However, there is another type of conflict situations when employees begin to psychologically suppress their colleague in order to survive from the team. This is mobbing, and it has little in common with the usual controversial situations that are so often encountered in everyday life. Mobbing often has no logical basis.
It is quite possible that your co-workers simply disliked you at first sight and are seeking your dismissal. How to deal with this?
Obvious symptoms
It is difficult not to notice that a man with whom you have been communicating for a long time is suddenly trying to become something more than a friend for you, because in such a situation the man’s behavior changes greatly.
Either he behaved normally, or he begins to show increased attention to the woman and send “special for you” signals. That is, if you sit together at the table, he tries to actively look after you: he pours wine, adds food, and so on. He always tries to look into his eyes - on any, even the most insignificant, occasion. And when he clinks glasses with you, he also makes eye contact. A man in love is also trying to touch you: straighten your hair, brush a speck from your clothes, touch your hand. How frank these touches are depends on the man’s level of impudence, his age and sophistication. In addition, the man will try to walk you home after a joint banquet or “accidentally” run into you on the street and offer you a ride, and so on.
Sometimes increased attention from a man turns out to be destructive. A representative of the stronger sex constantly “clings” to a woman and can bring her to tears, even in public. It is curious that often this behavior is also a demonstration of affection for you. It's like a junior high school student who hits a girl he likes on the head with a textbook.
“Aggression comes from embarrassment, but still such behavior is more connected with the internal culture and upbringing of a man. Most often, such representatives of the stronger sex grew up in an incomplete family. Or there were problems with my mother or older sister. It is possible that unhappy love also left its mark. And now he cannot contain his emotions, because he likes the girl, but he is afraid that she will reject him, like other ladies. He gets mad and that’s why he’s rude,” Elena Kuznetsova explains the situation.
The psychologist, however, notes that a man’s aggressive behavior towards a woman is not always hidden love. Sometimes rudeness can be just rudeness. A lot depends on what kind of woman we are talking about. If she is an “ugly duckling” and knows it, then most likely she has become the victim of another scoundrel. But if a girl is approximately the same age as a man and is not ugly, then in 97% of cases the man does not breathe smoothly towards her.
Overcoming embarrassment
A man who likes a woman, regardless of his experience and arrogance, will be insecure and timid around her, all because he is afraid of being rejected.
about a serious blow to pride. Not every man will decide to openly court the girl he likes. A representative of the stronger sex who is not too confident in himself, for example, looks for a suitable excuse to demonstrate his sympathy. For example, he will give up his place in line in the dining room or in another similar situation he will try to “signal” to the girl that he likes her and that he makes her stand out from the rest. After this step, he will observe the woman’s reaction and, perhaps, wait for her to respond.
“Men have repeatedly told me that they wanted the woman to be the first to take the initiative in the relationship, but at the same time, so that she would not be very active and would not run ahead of the locomotive. The trouble is that it doesn't happen that way. A woman is either active in everything or waits for initiative from a man,” says Elena Kuznetsova.
The director of a dating agency advises women, if not to be active in developing relationships with men, then at least to show sympathy if the gentleman is “reaching out” to you. For example, if a man made the first step towards you, take a reciprocal step on your part. It will be unobtrusive, and at the same time, your boyfriend will receive a signal that you like him, and he will be given the go-ahead for further actions.
A co-worker insults, is rude or raises his voice
Under no circumstances should you leave things to chance. Your offender must understand where the boundaries of what is permitted are. Explain to the person that it is simply impossible to shout at you - do it confidently, without a drop of doubt, so that others can also see that you will not allow yourself to be offended.
ADVICE . You should not get personal and behave the same way as a rude colleague - this will put you in an unfavorable light. Why spoil your image for the sake of a momentary argument?
Sometimes it is impossible to resist, but you must try your best - in the workplace you do not need to show your emotionality and dump negativity on your colleagues, coupled with insults and abuse.
