“I’m afraid of people,” or what social phobia is and how to deal with it

The word “phobia” itself comes from the ancient Greek “phobos”, which means “fear”.

In general, being afraid is an absolutely normal and even natural phenomenon for humans, and for many other living beings. It is closely related to the instinct of self-preservation and is designed to protect us from committing rash actions. It was fear that forced our distant ancestors to avoid dangerous situations and taught them not to allow them to recur in the future. Once he realizes that the fire is hot, the child will no longer reach out to the flame for fear of getting burned. Having once fallen on the ice, he will subsequently strive to avoid dangerous slippery areas, or overcome them with the utmost caution, so as not to get new bumps. And so on and so forth.

It is unlikely that anyone would argue that it is completely normal to be horrified by seeing a shark close to the shore while surfing somewhere in Australia. But it’s a completely different matter to be afraid for the same reason to get your feet wet on the beach, say, in Sochi. This example, of course, is exaggerated, but it fully reflects the essence of what is called a phobia in psychology. When fear does not have sufficient grounds, does not lend itself to any logic, becomes irrational, subjugating the will and consciousness - most likely, we should talk about the presence of some kind of mental disorder in a person.

A phobia is an excessive manifestation of fear of some object or phenomenon, which in fact does not pose a real threat to life and health or does not exist at all. For those suffering from certain phobias, a feeling of fear may appear in situations that for an outside observer do not even closely foretell anything bad, often being a fictitious source of danger. Sometimes such attacks of fear are confused with panic attacks, but this is not entirely true, since victims of phobias, as a rule, know exactly the cause of their condition and can name it. While during a panic attack, the patient experiences an acute feeling of fear, but cannot explain what exactly caused it.

Phobias can manifest themselves in different ways: in some cases a person will experience only mild discomfort, in others an attack may be accompanied by increased blood pressure, increased sweating, gastrointestinal disorders, a feeling of nausea up to vomiting, pre-syncope and even convulsions. As we can see, the manifestations can be quite serious, so it is a mistake to believe that a phobia is just a whim and whim that you should not pay attention to, and that it will go away on its own. Any obsessive states are a reason to seek help from competent specialists who will help get rid of the disturbing problem.

There are so many phobias in the world! There are also very exotic ones: fear of bearded men (pogonophobia), the number 13 (triskaidekaphobia), rain (ombrophobia). Incredible, but true: there are even those who are afraid of fear itself! This phenomenon, fortunately, is quite rare and is called phobophobia.

However, let’s return to the more ordinary phobias that most people face. Among the most common, psychologists name fear of heights (acrophobia), water (aquaphobia), airplanes (aerophobia), closed spaces (claustrophobia), darkness (nyctophobia), death (thanatophobia), public speaking (glossophobia), and loneliness (autophobia). In addition, people are afraid of spiders (archanophobia), snakes (ophidiophobia), dogs (cynophobia) and the like.

FAN journalists have already talked about many of the above in their previous articles. Today we decided to dwell in more detail on another very popular phobia - the fear of communicating with people, or social phobia. We talked about the signs, symptoms and methods of treating this disease with psychologist, psychosomatics specialist Vladimir Dernov .

photo from the personal archive of Vladimir Dernov /

Afterword

Social phobia is a kind of worm that causes decay in life.
Maybe not the most pleasant metaphor, but the most accurate. This phenomenon needs to be fought. You cannot allow yourself to close yourself off and constantly destroy your own potential or suppress desires. Social phobia inhibits personal development. Someone loses their position or languishes for years at a satisfactory job; someone spends their old age alone because they were never able to meet anyone; someone did not become a great actor because as a child he was ridiculed by his own mother at a matinee.

Thus, social phobia arises from personal insecurity, anxiety, feelings of insecurity, and personal experience of contact with bad people. But not all people are bad.

Man is a socio-biological being. There is no point in “rewinding” the deadline given to us. Life should have meaning and pleasure

It is important to understand that you cannot do without unpleasant moments. All people are different

That's the beauty of it. There will be misunderstandings, there will be disagreements, there will be different attitudes towards you. This is the beauty of social contacts. They permeate our whole life. To be afraid of society means to be afraid of yourself and life, to run away from yourself. But you still can’t run away from yourself. Perhaps in a figurative sense, by adjusting character traits that you don’t like, saying goodbye to old grievances, fears, and so on.

