Tactfulness - what it is, how it manifests itself, examples from life

The character and temperament of any person begins to develop from early childhood. Loving parents direct all their efforts to instill in their little child only positive character traits: goodwill, tact, good manners, courage and accuracy. It is this sense of tact that will subsequently help the child interact with other people, find friends, communicate correctly with colleagues and build relationships with the opposite sex.

Tactfulness is one of the best human qualities

What is tact?

Tactfulness is a moral property of a person that allows one to behave in accordance with ethical standards, avoid “sharp edges” when interacting with other people, and also behave correctly in any society. This is a rather fine internal line, thanks to which a person can read the features of the interlocutor’s inner world and avoid any awkward moments.

Tactful people always listen to others, take into account all points of view and wishes, because they understand the importance and value of not only their own, but also any other personality. Thanks to this, the sense of tact in communication can be considered as a combination of politeness, courtesy and diplomacy.

Tactfulness is translated from Latin as “touch” or “touch.” Thus, this character trait also acquires a philosophical meaning. Many people consider tactfulness to be a kind of weakness, but it is worth noting that such people never give up their own positions. A tactful person will always find a way to intelligently present his opinion without insults or further misunderstandings. Tact always means respect, courtesy and consideration.

Delicacy helps to properly build relationships with other people

Definition

What is tact? This word can characterize such a property of a person as the ability to behave in accordance with the etiquette and ethical canons accepted in society. However, this concept implies not only mechanical adherence to behavioral guidelines, but also the ability to feel and understand the internal state of the interlocutor so much as to avoid awkward and unpleasant situations, both for him and for others.

In other words, tact is when a person can behave in such a way as not to touch any “sore spot” of another person, not to offend or humiliate him. And this is usually done intuitively. But, unfortunately, not everyone has such intuition, and some people are not even aware of tact. They tell the truth and believe that they are doing the right thing, and at the same time they are sincerely surprised that they are offended.

How does a tactful person behave?

A sense of tact is useful for the development of any relationship. Tactful people get along well with colleagues because they know how to respect work subordination and personal boundaries, have many friends and a loving family.

Definition and examples of a tactful person:

• a tactful opponent never boasts, does not impose his own opinion and does not flaunt his superiority over others;
• a tactful person will not sort things out with anyone in the presence of strangers;
• does not read other people’s letters and social networks;
• people with tact do not listen to calls;
• a person with tact will always offer help if necessary;
• a tactful person does not touch upon painful topics;
• such a person shows tolerance for other people’s weaknesses and shortcomings;
• tactful interlocutors do not focus on someone’s mistakes and incidents.

A tactful person always controls his own speech and carefully selects his words; he always listens to the point of view of his interlocutor, does not interrupt or raise his voice even during controversial situations.

Tactful people treat everyone around them with respect, know a sense of proportion and know how to avoid any extremes during a conversation. The main distinguishing feature of a tactful person is the ability to keep one’s own emotions and feelings under control, work with consciousness and in no case stoop to insults or accusations. People with a sense of tact have an inner instinct, which subsequently complements a decent upbringing.

Education plays a key role in the formation of positive qualities

A few more rules

Here are a few more rules to help you stay tactful:

• Behavior in which, in the presence of a person not privy to the essence of the issue, one speaks in hints, whispers, exchanges glances, demonstrating one’s “knowledge of the secret” is considered tactless. Secrets need to be discussed without witnesses, who may feel unnecessary.
• It would be tactless to show idle curiosity, demonstrate interest in someone else's life - eavesdropping on conversations, reading other people's letters, telephone messages not addressed to you, looking closely at a person, especially with physical disabilities, looking into his mouth while eating.
• Friendliness and courtesy should not cross the boundaries, turning into importunity. Showing restraint in expressing your feelings is also evidence of tact.
• If you see a person in an awkward situation, it is better to pretend that you did not recognize or did not notice him at all, and if this did not work out, then try to forget about the trouble and never remind him of it.

From all that has been said, we can conclude that, unlike politeness, which is characterized by knowledge of certain rules and their observance, tactfulness is a manifestation of special attention to the interlocutor, concern for his feelings.

Pros and cons of tactful behavior

The main advantage of a tactful person is expressed in his ability to win over his interlocutor, set him up in a positive mood and further communication. Tactful people always make a good first impression and leave behind only pleasant memories. Such a person will be interesting and in demand in any society, since he knows how to properly build communication connections. A person who is characterized by tact is considered by others as a faithful comrade, a reliable partner, a knowledgeable colleague and an excellent parent.

