Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) - the key to people's souls or blind manipulation?

Currently, psychologists offer many techniques for improving one’s abilities, finding inner harmony and choosing a special path to happiness. Neurobics, art therapy, coaching, mnemonics, Hellinger constellations, socionics and many other areas. One of these, incredibly popular and at the same time controversial, is NLP - neurolinguistic programming (not to be confused with neurolinguistics).

On the one hand, his techniques are actively used in almost all spheres of modern life. On the other hand, it is harshly criticized, considered an ordinary guide to manipulating people. So what is it really?

What it is

NLP is a direction in psychotherapy and practical psychology that uses verbal and non-verbal behavior of a person in order to achieve the desired result from him. For example, with the help of neurolinguistic programming, parents can teach their child order or punctuality, teachers can improve the learning efficiency of pupils and students, managers can force the buyer to purchase a product. In this case, forms of speech, eye movements, body postures, and memory are used.

NLP was developed back in the mid-twentieth century by J. Grinder and R. Bandler, but it has gained maximum popularity in our days. Officially, this direction is recognized as parascientific, since the effectiveness of the techniques, firstly, has not been proven, and secondly, is not always ethical from a moral point of view.

Many scientists believe that NLP is nothing more than the art of manipulating people through their own behavior.

[edit]Also

In all

In the universities of our vast homeland, NLP is taught under the guise of “sociology” and “psychology” (including clinical - for treating those suffering from FGM). It’s a pity that neither students, nor teachers, nor deans, nor rectors of specialized universities know anything about this. In technical sciences, usually no one gives a fuck that they will read to students once a week for one semester, so they can really hammer NLP, psychotronics, socionics and other pseudoscientific nonsense into the students’ stupid heads.

To all of the above, we can only add that the NLP-type trick is based on another trick called “Ericksonian hypnosis,” one of the aspects of which is “chattering.” Milton Erickson compensated for his deafness and immobilization of his legs with the stupid power of cunning and developed numerous techniques of non-directive hypnosis. Essentially, Bandler and Grinder stole/destroyed/insulted/developed his ideas.

Additionally, there is other NLP. Whose adherents sincerely rejoice when their NLP is confused with the subject.

How it works

A person cannot perceive the world around him objectively, since he passes it through his own sensations (visual, auditory, olfactory), through the prism of acquired experience, personal beliefs and principles. Some people cannot live without church, others openly hate religion. Some are looking for a job that pays more, while for others it is more important that they like it. Some people like external beauty in people, others are delighted with the mental abilities of the interlocutor.

According to NLP, if you take into account all the above points and understand how a particular person passes information through himself and what is of particular importance to him, using certain techniques, you can achieve anything from him. But first, painstaking work must be done with beliefs and physiological characteristics.

If a manager persistently persuades a church-going grandmother to buy goods with demonic symbols, he will fail. It is necessary to offer an alternative option in time so that the purchase turns out to be pleasant for her and brings benefits to the company. This is where NLP techniques such as emotionally meaningful words and creating positive expectations come into play.

If an employee sits in a closed position (arms and legs crossed), it is difficult to demand increased productivity. But, having mastered the mirroring method, you can open the pose and talk more naturally.

The first groups 1972 - 1973

In the early seventies, an extremely liberal atmosphere reigned at the University of California, Santa Cruz; the classes were not dominated exclusively by scientific orthodox views.
Kresge College, where Gregory Bateson then worked, was especially popular among psychology students. There it was possible to carry out experimental group activities. Richard Bandler
In the spring of 1972, Bandler, frustrated by the foreign content of the academic curriculum, organized classes in the practice of Gestalt therapy at Kresge College, taking advantage of the opportunity given to final-year students to plan and conduct their own classes. Students participating in such classes received documents confirming their completion, which were also recognized as those issued by professors.

Working with Gestalt theory was absolutely new in the behaviorist-oriented educational process at that time. And although there were two groups dealing with issues of human sensations, their principles came mainly from the concept of Carl Rogers, the creator of client-centered therapy. He was one of the fathers of the so-called humanistic psychology, which was born in 1962 at the Society for Humanistic Therapy as a third force in psychology, along with the then dominant schools of psychoanalysis and behaviorism. During this time, Rogers' non-directive and growth-oriented views entered the salons and advanced academic circles. This, among other things, was expressed by the great activity of encounter groups, the creation of which was fashionable in many higher educational institutions.