Nonverbal signs
Most often, when you enter a room where your admirer is, he is nervous. He begins to straighten his jacket, tie, hairstyle, and may twirl his car key fob on his finger. In a word, perform any nervous actions. Take a closer look, if a man behaves in such a strange way every time he meets you, this may indicate that he is not indifferent to you.
When talking to you, a man who really likes you will communicate with you, not standing half-turned, but will turn his whole body around.
There was an error
Do not rush to make quick conclusions about the emerging sympathy for you. What if you mistake certain actions of a man for intimate signals? Watch the man’s behavior, try to mirror him. If he smiles at you, smile back. If he touched you, touch him too. If the gentleman “seized” on the signs of attention shown on your part, then you can celebrate your victory. If not, you misunderstood something, wishful thinking. Perhaps this man really treats you well, but you are far from being the object of his dreams. It is possible that he was simply in a good mood and decided to flirt a little. Or he is interested in you in a business sense, and feels sympathy for you not as a woman, but as a business partner.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir:
Source: vlad.aif.ru
How to avoid conflicts and protect yourself from angry employees?
- The first rule is do not mix office life with home life , do not be frank with colleagues. These are just people who work with you under the same roof and have certain ambitions - to some extent, they always see you as a competitor.
- Clearly define your responsibilities : for clarity, you can even print out the list and hang it above your workplace so that unnecessary questions do not arise.
- Do not involve others in an acute conflict if it concerns a very narrow group of people. This is a very contagious “disease”, and it will not lead to anything good.
- Try to sincerely find an approach to each offender . There is no need to love, adore these people, or visit them. Not at all necessary. It is enough that you can comfortably exist in the same space and respect each other.
- In an effort to protect yourself, do not become too withdrawn . Nobody forbids you to sort things out with your colleagues or argue about new projects - sometimes it’s even useful. The main rule is not to insult colleagues and never launch an “attack” yourself.
Problems at work
As the saying goes, “there is no smoke without fire,” it’s unlikely that a man will express his complaints just like that, there’s no getting around it. It is important to identify the reason for this behavior and then look for ways to solve this problem.
Unfortunately, not all men can share the concept of work/home. Most representatives of the stronger sex unknowingly bring work problems into the family. Of course, this is not right, the family should not suffer because the boss snaps at him, plans are on hold, a terrible deadline. But also try to understand your man. For whom does he try so hard and endure all this? For the sake of the family.
To have something to support her. If your husband comes home from work, don’t immediately start talking, don’t aggravate your already disturbed psychological state, let him be alone with himself, recover after a hard day at work. Having normalized his emotional state and calmed down, a man is unlikely to pay attention to the imperfections around him, be it dust that hasn’t been wiped off or dinner that hasn’t been warmed up.
Crisis of “need”2
As a rule, this condition occurs in men aged 30-40 years. When he should have settled down. Find your field of activity, be sure that what you do is useful and necessary. But it is at this age that a representative of the stronger sex begins to doubt whether this is really so.
And all because if this is still not the case, he still has the time and energy to change everything in his life. But how do you know if it is moving in the right direction? Against the background of this confusion, the psychological state is greatly aggravated. Sadness, apathy, increased irritability and, as a result, a tendency to conflict appear. A man needs to throw out his emotions somewhere, and, unfortunately, the first one who comes to hand is his woman.
Unreasonable nagging is an opportunity to lead to conflict in order to let off steam. In this case, in order to prevent such an outcome of events, the woman should initially support the man. Saying that what he does is useful and important. You need to try to find words so that your companion can believe in himself.
Acts arrogantly
Yes, this is very annoying, but by and large, what difference does it make to you how another person positions himself in society? Your task is to carry out your duties competently and effectively, so that there is no need to add fake significance.
IMPORTANT ! You need to react to a colleague’s attacks only if it interferes with your ability to concentrate on work.
A megalomaniac's best weapon is humor: you'll let him know that the world doesn't revolve around him. A couple of witty answers will make the upstart moderate his ardor and help put his colleague in his place.
