How to make a good first impression on people

In this topic, we will discuss the first impression of a person, as well as its main aspects in order to please others.

Nowadays, people want to develop, make new acquaintances and expand their connections. The process of communication between people is a very important level in the development of social life. When communicating with new faces, each of us develops an opinion about each new acquaintance. And this is not surprising, because the process of a person’s perception of a person when meeting someone is studied even by science. Therefore, today we want to share interesting aspects of the topic of the first impression of each of us.

Be positive

We are drawn to open and friendly people who give off positive energy. To make a good first impression, you need to learn how to be just that.

You can convey your positive attitude in different ways. Greet new acquaintances with a sincere and easy smile. And smiling is simply useful - here we wrote about why you should do it every day.

Try to keep the conversation on positive or neutral topics - avoid discussing politics or world issues with a person you are meeting for the first time. The same “taboo” includes discussing some personal problems: although we are all sometimes ready to complain and share our experiences, we definitely shouldn’t do this on the first day of dating.

How quickly a first impression is formed

According to some studies J. Willis, A. Todorov. First Impressions: Making Up Your Mind After a 100‑Ms Exposure to a Face / Psychological Science, just one tenth of a second is enough to form an opinion about the attractiveness, reliability, competence and aggressiveness of the interlocutor. And the longer we communicate with someone, the more confident we are in our first impressions.

This speed is due to A. C. Little, B. C. Jones, L. M. DeBruine. Facial attractiveness: evolutionary based research / Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society With an evolutionary past. Our distant ancestors had no time to carry on conversations with relatives who suddenly appeared: they had to quickly understand whether this was a friend or an enemy.

Use body language

We communicate a lot through body language, even when we ourselves are not aware of it. And this affects the impression we make when we meet.

To please new acquaintances, stick to “open” gestures. This is expressed in sitting without crossing your arms and legs, and not hiding your hands in your pockets. Also, maintain eye contact with the interlocutor - this will allow him to understand your interest in the conversation.

You can read more about the most popular “talking” gestures from body language in this material.

What do psychologists say about first impressions?

You see how troublesome the process of first impression is, and how many factors influence a person’s perception of another person. That is why this effect is widely studied by science. We would like to bring to your attention the visions of several scientists.

• O. Bodalyov (Soviet psychologist): the first impression of a person depends precisely on the situation of acquaintance. If a person ran into the room for a few seconds and quarreled with someone, the impressions will remain appropriate (irritated, angry).
• If you just looked into the room, then those around you will perceive information from that part of the body or clothing that was noticed. For example, if a beautiful-looking and well-dressed person looks into the room, then the impressions will remain positive. And with opposite signs – negative responses.
• The scientist is sure that everything is influenced by appearance and its design.

The first impression depends on the dating situation

• G. Kelly (American psychologist). They proved that the first impression is influenced by preliminary information about the future interlocutor. The experiment was conducted on students. Before the start of classes, students were divided into two groups. One group was told that the future unknown lecturer was responsive, polite, and kind. And to the other group, on the contrary, that he is angry, ill-mannered and rude.
• In conclusion, it was clear that the first impression of one group, with good preliminary characteristics about the lecturer, was reflected in their perception. And they saw in their new acquaintance the positive qualities that were presented before the lesson.
• And another group of students pointed out the opposite qualities of the teacher, or rather those that were told to them the day before. What remains interesting is the fact that these two groups listened to the lecturer at the same time. But their vision was completely opposite.

And from other people's advance information

• R. Wilson (Austrian psychologist). Based on an experiment, he proved that the first impression is influenced by the social status of the future interlocutor. The study was also conducted on groups of students: the first group received information that the future speaker at the lesson was a professor at a well-known university;
• the second group learned that he was the rector of a famous university;
• the third group that he is just a lecturer;
• the fourth group was informed that he was a laboratory assistant;
• and the fifth group thought that he was a student.

Status also says a lot.
Everyone has to meet new people even in everyday life. And you can check the short facts and signs given in this article. We are sure that you will be surprised how exactly the described criteria influence the effect of the first impression. A rather complex process that has been and continues to be studied by science, although at first glance everything is quite simple.