Despite many programmatic similarities with the foundations of Perls's Gestalt therapy (belonging to the so-called humanistic therapy), the work of these groups, in the seventies, was in principle directed rather towards group dynamics and concentrated on the movement of authenticity. Therefore, Bandler's group was significantly different from ordinary meeting groups. From the very beginning he was interested in analyzing the therapeutic effects of Gestalt theory within a group. In addition, the exercises at the seminars opened up the opportunity for him to develop his own practical competence, which until that time remained only in theory.

Basics

Where to start learning neurolinguistic programming? There are basic, basic techniques that were developed half a century ago by J. Grinder and R. Bandler and continue to be improved to this day. First you need to master them theoretically, so that you can then learn to apply them in practice.

1. Subjective experience: a person’s past, which has a huge influence on him.

2. Presuppositions - semantic components of NLP:

• the map is not yet the territory;
• consciousness, like life, is a systemic process;
• positive intention is the basis of any behavior;
• rapport (building trusting relationships);
• feedback, not defeat;
• and many others.

3. Representational systems: how a person receives information mainly from the outside (visual, auditory, kinesthetic and discrete images).

4. Metamodels and metaprograms.

5. Milton models: empty information that a person fills in himself in accordance with his beliefs, desires, and principles.

Access Keys: A single thing or phrase can force a person to take an action.

These are the basic theoretical principles of NLP. Without mastering them, achieving results in practice will be extremely difficult. You can find their detailed descriptions in popular science literature (the list is given below).

Short story

Collaborative work on the creation of neurolinguistic programming was started in the late 1960s by a group of specialists from the University of California: Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Frank Pucelik, led by their scientific trustee, the famous anthropologist Gregory Bateson. The NLP system was developed to answer the question of why certain psychotherapists interact so effectively with their clients.

Instead of exploring this issue from the point of view of psychotherapeutic theory, Bandler and Grinder turned to analyzing the methods and techniques used by these psychotherapists by observing the progress of their work. The scientists then grouped the methods they studied into different categories and presented them as general models of interpersonal relationships and how people influence each other.

The famous specialists whose professional experience it was decided to transform into models were chosen:

✔	Virginia Satir - family therapy.
✔	Milton Erickson - Ericksonian hypnosis.
✔	Fritz Perls - Gestalt therapy.

The first results of studying the practical skills of these psychotherapists appeared in 1975 and were published in the work “The Structure of Magic. Volume 1" (1975). Then, extended research materials on the model were presented in the books “The Structure of Magic. Volume 2" (1976) and "Changes in the Family" (co-authored with Virginia Satir, 1976).

The result of this work was the so-called Meta Model, which you will learn about in the first lesson of our training. This model served as the foundation for further research in this area and led to the creation of a whole area of ​​practical psychology. Today NLP is an open methodology that has many followers, complementing it with proprietary developments.

You can read more about the history of NLP on Wikipedia.

NLP techniques that produce results

After mastering the theory, you can move on to practice. Recommended techniques for beginners that, when used correctly, work flawlessly:

• mirroring (exact repetition of movements, facial expressions, poses, intonations of the interlocutor);
• rapport through the pronoun “we”;
• three "yes";
• pattern break;
• switching attention;
• reframing;
• anchoring;
• thought virus;
• adjustment, etc.

It remains to be seen how exactly each technology from this list works in specific situations.

Areas of application

In different areas of life, NLP suggests using different methods of influencing a person.

In sales

The modern market is oversaturated with goods and services. The competition is unimaginable. And for some reason, some stores and brands thrive and stay afloat for decades, while others disappear within a couple of months after opening. You can endlessly look for mistakes and blunders of the latter, but today they are increasingly saying that some people simply know how to use techniques to manipulate people (read: customers and clients), while others have not even heard of it. The former become successful, the fate of the latter is to sink into oblivion.

A step-by-step guide to how salespeople, managers and merchandisers use NLP techniques.

1. Establish a rapport (trust relationship) with the buyer through:

• mirroring;
• open poses.

