In all romantic films, special attention is paid to eye contact between a man and a woman. It is very important for directors and screenwriters to convey the moment of attraction of strangers to each other, and in such a way that it is as effective as possible.
Usually such situations look like this: two main characters look at each other for a while, then one of them winks seductively at the other and in the next frame we already see them in bed.
- M+F How to make your bedroom more suitable for lovemaking? 7 important tips to get in the right mood.
In real life, everything happens a little differently, so counting on such a rapid development of events is, to put it mildly, presumptuous. Firstly, it’s worth remembering that not all girls enjoy being stared at. Especially if this happens late in the evening in a deserted place. Secondly, their plans may not include meeting an unknown dude who suddenly fell for them.
These and many other factors must be taken into account before deciding to make eye contact with a girl in order to get acquainted and not seem creepy. Now we will talk about the main rules of this process.
Does eye contact always mean mutual attraction?
Eye contact is an important part of nonverbal interaction between people. The ability to correctly recognize and respond to it is a very useful skill that directly affects the outcome of an acquaintance.
However, a girl's gaze in your direction does not necessarily indicate that she wants to make love to you. More often than not, eye contact may simply indicate that the person has decided to look around and nothing more.
Some views even contain a negative assessment of what is happening, for example, disgust or disapproval of your smoking in a public place (this may be the case). Therefore, you should not rush to conclusions and rush into battle.
Special attention: what you should pay attention to2
For many guys, girls' behavior really makes them nervous and perplexes them. Sometimes even a conversation on abstract topics with a representative of the fair sex turns into some kind of unintelligible puzzle: a man looks into her face, and she... I just want to ask, “Why are we averting our eyes?”
And in such a situation it is worth paying attention to certain nuances. For example, whether the girl averts her eyes from all interlocutors or only from one, whether her behavior depends on the topic of conversation (perhaps she is embarrassed by personal topics or, conversely, work), and also on what emotions can make her all- finally abandon your policy of prevarication and look into the eyes.
In addition, it often happens that a girl does not make eye contact only when talking with guys, but speaks completely normally with girls. Also, a lot depends on her character - for example, if a representative of the fairer sex is rather reserved, then such a gesture is explained by the peculiarities of her character.
So, if a girl does not look her interlocutors in the eyes at all, this may indicate that she is complex, withdrawn, and has a generally complex character. Often she can focus her gaze on one part of the face - lips, bridge of the nose, etc. This cannot even be strictly called looking away, since the interlocutor simply never looks into the eyes at all.
It often happens that it is enough to give a modest girl time - she gets used to the interlocutor, begins to feel more relaxed and then allows herself to look into his eyes.
What is the girl afraid of?
Did your relationship start recently?
Then it's no surprise that your partner avoids direct gazes. Girls are often embarrassed by their new boyfriends and intimacy with them. Therefore, any hint of this very closeness gives an inexplicable result. Remember that prolonged eye contact in romantic movie scenes usually ends with a kiss. Your girlfriend may be afraid of this outcome, especially if she is an introvert and you have not kissed yet. It would be a mistake to correct such a situation with direct conversations. Extra words can take away the charm and romance from the beginning of a relationship. Nevertheless, try through your actions to achieve trust, which will help the girl open up.
Passivity
If a man himself does not make the first step, then he may never know how girls feel about him. In our society it is still accepted that the first step must come from the guy. Many people still don’t have a partner because they are afraid to approach and meet.
To get female attention, you need to look away from the gadget screen and try to start a conversation yourself. If you are an interesting conversationalist (see point 3), and the girl is free, then it is unlikely that she will refuse to at least just chat.
You shouldn’t pester a stranger walking down the street, but if you’re passing the time in line at the dentist or walked up to the coffee machine in the office and met your colleague, then a couple of phrases on your part could well be the beginning of an interesting acquaintance.
Overconfidence
As a rule, this quality appears in those who were popular at school due to their appearance, in children of wealthy parents, and in graduates of various pickup schools. Girls feel this and often prefer not to get involved in advance. Such men have the feeling that they are owed everything.
If you approach girls on the street every day with the clear conviction that with one offer they will provide you with a phone number, then it is no wonder that the answer will be a refusal.
There is a big difference between confidence and overconfidence. And if a confident person evokes admiration, then a self-confident person is more likely to be pitied.
