What a self-sufficient man is, how to become self-sufficient

What is male self-sufficiency?

Self-sufficiency of a man - what is it? This is independence and independence in all aspects of life. A self-sufficient man knows how to earn money, is able to feed himself, keep his home clean and create comfort. Such men are busy with self-development and self-education; they have stable hobbies and social circles. If something doesn’t suit them, they immediately change the current circumstances.

Lack of envy

Men who are fulfilled in life have adequate self-esteem. They clearly evaluate themselves, understand where they are good and where they are not so good, so they rarely pay attention to the lives of others. Envy is a sign of insecurity and failure, and it is also a useless feeling that leads to nothing. Instead of comparing themselves to others, these men focus on their own lives. They do not pay attention to the victories and achievements of others, but simply do their job and go to their heights.

Why does a man need self-sufficiency?

It is needed for a man to become a successful specialist and a happy person. Self-sufficiency - what is it for men? The basis of all life. It helps with the following:

make difficult decisions;
be guided by reason and logic, not emotions;
be consistent and persistently move towards the goal;
plan and organize your life;
resist stress and difficulties;
advance your career;
win disputes and contradictions, get out of conflicts with dignity;
be resistant to manipulation;
be able to protect yourself and your loved ones, take care of yourself and them;
make conscious choices and actions;
quickly adapt to changing living conditions.

Qualities of a self-sufficient person

The development of self-sufficiency is available to each of us, but first you need to find out what qualities any self-sufficient person has, and which you need to develop in yourself. These include:

Self-confidence, allowing you to achieve goals and develop without outside help;
The determination necessary to achieve goals and development;
Inner strength that helps you take full responsibility for your decisions and actions;
Distance, without which it is impossible to keep some distance from people and prevent them from crossing their own boundaries;
Tolerance of loneliness, expressed in the absence of fear of being alone.

For an independent person, it is important to develop such qualities, but it is equally important to strive for material independence from people, because otherwise it will simply not be possible to not depend on anyone. This, of course, is not the main condition, but it needs to be kept in mind.

To become a self-sufficient person, you need to learn to treat your freedom and independence with special reverence, value them and cultivate them in every possible way, stop looking back at authorities, worry about other people’s opinions, seek help, grieve about the past and condemn yourself.

American life management consultant Stephen Covey said this very well. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he says that individual independence is expressed by the self-paradigm, which means:

I can do it
I'm responsible
I rely on myself
I can choose

If a person is independent in social terms, he can do everything himself; if in an intellectual sense, he is free to think independently; if in an emotional sense, all his actions and words come from his internal state. An independent person controls his own actions, and his self-esteem is not affected by how other people treat him.

True independence is expressed in self-motivation to act, but is opposed to being under the influence of someone from the outside. And only thanks to it can you free yourself from the power of circumstances and those around you. Again, this does not in any way contradict such concepts as mutually beneficial cooperation, joint achievement of goals or collective intellectual work, mutual assistance and support.

The desire for complete independence should be the first goal, and this itself can serve as the basis of self-sufficiency on which all its other components will be built. But, of course, this is not the only way to develop this quality.

How does self-sufficiency manifest itself in men?

What does the phrase “self-sufficient man” mean? It means strong and confident.

Self-sufficiency is expressed in the following:

respect for one’s interests and the ability to defend one’s views;
respect for personal boundaries and worldviews of other people;
independence from public opinion;
adequate perception of constructive criticism and the ability to ignore destructive comments;
self-love and total self-acceptance, knowledge of one’s strengths and weaknesses;
the ability to admit your mistakes and learn from them;
independence;
having purpose and meaning in life, following them;
understanding your emotions, needs and desires;
the ability to help and accept help, but not to abuse either one or the other;
lack of fear, especially fear of loneliness.

Important! The main thing is not to confuse self-sufficiency with selfishness and pride. A self-sufficient man always acts as he sees fit, and does what he wants, and not what supposedly needs to be done. He can care about others, but to do this you need to earn his respect.

Be near

Before starting a family, a self-sufficient man must make a decision, and he will not do this in a fit of passion. Understanding the importance of such a step, he will need enough time to comprehend everything. After all, he takes this issue very seriously.

How to become a self-sufficient man

A step-by-step plan on how to become a self-sufficient man (remember that a person becomes self-sufficient throughout his life):

Decide on the meaning and purpose of life, desires and needs. Make a step-by-step plan for self-realization. If some tools are still missing, then you need to make a plan for getting them, for example, think about what traits of your character you need to destroy or, conversely, what you need to get rid of in order to achieve your goal.
Set personal boundaries, work on your sense of self-respect and self-worth.
Understand who you see next to you and what kind of relationships you are ready to build. If your current relationship doesn’t suit you, then think about whether you can work on it (if so, how) or whether it’s easier to get out of it.
Be sincere with yourself and others, allow yourself to be yourself. What have you long dreamed of, what have you forbidden yourself, what do you really want?
Remember your rights and freedom, get out of someone else's control.
Learn to listen and hear, but never sacrifice yourself. However, this does not mean that you should avoid compromise and mutual concessions to achieve common goals at work or in your personal life.
Learn to take responsibility for your life and not rely on other people or fate.
Get a hobby and learn to comfortably spend time alone.

Important! A self-sufficient man has no psychological, material, or physical problems. He lives in the present and clearly sees his future.

Learn to exist alone

One of the main attributes of a self-sufficient person is invariably the ability to live independently and the opportunity to do what he loves. Loneliness also has a beneficial effect on the human psyche - it allows you to relax and collect your thoughts, clear your mind of everything unnecessary.