2. Focus the buyer’s attention on a specific product through:

• shaking (as soon as he loses interest, you need to raise your voice, change your position, change the topic);
• involvement in joint activities, cooperation (“we will now look at the settings of this phone together”);
• creating positive expectations (“you won’t regret buying it”).
• unfinished action (make a riddle out of a product that can only be solved by purchasing it);
• emotionally significant words: benefit, inexpensive, promotion, discount, sale, bestseller, low prices, etc.

3. Call on the buyer to take active action using methods such as:

• the need to make an urgent decision: “in 2 hours the promotion will end”, “there is only one copy left”;
• illusion of choice: “choose which model you buy - this or that” (automatically the buyer’s consciousness refuses the obvious choice “I don’t buy anything”);
• future planning: “choose, and I’ll take you to the checkout”, “choose, I’ll issue a discount/coupon for a bonus card in the meantime.”

To increase sales, NLP techniques are actively used in advertising:

• working for generally accepted values ​​(in every second advertisement we see the image of an ideal family or a successful businessman);
• submodalities: with the help of visual pictures and verbal formulations, the subconscious is influenced (a juicy dish increases appetite, a half-naked girl interests men);
• presuppositions: such formulations that exclude the choice of another product;
• synesthesia: simultaneous connection of several channels of perception;
• truism: verbal formulations that evoke the authenticity of a fact, even if it is false (“cardiologists recommend”, “approved by the world association”);
• thought virus: creating a trail of mystery around a product.

As practice shows, NLP techniques provide high sales growth.

In a relationship

Experts believe that with the help of NLP you can make any person fall in love with you. How to do it?

• Anchoring

When talking to the target, make him remember something pleasant. From now on, when he sees you, he will experience only positive emotions.

• Adjustment

Study the clothing style and demeanor of the star your subject admires. Don't copy the image completely, but learn a couple of points and use them in communication.

• Mysteriousness

Don't tell everything about yourself. Leave some side unclear, but constantly bring your object of adoration to this mysterious door, as if inviting you to come in, but do not open it. The desire to solve the riddle will lead to building the relationships you dream of.

In love, it is also useful to use NLP techniques. The main thing is not to overdo it with them and not switch to naked manipulation of your loved one.

Neurolinguistic programming techniques for women:

• ideal dates, thought out to the smallest detail (from the tablecloth on the table to aphrodisiacs);
• beautiful, exciting external image (men love with their eyes);
• the rule of three “yes” (formulate three questions so that the man answers “yes”; to the fourth question, which is important to you, he will automatically answer the same);
• correct motivation: “you are the best”, “you will achieve everything”;
• disarming: demonstrating one's weaknesses, tears to evoke pity.

NLP techniques for men:

• illusion of choice: “Where should we go today - will we take a walk in the park or sit in a cafe?” (although in reality she was going to a friend’s place);
• “plus or minus”: first cause a slight negative reaction in the girl (look after the beauty), then a strong positive one (buy a gift, say a lot of compliments).

Experts warn that techniques for manipulating consciousness in relationships must be used extremely carefully so as not to slip into faceless and cruel control.

In education

Teachers in schools and other educational institutions can also actively use NLP:

• provide information in the form in which students perceive it better: some through the eyes, others through the ears, others through tactile sensations;
• use visualization as often as possible;
• anchoring: if the teacher raised his hand, everyone should be silent;
• speech strategies: to attract attention, raise your voice, fail to finish a sentence, become abruptly silent, create an aura of mystery (“read at home what happened between Onegin and Tatyana in the gazebo”);
• positive comments;
• jokes, humor (but not ridicule or humiliation).

Those teachers who use NLP methods in their work note their incredible effectiveness. They allow you to establish connections with children, help you learn the material faster, and be more attentive.

Combat

Now the so-called combat NLP has become widely used. If you think it's designed for warfare, you're wrong. It is used in everyday life, but not for peaceful purposes. This concept hides the use of psychotherapeutic techniques for the purpose of aggressive and deep influence on a person, outright manipulation. The result is a zombie man who, without hesitation, carries out any order.

Combat NLP is actively used in politics (in election campaigns), business, network marketing, when recruiting people into sects, criminal communities and informal groups.

People become its victims:

• with low IQ, no education;
• with suicidal tendencies;
• weak-willed;
• those who are deeply depressed;
• with neurotic disorders;
• infantile
• naive and gullible.