Important: The first impression is really an effect that is formed in a person under the influence of various factors. A phenomenon that lasts for a long period of time. And a person has to make an effort to change his opinion about himself, which is very often the opposite of the impression he received upon first meeting. Each new personality is perceived by others on a subconscious level, so a person is not able to objectively evaluate a new acquaintance.

It is precisely because of the errors of the first perception that it often happens that over time a person begins to become disappointed in his acquaintances. And this is precisely because the error occurred precisely at the stage of the first impression, in the first minutes of acquaintance. The information is interesting, and you need to know it in order to teach yourself to understand people. Although not the first time. Let everything be fine, and only really good friends surround you!

Show interest

To make a good impression, it is important to show the interlocutor that we are interested in meeting and dialogue with him.
Agree, it’s unpleasant when a new acquaintance is distracted by little things or constantly looks at his phone when you’re trying to carry on a conversation with him. To avoid this kind of awkwardness, make sure you really listen to what you are being told. Get to the point, nod in support, ask additional questions or clarifications. By the way, this will come in handy if you plan to meet people again - information about previous conversations or what they told about themselves will be very useful.

Mistakes of the first impression or why it can be deceiving?

We have given you generalized characteristics of such a phenomenon as first impression. As noted above, the first impression is in most cases deceptive, and this is because it is perceived at the level of intuition. The reason for the occurrence of such disorientation regarding the positive phenomena of a person occurs through the ability to single out a new acquaintance precisely according to the factors described above. Which in most cases lead to first impression mistakes. Such errors are usually divided into the following 3 types.

• Error in attitude towards you. This occurs due to the presence of an impression of significance, but not of a new acquaintance, but of each of us. This sign is laid down at a subconscious level. After all, every person wants to be valued, respected, his opinion taken into account and admired. Therefore, when you, like your interlocutor, see such an attitude towards yourself, you again, on a subconscious level, begin to overestimate the person. It is very good when you were not mistaken, and the person really deserves such treatment. But, as practice shows, in fact everything is quite the opposite.

But appearances can be deceiving

• The error of dominating one's interlocutors . This advantage may be in the prestige of things and accessories, in clothing, the manner of communication of a higher person with a lower class person, the availability of funds, etc. It is the presence of these indicators that leads to the fact that when meeting a person for the first time, they are simply overestimated. And in most cases, trusting such a person is useless. After all, later it may turn out that the new acquaintance does not at all correspond to the positive qualities endowed with you.
• Because very often such things as an expensive car, jewelry or clothes are not the achievement of the interlocutor himself, but, for example, his parents. The man simply knows how to show himself. And there are completely opposite cases when the interlocutor, in the absence of such components as money, expensive clothes or accessories, is perceived significantly lower than he deserves at all. To evaluate a person according to his affiliation, time must pass, which will dot all the “Is”.

As you can see, all the described errors arise for one simple reason, which lies in the psychology of the person himself. Everyone only wants to be treated with respect, and everyone also wants to be surrounded by only beauty. And as we see, beautiful aspects are not always something worthy. All circumstances must be taken into account.

All mistakes are hidden in our psychology

Find common ground

We don't have to try to build friendships with everyone we meet in life. But if a new acquaintance is really important to you and you want to continue communicating with the person, it is better to try to find common ground with him at the first meeting. This will help make a good impression - such interest will evoke pleasant emotions in the interlocutor.

Ask a new friend about his field of activity or hobby, the last book he read or the cafe he visited. Even if you do not have common activities or completely different professions, something from his “list” of hobbies may seem attractive to you - you should tell him about it. Or share your impressions so that he can also carry on the conversation.

You can do it yourself

Learn to make a good first impression.

We will devote several articles to how to make our communication with other people pleasant and useful. And let's start from the very beginning - with acquaintance. Has it ever happened that you were refused a job at the first meeting, although this meeting was scheduled? Did a meeting with a person important for business or personal relationships end in nothing? Did your relationship with your mother-in-law or mother-in-law not work out because you didn’t like each other at first sight? Now I have mentioned those situations that are really important to us and our lives largely depend on the impression we make in them. It has been established, for example, that when applying for a job, no matter how long the conversation lasts, a positive or negative opinion about the candidate develops within the first 3-4 minutes of the conversation. After this, questions are asked depending on the prevailing opinion: if positive, they allow the person to reveal his best side, if negative, “for filling up.” I think that not all specialists involved in the study of communication problems will agree with 3-4 minutes. Some believe and prove this experimentally that the first impression is formed within 10 seconds of interaction.