In addition, tactful behavior has some other advantages:

1. Lack of enemies. This phenomenon is explained by the fact that a tactful person tries to resolve any controversial issues peacefully and diplomatically, even if a heated conflict breaks out between the interlocutors.
2. Success in the profession. The ability to interact correctly with other people allows a tactful person to achieve high results at work and quickly move up the career ladder.
3. The gift of persuasion. Tactful people do not use any leverage, but are better than others at convincing their opponents through mutually beneficial negotiations and proposals.

Despite the above advantages, tactfulness also has some negative sides. Often, a sense of tact implies some tolerance, which in modern society does not always “play into one’s hands.” Due to the new realities of life, people strive to get what they want as quickly as possible, not shying away from going over their heads, causing mischief and taking advantage of others’ trust or goodwill. That is why tactful people often become victims of an unceremonious attitude, rudeness and absolute dishonesty.

Courtesy is always appreciated by other people, but in some situations it can interfere with success.

A tactful person will never be rude in reporting someone else’s rudeness, will not appeal with “hot” facts and whitewash his own reputation. However, is this good for your own success?

Modern psychology recommends not holding back your own emotions, as this can lead to the emergence of new diseases and injuries. That is why tactful people are more often than others susceptible to various nervous conditions and depressive states.

The main signs of pedagogical tact

The main features of pedagogical tact are identified that distinguish pedagogical tact from tactlessness:

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In many ways, pedagogical tact depends on the teacher himself, how he manifests himself in communication with children. A tactful teacher will quickly and accurately understand a conflict situation, help the parties to the conflict through communication to understand its causes, reassure and judge, taking into account everyone’s condition. A teacher who has the skills of tactful pedagogical communication selects appropriate methods and forms of interaction with children and knows how to find the right words and intonation at the right time.

When the truth borders on rudeness

Not all people manage to balance on the border between truth and rudeness. Sometimes internal motives take precedence over reason and positive character traits, putting a person in trouble. Saying the wrong thing and then apologizing often only makes an already difficult situation worse.

Experts advise not to point out any physical defects to your opponent, since such behavior can greatly offend the interlocutor and cause him deep emotional wounds. But pointing out flaws in appearance or clothing if they, for example, compromise the interlocutor is quite tactful.

True tact manifests itself in a certain silence. If a person realizes that his negative criticism will in no way affect the person or the current situation, it is better to show his own tact and be happy for his loved one.

In the modern world, people are so often faced with the tactlessness of others that they have simply come to terms with it. Many are simply accustomed to putting on masks of indifference and accumulating grievances received until someone’s behavior reaches the level of rudeness. However, it is worth remembering that timely tact will protect you from negative emotions and unnecessary quarrels.

How are tactfulness and the need to tell the truth related?

It is not for nothing that people have a saying: “Better the bitter truth than a sweet lie.” Any person cannot stand lies and wants to hear only the sincere truth. Nevertheless, human character and psychology are structured in such a way that they are not always ready to accept bitter, unpleasant, tragic or sad reality. It is at this moment that the intersection of tact and truth occurs.

Any person should be able to correctly present this or that information

Even the most unpleasant information can be presented rudely, straight to the forehead, or softly, more delicately and courteously. It is worth remembering that often the further reaction of the opponent depends on the presentation of this or that fact.

If you find yourself in such a situation, it is better to choose the right words in advance and try to put yourself in the other person’s place. In addition, you can draw attention to the positive aspects of the situation or suggest ways out of a difficult situation.

What do you mean it's not a tactful question?

It is permissible to give an evasive answer or redirect the question

to another person.
... An acceptable form of answer is: “I consider your question tactless
, and I don’t answer questions like these,” although among curious relatives such an answer will most likely be considered arrogant.

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What influence does a tactful person have on others?

Tactful people always have a good influence on others. Any person will be pleased to communicate with someone who shows him respect and understanding. Tactful communication always implies correct speech and literacy. Respectful behavior has a beneficial effect on all areas of human life, lifts other people's spirits and infects positive thinking for the rest of the day.

During a conversation with a tactful person, the interlocutors involuntarily have a desire to behave in the same way, since like always gives rise to like.

Delicacy is an innate or acquired quality

A newborn baby after birth has nothing but innate reflexes. Most experts believe that delicacy is an acquired quality. Thanks to parents, teachers and friends, the child gets to know the world around him, learns to be tactful and friendly, and acquires positive and negative character traits.

As you know, the character and temperament of a little person is formed before the age of 3, so parents should be attentive to their own behavior and set the right example for their child.

