NLP (neurolinguistic programming) is an unrecognized direction in practical psychology. Its effectiveness has not been proven by science, but the crowds at Tony Robbins shows hint that there is something in it. NLP consists of a set of strategies for changing the human psyche. They are compiled from linguistic and psychological techniques, so it is not surprising that many many work.
In the article I will tell you how to use speech strategies and share my opinion on their effectiveness. Suitable for those who want to recognize manipulations in negotiations or in the speeches of sellers.
A few words for noobs: what is NLP
Back in 1973, two rebel revolutionaries who did not recognize frameworks and conventions, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, gathered in the United States; gathered in order to make a revolution in the minds of many people, using cybernetic-mathematical models to control the psyche. An absolutely innovative experiment, based on the psychophysiological experiments of Pavlov, the philosophy of Korzybski, the cybernetic concepts of Pribram and George Miller and the works of Maslow, Rogers, Frank Farrelly and other humanistic psychologists, gained enormous popularity and very soon grew into a whole movement called NLP - neuro-linguistic programming . The name, of course, is a little complicated... Here's what one of the founders, Grinder, says about it: “When we wrote the first book, we needed something to call what we do, and we decided to call it “NLP.” We didn’t think that this would be of interest to anyone other than our students and a narrow circle of specialists. When we realized it, it was already too late to change anything.”
Initially, NLP was engaged in identifying constructive and successful features of the work of consciousness and the unconscious of famous and advanced people, reducing them to the level of algorithms, and developing psychotechniques based on these algorithms. The idea is completely revolutionary and deserves thunderous applause, since it has helped many people find harmony, success, moral and physical health, and change their lives for the better. The problem is that, like any popular movement, NLP over time began to acquire myths and implausible stories. Therefore, if you have not yet become a victim of such legends and do not plan to become one, let’s figure out what information to trust and what not to.
Linguistic representation of experience
To begin with, it is worth noting that representation here should be understood precisely as a person’s expression of his experience through language and speech. And, as mentioned above, in the process of communication, an ordinary person unconsciously uses three basic modeling processes: omission, distortion and generalization.
Let’s talk about each of the processes in more detail, because knowledge about these processes and the ability to put into practice techniques based on this knowledge can greatly increase the effectiveness of communication, improve a person’s ability to understand people and influence them, and also change the quality of his life. Naturally, for the better.
The first speech modeling process we'll look at is Dropping.
1
The basics of NLP through the eyes of an outside observer, or a critical analysis of basic points
At one of the points of students-mathematicians-and-programmers-interested-in-psychology, the guys, under the influence of creative inspiration and fateful insights, put forward several assumptions that in the future formed the basis for the creation of NLP:
- A talented person differs from an untalented person by the presence of unconscious strategies of behavior and reaction to influencing external and internal circumstances;
- These strategies can be brought to a conscious level by mental health researchers;
- These strategies can be taught to others and can be used to successfully achieve goals in all areas of life.
In other words, the creators studied the features of intuition and spontaneous reactions of talented and brilliant people, decomposed them into components, translated them into algorithms, and introduce these algorithms into the consciousness of anyone.
The goal is, of course, very noble, innovative and carries elements of genius (could great grandfather Freud have thought that his brainchildren - Id, Ego and Superego - would someday be mercilessly dismembered and algorithmized...?). And it was this attempt that helped, for example, replace standard errors in teaching with more effective strategies for mastering new material. But there are some points in all this that are not as uniquely optimistic as Grinder and Bandler would like. So, let's go through all the assumptions that became the basis for the creation of NLP.
1.A talented person differs from an ordinary person in the presence of unconscious mental strategies. In other words, good intuition, the ability to use the experience that has settled in the unconscious layer of the psyche.
