Any relationship requires fidelity. However, not all partners can be 100% confident in their chosen one. Sometimes the other half behaves too openly with other men, sometimes the woman is too beautiful, which makes the man worry about the fact that other guys are looking at her. According to psychologists, love and reproaches of infidelity are incompatible.
Jealousy
What is a man's jealousy
In a man, a feeling of jealousy is born from the desire to solely possess a woman. By its psychological nature, the definition of jealousy is close to envy. Jealousy is associated with possessiveness and selfishness.
Insecure and complex men are more prone to jealousy. They are afraid of losing a woman, so they try to establish total control over her meetings, communication, and correspondence. Men who are confident and respect their chosen ones are not prone to suspiciousness and suspiciousness - their relationships are built on mutual trust. If such men become suspicious of their partner’s infidelity, they choose a frank conversation or end the relationship instead of reproaches, beatings and restrictions on personal freedom.
Interesting. If a man is constantly jealous, it means that he himself is most likely cheating on his wife. After yet another “step to the left,” such a husband reproaches his wife at home for infidelity, wanting to divert suspicion from himself.
How to tell if a guy is jealous
The main reasons that determine the ability to be jealous:
- The desire to assert oneself. It is typical for guys who have not achieved professional success. At first they make trouble because of lack of fulfillment, but gradually they convince themselves of the reality of fictitious facts against the backdrop of jealousy.
- Autocratic character. Jealousy is not associated with mistrust of the beloved, but rather with the desire to be in control.
- Complexity. Self-doubt gives rise to the expectation of deception, a break in relationships, and causes a person to feel pity.
- Loving nature, own polygamous behavior. Dating several women at the same time, seeing examples of cheating by other people's wives, he is afraid that a woman would do the same.
Signs of a jealous person
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At the beginning of a relationship, suspicions are rarely expressed. Usually, the first signs of jealousy are noted after the end of the candy-bouquet period in the presence of strangers.
Signs of jealousy
Physiological changes as a sign of jealousy
Physiological changes in the body of a jealous person include:
- If, in a company of friends, one of the men sits down next to a woman and begins to have a nice conversation with her about something, smile, give her compliments, the jealous young man of this girl blushes, clenches his fists, begins to breathe rapidly - he is ready to prove with his fists that this the person is busy.
- A jealous man's pupils dilate as a result of a hormonal surge, he sweats profusely when he notices that other guys are looking at his girlfriend with interest.
- In situations of friendly communication with friends in the presence of his partner, the jealous person is tense. His forehead and eyebrows are furrowed. He cannot fully relax and enjoy an evening with friends.
- Trembling is noted in the arms and legs. This is not a sign of fear. This occurs as a result of muscle fiber spasm due to severe tension in the body.
- To once again show his solidity and strength, a young man, when in a public place with his woman, uses laconic phrases, the timbre of his voice is lower than usual.
Signs of jealousy in psychology
Jealous behavior
- Ultimatums and restrictions on personal freedom. When a guy is jealous, he forbids his woman to communicate with friends of the opposite sex and prevents her from meeting her friends. He doesn’t like the fact that a woman wants to go somewhere without him. This makes him suspicious and he arranges an interrogation. His behavior is reminiscent of teenage maximalism.
- Annoying calls. A jealous gentleman calls a woman several times during the working day under the pretext of caring. Moreover, during a telephone conversation, he listens more to the sounds in the background than to the woman’s words. If, due to being busy, the girl did not answer the call, then in the evening her husband will cause a scandal at home. Here it will become clear that there was no trace of any concern in the frequent calls, only the desire to control every step.
- A man's desire to listen to detailed details of a woman's previous affairs. On the one hand, the experience of the past helps to avoid mistakes in love, but the demand for a detailed story and clarification of particularly vague moments reveal a jealous male nature.
- Disguising himself as sympathetic and caring, a jealous man will very quickly get to know all the girl’s relatives and her colleagues. Without an invitation, he will come to her parents’ dacha to help with planting potatoes, and will drop by the girl’s work place at lunchtime, allegedly to bring her an umbrella, because they promised rain in the evening. In fact, he examines with an x-ray eye everyone who is close to his chosen one in order to know where to expect trouble.
- The desire to keep a woman at home. If a lady says that she wanted to see her niece today, the jealous man will immediately say sadly: “Today? Is it possible to cancel? I was going to give you a surprise today!”
Attention! If, based on physiological and behavioral signs, a girl recognizes a jealous male nature, she can still try to save the relationship by talking frankly with the man. If this does not help, then it is better to abandon such a relationship.
Causes of pathological jealousy
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Why is a man jealous? Pathological jealousy leads to:
- Lack of basic trust in the world. This personality trait is manifested by suspicion, suspiciousness, prejudiced attitude towards people, low self-esteem and self-doubt.
- Categorical judgments, lack of flexibility of thinking, inability to compromise.
- The inability to express negative feelings at work leads to a person looking for a reason to splash out negativity at home.
Provocation from a partner
Wanting to remain the most beautiful and desirable, a woman can show increased attention to all men, deeply hurting and hurting her partner. Women often follow the mantra: “To keep your husband, make him a little jealous,” and completely forget about the second part of the statement of the American writer Henry Mencken: “... And to lose your husband, make him a little more jealous.” Perhaps light flirting is not a reason for jealousy, but your man may take it the wrong way, which means the risk is not justified.