The right example is the basis of good education

Examples of tactful behavior

Any woman wants to look stunning and attractive. In pursuit of ideal parameters, girls often dream of losing weight and adhere to various diets. However, not everyone manages to adhere to strict restrictions, so representatives of the fair sex often break down. If a spouse catches his beloved eating chocolate or cake at night, he will under no circumstances put pressure on the weakness shown and reproach his chosen one. A tactful man will only emphasize that the cake is really tasty and he himself would not resist such a temptation. In this way, he will save the woman from the feeling of shame and self-flagellation for excess calories.

Parents who have a sense of tact will not speak unflatteringly about other people in front of their child. Even if a person is unpleasant to them, they will try to find and emphasize his positive qualities. Thanks to this model of behavior, the child will grow up psychologically healthy and as tactful as mom and dad.

A person who does not publicly point out a mistake to a colleague, but does so in private and in a friendly manner, is showing tact towards others.

A tactful teacher will always respectfully accept the students' point of view, listen to them carefully and give practical advice. In no case will he insult them, deliberately lower their grades, or “fail” them during exams. A teacher with a sense of tact knows how to show subordination and does not transfer personal attitude towards a student into the plane of study.

Communicating with a tactful person is always pleasant and easy

And a little from the mouths of famous people:

• “With tact you can achieve success even in cases where nothing can be done with force.” (D. Lubbock) • “We must develop a sense of tact in ourselves, otherwise, having earned the favor of people, we can easily lose it.” (Goethe) • “Tact is not a written agreement not to notice the mistakes of others and not to correct them.” (E.M. Remarque)

I shared with you, dear readers, information and my opinion about the concept of “tactfulness,” but I will not delve into the topic of “tactless people.” Let everyone draw their own conclusions.

I hope that the publication was interesting to you. I propose a survey on the same topic: “What is tact? Is she present on the 9111 website (answer in the comments)? https://www.9111.ru/questions/7777777777948118/

Rate, comment, be polite and tactful! I wish you all a great mood and tactful interlocutors!

Examples of tactlessness from life

There are several most common types of tactlessness:

1. Questions like: “When you get married, the clock is ticking?”, “Your child is behaving strangely, have you shown him to the doctors?”, “Why are you letting your husband go to his friends, look, he’s still going on a spree?” etc. It must be remembered that any interference in a person’s personal or intimate life is a gross violation of tact.
2. A tactless person will strive to remind his interlocutor as often as possible about the mistake he made.
3. Excessive importunity and curiosity also indicate tactlessness.

Most often, insensitive behavior relates to raising children. Young mothers regularly encounter the unceremoniousness of people around them. In order to avoid becoming a victim of rudeness and rudeness, you need to correctly set personal boundaries and defend your own interests. This will help protect yourself from negative moments and other people’s attacks.

Do you consider yourself a tactful person?

Yes

50%

No

50%

Voted: 2

Examples of tactless questions and phrases

• “Well, when will you get married?”
• “When are you going to have children?”/“When are you going to have the next one?”
• “It’s time for you to get married - you’ve been around too long! And kids for sure"
• “Why are you limping/blinking/stuttering/etc.? You need to go to the doctor!”
• “Why did you dye your hair that color?”
• “Why do you let your husband go to his friends? Suddenly he goes on a spree!”
• “Why did you name the child that? In honor of someone or just to stand out?

As can be seen from the examples, tactlessness usually results from immeasurable curiosity, based not on knowing the problem and helping in some way, but on ordinary stupidity and lack of restraint. Ill-mannered people are tactless. The justification “such a character” shows their limitations in development and narrow-mindedness.

How to develop tactfulness

Any person can develop certain positive qualities in himself. To become more tactful, you must follow a number of recommendations:

• refuse categorical judgments, phrases and statements addressed to another person;
• learn to dilute strict criticism with positive aspects;
• study personality psychology and etiquette;
• control your own speech and emotions;
• think about the feelings of others;
• find a role model and try to develop the missing qualities in your own personality;
• observe other people and their relationships;
• know a sense of proportion in behavior and actions.

A person who wants to learn tact should be attentive to others, respect their feelings, emotions and personal boundaries. You should never show excessive curiosity, pry into your personal life, or focus on any shortcomings. These rules will help you develop a sense of tact, become sensitive and respectful towards others.