So, to get rid of social phobia, you need:

• clearly identify problem situations and their causes;
• work through your own thoughts;
• design frightening situations (“wedge by wedge”);
• constantly conduct reflection (analysis of your actions) based on the results of classes;
• express your feelings and emotions;
• record events and their consequences.

In conclusion, I would like to recommend you several books on the topic of social phobia for yourself to study the issue in more depth and adjust your life.

1. John Biik “Training to overcome social phobia. Self-Help Guide." The book says that you need to find an assistant. However, if you do not have a person whom you are willing to trust, then you can do without an assistant.
2. Philip Zimbardo "Shyness"
3. Robert Anthony "The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence."

Thank you, dear reader, for your attention and time. Good luck finding your “worms” and eradicating them! Live clean and colorful

Where does approval addiction come from?

All the threads lead to childhood. At that time, you were just learning to perceive the world around you, your thinking was not critical, so you absorbed everything you heard from your parents. If they came depressed, drunk or tired, accusing you of all mortal sins, you believed them. “Idiot, you always ruin everything!” “I’m ashamed that I have such a son.” “It’s because of you that your father left the family.” Your parents humiliated you, devalued you, criticized you, and you took everything at face value, not realizing that they were projecting their own fears, failures and complexes onto you. They were weak, immature and stupid, but due to their age you could not understand this yet. Now you have grown up and do not depend on their love, their approval, or their protection... it is time to rethink the experience and stop putting yourself down. Where are your oppressors now, and where are you? Isn't this an indicator?

Possible reasons and prerequisites

As I already mentioned, the development of social phobia is influenced by external and internal factors. Yes, even your own insecurity or anxiety is the result of outside influence (in childhood or adulthood). The following prerequisites for the emergence of social phobia can be identified.

1. Depression (70.9% of cases) or other disorders.
2. Drug addiction, alcoholism (76.7%). Public condemnation can be received more often than support and help, which forces the alcoholic to withdraw into himself, increasingly avoiding society.
3. Experienced situations of failure. Having once "shitted" in public, a person will probably avoid performing again.
4. Properties of the psyche. Accented individuals, that is, with a pronounced character trait, are more prone to phobias. For example, the schizoid and asthenic type are the most vulnerable. The same dependence is observed among temperament types. Choleric and melancholic people are more prone to phobias.
5. Someone else's experience. Often, sophiophobia begins to form in childhood and is caused by the behavior (example) of parents or parenting style. For example, intimidation, prohibitions, or one’s own experience of failure in front of a child.
6. Low self-esteem and uncertainty that arose against the background of social deprivation (deprivation) in childhood. This group includes a tyrannical type of parental education, an authoritarian teacher, and “bullying” in the classroom.
7. Low self-esteem. Often comes from a destructive type of parental upbringing or school childhood.

Think about how important this is to you

Are you afraid of other people's opinions? Answer honestly: is it really so important to you or is this fear imposed from the outside. We were all often told by our parents: “Don’t disgrace me,” “What will people say...” and other absolutely unconstructive remarks about public opinion.

But what exactly is this “public opinion”? Who exactly is included in “society”? Are these people important to you or are they just abstract women with abstract opinions on how to live? Have you asked the public for its opinion at all?

Before you take any comment personally and are deliberately afraid of it, try to understand whether this opinion really has weight for you. It might be easier to forget and be yourself: this way you will attract people who are truly valuable to you.

What social phobias exist?

Social fear can manifest itself too acutely, leading a person to panic attacks. If social anxiety is moderate, the patient is still able to assess the situation realistically in order to take control of his feelings, despite the presence of strong anxiety. A person diagnosed with social phobia suffers from a constant, severe anxiety state. They were divided into two groups: delineated social phobia - fear can manifest itself in standard situations (the need to interact with cashiers in a store, speaking in front of a large audience, a job interview, the need to communicate with neighbors), generalized - a feeling of fear appears in a wide variety of situations. situations during which you have to interact with society.

Regardless of the types of social phobia that have been listed, it is important to mention that the signs of the disorder will be the same in any case. It is necessary to mention that these symptoms are temporary or permanent.

The following example can be given. One day, a child was ridiculed while speaking to his classmates. Since then, he has no desire to prepare reports or retell the material he has read.

One can also note a completely different type of development of a phobia, during which the child will categorically refuse to attend an educational institution or try to walk in the park. Nobody understands what is causing this fear in society. It is quite possible that this fear will not go away in adolescence or adulthood. Here we can talk about social phobia, since there are no objective reasons. People simply do not understand what is happening, but they experience a real fear of society and are unable to cope with this problem on their own. It is worth mentioning that relatives of a person with social phobia can provide a certain “disservice”. They believe that the whole point is shyness, and, therefore, it is necessary to communicate more with other people and boldly go out into society. Unfortunately, these measures are in no way capable of helping a person with this diagnosis.