Yes, indeed, feeling helps to achieve success or avoid troubles, and often brilliant discoveries are made intuitively. In general, everyone has intuition; it is an appeal to unconscious experience, bypassing logic; but remember that if you do not have good life experience or, at worst, a firmly rooted theory, then your intuition simply will not have a database from which you get insights or spontaneous decisions that lead to success. On the other hand, each situation is individual - it has its own conditions, characters, states, moods, moral values; and the successful experience of Leonardo da Vinci in a similar, but still different situation can lead to dire consequences. In this sense, someone else’s experience, even an algorithmized one, is unlikely to be better than an unpolished one, but your own... The “advantage” of this approach is that, having previously played the proposed patterns, you will make them your experience, and later they will turn out to be useful.
2. These strategies are not realized by the talents themselves, but can be formalized by researchers. They can, of course they can... But here’s the funny thing:
- Not all geniuses will allow themselves to be used as guinea pigs;
- Even if they allow it, it is not a fact that they will demonstrate all their unconscious (!!!) strategies of thinking and behavior;
- Even if they demonstrate it, it is not a fact that the next time in a similar situation they will not spontaneously come up with a completely different, no less successful strategy. Intuition is, first of all, flexibility (which, by the way, all NLPers strive for), and not a set of templates. Why, for example, does a person with good intuition know who he can approach to get acquainted with, and who he shouldn’t approach?
3. These strategies can be taught to others, and these strategies can be successful in all areas of life. Hmm... This is where NLP contradicts itself. If, following the instructions, we divide humanity into many types: visual, kinesthetic, active-passive, consonant-non-parity, as well as carriers of many other meta-programs and maps of the world, and take into account the combination of each of the parameters within the personality, then each person will turn out differently unique. Moreover, the carrier of such typesetting program code not only perceives the world around him according to his own characteristics, but also reacts and behaves accordingly. Now let’s roughly estimate: what is the probability that the algorithm for the success of a talented person with one set of mental characteristics (for example, an auditory learner, time- and personality-oriented, with an internal reference frame, a rebel, etc.) will ideally fit the set of your mental characteristics (if you are visual, listen to the opinions of others and are prone to conformism)? This applies to personal strategies for success, such as attitude, responsibility, and creativity.
You can object to me: “All these characteristics can be copied and used to adapt to another person in order to... zombify him (see the section “Myths about NLP”).” Let's look at this with an example. Let's say you decide to give a gift to your nervous system and go to the store for a brand new Corsair H70 cooling system, but you only have enough money for an H50. What to do? Of course, ask for a discount. You enter the room and automatically look for the seller. You immediately figure out ways to influence him, analyzing his leading representative system and the way he processes information received from outside. I will say in advance: if he is an iron logician, and you are a creative intuitive (or vice versa), then misunderstandings and a general lack of personal connection may arise, so here adjustment and reflection will come in handy. And already at this stage difficulties may arise: what to do if the seller has enviable logic and does not recognize emotions, and you live by aesthetic sensations, rely on intuition, and have never thought about the difference between “echo” and “print” (and you’ll be cool Is it necessary only to silently brute admin accounts of photo stocks):)? You can, of course, attract him with your natural charm, however, it’s not a fact that it will work. Okay, let's not talk about bad things, after all, you are a hacker, and your logic also deserves admiration.
The next stage is influencing the subject: you adapt to his representative system and begin an attack with words, or rather, with logical arguments, because these are the ones he will perceive adequately. You need to clearly explain why he should give you the cooling for less than the stated price. Let’s assume that if he liked you (due to adjustments or just as a person), and he doesn’t mind giving you the difference in price, consider it done. But at this stage, snags are also possible: what may be indisputable evidence for you will turn out to be an insignificant fact from your life for him, in other words, he doesn’t care about your map of the world, he has his own. This is a common problem with many persuaders: they forget that each person views the world differently, and in order to leave a dent in their worldview, you need to know in advance the features of this very worldview (or map of the world, if that’s more convenient for you) . Now think: can you immediately navigate and select arguments that influence the seller’s specific beliefs?