Turn on the alarm
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Already in the fifth grade, I could accurately determine which classmate liked me and which classmate I liked. And by the last year of the institute I realized that without words I could understand whether the girl I met was in the mood for acquaintance and romance.
DISTORTED ANGLE
Once a colleague called me a heartthrob, a Don Juan and a ladies' man. “And this is all about me?” — I was sincerely surprised. “At parties,” she said, “you easily meet the most beautiful girls, and not one in my memory turned you away.” Her words flattered me, although they did not correspond to reality. I'm not a heartthrob. And I don’t meet the most beautiful girls, but those who want to meet. That's why I almost never get rejected.
You may have noticed that obvious beauties are much more likely to be alone than “just pretty girls.” Because real beauties are unapproachable. Or they want to appear as such - and therefore they very carefully monitor their gestures and facial expressions. And the rest give free rein to their instincts. Their body constantly sends sexual signals. Of course, hidden. You yourself may not be aware that you are sending them. But the man sees them and comes to you. But he doesn’t go to a beauty who has “everything under control.” That’s why it is believed that beauty and sex appeal are two big differences. And “don’t be born beautiful” is also why. Men prefer happy people.
The oldest female sex signal is an upright posture. As soon as a noteworthy representative of the stronger sex comes into the girl’s field of vision, she immediately straightens her back. This causes the stomach to retract, and the chest, on the contrary, to protrude, which in itself is very erotic.
The next primitive gesture is throwing your hair behind your back. It's like you're exposing your neck for a kiss. And if your hair is short and there is nothing to put back, you will play with the chain or beads on your neck, fidget with the earrings in your ears... By playing with jewelry and stroking yourself, you give yourself pleasant tactile sensations. You want a man to do the same. And the man’s instinct kicks in: he needs to come up and ask for the phone number.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT:
In fact, women are much more sensitive to “subconscious signals” than men.
And if you are not averse to meeting a young man, it means that you have already noticed that he himself is showing interest in you. COMING TO CONSCIOUSNESS
Now let's talk about conscious gestures. And don’t try to convince me that while talking to me, without any hidden intent, you undid the top button on your blouse, that your shoe inadvertently slipped off your heel and began to swing on your toes. I will never believe this! From your manipulations with clothes, I can only draw one conclusion: you want to undress in my presence. Any psychologist will tell you that when face to face with a man who is unpleasant, a woman tries to fasten all the buttons tightly, pull the collar of her jacket up to her ears, and certainly will not play with her shoes.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT: Conscious provocations do not always give the expected effect. This is especially true for openness in clothing. Successful men are already tired of the seductive behavioral cliches of girls, and a slight mysterious closeness can be a good contrast. An outfit (or gesture) that is too revealing can be just as off-putting as one that is too covered.
PERSONAL MIRROR
I rest my elbow on the table. You do the same. I interlock my fingers and rest my chin on them. You repeat. I light a cigarette. And you reach for the pack. Well... Your signal has been received - you like me. I mean, it doesn’t mean that I’m gloatingly thinking, “Yeah, gotcha!” Nothing like this. Mirroring is most often perceived by a man on a subconscious level, and gives him a feeling of comfort. “We act the same” stands for “we are right for each other.”
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT: Mirroring is the first step in adjusting to a man. But then you should subjugate your interlocutor - so that he subconsciously wants to mirror you. If you succeed, then you have achieved success.
COMFORT ZONE
In psychology there is such a concept - “comfort zone”. It denotes our personal space, into which we do not want to allow strangers. For the average European and American, the radius of the zone is 60 cm. Anyone will feel uncomfortable when someone alien and unpleasant tries to “cross the border.” The natural reaction is to recoil, retreat, keep distance…. Unless, of course, you find the “invader” sexually attractive. Any man knows: if a woman has invaded his personal space, in other words, moved closer to him than expected, she likes him. She wants him. Her step towards him is a very clear sexual signal.
To penetrate his personal space, by the way, it is not necessary to move your whole body closer. You can reach out and brush a speck off his shoulder. And don’t chalk it all up to “it happened by accident.” No girl will willingly touch a stranger. Well, there’s a speck on his jacket, let him brush it off himself.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT: And sometimes girls invade a man's comfort zone, pouring a cocktail on him, dropping ice cream and other food. It's risky, but the effect can be strong - a girl who ruins your suit is remembered for a long time.