Signs

What does social phobia mean? This means that the person avoids social interaction at all costs. He refuses to make new acquaintances, work in a team, build a personal life, and establish business connections. A person withdraws into himself; in particularly advanced cases, he isolates himself within the walls of his home. The same question repeats in his head: “What will people say?” A social phobe is afraid of negative evaluation of his actions and the negative consequences of social interaction.

Characteristics of a social phobe:

• irritability,
• shyness,
• suspiciousness,
• touchiness,
• awkwardness in movements,
• fussiness,
• gloominess.

If a social phobe hears that someone is laughing next to him, then he is sure that they are laughing at him. If someone is discussing something, then the social phobe is sure that they are discussing him, and exclusively in a negative way. If a social phobe catches someone’s gaze on him, the thought immediately appears in his head: “What’s wrong with me?”

The signs and symptoms of social phobia are virtually the same in adolescents and adults. The only difference is in the situations where it is noticeable. For example, teenage children experience difficulties at school and refuse to attend an educational institution (truant or complain of poor health). Otherwise, the manifestations in children and adults are similar: quiet and timid speech, redness of the face, fear of saying the wrong thing. The signs of social phobia do not differ between women and men.

Interesting! There are three behavioral patterns of a social phobe: stupor during social interaction, the desire to run away or hide, aggression and deliberate disregard for any social interaction.

How to behave if you realize that in front of you is a person suffering from social phobia? How to communicate with him?

“A person suffering from social phobia perceives criticism very sensitively, so it is important to be loyal to him,” noted FAN’s interlocutor. - At the same time, this does not mean that you need to feel sorry for him or give him advice on this matter. On the contrary, you can communicate unobtrusively and help in something if the desire is expressed by the person himself. Thus, it is important to be able to not impose your opinion and accept a person for who he is.”

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What causes fear of people, causes of anthropophobia

The fear of people is called anthropophobia. From the Greek anthropos - man and phobos - fear. A person who is afraid of other people constantly feels danger. It seems to him that those around him want to harm, attack or infect him with a fatal disease.

The reason for this attitude towards people must be sought in childhood. The child was probably raised in harsh authoritarian conditions. Punishment, violence, coldness of parents, conflicts between parents - all this could cause distrust in the world.

Even as a child, the child realized that he was safe only when alone with himself. You can only trust yourself. Only he understands and supports himself. This attitude was preserved and carried into adulthood.

What else acts as a negative factor in the development of a phobia:

• low self-esteem of the child;
• excessive criticism from others;
• conflicts in relationships with peers;
• diffidence;
• rejection by parents and classmates;
• antisocial lifestyle of parents, addictions;
• contradiction in the educational positions of mother and father;
• excessive demands on the child.

Feeling ashamed of one's appearance can also cause human phobia. A person is afraid of ridicule, physical and emotional blows from others, and condemnation. And if a person is sure from childhood that he is doing everything wrong (parental attitude), then in adulthood he is afraid of getting into an awkward situation, of letting someone down and angering someone, of being punished. He is afraid of embarrassing himself in front of other people.

Betrayal, unrequited love, painful relationships can also cause anthropophobia. In this case, the person is afraid to experience the same pain, suffering, and emotional torment again. In order not to accidentally get close to someone and not be betrayed, the anthropophobe avoids social contacts.

This is interesting! Fear of people occurs with equal frequency in men and women. Most often, fear of people develops during adolescence.

What is the difference between a social phobe and an introvert?

How can you understand that a person suffers from social phobia and does not just prefer to be alone?

An introvert can communicate when necessary, although he does not particularly enjoy it. Such a person is able to step over a certain discomfort, like all other people. For example, most people have the so-called fear of public speaking, except those who have not worked with it specifically.

“First of all, you need to understand for yourself: if there is a certain tension in communication, does it cause discomfort or is it completely satisfactory,” Dernov advised. “It’s comfortable for an introvert to be alone, he doesn’t suffer from it.”

Causes of social phobia

Most psychotherapists agree that the basis of social phobia is self-doubt. And it develops, most often, in adolescence (10-13 years) - at the moment of the beginning of active interaction with society.