First impressions are always wrong

Probably, many of us, if we have not taken part in such a dispute, have at least thought about the question of how deceptive or correct the first impression can be. I wonder what conclusions you came to? I am convinced that there is no definite answer to this question - it can be true, it can be completely wrong, it can be partially true. It all depends on who is perceived, who perceives and the conditions of perception. Sorry for the banality, but people are different. Some are open to perception and easy to form a first impression of. Others are closed, it is often difficult to say anything definite about them. They may be either intellectuals, or narrow-minded, or shy, etc., but it is often not easy to guess this. Still others are constantly on the move, their inner world is hidden behind external bustle and actions. There are people who are good at adapting to circumstances, and there are those who cannot be described in any descriptive way. They disappear into the crowd, leaving no trace of their image in the observer’s memory. It is very difficult to say anything definite about them. Of course, all this affects the first impression.

Factors that influence the first impression

1. Physical attractiveness Indeed, it has been noted that “what is beautiful is good,” that is, the effect of beauty can attribute to the interlocutor, without any factual basis, exclusively positive character traits and moral qualities. When assessing attractiveness, special attention is paid to the face. A person with a beautiful face is considered attractive, and this is connected not so much with the beauty of the face itself, but with its expressiveness. If the interlocutor’s facial expressions express calmness and goodwill, then in most cases he will be assessed positively by others. Posture plays a vital role in the formation of physical attractiveness. It is known that good posture is associated with confidence and optimism, as well as inner strength and dignity. Poor posture is perceived as a manifestation of insecurity, and very often - dependence and subordination. All this is very important to consider when establishing contacts with people.

2. In addition to external attractiveness, a person’s non-verbal behavior is of utmost importance. A person’s gaze occupies a special place. If a person does not look away, does not look “past” another, does not lower his eyes down, then he is perceived as more confident, more friendly, and this is due to the idea that people have in the past that, on the one hand, a strong-willed person By nature, a person is not afraid to look people in the eyes, on the other hand, if a person fixes his gaze on us, it means that he is interested in us in some way. It turned out that the posture in which a person is during a conversation is also important. People like those who lean their torso forward when speaking more than those who lean their torso back. It has been established that for every person (who is in a familiar environment) there is a distance that should separate him and a stranger so that this does not cause irritation. The magnitude of this distance depends on the height of people, their gender, neuropsychic state, and intentions towards the person about whom they are trying to form an opinion. For example, women prefer a slightly smaller distance of such communication, men prefer a larger one. They talk to people they like at a closer distance. Based on this feature, you can determine the interlocutor’s attitude towards you. During official communication or a wary attitude, they try to position themselves a little further away.

3. Attitude towards people A greater effect on the perception of an outsider will be exerted by his positive attitude towards people. Thanks to this effect, a general overestimation of a stranger can occur. In order for the interlocutor to feel good about himself, you need to show attention and interest in him. Here it is important not to go too far, so as not to give the impression of either a flatterer or a manipulator.

4. Speech and voice We unconsciously associate the sound of our voice with certain personality characteristics. Therefore, even when we do not see a person, but only hear him, we still have an idea about the interlocutor and some opinion about his character. An unbalanced or hysterical person is strongly associated with a shrill voice. Rapid but slightly halting speech will convey uncertainty. The languid voice reveals a sensual but cautious nature. And a person who speaks sluggishly and drawls his words can give the impression of a klutz. A sonorous voice, most often, indicates a cheerful disposition. When perceiving a person, attention is also paid to verbal turns, frequently used words and expressions, intonation, firmness of sound, rate of speech and articulation. Thoughts are reflected in the voice. If we think about something harsh or unpleasant, our voice becomes stronger. If we think about a loved one, then softness appears in our voice. In addition, style and content matter - by analyzing them, it is not difficult to understand the cultural level of a person. After just a few minutes of conversation, the interlocutor will form an idea of ​​how friendly and reliable you are, and what degree of trust can be discussed with you. Scientists have established an interesting pattern - they believe that emotions of anger and fear make the voice sound older, while emotions of joy “reduce” age.

