests change, and there is a desire to narrow the circle of contacts to close people.
Communication is an integral part of our lives, and if you have problems in this area, then they need to be solved. If you are an introvert, then you shouldn’t break yourself. But, if you want to communicate with people, but are afraid or embarrassed, then you should work on yourself and turn to a specialist.
No one wants to communicate with me, what to do: advice from psychologists
First of all, you need to tidy up your appearance. When a person is collected and smart, neatly dressed, he is perceived better.
It is much easier for a self-confident person with a positive attitude towards life and people to make friends; many want to know his opinion and see him around.
It is necessary to ensure that during the conversation the dialogue does not turn into a monologue. This means that communication with other participants is lost.
An unhappy person who constantly complains about life's troubles cannot find friends. And not everyone wants to talk to someone like that. You need to change your mind. Talk to others in a positive, life-affirming manner, avoid sighs and sobs.
A friendly attitude towards others will certainly yield results.
And the once lonely person will become sociable, cheerful, and begin to share his ideas and energy with the people around him. He will forget that he used to complain to everyone, saying: “no one wants to communicate with me.” If you change yourself, the attitude of others will improve.
Fear of judgment
By saying the phrase “I don’t want to date anyone,” a person is cutting himself off from many opportunities. Who uses this type of escape from reality? People who are afraid of being judged by others. Have you found yourself in a situation where your parents or friends condemned your choice of a soulmate? If this happened more than once, then you may have developed a psychological fear of condemnation. You should understand that you were simply unlucky in love. But that doesn't mean you have to give up. Look for your soulmate and don’t be afraid to introduce her to your loved ones. The people around you will accept your choice anyway, even if they don’t really like it.
Childhood trauma
The roots of most psychological problems should be sought in childhood. Why does a person become unsociable? A person who does not like to be in society may experience many complexes imposed by his parents. Even in adult life, a person cannot always cope with suggestions that have taken root in the mind. If your mother told you as a child that you were a naughty child and no one would love you, you could remember this phrase and take it literally. Your mother may have instilled in you an inferiority complex, for example due to incoherent speech. Parents who have missed the correct production of sounds in their child can make their child inferior and, moreover, complex. Remember all the complexes that your parents imposed on you. And then try to create new, positive psychological attitudes. Psychological work can help eliminate your communication problems and make you a happier, more fulfilled person.
There's no right person
Does the thought occur to you: “I don’t love anyone”? What is the reason that you cannot find your soulmate? Many ladies, especially young ones, make the absence of a young man a big problem. They passionately want to find a young man, but in the end they remain lonely. What is the real problem? Sometimes fate leaves a person alone so that the person stops looking for a soul mate and finds himself. And it’s normal not to date anyone temporarily in order to become a whole person and not look for support and support in another person. Accept the idea that you don’t have the right person in your environment right now. If your heart doesn't accept anyone you know, take a break. You still have time to find your love. And if you rush, you can make a lot of mistakes that will be difficult for you to correct later.
Inveterate grievances
Have you met a confirmed bachelor? If yes, then you probably know that a man has tried to establish a long-term relationship with a woman at least once in his life. But the lady was able to hurt the guy’s soul so much that he decided not to tempt fate anymore and not burden himself with a new relationship. It’s difficult to call such an approach to your life normal. When a person realizes his fear and honestly says: “I’m afraid of a new relationship,” then he needs to see a psychotherapist or work through his grievances on his own. You can’t hold a grudge all your life against a person who, by chance, had to break up with you. Any person who no longer wants to make attempts to meet his true love must understand that not one person, but two are to blame for the breakup. You cannot place responsibility solely on the shoulders of your partner. Make peace with this thought and forgive the person all his mistakes. When you let go of the past, it will become easier for you to live in the present.
Excessive requirements
Are you facing a problem? Can't find your soulmate? Think about the reason why a good person is not near you. Most often, the phrase “I don’t love anyone” can be heard from a girl with high demands. The lady considers herself a queen and wants men to crawl at her feet. But in reality it turns out that self-sufficient guys do not need a person who, apart from a beautiful appearance, cannot give anything. Think about whether you have set the bar too high and whether those around you can overcome it. Sometimes you have to lower your standards to find the right person. Don't idealize others. Remember that all people have their own shortcomings and you will have to put up with them.