The causes of self-doubt, and, as a consequence, social phobia in childhood can be:

• incorrect, evaluative upbringing of a child, comparing him with other children is not in his favor;
• too strict requirements for the child;
• criticism from a significant adult;
• criticism during the period of personality formation;
• ridicule, bullying at school;

lack of social approval, etc.

Social phobia can also develop at a later age. This can be facilitated by:

• incorrect social environment that does not provide moral support;
• prolonged exposure to a stressful situation;
• a single stressful situation of strong intensity (terrorist attack, disaster);

Women are more susceptible to social phobia (2 times more often than men). Also, the phobia is more common among well-educated people who are married.

Certain personality traits and genetic factors can contribute to the emergence of social phobia.

How to stop being afraid of people on the street?

To reduce fear, stop being afraid of being among passers-by, attending concerts, or riding the tram:

• learn to control your breathing. Shortness of breath and hyperventilation outdoors appear first. You begin to breathe too quickly, suffocating due to the proximity of the object of fear. Breathing exercises will help reduce fear. Deep breaths and exhalations are especially helpful. Start and end your day with them (take just a couple of minutes). This helps with social phobia, the fear subsides;
• visualize the positive outcome of contacts with society. Close your eyes, mentally imagine: things went well, you calmly walked down the street, went shopping successfully, exchanged a few words with the cashier. Panic attacks are over, social phobia is gone. You have almost mastered the techniques on how to stop being afraid of people;
• Try to talk to strangers when the opportunity arises. Add a few words if the latest political news begins to be heatedly discussed on the tram. But only a few words, otherwise you will quickly feel insecure.

No attacks, stop trying to quickly “put social anxiety to rest.” This will only increase the fear. Take things gradually. Go out into the world for a short time, gradually increase the time you spend among other “homo sapiens”.

When fear is no longer just fear

Sometimes our experiences and fears cross all permitted boundaries and develop into real phobias. We lose control over them, and now they control us and our lives.

Thus, natural concern for one’s offspring can develop into hyperprotection and even paranoia, when danger begins to appear on every corner, and any person passing by becomes an alleged child abductor.

Fear of death can develop into a preoccupation with safety. People stop going out and cannot maintain their traditional way of life. They want to protect themselves by all means from the dangers that they may encounter on the streets, in the supermarket or in the workplace.

Some people want to know how to stop being afraid of the dark. After all, this problem worries not only children.

The natural defense mechanism often leads a person to destructive behavior. If this is exactly what happened in your life, it’s time to take control of everything. So how to deal with phobias?

Main categories of fear of living

Fear of living can only arise under certain conditions.

There are three main categories:

• circumstances that cannot depend on a person;
• circumstances that a person causes independently;
• By knowing oneself, a person delves deeply into the structure of his psyche.

Independent circumstances usually include serious illnesses and the death of relatives and friends. If such events occur in a person’s life, then he admits the idea that something similar could happen to him.

A person can also independently provoke the fear of death. This category primarily includes people who are accustomed to risking their own lives. Examples include bikers, racers, and hookers. They believe that they perform such dangerous activities to obtain adrenaline. In practice, it turns out that they are deceiving themselves, thus testing themselves. Such people are trying to understand what fear of life is, how it borders on death. Some do this out of curiosity, and some allow such situations on a subconscious level.

There are times when a person tries to know himself. He thinks a lot, reads relevant literature, tries to understand who he is and what he is doing here. Along with such thoughts comes fear of life and fear of life.

Stages of crisis in experiencing the fear of death

It is customary to distinguish four main stages of fear of death. They are mainly divided by age categories:

• from 4 to 6 years;
• from 10 to 12 years;
• from 17 to 24 years old;
• from 35 to 55 years.

Let us examine in more detail the distinctive features of those who are afraid. During the period of life from 4 to 6 years, a child first develops a fear of death. If loved ones pass away, this is the first stress in life. It remains deep in the child’s memory and influences subsequent thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Between the ages of 10 and 12, a teenager may experience a deep sense of loss and emptiness. It is not so much a real event that can cause trauma, but rather actions in a film on a TV screen.

At the age of 16-24, young people develop a strong sense of independence, the ability to bear responsibility for themselves and the people around them. This is where the most striking signs of fear of living begin.

From 35 to 55 years old, a person begins to look for meaning in life. An understanding of the fear of death comes to him more and more clearly. The individual realizes that everything has a cycle, man is mortal. This is even more worrying. The soul-searching begins. Some are rethinking their values, some are placing new emphasis in life. There are those who, at a relatively young age, begin to write wills, enter a monastery, and become more actively involved in spiritual practices. There is a category of people who commit suicide because they cease to see any meaning in it. The latter do this because of lost reference points, lack of a value scale, and lack of support from other people.