5. Features of a person’s appearance , such as clothing, hairstyle, and cosmetics, also have an impact on the overall impression. The general rule in choosing clothes is: “Choose a style of clothing that is acceptable where you are going.” In some circumstances, style works as a “friend or foe” identification system. If the styles fundamentally coincide, then you are accepted as “one of their own,” and this makes communication with strangers easier. A dress or suit forces one to attribute certain qualities to a person. For example, a person in military uniform was credited with such qualities as discipline, accuracy, and perseverance. In general, you need to be very careful when choosing clothes, taking into account your color type and figure proportions (You can read about this on the Internet, but we’ll also talk about this on the website pages).

6. It turns out that certain relatively private details in a person’s appearance can influence the impression formed about him. For example, glasses. The positive impact of glasses is taken into account in the business world, where many business people wear non-prescription (and non-tinted) glasses just to make a better impression. A completely different attitude towards glasses with tinted lenses. They do not allow you to see the eyes of your interlocutor and therefore irritate your communication partner. As a result, he endows the person who did not take off such glasses during the conversation with all sorts of negative qualities: bad manners, secrecy, deceit. Or a cell phone. Not so long ago, the presence of a cell phone distinguished a person and was a sign of a certain status, although nothing in the fact of having a device revealed his personal characteristics. Now a phone can say quite a lot about its owner. After all, when choosing a sound, we give preference to what is in harmony with our feelings, what corresponds to some manifestations of our character, what corresponds to the message that we send outside. Cheerful music is chosen by energetic people who prefer an active lifestyle. If you hear very unusual sounds, then most likely this indicates the owner’s desire to attract attention. Creative people with a bright personality, as a rule, select rare melodies that do not depend on fashion. The desire to establish the latest hits indicates inconstancy of character.

So that the first impression of a person is not wrong

If you want your first impression of a person to be correct, keep in mind that the following factors may influence your perception of a person:

Attitude effect In life, most people take a favorable approach to assessing a stranger; many people tend not to even notice his obvious shortcomings. However, there are people who prefer to doubt the positive qualities of the object of observation.

Mood A person in a good mood evaluates all the people around him mainly in light colors and himself arouses their sympathy. And vice versa, a person who is depressed not only sees everything in gray, but also causes hostility towards himself. Therefore, the mental state of the observer (observed) can be a source of errors in personality assessment.

Desires We see what we want to see. If, under some conditions and for some reason, we want to see more positive traits in a person, we will see them.

Simplification It is known that the first impression is always incomplete and fragmentary, because a person is very complex. However, we tend to simplify when perceiving people. Often people draw conclusions based on one fact, fix them in their minds and then have difficulty changing them. In people of the authoritarian type, this tendency is most pronounced: they strive for simplicity and see the world only in black or white, do not notice transitional tones, and the more pronounced their authoritarianism, the stronger their categorical assessment of people.

Superiority When we meet a person who is superior to us in some way (prestigious car, fashionable clothes, expensive accessories, speech rich in incomprehensible terms, money, power, etc.), as a rule, we overestimate him, that is, we treat him It’s good to give such a person an advance of trust in advance, psychologically.

Attitude If a stranger treats us well, without aggression, with understanding, if he helps us in something, then we naturally begin to overestimate him. And, as in the mistake of superiority, we will advance trust to him, without delving into the essence of his personality, without understanding his shortcomings. For us, such a person is initially good. And all our future relations with him will be built precisely on these positions. We subconsciously begin to attribute positive characteristics to it and discard possible negative ones.

Stereotypes If the observed person differs from us in some characteristic way, then this difference, striking our eyes, evokes in us strictly defined standard images, i.e. stereotypes. These are group and ethnic stereotypes, stereotypes related to appearance (tall - short; fat - skinny; aquiline nose, Socratic forehead, etc.), as well as stereotypes related to physical impairment, especially expressive movements (gait, facial expressions, gestures ), features of voice and speech. Such stereotypes, which interfere with the correct perception of a person, exist in all cultures. Knowledge of perception stereotypes taking into account different nationalities greatly helps to get rid of behavioral errors when interpreting people's intentions.