EYES TO EYES
Only the stupidest representatives of the stronger sex do not understand why a girl looks away, not wanting to meet a man. “She doesn’t like me so much that she even hates to look at me,” decides some oaf of men. A normal macho man understands: if a girl looks away, it means she is shy. And if she is shy about him, it means she likes him.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT:
There is a classic algorithm of eye movements that our grandmothers used: to the corner - to the nose - to the object.
Sometimes this technique helps a girl pretend to be interested, even if she really isn’t... ANOTHER WOMAN
You meet me on the street, in the office, at a party... Here I am - in all my glory and in full height. You glance at me. I don’t notice any interest in myself in him. The signal has been received: you are head over heels in love with someone else... At least I will be consoled by this.
A woman in love (read: happy) is a magnet for men. Her gait is graceful, her gestures are smooth, her eyebrows are not drawn together in a spasm of bitchiness to the bridge of her nose. She is confident in her attractiveness, so she flirts easily and with pleasure. Science explains the attractiveness of a woman in love through the action of phenylethylamine, a substance that accelerates the process of transmitting impulses. In lovers, this substance is produced above the norm. And deprives them of peace. It is difficult for a lover to sit still, he constantly moves, smiles, strokes himself... And for a woman it turns out to be especially erotic. She, without knowing it, constantly sends sexual signals to others.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT:
It is known that pretending to be in love is a great way to make someone fall in love with you.
STOP LIGHTS
I caught your calling signals and moved in your direction... But then you start sending stop signals. Perhaps you don't think of them as such. But I will definitely slow down and change course if...
... In response to my “Do you smoke?” you immediately break into a wide smile, say your name, extend your hand first... I will decide that you suffer from lack of attention and are ready to throw yourself on the neck of the first person you meet.
...You are too independent. For example, if you drop your fork and dive under the table for it, I will immediately understand that you are not being spoiled with male attention. Which means something is wrong with you...
... You are trying to assert yourself at the expense of your friend: “Darling, you crumbled the bun all over the table. This is not appropriate". Or: “Honey, your mascara is running, touch up your makeup.” Fine. You convinced me that your girlfriend is not an option. Maybe I won't ask her for her phone number. But I’m unlikely to decide to continue acquaintance with you, because you’re an insecure girl, otherwise you wouldn’t humiliate your friend.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S COMMENT: Indeed, kindness is a sign of strength... But still, a figure needs a background, so comparison with a friend can favorably emphasize your advantages. The main thing is to avoid rudeness.
We thank Alexander Kichaev, psychologist, author of the book “How to Become a VIP Wife,” for your help.
Narrow outlook
A man can be very smart and educated, but understand literally two or three areas. Such a person cannot maintain a conversation on abstract topics, and after an unsuccessful attempt at a date, he will probably be called either a bore or a closed type.
To broaden your horizons, you can:
- Watch films of different genres and on different topics. The website kinopoisk.ru can help in this regard. Even if you don't like movies, you will probably find something worthwhile there. Try to watch at least 1 popular movie once a week. If you don't like movies, give preference to Oscar nominees. These films are well made and raise important issues.
- Read more books. A man who reads is akin to a strange creature, which already attracts women. There is no topic in the world that is not touched upon in books. Read encyclopedias and fiction. If you didn’t read something from the program at school, now is the time to do it - values change with age, and what seemed boring in childhood may now be very enjoyable.
- Travel more and learn about the city in which you live. If you can't afford to fly abroad every weekend, then start in and around your hometown. Every region of Russia has a lot of interesting places with a rich history. And in many cities they open new exhibition halls, bring interesting entertainment and hold various festivals.
- Be around people more. Go to trainings, sign up for courses, attend concerts, go to bars with friends... Firstly, this is time spent usefully and away from the computer, and secondly, it is an opportunity to meet new people and make acquaintances, including among girls.
But with all this, there is one important rule : do not pretend to be another person. If you don’t like science fiction at all, then you shouldn’t overpower yourself and watch the film through “I can’t.” Just try new things a little at a time and don’t give up on any ideas in advance.
Even a negative experience enriches you and over time can become a great story to share with a new friend.