As soon as fears are overcome, a person begins to develop even more. The main thing is to realize what is happening, stop your thoughts, and try to sensibly evaluate their content.

When people think about how to stop being afraid of life and death, they do not always want to give an objective assessment of reality. This is associated with repression and suppression of thoughts, a feeling of exclusivity and the construction of defenses. Destructive work is going on at the subconscious level. It may later manifest itself as unpleasant symptoms.

Meditations

Today, probably no one is surprised by spiritual practices aimed at strengthening emotional balance. Meditation even improves your physical condition. In addition, the consciousness opens, an understanding comes of how to behave with people in order to live in harmony with everything that happens. Meditation helps strengthen faith in yourself and your capabilities. How not to be afraid of anything? Just start doing spiritual practice - and you will soon see a satisfactory result that will definitely please you.

Meditation leads to the opening of all chakras, the inner nature of a person. This activity not only helps to cope with fear, but also neutralizes the destructive effects of all negative emotions. You will feel like a different person: cheerful, optimistic, worthy of all sorts of victories.

How to stop being afraid of society - tips, recommendations

Overcoming social phobia and forgetting your fears is not an easy task, but it can be solved. In addition to the help of a specialist, “self-help” is useful:

In order to defeat the enemy, the enemy must be studied. Keep a diary. Write down your own experiences, analyze factors and events that provoke social phobia; Use a piece of paper to describe your fears, then try to mentally mock the objects of your fear. Imagine: “scary” individuals are stupid monkeys. Play with monkey fears, feel superior. When you are afraid of your boss, imagine: the boss is sitting in a loincloth, shaking his fat belly, making inarticulate sounds, beating his chest like King Kong. Laugh at your fears, gradually reduce their strength; When you speak, think about the topic, the purpose of the conversation. Get out of your head thoughts about how you look in the eyes of your interlocutor; look for individuals whose social phobia is worse than yours. Schizophrenics (in remission) are suitable. Paranoia and social phobia are close relatives, so it is not difficult to find a common language with a person with schizophrenia; Use your energy wisely. The more effort you put into things that bring you joy and allow you to feel in control of your own life, the less social phobia will become; always remember: strangers don’t care about you. Everyone is busy with themselves, their loved ones, there is little time left for others; thank yourself more, praise yourself for your successes. This will instill confidence and lift low self-esteem. Let go of the desire to do things perfectly. Perfectionism is the enemy of a social phobia, the cause of a lack of faith in one’s own strengths and an inferiority complex. Remember this. Then the question “How to stop being afraid of people” will be resolved; stop soul-searching

The ability to understand your own feelings is important. But only without masochism

Masochism is the enemy of the social phobe; throw away alcohol, cigarettes, and other “soft” drugs (including coffee). Fewer dependencies, less worries. Anxieties will disappear, and social phobia will also “wither.” By the way, “I’m only calm when I’m drunk” is already bad. You will begin to think that it is impossible to overcome social phobia without chemical, nicotine, and alcohol “crutches”; you will become more dependent on booze and cigarettes; love a relaxing massage. Social phobes often have a stiff back. Those suffering from the pathology are slouched, “hiding” their necks inside their shoulders. Massage for social phobes is extremely useful.

Remember sports. Physical activity is a great way to banish emotional stress, reduce anxiety, and improve sleep. Insomnia is a serious problem for social phobics.

Social phobia is a thief who steals the joy of communicating with others and makes you unsuccessful in life. It is possible to defeat pathology. Simple “life hacks” and a qualified specialist will get rid of an unpleasant problem.

Clinical manifestations

Before you think about how to overcome social anxiety on your own, you need to make sure that you are dealing with it.

Psychological and cognitive signs of social phobia:

• strong fear and anxiety that do not go away after you are left alone with yourself;
• obsessive thoughts that you said/did something wrong, exhausting self-analysis;
• awareness of the irrationality of fear, anxiety and excitement (you understand that there is no reason for such strong fear, but you are still worried);
• fear of saying something wrong;
• fear of looking ridiculous or stupid;
• anxiety that increases when a person leaves home, during communication;
• the feeling that others are whispering about you (judging you, thinking badly);
• fear of being the center of attention;
• attempts to hide my excitement (“If someone understands that I am afraid, they will definitely take me for an idiot, they will definitely stop communicating with me”);
• inflated demands and expectations for oneself;
• excessive self-criticism;
• negative thinking, coming up with pessimistic scenarios;
• somatic deterioration during social interaction.