Professionals in the field of combat NLP immediately pick out such people from the crowd based on special characteristics and begin to process them. The victims are teenagers, old people, maximalists, religious fanatics, and marginalized people. It is because of this trend that many criticize and do not accept neurolinguistic programming techniques, considering them aggressive, sometimes even illegal, unethical and inhumane.

If you have become a victim of aggressive NLP, you must resist the manipulator. We have already told you how to recognize it and not succumb.

Anchoring technique

There is one catchphrase and popular phrase among specialists in neurolinguistic programming: “When we say “anchor” we mean “NLP”, when we say “NLP” we mean “anchor”. Many people are familiar with this technique and even often use it in their lives, but few people know that it is based on the principles of the technique in question.

What it is

To put it in simple terms, in every person’s life there are several anchors that tie them to either negative or positive emotions.

Some people can’t look at watermelons because as a child they overate them to such an extent that they ended up in the hospital. The long-legged blonde secretary took her husband away from the family - and now all women of this external type and this profession will only cause negativity. These are anchors with a minus sign. And there are them with a “plus” sign. For example, each of us has our “own” song, which is associated with pleasant memories. They themselves may be erased from memory, but a pleasant feeling will arise again and again when listening to it.

Where is it used?

The anchoring technique is used everywhere in life. For example, miracle pills that supposedly cure alcoholism. In fact, this is an ordinary emetic, which, according to the instructions, should be drunk after drinking alcohol. A negative anchor is imprinted in a person’s consciousness: if he drank alcohol, he started vomiting. This is how a stable rejection of this connection is developed. To get rid of the second point, you need to eliminate the first.

Examples of anchors

Couples in love actively use anchors to strengthen their relationships:

• favorite song to which they met (kissed, confessed their love to each other);
• a dish they traditionally prepared for a romantic evening;
• beautiful underwear;
• some specific phrase, the meaning of which is clear only to them.

But, if a couple breaks up, all these anchors radically change to a minus sign. Once favorite places for solitary walks, songs, objects can cause pain due to loss.

Use in practice

How can this technique be used in practice? Anchors are designed to replace negative emotions with positive ones.

Dentistry

It is unlikely that there will be people who experience positive emotions in the dentist’s chair. The unpleasant smell of medicine, the sound of a drill, an uncomfortable position, pain, injections of local anesthesia - there are more than enough such moments. However, they can be blocked using an anchor with a plus sign. Surely you have a favorite scent that brings back pleasant memories. Maybe the smell of apples makes you fly away. Or love the way the sea smells. For some it is Chanel No. 5 or Hugo Boss. Every time before going to the dentist, put a drop of appropriate perfume or essential oil on a cloth handkerchief. As soon as you feel bad, bring it to your face.

In love

In the most pleasant moments of a relationship (during a romantic date, watching a movie together, riding a Ferris wheel, a solitary walk), unobtrusively perform the same action towards your loved one. This could be: circular movements of your finger over his palm, lightly stroking his wrist (elbow, earlobe), clasping your hands in a “lock,” a gentle kiss on his temple.

Constant repetition of the same thing at such moments is anchoring on positive emotions. And it will come in handy during quarrels or when you need something from your partner. Are you arguing and can’t calm him down? Doesn't he agree to go to your mom's this weekend? Walk up and play the anchor. If you did everything right before, you will be surprised how quickly your loved one will compromise.

In progress

Most of the stress of a modern person is related to work. Tough bosses who demand unrealistic results, colleagues who are always gossiping and don’t let you work in peace, deadlines and time pressure drive many people crazy. This is where the NLP technique comes in handy. Carry with you something that is associated with your most pleasant memories. It could be an engagement ring, a bracelet with the Eiffel Tower from Paris, or the same handkerchief with your favorite scent. During a stressful situation, take 30 seconds to inhale a familiar smell or touch a piece of jewelry. Anchoring will occur and you will calm down.

Professional anchoring

Psychologists, psychotherapists and NLP specialists often use artificial anchoring techniques in their practice. It is deeper than what a person spends on his own, since there first there is an overlay of positive emotions on negative ones, and then a persistent substitution. This is done in just a few steps.

