Regardless of how you feel about your work and the people who work with you, you have probably had misunderstandings, conflicts, and unpleasant situations when you wanted to respond to your opponent in order to stop aggression on his part. Prolonged aggression, when colleagues literally test you with their attacks, has a particularly negative impact on your productivity and mental state. How to react if quitting is not an option for you? We have prepared basic rules for you that will help you turn the situation to your advantage without worsening your relationship with your employees.
Maintain composure and restraint
Sometimes it becomes extremely difficult to resist expressing everything to a person who is deliberately trying to provoke. However, psychologists say that as soon as you show weakness and act in this way, another stream of negativity will fall on you, which will be even more difficult to cope with.
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To prevent another wave of attacks, try to remain a cool and self-possessed person. This does not mean that you should facilitate such behavior of the aggressor; it is enough to make it clear to the offender that his provocations do not bother you. And if the attacks really hit home for you, then deal with your emotions and find out why you are reacting so violently.
You can call your colleague for a frank conversation and ask why you did not please him. Give him the opportunity to speak out; usually, after such a face-to-face conversation, the conflict is resolved and a truce occurs in the team.
Causes
A possible reason is an attempt to assert oneself at the expense of another person.
Before you think about how to respond to a boor, think about what motivates him, why he behaves this way. Let's look at the most common reasons for rude behavior.
- The desire to stand out from the gray mass, to attract attention to one’s personality. It doesn’t matter to him whether they will condemn or approve of his behavior, the main thing is that they will pay attention.
- A way of self-affirmation. By humiliating colleagues with rude words, a boor increases his self-esteem and feels like the strongest.
- Rude behavior is a way to throw out accumulated negativity, an attempt to relieve stress. If a person once allowed himself to behave like this, you need to treat it with understanding. If he regularly fails to cope with accumulated aggression, he poses a danger to the team.
- Heightened self-esteem. A person comes to the conclusion that rudeness is the norm of behavior, he does not care about the feelings of other people. He will easily walk over other people's heads and trample on the self-esteem of his colleagues.
- Natural rudeness. In fact, the employee is not able to remain silent once again; he says everything directly, without thinking about the consequences.
- Aggression. A person sees enemies around him and assumes that everyone is against him. He uses rude behavior to defend himself from people. This is self-defense from imaginary problems.
- Inability to correctly argue your opinion, defend your position.
- Fatigue, psychological reboot.
- Lack of love. Such a person grows up in such an environment, perhaps facing physical violence. So a person grows up with a negative attitude towards the whole world.
Don't react to provocations
If you encounter passive aggression, which is usually expressed by specific emotions, then try to ignore and not enter into conflict, do not support the game and do not give the person the opportunity to move from personal hostility to specific actions. Keep your communication to a minimum, then he will stop hurting and pestering you.
If you do not have the opportunity to avoid your colleague, be emphatically polite and as correct as possible with him. Rest assured, this will work better than a public showdown and mutual reproaches.
You can try to be proactive and, as soon as the first signs of dissatisfaction arise in your direction, tell your colleague that he takes everything to heart and should not pester you over trifles. This way you will avoid new attacks and make it clear that you are not going to remain silent when your personality is affected.
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Let me criticize you
The world is changing and it may seem that today we live and work in a world of hypersensitive people who are ready to be mortally offended by any reasonable remark - the document was executed inappropriately or the application deadlines were not met.
Not all corporate disputes can be a manifestation of rudeness, because rudeness does not equal criticism. When an employee is told in a complicated way that he is not a professional, is this rudeness? Sometimes it may not even be counted as a slight insult. Every person has the right to an opinion, but not everyone has a sufficient supply of psycho-emotional energy and patience to express it politely (“let me criticize you”). And sometimes they can tell you straight up: “You are unprofessional” and be 100% right. If the remark that you hear can be defined as criticism, which has a factual basis, then it cannot be prohibited; your interlocutor has the right to do so. You can only ask to criticize in a more polite manner. With rudeness everything is much simpler. Before storming the premises, special forces use a flash-noise grenade. The task of the grenade is to unbalance all the sensory systems of the enemy located there: he must go blind, deaf and lost in space. And rudeness in the corporate space is the same grenade that does not hurt, but disorients.