Somatic signs of social phobia (occur when a social phobia is among people):

• cardiopalmus;
• feeling of heaviness and pain in the chest;
• feeling of lack of air;
• numbness of the extremities, icing or tingling;
• abdominal discomfort;
• dry mouth;
• frequent urge to go to the toilet;
• sweating;
• muscle tension;
• dizziness;
• confusion;
• redness of the skin.

To make a diagnosis, it is important to have the third group of symptoms – the avoidance reaction. Examples of avoidant behavior:

• refusal to answer calls, especially from unfamiliar numbers;
• refusal to meet with friends;
• dismissal from work or refusal to look for work;
• avoiding people to the detriment of oneself (for example, refusing to go to shops, cafes, etc.);
• attempts to relieve anxiety with alcohol and frequent smoking breaks;
• inability to look your interlocutor in the eyes;
• attempts to hide anxiety with makeup, clothes, accessories, etc.

Social phobia is associated with fear of criticism and condemnation, dependence on other people's opinions, and low self-esteem. Some people are afraid only of specific situations of social interaction, for example, speaking in public or making a phone call, being invited on a date or making an acquaintance. And some are afraid of everything related to social activity. This leads to the fact that the social phobia not only withdraws into itself, but also self-isolates at home.

The nature of fears

By nature, only newborn children are practically not afraid of anything. They are subject to two types of fear: noises and falls, which act as a means of self-preservation and warn the baby of possible danger.

Other fears are gradually imposed on a person by society, family, and environment.

In addition, fears are acquired through personal or other people's experience. For example, a person who has been bitten by a dog is usually afraid of dogs. And the reason for fear of crossing the road may be an accident seen.

It should be noted that not all fears relate to negative emotional states. This is a natural, necessary reaction that performs protective functions and helps to survive. We do not cross the road in front of cars, do not approach high cliffs, do not walk in forests at night because of rational, justified fear that protects us from a real threat.

Rational fears arise only when there is a REAL danger to life, health, social status, financial well-being, and they belong to normal emotional states.

Phobias are characterized by the appearance of an irrational, uncontrollable fear or persistent experience in a certain situation or upon the appearance (expectation of the appearance) of some object.

In this case, the real threat is greatly exaggerated or absent, the feeling cannot be explained logically. For the affected person, even thoughts associated with situations or the appearance of an unwanted object lead to significant suffering, manifested by physical, psycho-emotional symptoms:

• difficulty breathing;
• increased heart rate;
• chest pain;
• trembling;
• dizziness;
• increased sweating;
• tingling sensation throughout the body;
• severe anxiety, panic;
• an irresistible desire to avoid objects of phobias;
• complete powerlessness in the face of imaginary danger.

Manifestations of phobias gradually intensify and can become reasons for the development of new ones.

In addition to fear and phobias, a person may be subject to anxiety - worry not only about a real, but also a potentially possible, imaginary threat. At a subconscious level, the development of negative consequences of certain actions is scrolled through the head. An unpleasant sensation is associated with events occurring not in the present, but in the future. For example, after reading about a disease, you can worry about possible infection, death, unavailable treatment, etc.

The results of the above negative feelings: decreased quality of life and inability to achieve goals. In severe cases, the help of a doctor (psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist) is necessary.

Six steps to overcome social phobia

How to overcome social phobia? To overcome social phobia on your own, use a simple 6-step program (social phobia, way to overcome).

Relaxation

Anxiety is the result of self-hypnosis. By playing out negative scenarios of an upcoming event, you instill in yourself an attitude of anxiety and anticipation of danger directly during the event. Train yourself to think about the upcoming event at a time when you are in a relaxed state. Take a warm bath, light aromatic candles, achieve a calm and confident state. In this state, think about the upcoming event. Practice this as often as possible, soon a stable connection will be formed in your mind between a relaxed state, self-confidence and an exciting event.

Search for social phobic situations

The more you avoid something, the more dangerous it seems to your psyche. Therefore, stop avoiding frightening situations, consciously look for them, immerse yourself in them, imagine what worries you. Don't forget to relax beforehand.

Look around

A social phobe is obsessed with himself and self-control. Learn to notice what is happening around you and concentrate on the little things. For example, consider the color of the walls, people's clothes, paintings that hang on the walls

If you feel that you are blushing or sweating, then try to switch your attention. The more you think, “I need to calm down,” the more worried you become.