Opinion of other persons Often even the most general opinion about the person we are interested in is enough for it to influence our assessment of this person. If we are given a description of the object of our interest or expressed the most superficial judgment about it, then when we meet, we try to fit the object’s behavior into the framework of a certain pattern, formed under the influence of someone else’s, perhaps not entirely objective, opinion.

Tips for making a good impression

Based on the article “How To Stand Out and Make a Great First Impression”

Remember the name Make sure you remember the name of the person introduced to you. If you can't remember his name the next time you meet him, he may get the impression that you weren't interested in getting to know him. Smile and shake hands Imagine how you would feel if, when meeting you, a person avoids eye contact or refuses to shake your hand. Two simple steps to a friendly, trusting relationship are a warm smile and a handshake that is firm, but not so firm that it breaks someone's fingers.

Be punctual Punctuality is also very important. Being late will create a bad impression of you before the person even meets you; This is not a good start to dating. Your punctuality indicates that you are organized and know how to value time, both your own and that of others. Don't arrive too early either. If you arrive early for a business meeting, you will have to wait in the office, which can be inconvenient for you and others. Arriving early for a visit is terribly impolite. Just imagine how you will feel when the owners of the house run around you with a vacuum cleaner.

Pay attention to appearance Pay enough attention to your clothing, it should be neat, look good, make a good impression and be appropriate for the situation. This means that for a business meeting it is better to choose a formal suit, for a meeting with the parents of your spouse - neat, tidy clothes, for an interview at an advertising agency - a creative, bright outfit. Regardless of the style of your clothes, one thing remains the same - they should be clean. Even if you can’t even imagine showing up somewhere smelling of sweat or with greasy hair, make sure everything is in order with your appearance again.

Give a small gift In most cases, a small gift given at a meeting will be a nice gesture. It is not recommended to have one at interviews or when applying for a job, since in such situations the gift may be perceived as an attempt to bribe. But what about a box of chocolates for your client or a bottle of wine for the hosts of the party you're invited to?

Watch your speech When communicating with unfamiliar people, carefully watch your speech. Try not to use dark humor, curse words, etc. in it. This is especially true when communicating with older people and business partners. Remember that the same joke told during a business meeting and outside it can be perceived differently.

Be positive Many people discourage themselves by constantly grumbling. Even if you have to make a terrible trip to get to the meeting place, or if you have health problems, your new acquaintances do not need to know about it in detail. Stay optimistic and people will be drawn to you.

Used Books

1. Dimitrius E., Mazarella M. Read a person like a book 2. Eremina T. I., Visual psychodiagnostics: a practical guide 3. Sokolov A. V., General theory of social communication: Textbook 4. Stepanov S. S., Living psychology. Lessons from classical experiments 5. Sheinov V.P., Hidden human control (Psychology of manipulation)

Internet resources: 1. psychologos.ru 2. artemfaryevych.com 3. elitarium.ru 4. etiquetterules.ru

Prepare in advance

If you're going for an interview, it's worth finding out more about the company before you start.
Being prepared is one of the keys to a good first impression. You will have a competitive advantage over other applicants - most employers pay attention to what kind of homework their future employee has done. And “prepared” people seem to be interesting conversationalists. This can be used not only in the work world: find out the names of people who will come to a party where you don't know anyone. Ask the owner of the house to tell a little about each of them - this way, when you meet, it will be easier to find a common language and common ground.

Auditory channel

In order for your meeting to be successful, you must monitor the pace of speech, timbre of voice and intonation. They say that women love with their ears, but this is not entirely true. Speech is important for both men and women. How the interlocutor's voice sounds is extremely important. Squeaky and unpleasant or low and velvety voice. You can work on improving your voice using the following criteria:

• You need to speak clearly and clearly (practice tongue twisters)
• It is better to choose a medium speech rate
• to improve your skill, recite poems with expression or present your products

Be yourself

Don't try to be someone you're not. This applies not only to false information that distorts the real state of affairs, but also to attempts to appear lighter and more cheerful - such deliberateness, as a rule, is read by the interlocutor as insincerity.