Respond to attacks with care and attention
One of the most effective ways to resist an aggressor is to remain deliberately polite and restrained. Psychologists assure that in this way you deprive a person of the pleasure of enjoying your reaction to his provocations, and accordingly, the interest in bullying you disappears.
Agree, there is no point in provoking those who do not react in any way to antics. You can be sure that your politeness and calmness will disarm an aggressive colleague, because he expects other actions from you and hopes for the opposite result.
You will once again demonstrate that you are able to think clearly and calmly, even in a stressful situation you remain calm.
Definition of insolent behavior
Insolence is an action or behavior that shows disrespect for a boss or co-worker and has the potential to be offensive. In work settings, insolence is most often viewed in the context of relationships between employee and supervisor rather than between coworkers.
For example:
- Significantly raising your voice to managers or colleagues.
- Refusal to comply with a reasonable request from a supervisor.
- Negative influence on the work of others.
- Sabotage of business relationships.
In addition, arrogance can be offensive behavior, boasting, challenging the status quo in a way that harms the organization.
It is worth understanding that impudence is not a professional disagreement or a personal conversation. This is a pattern of employee behavior that is most likely toxic and has a negative impact on the team.
Identify the offender's vulnerabilities
Usually people who behave aggressively have many complexes and fears that they try to hide. If you are lucky enough to identify the offender’s weak points, then you can periodically put pressure on them so that the person understands that you can stand up for yourself. Usually, a few such actions are enough for the aggressor to rid you of his attacks and retreat.
If you are faced with a vindictive person who, no matter what, does not stop his attacks, even after you have learned his vulnerabilities, try moving on to the next tip on our list.
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In the meantime, tell the office's chief gossip about your aggressor, asking him to keep everything a secret. Soon the office will be discussing a story embellished by a gossip and the aggressor will not feel so confident in the team.
Knowledge of psychology will help in your work
- Understand that your unkind colleagues do not deserve your righteous anger, but sincere sympathy. It is not because of a good life that a person starts the day with malicious and insulting comments.
- Try to answer differently: give a compliment, treat him to a cake, ask how your colleague is doing in his personal life . In a word, sometimes you need to make contact: offending someone with whom you discuss your favorite books every day over a cup of coffee during a break is much more difficult than simply offending a “faceless” employee.
- Pay close attention to your behavior when you are in society, as well as your appearance (especially if you have had to fight off bullies before - for example, at school).
- You probably “scream” with your entire appearance that you are a victim. You doubt yourself, have a timid and quiet voice, and do not know how to interact with people and be a leader. Your style is inexpressive and only emphasizes the negative aspects... If everything written is true, hurry to take action.
- Instill in those around you a simple idea: despite your calm and non-conflict character, you can protect yourself and do not intend to tolerate rude treatment . And do not think that a high position gives the offender any additional rights.
Use the same weapon
According to psychologists, the best way to put a person in his place is to answer him with his own weapon. Try to do the same as your abuser, paying attention to his demeanor, tone and conversation. At the same time, one should not stoop to rudeness, but only cunningly use his own methods against the aggressor. We can safely take a similar position or cross our arms, lean on the back of a chair or table while talking.
Very soon he will understand the meaning of your strategy and, having experienced such behavior, will change tactics or switch to someone more vulnerable.
Finally, it is worth noting the main recommendation of psychologists in this situation - always remain calm, confident in your words and actions. Remember that a conflicting person is one who, at this moment in life, really needs help and sympathy, but wants to hide it with all his strength and available means.
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Evaluative Phrases
Assess the situation.
- It would have been funny, but it wasn't.
- Your sense of humor is in its infancy.
- Amazing! You brilliantly answered all the questions that were NOT asked to you!
- One of the most common diseases is to make a diagnosis.