Consumer attitude towards women3
This is the most difficult situation, because if a man initially treats a woman as a thing, it is already difficult to change. This is the type of male representatives who are used to “taking” without giving anything in return.
They are selfish and believe that everyone owes them. Without receiving from a woman what he expected, you can be sure that completely unfounded and illogical nagging, aggression, and insults will be thrown at her. Therefore, in this situation, the only advice is to avoid such men. They can no longer be changed, and your nerves are more valuable.
Don't be afraid to be sarcastic
How to put a star-studded colleague in his place? You need to let the person understand that you shouldn’t demonstrate your inflated self-esteem at work. Sarcasm will make it clear how you feel about her.
Does a person walk around with his head always raised and pretend that he is better than everyone else? You can quote the poem in front of him: “The lower a person’s soul, the higher he lifts his nose. He reaches with his nose to where his soul has not grown.” It's a shame? Yes. Hurt? May be. But such statements help a person come down to earth and understand who he really is. Self-motivated people who are always trying to be better than everyone else are not the most pleasant people. You don't have to teach them how to live, but you will have to put them in their place from time to time. Otherwise, the person may indulge his whims and begin to ruin the life of the entire team. Keeping the person within limits will help you and other colleagues maintain friendly relations.
Wrong attitude of a woman4
And finally, the main reason for male aggression is the wrong behavior of a woman. If a man has no problems with work, there is no midlife crisis, and he is not a “consumer,” then it is the woman’s attitude that will be the cause of his negative emotions.
Perhaps the woman is trying to crush the male ego with her behavior. And everything that threatens and does not allow the masculine nature to manifest itself will be rejected by the stronger sex on a subconscious level. Hence the aggression, and, by the way, very justified.
Also, one of the reasons for aggressive behavior on the part of a man is the increased obsession of a woman. Of course, excessive talkativeness is inherent in female nature, but everything needs to be done in moderation. Think, if you start telling a man all sorts of uninteresting stories from the lives of his girlfriends or about an unrealistically profitable sale of boots, he will calm down and become cheerful? Hardly.
Most likely, on the contrary, this will anger him even more, and as a result, aggression will turn into unconcealed anger, and then expect trouble. You can't just get away with nitpicking here. This could develop into a huge scandal, the result of which could be very disastrous.
Therefore, when asking the question why a man finds fault with little things, first analyze the situation. Perhaps a woman’s behavior is the main reason for aggression on the part of her partner. If you are sure that this is not the case, but the source of such an attitude is still not clear, choose a moment when the man is emotionally calm and discuss this topic with him.
Having found out the reason for this behavior, do not blame your companion, but think together about how you can resolve the current situation in order to avoid negative consequences for both parties.
Source: intrigue.dating
Find like-minded people
How to put a colleague in his place? You can't find a way to rein in a person who behaves disrespectfully towards the entire team? Find like-minded people. Other colleagues will be happy to support you. A collective uprising against one person will always be more effective than if you fought on your own. Remember, one in the field is not a warrior. Let the entire team take part in the re-education of the boor. Someone can make fun of him, someone can openly condemn him, and someone can bring him into a frank conversation.
Do you want quick results in re-educating the “black sheep”? Give the boorish employee an intervention. Let each of your colleagues express their opinion and provide him with their vision of the situation. Such psychological work will help a person reconsider his view of normal human relationships and think about how to change his character.
What does the behavior of a man who finds fault with a woman mean?
Why does he do this? What should a woman do with such a man?
Many women say that there are practically no real men left in the modern world. Of course, they exaggerate, since there are many men, both real and fake. However, there is some truth in their words.
It lies in the fact that more and more often representatives of the stronger sex forget about their role and begin to behave like capricious children or infantile ladies. A man finds fault with his woman over various trifles and demands a lot of attention.
You can see how in many families and couples men are always dissatisfied with their women. Often men directly humiliate their women by expressing their dissatisfaction with their appearance, manners or behavior.
When a man constantly picks on you
Even an ideal woman, an excellent housewife and an exemplary mother can become the object of nagging. It’s important to understand and remember: it’s not about you and your behavior.