"Just because being funny isn't your strong suit doesn't mean you'll make a worse impression," says psychotherapist Carlene Flora. - Don't betray your nature - your introverted qualities compensate for what you think you may be lacking. This is attentiveness to the interlocutor, the ability to listen and understand him.”

Just try to monitor your speech - nervousness sometimes makes us speak faster, which immediately reveals excitement and uncertainty, leaving a bad impression.

“However, the advice to ‘be yourself’ should not always be taken literally,” adds Carlene Flora. - For example, you should never show your gloomy mood. After all, it spreads like an infection - your interlocutor, in turn, will feel uncomfortable.”

Smile

There is nothing unexpected in this advice. But how long have you seen your smile in the mirror? Sometimes what you think is a smile, people perceive as a smirk or something worse. You think you're smiling, but your eyes are fixed and your mouth is twisted in a funny way. Take a close look at your face when you really smile. You will notice that your entire face lifts, especially the muscles around your eyes.

If you smile only with your mouth, like cartoon characters, it looks insincere. Practice in front of a mirror to understand what facial expressions help you appear friendly and cheerful. Better yet, study an unadorned photograph of yourself (not a staged selfie) to understand how others see you. You have more than once read the emotions of other people from their faces, so you will definitely cope with this task.

Smile sincerely when meeting people, otherwise you will be remembered as gloomy and gloomy.

Lean towards the interlocutor (Forward Lean)

During a conversation, lean towards the interlocutor or move closer to him. This will express sympathy and attention to the words of the interlocutor. (In English, the word list, which is similar to the verb listen, means “to lean in.”) With this gesture, you show that you want to better understand the point of view and feelings of the interlocutor. To end a conversation, simply take a step back or move away from the other person. If a tall person does not bend over and lower his head to make it easier to communicate, the interlocutor feels alienated and even a kind of contempt.

If you are that tall person, you may not notice it until someone tells you. Remember to lean towards people when talking.

Kinesthetic channel

Greeting and farewell (kinesthetic channel) handshake and any touch. For men, the handshake should be:

• confident and strong (without unnecessary pressure)
• with a straight palm (no need to place your palm from below or above)
• no need to clasp your interlocutor’s palm with both hands and shake
• girls do not have to shake hands, and if they still decide, then they should do it in a businesslike manner without coquetry.
• There is no need to shake or slap your interlocutor on the shoulder, even if you are good friends. This irritates many people, especially during a business conversation.

Important:

If a client touches your business card when meeting you, you must make sure that it is of decent quality and design.

Touch the other person (Touch)

The topic of touching will be especially interesting for men. But let's be careful. Touch people only when it feels appropriate; If in doubt, don't do it. Each culture has its own rules about when and what parts of the interlocutor’s body can be touched. So be smart about touching and do your research. For example, in America, kissing and hugging when meeting people is excluded. You can only lightly touch the other person's arm - from the elbow to the shoulder (but do not grab it!). You say, “If there are so many rules, why even talk about touching?” The fact is that touch is an important nonverbal signal for effective communication.

Perhaps the most important form of physical contact in society is the handshake. Take this gesture seriously. Rest assured: people remember your handshake from the first meeting. A handshake is a form of greeting and establishing contact. Take the time to learn how to shake hands correctly. (Girls, I have a special message for you. Ask someone to honestly evaluate your handshake. You will not be taken seriously if, when meeting you, you extend a limp hand, like a soft rag, and expect that the interlocutor will shake it himself.)

If you are sitting, you need to stand up to shake hands. Women and men of higher social status and senior positions usually extend their hand first. A woman's handshake is no different from a man's. (When shaking hands, make sure your palm is not stained with the grease of the chicken wing you recently had for lunch.)

When extending your hand for a handshake, point it so that the part of your palm between the thumb and forefinger touches the same part of the other person’s palm. Then shake his hand. I advise you to practice with friends first.

The quality of communication depends on how you behave during the conversation. Learn to greet and introduce yourself by looking the other person in the eye and remembering their name. And smile. There is so much to consider! Now do you understand why it is better to practice at home first? Observe how others behave during a conversation, put yourself in their place and play out these situations in your imagination. This will bring more benefits than you can imagine. Once you succeed, it's done. Once you learn it, you will never lose this skill.