But don’t despair – not everything is so hopeless. Firstly, if you adjust successfully, perhaps you will intuitively begin to think like him, and the seeds of your words will fall into the fertile soil of his worldview; secondly, in a dispute, whoever is more confident is right: if you are more confident in your position than he is in his, he will concede. If confidence is at the same level, then how will it work out... A good example is the dialogue between the brothers and the seller (Agotha Kristof’s book “The Thick Notebook”):
“We need these things, but we don’t have the money.” - What? But... you have to pay. “We don’t have money, but we absolutely need these things.” ... We don't say anything else, we look at him. He looks at us too. Sweat beads on his forehead. A minute later he shouts: “Don’t look at me like that!” Get out of here! We say: - In exchange for these things, we are ready to do work for you: water your garden, for example... - I don’t have a garden! I don't need you! And then, can’t you speak normally? - We speak normally. ... He throws our paper, pencils and notebook out the door and yells: “Get out of here!” Take everything and don't come back! We carefully pick up our things and say: “However, we will have to return when the paper runs out and the pencils are full.”
Do you understand? You can wear out the seller, and when he realizes that his peace of mind is worth more than the difference in price, perhaps you will get the discount you want. If you analyze the situation, you will see that the success of the business depends on many factors: careful preparation, partly on luck, your ability to feel and influence feelings (logic), mood, motivation and personal structure of the seller, his willingness to make concessions and the value of the thing, which he is ready to give up. But we are not talking about “zombifying with NLP techniques” here. These techniques can really help you get what you want if the circumstances are favorable, or mitigate these circumstances if they are unfavorable. But you are unlikely to be able to achieve the unlikely with the help of a couple of NLP techniques; Hypnosis is more suitable for this.
Anchor aka Magic Wand
While preparing the article, the editor asked a question: is it possible, using NLP techniques, such as anchoring, to make the most beautiful girl in the world fall in love with you? As one of the most beautiful girls in the world, I will answer: “Ha ha ha!” As the author of an article about NLP, I will say: “Of course.” As a psychologist, I can say: “It is possible, and not necessarily with the help of anchoring or NLP techniques in general.” You already know that anchoring is performed at the peak of emotional experience, and it is believed that at the moment of experiencing positive emotions, positive anchoring occurs, and during negative experiences, negative anchoring occurs. But this division is conditional, and this can be proven using the example of “making a beautiful girl fall in love with you.” At the moment when a person experiences the peak of positive emotions, he is very self-sufficient, he already feels good, and who is nearby - you, someone else or no one at all - is not so important, since he is focused on the source of positivity. Besides, “anchoring” is too fancy a word.
In fact, we are talking about the type of associations, and if at the moment of rainbow experiences you take her wrist, be prepared for the fact that the association may go in the wrong direction, that is, she will notice it and think: “Some kind of strange ... What does he want?”, and the next time you touch your wrist, your thoughts will be something like: “Hmm... what does this remind me of? Ahh, I remembered! This is the same Vasya! What he wanted from me then is strange...”
In moments of despair, a person, on the contrary, loses integrity and needs moral support. Here you have much better chances: to be there at the right moment, to cheer you up or to help solve a problem. Thanks to you, she will restore the lost integrity, and the result will be a formula: she (in tears) + you (and your support) = integrity. If such incidents happen regularly, it will become a habit, and this is what we have: integrity - you (and your support) = her (in tears). Here you even get some kind of dependence, and then it’s not far from falling in love (especially if you’re handsome). To check the effectiveness of the method, after all the adventures, talk about another girl, if you notice something like resentment or jealousy, consider the scheme to have worked. In this case, anchoring is not necessary, nor is adjustment with mirroring. That is, they will not interfere, especially if you are professional in these techniques, but they are not the decisive factors in the process of conquest.