Ask questions

Learn to be interested in people, to switch attention from your inner world to the inner world of other people. Ask them questions that require a detailed answer.

Listen carefully to the interlocutor, clarify something, ask additional questions, express your interest in the interlocutor.

Stop beating yourself up

Imagination is the enemy of a social phobe. The man is intimidating himself. For some reason he is sure that he can read people's thoughts. Every time you catch yourself trying to guess other people’s thoughts, say: “I actually don’t know what this person is thinking about me right now, or what people are thinking about me.”

Keep a positive attitude

Think about what thoughts you usually have when going into an exciting meeting. If you're thinking, "I hope I don't feel like I always do," that's completely wrong. But if you say “I feel great, I’m confident in myself,” this will create a positive attitude. Remember a situation in which you felt confident, remember this state, transfer it to the situation that is scary now.

Be yourself

The problem with a social phobe is that he does not accept himself, does not allow himself to be himself. Allow yourself to be imperfect, not like others, not what someone supposedly wants you to be. Play the role of a jester, allow yourself to be ridiculous and funny. This will give you confidence and allow you to relax. Practice in front of the mirror every day, then ask your friends to become your spectators.

Intimate talk

How not to be afraid of anything? If you really have some kind of deep, unhealed wound in your soul, then talking with a person you can completely trust will help. It is necessary to reach a deep level of trust with a loved one so that everyone can say what they really think. A heart-to-heart conversation will help you overcome any fears, because thanks to this you will understand that you are not alone

It is always important for a person to feel that his fate is not indifferent to his relatives and friends. If you can share your fears and scary thoughts with those around you, you will benefit as a result.

A heart-to-heart conversation will help strengthen your faith, find peace and comfort.

Causes

Most often, the first signs and symptoms of social phobia appear in a person quite early - between the ages of 11 and 13. After 20 years, this phobia practically does not arise on its own, but becomes a consequence of prolonged depression. Mostly women suffer from social phobia.

The following key factors influencing the development of the disease are identified:

• heredity;
• characteristics of temperament and nervous system;
• social environment.

Psychologists have noticed that the risk of developing a social disorder increases if a relative in the family already suffers from this phobia. It is likely that social phobia is inherited. Or children copy the social anxiety of their parents by observing their behavior.

Interestingly, about 15% of people are born with a temperament characterized by behavioral inhibition. This is a feature of the functioning of the nervous system, in which a person is afraid of the outside world and is more immersed in himself. It is already observed in newborns. This feature increases the risk of developing social phobia.

Most often, social phobia develops against the background of self-doubt, which is characteristic of adolescents. It is during the period from 11 to 13 years that active interaction with society begins. Here are the most common causes of social disorder in adolescents.

1. Excessive criticism or, conversely, guardianship from parents.
2. The requirements for the child are too strict and difficult to meet.
3. Constant conflicts in the family and school.
4. Lack of necessary social approval.
5. Rejection from peers, ridicule and bullying at school.
6. Unsuccessful past experiences of interacting with people, for example, with the opposite sex.

In adults, social phobia can develop as a result of:

• an inappropriate social environment that does not provide the necessary moral support;
• prolonged depression;
• experienced a stressful situation of strong intensity, for example, a disaster, a terrorist attack, etc.

Face the problem

Fear is a hidden reserve of possibilities. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe this when you suffer one failure after another because of your phobias. But it is fear that will show you the direction for growth.

Look: you are very cool, say, in programming. You're a mega-brain and can make money without leaving your chair. But you are an absolute loser when it comes to negotiations with customers. The fear of communicating with people turns a fucking specialist into a tongue-tied idiot who cannot put two words together.

As soon as the question of career growth and finding new customers who can potentially pay you three times more money for work arises, you mumble something inarticulate, blush, turn pale and waste one opportunity after another.

How to reach the next level? Look at the problem sensibly:

• accept it;
• see what is hidden behind it (fear is a wall, destroying which you will see completely new opportunities);
• start working to overcome the problem.

This complex irrational fear

Performing certain social actions, or actions accompanied by attention from strangers (fear of the gaze of passers-by, inability to do anything while being observed from the outside, for example, making work calls in the presence of colleagues), is not as simple as it seems at first glance. Social phobes are affected by uncontrolled fear, it fetters the will and affects various aspects of a person’s life

Having met an acquaintance who does not seem eager to communicate, does not make eye contact and is only able to mutter something under his breath, many are ready to attribute such behavior to a bad character, a bad mood or a general dislike of humanity. After all, it’s not so difficult to pull yourself together and maintain a basic conversation. But it seems so to people who are not familiar with such a problem from their own experience.