Knowing etiquette will help develop a sense of tact

Examples of widespread tactless behavior or what not to do

Over many centuries of the development of moral standards, people have learned to behave in society without annoying others. However, despite culture and etiquette, situations where unceremoniousness takes over occur everywhere. Here are six common examples of insensitive behavior:

We praise other people's children while the other person has his own. Let’s say a person says a harmless phrase: “Alyosha’s mom enrolled him in the guitar class.” The interlocutor’s mother’s brain works instantly, but not in a positive direction. In her opinion, she is disgusting in raising her own child, because she did not enroll the child in courses to play musical instruments. The reaction is quite predictable. We focus on the changes that have occurred in the person. Phrases like “how you’ve lost weight!”, “new hair color suits you!” and such accents are not always perceived by interlocutors as a pleasant compliment. You don’t know what your interlocutor thinks about these changes. It’s better to say: “you look great!”, omitting the details.

We praise our own partner. It's great that your relationship hasn't changed after 10 years of marriage, but few people can handle endless eulogies. Especially if the personal life of the interlocutor leaves much to be desired. With such conversations you not only behave tactlessly, but also provoke envy. But this feeling does not lead to anything positive. We give compliments, warning about danger. This applies to statements like “What a beautiful tan, but aren’t you afraid of melanoma?” or “What a tattoo! Aren’t you afraid of infection or hepatitis?” It is obvious that the interlocutor is afraid, but hopes that this will not happen. We express admiration by going into detail. It sounds like this: “You had to go through so many difficulties and problems, but you are an athlete, a Komsomol member and just a beauty - you managed!” Believe me, the last thing in the world the interlocutor wants to remember these difficulties. We shamelessly violate the boundaries of friends. Imagine that you have a friend Petya and a friend Masha. You decide to introduce them. However, we often fail to grasp the line when communicating in general company. Agree that the story about how Masha failed on one of the dates is not for Petya’s ears if they just met.

How to learn tact in communicating with your spouse

Even between the most loving spouses, quarrels and misunderstandings can arise. To avoid numerous conflicts, both partners must promptly show a sense of tact and make compromises. Many women need to learn how to correctly and clearly formulate their own thoughts, since it can be very difficult for men to understand vague hints.

Spouses should under no circumstances speak disparagingly about each other, both in private conversation and in the company of other people. Such behavior can negatively affect relationships and forever undermine family happiness. Also, you should not ask your loved one for something using reproaches or ambiguous phrases. A rude manner of communication will only emphasize tactlessness and cause bitterness.

The main thing is that between a man and a woman there is sincere love, mutual understanding and respect. In this case, the couple will always be able to find a common language, show tact and solve the problem diplomatically.

Are there times when tact becomes inappropriate?

There are situations in which you simply need to be tough. It may seem that firmness and integrity in this case must necessarily include boorish or cheeky behavior. However, this is not quite true.

Mutual reproaches, scolding and insults have never led anyone to friendly, warm relations. On the contrary, such communication gives rise to enmity and mutual hostility, if not hatred. Of course, it is not always possible, even for a well-mannered person, to show restraint, tact and sensitivity. However, the insightful mind of a morally mature person always tells him that the only correct resolution to the conflict will be a tactful but firm offer to end the conversation.

By developing moral qualities in ourselves, introducing them into everyday habits, each of us takes a small step towards making the world kinder and more spiritual.

How to raise a tactful person

Parents who want to instill tact in their children face several main pedagogical tasks:

• form correct speech;
• learn to clearly formulate your own thoughts and pronounce words clearly;
• teach respectful communication and treatment of other people;
• explain that you cannot interrupt your interlocutor during a conversation or raise your voice at someone;
• get rid of parasitic words and vulgarized speech.

Young children are prone to imitation and emotional responsiveness. Kids always copy the behavior of adults, their manner of communication and behavior. Parents will not be able to raise a polite and tactful person if they do not have the right example before their eyes. Children surprisingly subtly notice even the most insignificant little things and copy them.

Raising a tactful person

That is why adults should always first of all pay attention to their own character traits, develop and be courteous towards other people. This rule applies especially strongly to mothers who spend almost all their time next to their children. Any mother should be tactful, polite and calm. Only in this case will the child be able to grow up well-mannered.

How quality develops

There are many factors influencing the development of tactfulness:

1. Family life. Usually polite, cultured, tactful people raise the same children.
2. Educational activities. Schools and kindergartens often organize events and quizzes dedicated to politeness. They also broadcast their example.
3. Work trainings. Employees of large companies are trained to communicate with clients, stress resistance, and communication skills.
4. Study of classical literature, history, cultural studies.
5. Interest in religion (often religious people are very well-mannered).
6. Consideration towards other people.

From this we can conclude that delicacy is not an innate, but an acquired quality; its presence depends on a person’s lifestyle and the level of his general culture.