A picky and selfish spouse is more reminiscent of an eternally dissatisfied girlfriend than a representative of the stronger sex. A real man's act is to support, love and provide a woman with what she lacks, and not to constantly find fault with her shortcomings and reproach her.
Anything can be a reason for nagging of a careless representative of the stronger sex: the appearance of his wife, her behavior with him and in public, the way she does household chores or raises children.
It is quite shocking when a man says that if a woman needs something, she must earn money herself: “So, earn money to buy an apartment!”, “Get money to buy yourself fashionable clothes,” etc.
Not only is your man nagging, dissatisfied and capricious, like a small child, but he is also hinting that you will decide all your family financial issues yourself (and, perhaps, even help him with money if he asks you to do so). ).
A real man does not take away, but, on the contrary, gives a woman what he should give and what she needs.
Protect your personal information
How to put a colleague in his place? Is the person putting you down or belittling your abilities? You yourself are to blame for your troubles. The more information you give people about yourself, the more likely they are to use your words against you. Do you want to live happily and avoid scandals with colleagues? Stop sharing not only personal, but even work information with them. You are doing a project, so don’t tell others what you are working on. Laugh it off and say that you are doing something secret. When you complete the project and successfully deliver it, your colleagues will no longer be able to interfere with your triumph.
Why do some people get picked on more than others? They humiliate mainly the weak and defenseless. If you are unable to change your character, try to create the appearance of a successful person. And hiding personal information will help you with this. The fewer rumors there are about you, the more interest you will arouse among others.
Why men find fault with women: the opinion of a psychologist
It is important to understand that if your significant other is constantly nagging, it is not about you, your behavior or actions. All of these are just reasons to express negativity and display passive-aggressive behavior. What are the reasons why men find fault with women? There may be several of them:
- an attempt to manipulate a partner using words: to persuade him to take the necessary actions, suppress self-esteem, dominate in a relationship;
- expression of dissatisfaction with the choice of a partner: the man does not love or has fallen out of love, but for some reason we cannot leave and negative emotions turn into nagging;
- low self-esteem of a man and an attempt to improve it by establishing himself through his passion;
- infantilism of the spouse: he tries to shift responsibility for his failures and for the family onto the shoulders of the woman. Like, of course everything is so bad with us because you are a bad mother, a bad woman, a bad wife (underline as appropriate);
All the reasons that a man constantly finds fault are quite unpleasant and do not bring anything positive for the woman in the couple.
Picky men, as a rule, consider their behavior to be the norm, and when in doubt, they seek support from their own kind: from similar friends or on Internet forums.
How to stop an insolent person?
- We respond to every boorish attack with a joke. This way, your nerves will be healthier, and your authority among your colleagues will be higher. The main thing is not to cross the line in your jokes. “Below the belt” and black humor are not an option. Don't stoop to your colleague's level.
- Turn on the recorder. As soon as the boor opens his mouth, we take the recorder out of our pocket (or turn it on on the phone) and with the words “Wait, wait, I’m recording,” press the record button. There is no need to scare the boor that you will take this audio collection to the boss, write down “For history!” - demonstratively and always with a smile.
- If a boor asserts himself in this way at your expense, deprive him of this opportunity. Does he pester you during your lunch break? Eat at another time. Does it interfere with your work process? Transfer to another department or work schedule. Isn't there such a possibility? Ignore the lunges and see point 1.
- “Do you want to talk about it?” Every time they try to piss you off, turn on your inner psychiatrist. And look at your opponent with the forgiving eyes of a psychiatrist. Specialists will never contradict their violent patients. They pat them on the head, smile affectionately and agree with everything the patients say. For the particularly violent ones - a straitjacket (your phone camera will help you, and the entire series of videos on YouTube).
- Growing personally. Take care of yourself - your work, hobbies, growth. With personal growth, all boors, informers and gossips remain somewhere beyond your flight. Like ants underfoot.