How it works
The authors of the method of conversational hypnosis have developed certain speech patterns that can be effectively used to partially turn off the consciousness of the experimental subject. These are vague, vague phrases that, surprisingly, can influence a person. Any clear statement can prompt the interlocutor to enter into debate and come to a conscious state. And a non-specific, vague phrase does not cause discomfort for the subconscious. It allows you to give it any meaning that is convenient for a person.
In a conscious state, the brain calculates and blocks all attempts at foreign influence. But psychotherapists have found an opportunity to solve this problem by immersing a person in a trance state, when the suggestibility of the test subject increases, and he is not able to critically evaluate the statements of his interlocutor, therefore he easily and without resistance perceives any of his attitudes. In this case, the suggestion is introduced unnoticed, and the subject thinks that he made the decision on his own.
Using NLP you can zombify a person or a group of people
The craving for spectacle is to blame for everything. In Soviet times, if you remember, “fabulousness” was sorely lacking; after the collapse of the USSR, a detachment of various hypnotists like Anatoly Kashpirovsky and Alan Chumak appeared, who compensated the frustrated people for all the lack of miracles in the form of miraculous healing, almost reviving the dead (here’s zombification for you). The screens of our black-and-white or poor-color televisions were full of howling and roaring people with their eyes closed, swaying to the beat of the music accompanying the insinuatingly directive speech of the hypnotist. It was at this time that the phenomena of self-hypnosis and the placebo effect broke all records, and gave hope that you can force a person to do what you need with a simple combination of words. And since there were only two Chumakovs and Kashpirovskys, and they were incomparable, then NLP, which proposed to create the same miracles, only without innate talent, came at just the right time. The magical and incomprehensible words “reframing”, “meta-model”, “anchoring”, “submodality”, “calibration” were used as an effective seasoning in creating the “miracle”.
Now about zombification: if you think that with the help of some technique you can completely format the consciousness of another person and install your own programs - perhaps you are right, but only if you are a talented psychotherapist with excellent knowledge of hypnotic techniques, and the future zombie agrees to perform this on himself similar experience. If you have only completed the first or second stage of “NLP Practitioner” (at later stages the goal of “zombifying” is no longer so significant), and your test subject does not want to become a zombie, then most likely you will be faced with a harsh reality.
THREAT - TABOO
Taboo is an unconditional, absolute and non-negotiable prohibition on trying to find out some information.
Those who try to find out taboo information are tried to reproach, reproached for violating the rules, standards of decency, subordination, exposed to ridicule, criticized, isolated.
All existing taboos are artificially created rules in order to limit the spread of true information.
There is no natural taboo on asking questions. Everything can be known, understood, and comprehended. The only existing natural limitation on information is the level of the perceiver’s own development.
The method of counteraction is obvious - continue to find out taboo information despite the taboo. If you are developed enough to be able to receive and “digest” this knowledge, you will receive it. The discovery of this information, as a rule, significantly changes the worldview - at least of the one who discovered it. It is also necessary to find out by whom and why this information was taboo, for a deeper understanding of the processes occurring in society.
Separately, it should be said about such a common taboo code as the word “impossible”. In reality, it has many shades: impossible, prohibited, not recommended, fraught, dangerous, useless, etc. The difference between these shades is very significant, and you need to act in accordance with this in completely different ways. You should always explain exactly why it is not possible. There are no “simply not possible at all”; there is always a specific meaning that everyone is able to understand.
NLP is a science
Professional psychotherapists grin sarcastically when they hear this statement, based on which, in general, pick-up artists can be called scientific researchers. As I wrote above, elements of various sciences were used as the basis for neurolinguistic programming, but NLP is not officially considered an independent science. Almost all techniques were borrowed either from other psychological movements or from esotericism; the categorical apparatus is also not self-sufficient - if you translate the abstruse terms of NLP into normal language, then “anchoring” will become “association”, “world map” - “worldview”, “reframing” "-"rethinking". In general, scientific research, even if it is based on the theory and practice of other sciences, implies a multifaceted view of the object or phenomenon being studied. NLP is based on the work of, as a rule, one or two scientists from each field (the exception is psychology). That is, the approach is one-sided, so it can be assumed that the creators could have missed a lot of things. Nowadays there are very few people who are really seriously engaged in NLP with a scientific approach; These are mostly self-taught trainers or those who have completed 3-4 levels, teaching everyone who is able to pay for the course. And do not care about the characteristics of the psyche, the scientific approach, side effects and distorted information.