No one has any questions about whether schizophrenia can be considered a real disease; it is not customary to ask about this, much less try to impose your opinion on how to deal with it. But when it comes to social phobia, there will definitely be those who will convince you to throw the nonsense out of your head, skeptically present “arguments” that supposedly confirm that social phobia is a whim, and persuade you to pull yourself together.

A person with social phobia may well realize that all his fears are exaggerated or groundless, and yet this does not make overcoming them any easier. Some people with social phobia are afraid of many simple social situations, while others are afraid of only a few, such as those involving a lot of publicity.

Social phobia is sometimes called the disease of missed opportunities because all those who suffer from it constantly blame themselves for indecision, inexplicable stupor when it is important to take certain actions, turning down great chances simply because they might lead to contact with many strangers, and The stress from this is too much

Harmony with yourself

A person who is constantly afraid of something is highly susceptible to stress. A nervous emotional state can ultimately lead to psychophysical disorders and significant disruptions in the functioning of the entire body. To get rid of constant worries, you need to carefully work through your existing limiting beliefs. What does it mean? Allow yourself to gain freedom, those inner wings that will help you strive for great achievements. No matter how impossible your goals may seem now, you can achieve them if you believe that they are truly achievable. Coping with fear is not easy, but you have to keep fighting. One day you will realize that you have become so confident in yourself that you will overcome any obstacles.

Thus, overcoming any fear begins with systematic work with your character. Then you will feel that you can hold the entire universe in your palms.

Why agoraphobia is difficult to treat with medication

Unfortunately, there are no pills that can cure a person of a phobia. For neurotic and phobic disorders, patients are often prescribed tranquilizers, antipsychotics, and sedatives. But all such drugs only suppress the symptoms and do not eliminate the causes. They only work as long as you take them. That's why they experience withdrawal symptoms. After completing the course, agoraphobia often returns.

This does not mean at all that medications are useless and should not be taken. In severe conditions, when a person experiences panic and cannot bring himself to leave the house, medications are necessary.

They will help support the body during crises and ease the course of the phobia. But any phobic, anxiety, panic disorder is of a psychosomatic nature and is treated, first of all, with psychotherapy. Only conscious work on your psyche brings truly effective and lasting results, eliminating agoraphobia.

The most important thing is to understand and believe that you can get rid of this problem. And the sooner you start taking action, the better. Do not refuse medications if they have been prescribed to you and you yourself feel the need for them. But don’t rely too much on pills.

On a note!

All fears have a rational basis. There's a reason we're afraid of heights, airplanes, and snakes. Fearlessness can end sadly in a fall from a balcony or a poisonous bite, so you shouldn't strive to feel like an invulnerable superhero. But when fear becomes irrational and manifests itself in the absence of real threats, it is already a phobia. A person suffering from a phobia needs psychological help.

Are these your fears?

Often fears are imposed on us from the outside. People around us complain about how scary it is to live, tell us “everyday horror stories,” and scare us. We immediately transfer their experiences to our own lives and think that everyone should be afraid of these things.

Phobias also result from stereotypical thinking. It's normal to be afraid of death. Almost all people are afraid of this to one degree or another. And, to be honest, this is inevitable. But if constant complaints and stories to family, friends, relatives and colleagues about illnesses, deaths of relatives, terrible events and accidents fill you with anxiety and panic, learn to ignore them. Accept that we are not eternal. Nothing is eternal. Even mountains are erased and lakes dry up over time. Fear is not the only reaction. You can be sad and grieve with them, but there is no need to be afraid. There are no things in this world to be afraid of.

Why is social phobia dangerous?

A constant state of fear, anxiety and inferiority can lead to panic attacks, in which a person loses self-control. He may be afraid to leave the house, get into a crowded transport, the fear of society develops into a fear of closed (claustrophobia) or open (agarophobia) space.

It is necessary to establish an accurate diagnosis as soon as possible in order to undergo proper treatment in time, otherwise, running away from problems, a social phobe may resort to using alcohol or drugs. In this case, a person’s inability to adapt to reality is further aggravated and work activity decreases.

The worst result can be chronic depression and suicide. This outcome cannot be avoided without psychiatrists and specialized clinics.

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