How male jealousy manifests itself is more or less clear. With female jealousy, things are somewhat more complicated. For a man, the worst thing is physical betrayal, while women are more afraid of spiritual betrayal. Sometimes admiration for another woman is more difficult to experience than one-time, meaningless sex. Jealous men more often appeal to facts, while women mainly rely on intuition. Finally, male jealousy more often leads to breakups than female jealousy.
How to deal with male jealousy? Soviet actress Lidia Smirnova said: “At first I was very jealous of my husband. But when I cheated on him, I immediately stopped being jealous!” Well, that's the same way. But perhaps not the most effective. If jealousy turns into mania, the intervention of psychologists (and sometimes psychiatrists) is necessary. But first of all, a man must realize his own shortcoming and try to improve. The most important thing is to find contact with your partner. Speak openly and frankly. Share your doubts and experiences, but not in an accusing manner. Be sure to find common ground. A shared hobby brings people closer together, creating more common space built on mutual interest. When you develop and do interesting things, there will be no time or emotions left for jealousy.
What is delirium of jealousy
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Delusions of jealousy, according to psychologists, are a form of pathological jealousy in men. This condition is characterized by a distorted perception of facts. A person is able to see his partner’s betrayal in the most ordinary actions and deeds. At the same time, the arguments and assurances of third parties that the situation is absolutely normal do not affect him.
Characteristic features of the delusion of jealousy are its groundlessness and causelessness. Delusions of jealousy also occur in women. It manifests itself in hysterical outbursts of jealousy.
Delirium of jealousy
It must be said that delusions of jealousy do not occur in an absolutely normal, healthy person. The factors determining its occurrence are:
- Alcohol abuse;
- Exposure to prolonged stress;
- Tendency to depression;
- Mental disorders;
- Diseases of the genitourinary system and problems with potency;
- Complexes about being overweight or short.
Important! This is a curable disease that can be treated in a specialized medical facility.
How should a woman behave if her husband is jealous?
It is extremely difficult to re-educate a jealous man. Sometimes it seems like a more logical and simpler solution to the problem is to break off such a relationship. However, a woman cannot always do this, because she loves him. In addition, declaring that everything is over does not guarantee freedom from a jealous suitor; he will not give up so easily. He will annoy the woman with calls, spy on her, and threaten her new boyfriend.
If your husband is jealous, psychologists advise:
- Convince the man to seek help from a family psychologist. They will help you cope with character traits such as fear, aggression, and tell you how to stop beating yourself up and being jealous of a girl. The advantage of this step is that the psychologist will work with both the man and the woman at the same time, this will take their relationship to a new level.
Family psychologist
- A husband can get rid of a global sense of ownership if his wife praises him and notices his good looks and positive character traits.
- Systematic exercises in the gym help a man gain self-confidence. Good physical shape makes a man stand out from the crowd. Systematic training promotes self-education, development of endurance, patience and puts thoughts in order. Sports activities create an opportunity to throw out negative energy and help normalize your emotional state.
- If a husband is exhausted from jealousy, the wife should dress more modestly and reduce communication with friends - this way she will let him know that she respects his feelings, loves him, and there is no reason for jealousy.
Kinds
Jealousy on the part of a man is a very unpleasant phenomenon that can bring discord even into close and trusting relationships. It contains a whole range of feelings, including the desire for possessiveness, anger, suspicion, and humiliation. If the problem is how to understand that a friend is jealous of you, get to know the varieties of this feeling.
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Hidden
Jealousy often manifests itself in hidden form.
A man often calls with questions: “Where are you?” and what are you doing?". This is not a manifestation of care, but a persistent attempt to find out what the beloved is doing and with whom she spends time. Sometimes a guy starts asking a girl about fans, hoping that she will give herself away. At the same time, he looks straight at him and gets very excited. Ask him directly if he is jealous. It's disarming.
Another sign of hidden jealousy may be that a man appears nearby every time as soon as another representative of the opposite sex approaches his beloved. He is sure that he should be aware of all the girl’s acquaintances.
READ How to test a guy's fidelity: the most effective ways
Pathological
A pathologically jealous person can be enraged by a film scene in which the heroine has a lover. He comes to the conclusion that his beloved also has an affair. This unpleasant feeling negatively affects the psyche of even the strongest of men. He may not show it, but it harms the relationship.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists agree that suspiciousness is detrimental to relationships, and the fight against it is difficult. If a woman builds a relationship with a jealous man, psychologists advise:
- Remember that true love, which leads to a happy marriage, is built on trust, mutual respect and care. At the same time, both partners have the right to personal freedom to communicate with friends of both sexes and to spend leisure time separately. In an alliance with a jealous person, this is impossible. It is worth thinking about what is more important? What sacrifices is a woman willing to make for love? Is the chosen one worth such sacrifices?
- Violence in any form is unacceptable in a relationship. A woman should think, first of all, about her safety and the safety of her children. Reproaches of infidelity, bordering on violence, signal to a woman that she needs to run away from such a man.
- Each person in a relationship has the right to the inviolability of their personal belongings: phone, notebook. If partners do not respect this right, the relationship is doomed and will sooner or later end in breakup.
Love without jealousy