- Fabulous! This is the best nonsense I've ever heard.
- Apparently the stork dropped you on the way.
- You shouldn't look for deep meaning where it hasn't been hidden.
- How many interesting things you say! What a pity that I have little interest in this.
- You're the only one who can kill a pack of dogs.
- I see you've started to think! I won’t interfere, otherwise this happens less often than solar eclipses.
- Everything you said is, of course, good, but reality does not agree with you.
- You need to think less and think more!
- Thinking is not your thing! But stupidity is your best friend!
- You know, you're like a meme - funny at first, then annoying.
- There's nothing worse than a fool with a purpose!
- Just because you look terrible doesn't mean you have to behave the same way.
- What kind of day is this? There are only idiots and stupid people.
- You have such an important face now, as if you found oil in our toilet.
Personnel Responsibility
Everyone in the company must behave in accordance with the corporate culture and respect their colleagues. Three levels of responsibility can be distinguished, depending on the position:
- As an employee
Employees have a responsibility to maintain a professional work environment even in the face of disagreements with co-workers or managers. Aggression, use of obscene or offensive language, humiliation of others - all this can be considered insolent behavior. Employees who engage in these activities are subject to reprimand, termination and, in exceptional cases, legal action. Employees who feel unable or unwilling to change their behavior should consult with their Human Resources representative to discuss options.
- As colleagues
It's easy to turn a blind eye to abusive behavior around you in order to save yourself unnecessary stress. However, if left unaddressed, having a pushy employee can demoralize the team and impact productivity. This can also lead to a stressful or hostile work environment, and therefore employees have a responsibility to record incidents of insolence they witness and, if the situation does not improve, share this information with a manager, supervisor, or HR representative.
- As a leader
Managers have many responsibilities when it comes to insolent employees. The first step is to understand the behavior, counsel the employee about the unacceptable behavior, document the conversation, and outline options if the behavior continues. If the behavior persists, managers should work with Human Resources to take corrective action as outlined in company policy or, in extreme cases, terminate the offending employee.
Public humiliation
Don't know how to put a subordinate in his place? The worst thing you can do is publicly humiliate him. It would seem, what's wrong with this? The fact is that a boss is a role model for his subordinates. And when a person is not behaving at their best, people understand what behavior they need to develop to fit in with their boss. Always do educational work alone with the person. It’s not worth reprimanding a person for mistakes in front of everyone, even if you don’t like the person or if he’s very stubborn. A colleague remembers public humiliation for the rest of his life and then intentionally, and sometimes even unconsciously, wants to take revenge on his offender.
How then can you put a person in his place? Threaten him with dismissal. After a rude or ugly behavior, take your subordinate aside and tell him that one more such mistake and you will fire him under the article. Do you think it's rude to threaten? Some people are so arrogant that until a bucket of cold water is poured on their heads, they will not be able to return to reality, but will exist in their fictional world.
Why does a colleague behave inappropriately?
It is difficult to predict in advance how relationships with colleagues will develop. Even if this is an established, friendly team, a sarcastic or rude person may appear in it. Moreover, sometimes the behavior of well-known colleagues changes not for the better.
In the case of employment in a new organization, a newcomer is most often waiting for a pig in a poke.
Reasons for inappropriate behavior:
- complex character traits of a co-worker - inability to control oneself, irritability, arrogance, etc.;
- a colleague has a difficult life situation, which he admits or not. Constant thoughts about pressing problems lead to the fact that a person becomes uninterested in those around him or he lashes out at them;
- Delayed career growth is always perceived as painful. If other colleagues are promoted, but this person is passed over, this cannot but affect his behavior;
- disorders in human physical health. These may be diseases in which he experiences severe pain and cannot restrain himself;
- in some cases, mental illnesses lead to the fact that a familiar person ceases to control himself, his attacks are most often unconscious;
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- Sometimes the reason for rudeness is the opponent’s behavior, which is far from ideal. Before being rude in response, you should think about whether there were any provocations on your part.