Well, a test to take into account: science deals with patterns, evidence, research, measurements; combinatorics is only a part of some sciences. In popular NLP, not a single technique gives a pure result even 70-80% (by pure result I mean the result that the technique itself gave, and I don’t take into account a successful coincidence of circumstances, influence in other ways, etc.), not to mention about the research side.
Tuning before using speech strategies
The purpose of adjustment is to increase the degree of unconscious (intuitive) trust between the manipulator and the interlocutor. This is achieved by copying the opponent at the time of conversation. I assume that the technique is based on evolutionary heritage: ancient people lived in small groups, so they instantly divided sapiens into “us” and “strangers”. The logic is the same here - the more similarities between the interlocutors, the easier it is for the brain to classify the manipulator as “one of our own”.
An example of adjustment from the film “What Women Want” (2013)
There are four types of adjustment:
- under the body: gestures, facial expressions, posture, movements;
- to the voice: volume, manner of speech, intonation;
- to the rhythm: breathing, blinking;
- for speech: characteristic expressions, stylistics.
I took adjustment exercises in acting courses and I want to note: you can’t jump into someone else’s “skin” from a running start. Even after several weeks of practice, the adjustment looked fake and noticeable.
To tune in to your opponent, close your eyes and create an image of him in your head. Compare with the original until you find the perfect ratio.
When adjusting, respect the cultural and corporate characteristics of the environment. It is not at all necessary to put your feet up on the table to copy your boss. If you are a female accountant in a logistics company, squatting next to drivers is also not a good idea.
Start leading your interlocutor. Change your hand movements, minimize the vector of the conversation, reduce the volume of your voice. If you do everything right, your partner will repeat after you. Otherwise, adjust the image in your head again. When you achieve maximum similarity in behavior, start using speech strategies. At the end of the conversation, remove the connecting threads and the conversation will fall apart.
NLP is played out very coolly in the series “The Mentalist”. Tune into any episode from any season to enjoy the charm and manipulative powers of Patrick Jane (Simon Baker).
True NLPer Patrick Jane
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Cautions
Perhaps you are an open-minded person, and you understand that everything said above is just my “map of the world.” And in this you are absolutely right. So, if you decide to take up NLP, that’s great, because developing observation skills and memorizing complex words is much better than aimlessly surfing social networking sites. Yes, the techniques are indeed stolen from other scientific and esoteric areas, and despite the fact that they do not always meet the declared results, a positive result is still guaranteed with a competent approach.
And finally, a few words about a competent approach, or how not to fall victim to the other side of the coin.
1. In pursuit of rapid efficiency, modern trainers forget that NLP is working with the psyche, your own and others. And the whole danger is that metaprogramming teaches how to work with the subconscious, but does not pay enough attention to how the subconscious itself works and its pitfalls. It is very rare among NLP fans to find real psychologists who have graduated from at least a university, not to mention classical professional practice. But it is practice in the field (and not at trainings) that gives an understanding of the basics. By the way, a similar problem is now in Gestalt psychology (a direction that attributes to the psyche the perception of the surrounding world as an integral structure, and not individual elements): one institute produces “specialists” - a person comes to personal therapy, goes for a year and a half, decides (or not solves) his problem, after which he receives a diploma and the right to “treat” others. After such hairdressers, salespeople, accountants who have received a “one-year” diploma as a Gestalt therapist, professional psychologists are “drowning” in clients with a crippled psyche...