1. A person remembers down to the smallest detail the most unpleasant moment in his life.
2. At that moment when he experiences pain, fear, discomfort, the specialist anchors him - takes him by the left wrist.
3. After some time, the person is invited to relive the happiest moment of his life.
4. As soon as he achieves positive emotions, the specialist again anchors, but in the opposite way - he squeezes his right wrist.
5. When both points have been worked out and fixed in the person’s consciousness, while reproducing pain and loss, the specialist takes the person by the right wrist - the pain point in the soul is thus blocked and covered with an anchor with a “plus” sign.

If everything was done correctly, negative memories and emotions regarding a particular moment should disappear.

The essence of the resource state

When we say that a person is in a resourceful state, it means that he can now handle anything. No matter what difficult tasks life throws at him, he has the mental and physical strength to cope with them. He is confident, emotionally stable and in harmony with himself. We can say that this person knows how to be happy and satisfied with life.

In order to always be in this state, you need to pay attention to 5 important things. Here they are:

• body health;
• motivation for achievements;
• spiritual comfort;
• ability to concentrate on a task;
• managing your time.

Maintaining these factors in balance is much easier if you master resource state techniques. Then you can notice at any time that you are sagging and correct it.

Exercises

Many people who are only superficially familiar with NLP believe that it is primarily a technique for manipulating people. Unfortunately, this opinion was formed in the conditions of modern society, in which every successful person must be able to achieve his goals by any means. Initially, neurolinguistic programming was developed as a method of helping those who suffer from their own imperfections, complexes and self-criticism. It is actively used by many psychologists to restore mental balance and increase self-esteem. But you can do it yourself.

Find useful practical applications for NLP - get rid of your own cockroaches in your head by mastering just a few exercises.

“It’s not an elephant, it’s a fly!”

Agree that most problems are actually a snowball. It is human nature to constantly think about what worries him, to examine this something from all sides, looking for some new facets. Speculation, doubts, fears grow and any minor unpleasant incident turns into a huge insoluble tangle of difficulties.

There is an exercise in NLP that suggests going the other way and turning this scary, bloated elephant into a small and meaningless fly.

1. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Make sure no one disturbs you.
2. Imagine in every detail the thing (event) that worries you: how you were fired, how you lost your wallet, how you got divorced. This should be the brightest picture possible.
3. Now desaturate it so that it resembles a vintage black and white photograph.
4. Begin to mentally move it further and further away from your inner gaze until it turns into a point on the horizon.
5. Peer at it, try to consider the details until you get tired and get tired of it.

Last step. Now find something positive in your life that is much bigger than this problem. For example, you were fired, but your children are alive and well. If something happened to them, it would be a hundred times more painful. Lost your wallet? But you have a solid NC on your card. You didn’t become a beggar and a homeless person after that. Divorced? Didn’t it become easier to breathe after that and didn’t you have more free time for yourself?

In short, NLP suggests turning the bad elephants in your life into worthless flies. Try it yourself and see the incredible effectiveness of the exercise.

"Big Wash"

This exercise works great if a particular picture does not allow you to live in peace. It happens that after an unpleasant situation you want to forget about it as quickly as possible, but in your mind it keeps popping up in the smallest details of how it all happened. Because of this, people cannot fall asleep, eat peacefully, or communicate. No amount of distracting maneuvers (throwing yourself into work, for example) helps. This means it’s time for neurolinguistic practice.

1. Don't artificially evoke a disturbing memory. Wait for the moment when it comes to mind on its own.
2. Don't drive him away, don't try to hide from the problem.
3. Mentally imagine this picture as a dirty spot on your clothes. Set yourself the task of cleaning it up.
4. Imagining everything in detail, in your thoughts take out a bowl of water, pour the best bleach into it, add powder and start zealously washing this picture.
5. Imagine how the spot becomes lighter and lighter, and then completely disappears.

Psychologists and psychotherapists suggest performing the neurolinguistic exercise “The Big Laundry” for paranoia and obsessive thoughts.

"The Musketeers 20 Years Later"

One of the simplest and most effective NLP exercises, allowing you to see how insignificant the problem is that now prevents you from living in peace and interferes with happiness. Many people practice it without even realizing that it belongs to the technique of neurolinguistic programming.