Learn to make independent decisions

A self-sufficient person is not used to relying on other people; he tries to rely on his own knowledge and life experience, thanks to which he is not only able to make the right decisions at his own discretion, but also has an additional incentive and path to self-development - new experience.

How to be a self-sufficient man without a girlfriend

How to be a self-sufficient man without a girlfriend? The same as with her. Moreover, to build a healthy and strong relationship, both participants must be self-sufficient people. Or they both should actively go towards this, support each other.

A self-sufficient man - what kind of person is this in a relationship with a woman? First of all, strong. Self-sufficient people are not used to reveling in self-pity or clinging to the skirt of their mother or wife. However, this does not mean that they do not need a partner. This means that they are selective when choosing a girl. A self-sufficient man should feel just as good with her as he does alone with himself. From his woman he expects support, warmth, care and the same independence that he himself possesses.

Self-sufficiency: is it good or bad?

In some sources, the meaning of the word self-sufficiency has a negative connotation, but it depends on how you look. From an environmental point of view, self-sufficiency is about internal balance. About the absence of hooks that others can cling to and manipulate.

Self-sufficiency is still close to the concepts of independence and responsibility. These are not synonyms, but characteristics of self-sufficiency.

Selfishness, egocentrism and self-sufficiency are not the same thing. If self-sufficiency goes to the extreme, then yes. Another extreme is to become so indoctrinated with the idea that you can handle it alone, and end up actually becoming lonely.

Much depends on the reasons for the formation of self-sufficiency:

If self-sufficiency was formed from negative motives, it will most likely go to the extreme and will not bring any benefit. For example, a woman experienced a difficult breakup and decided that she was not able to trust people. Now she tries to rely only on herself, although people are happy to help, but out of fear and mistrust she tries to look self-sufficient. Or the teenager was controlled, and now he is doing his best to show that he is ready to handle everything on his own. Living with my parents and having fun with my last money. Where is self-sufficiency here?
Healthy self-sufficiency develops through trust in the world and people. Through faith in yourself, in your strength. Through understanding your boundaries and rights. This means that I can do it myself, or I can ask for help, if they refuse me, it’s okay. I can make my own decisions, no one can influence it. And I realize that I will also be responsible. I feel great alone, but I also feel interesting and comfortable with other people. I can choose my own friends.

People who have developed self-sufficiency in a healthy way feel moments when they begin to go to extremes (egocentrism, a feeling of loneliness, arrogance, envy). And they adjust their behavior without any problems.

There is nothing wrong with self-sufficiency, as long as you don't go to extremes. The ability to be alone with yourself, the desire to develop, and take care of your health and body will only have a positive impact.

Below, using specific examples, you will see what self-sufficiency is like, when it is a plus and when it is a minus. Leave your examples in the comments, you probably know people who go to extremes.

My recommendations

Let's talk about a man's self-sufficiency in a relationship with a woman. In our society, the idea that the husband should earn money and the wife should take care of the house is still alive. Moreover, this differentiation of roles persists even if the woman also works, and sometimes earns more than her partner.

Unfortunately, in many families this is instilled in children from childhood. Because of this, young people grow up passive and infantile in everyday life. They have no idea about food prices and how to prepare a hearty and healthy lunch, they do not want to keep the house clean, and they are not psychologically flexible. By raising boys in this way, parents do them a disservice and deprive them of everyday and psychological independence. Both men and women should be able to cope with household responsibilities, cook, and take care of themselves. This is an element of self-sufficiency.

Another specificity of upbringing in many families is that the boy is taught to give in to girls, endure their manipulations and tears, and apologize just like that. This is also not correct. Every person should have personal boundaries, they do not depend on gender. If a girl is wrong, then you need to convey this to her, the main thing is to choose socially acceptable methods, and not blindly follow your line, turning into a tyrant. At the same time, it is important to try to look at the problem through the girl’s eyes. This is psychological flexibility, respect for other people’s interests, without which it is impossible to be a self-sufficient person.

What to do if a man nevertheless grew up childish and dependent on women? Determine those aspects when he turns to his mother, friends or someone else for help. Next, you need to break large tasks into subtasks and gradually, point by point, develop what is missing. If you don’t know how to cook, sign up for a course or ask your mom not to cook, but to teach you how to cook. If you can’t find a decent job, contact a psychologist in the field of career guidance to understand where to go, what abilities and talents are hidden inside. Etc.

And, of course, you need to build personal boundaries, determine what you will not tolerate in a relationship. For example, it happens that a man can cook no worse than a woman, or even better, but he wants to see next to him someone who will welcome him home every day with a warm dinner. He has the right, this is his choice and vision of the world.

Important! The essence of a healthy relationship is that both participants can live without each other, but living together is more interesting and joyful. In the union, their dignity and strength are multiplied, and all responsibilities are divided in half, regardless of gender and social stereotypes, based on the personal beliefs of the participants.

About the term

They speak of self-sufficiency when a person does not need anyone for a comfortable life, he is not afraid of loneliness, and he is independent from anyone. He can handle everything on his own, and someone’s praise or approval does not mean much to him. But self-sufficiency can be different - positive and negative.

Positive - also called healthy, a valuable quality for a person. He is successful, self-confident, tries to succeed in everything, clearly knows what he needs from life and takes full advantage of it. And negative - problematic self-sufficiency - is when a person has separated from society and in this way tries to escape from life, from his problems.

You can find out more interesting information by reading John Acuff’s book “Get Started.” Punch fear in the face, stop being “normal” and do something worthwhile.”