2. Obsessed with the desire to zombify everyone, many “future” NLPers do not notice how they themselves are turning into zombies: everything said by a charismatic trainer is taken on faith, without even trying to critically analyze what they hear. And often an attempt to influence the consciousness of other people turns into self-deception, which, with a long-term impact on the psyche of the practitioner himself, threatens with various mental disorders (depending on temperament and personality characteristics).
3. When choosing a teacher or institute, be careful and attentive: now there are very few people who are truly advanced in NLP. As a rule, 90% of trainers are the same people as you, who have only completed 2-3 levels, and most of them are driven not by interest and a thirst for learning, but by a thirst for profit. Therefore, as soon as they finish the course, they immediately recruit new recruits and enthusiastically retell to them the notes they wrote down a couple of months ago. Perhaps, thanks to such instances, NLP has moved from the category of a hypothetically possible science to the category of sect-like MLM (multi-level marketing).
To sum up everything that has been written, we can say that it is not the wonderful acronym NLP, but individual feeling, understanding and experience that give success and effectiveness.
How to protect yourself from conversational hypnosis
The most effective defense against psychological attack is countermanipulation. Its meaning is to use his own weapons against the manipulator. If the victim is able to “talk” the interlocutor, this will sharply turn the situation in his favor.
People who are insecure and weak-willed are more susceptible to hypnotic trance. It is very important for them to learn to say “no” to their interlocutor. A specialist with experience and many years of practice, Nikita Valerievich Baturin, the creator of the author’s methodology and many publications on the topic of overcoming addictions, phobias, anxiety and other psychological problems, will help you master conversational hypnosis and countermanipulation techniques. He provides individual consultations and also teaches modern hypnosis.
Hero or rebel?
It is not interesting to retell the dry biography of Richard Bandler. Much more interesting is the fact that one of the creators of NLP was a “tear it off and throw it away” person: at the age of 10, he made his first attempt to kill his stepfather by connecting an electric wire to a wet rug; As a youth, he was a rebel, starting his “career” with the hippie protest movement. He always had his own opinion on everything and fiercely defended it, even if it was about the smallest details, which drove the teachers to despair. If it was possible to break the rules, he definitely took this opportunity.
Richard generally liked to use various antisocial opportunities: alcohol, cocaine, physical violence against his wife, ridiculous threats against his NLP colleagues (he promised to hire the mafia, eccentric :)). Just look at the trials associated with the murder of a prostitute (see sidebar “The Case of Corina Kristen”) and winning the right to be called the intellectual owner of NLP... Studying the biography of this brilliant and terribly unconventional person, you come to the conclusion that the motivation for the discovery of something then there may be not only interest in what is new, but also a wild desire to resist accepted social norms.
Names, titles and nicknames
It is important to pay special attention to titles, first names and nicknames. Whatever you name the ship, that’s how it will sail. Therefore, choose names for organizations, names for your children, tracing their meaning and meaning. For example, the name of the city of Chernobyl already encrypted the terrible fate of the “black were” of this place. The pseudonym of the great leader Stalin and its owner are persistent, unbreakable, as if he himself were made of steel. It is difficult to trust a surgeon with the last name Krivoruchka. And if you received a not entirely successful last name or first name from your parents, then you always have the right to change it or take a more euphonious pseudonym.
Corina Kristen case
In 1986, in the city of Santa Cruz, prostitute Corina Kristen was shot with a pistol in Bandler's house, and her blood was found on Richard's T-shirt. It would seem like a total mess... But it was not for nothing that Bandler was born a genius - he immediately turned all the arrows on the lover of the unfortunate woman - James Morino. The trial lasted three months: during this time, Bandler made fun of the jury heartily, completely copying Morino's speech, posture, behavior, facial expressions and voice. As a result, he so confused the assessors that they, without hesitation, acquitted both of them and tried to forget forever the “strange double vision.” By the way, it is possible that this is another myth (okay, an embellished story) about the wonders of NLP.