1. Relive an exciting event. For example, my son brought a bad grade from school. Or your roof is leaking, but you don’t have money for repairs yet.
2. Imagine yourself 20 years later. It should be a beautiful dream, but as close to reality as possible. That is, you should not imagine yourself as the wife of an oligarch or the President if there are no prerequisites for this.
3. Enjoy the created illusion.
4. Now find today’s problem in your dream. Do you think in 20 years this “two” will be just as relevant? Will it affect the development of your life, will it prevent you from moving towards your dream? And you are unlikely to remember about the roof years later.

So everything is relative. Even if a child fails an exam, it doesn’t mean anything. He will retake the test in a year, go to work, and achieve everything in this life himself through this difficulty. Not to mention the worthless D in math class. Yes, it's unpleasant. But do some educational work (in calm tones) and forget about it forever.

To restore mental balance and achieve harmony within yourself, NLP also offers other exercises:

1. “Thank you, Lord, for taking me with money!” (to solve financial problems).
2. “Retrospective” (studying the horrors of wartime to realize one’s own happiness).
3. “Waving technique” (changing a negative image to a positive one).
4. “Cinema” (a look at the problem from the outside).
5. Technique from Walt Disney (what happened must be seen through the eyes of a dreamer, a realist and a critic).

[edit] Actually

NLP was conceived (at least by the kosher half of its creators - Grinder) as a tool for removing behavior

a person leading to a certain result. But, unfortunately, this was perceived as if it was possible to model a whole person.

The founders of NLP also tried to convey the idea that “the map is not the territory.” It’s okay to think that your mental bullshit is the most correct bullshit in the world. But again, people who have studied NLP to some extent begin to think that now they are NLPers and they have the right map and they have every right to fuck up everyone around them. Which, again, did not affect the image of NLP for the better.

In general, the modeler must remove unnecessary bullshit from the patient’s head without adding his own. But judging by the books sold in this country, everything happened just the opposite - for you - a terrible mixture of delirium of all participants in this intimate process, specially selected by sensitive people. Although there is a rational grain there somewhere, but to find it you have to dig for a long time... It’s a lot of books.

Actually, NLP is divided into two camps:

• the elite, who have no clue, create models and write books about it;
• rednecks who pick up techniques for themselves and then cast them on everyone around them.

In case you haven’t realized yet: NLP is not psychology. NLP as training for effective communication, pick-up, manipulation - a fucking move by rednecks who somehow learned about a dozen techniques and thought of combining them into one training. It’s unlikely that anyone will communicate better if they follow a set of rote rules (well, not counting “please respond to thank you” and other basic etiquette for five-year-olds). The main effect of such trainings is to fuck up so that the person who paid the money stops listening to all sorts of idiots, but gets off his ass and starts doing something.

As a result: NLP is a set of methods for successfully imposing certain models of behavior (and NLP itself does not have such models). A person says: “I don’t like smoking” and the “non-smoking” model is imposed on him. True, how this model will calmly coexist in his head next to the long-term habit of breathing smoke and other cockroaches is usually modestly kept silent.

And one more thing: everything that was received in NLP courses from individuals without education is only suitable for further transmission of this within the circle of NLP nerds. Therefore, reach out to the origins, to Grinder. According to the OBS, he is now working for ZOG [ proflink?

], which seems to hint... Well, or to the gypsies.

The best books on NLP

1. Balyko D. Zapretov.net. 40 NLP rules for living a high life.
2. Bandler R., Grinder D. From frogs to princes. Neuro-linguistic programming.
3. Bandler R., Grinder D. Reframing: personality orientation using speech strategies.
4. Berger E. NLP for happy love. 11 techniques that will help you fall in love, seduce, marry anyone.
5. Beaver D. How to quickly absorb a large amount of knowledge. Let's learn without pain. The latest NLP methods.
6. Bodenhamer B., Hall M. NLP practitioner. Full certified course.
7. Davydova I. NLP for business and life. The art of hypnotic persuasion.
8. J. O'Connor. NLP. A practical guide to achieving the results you want.
9. Dilts R. Modeling using NLP.
10. Pligin A. How to turn the ghost of failure into the aroma of success in life.

Before using NLP to influence other people, check how the technique works for yourself. You should start by changing your own life for the better, creating an ideal “I-image”, and then experiment in society.