How to behave with people, how to communicate correctly?

June 17, 2019
Psychology of communication
Fedorova Victoria

Some people have difficulty communicating. This doesn't apply to everyone. Some people can speak freely in front of a large audience, exchange jokes at a party, and instantly make new friends. Others find it quite difficult to carry on even a normal conversation. Many people are interested in how to behave with people. Thanks to simple exercises, you can learn to communicate and achieve positive results.

What are the difficulties in communication?

Difficulties in finding a common language in the process of communication occur in people for various reasons. Psychologists group them into four categories:

Inexplicable fear of speaking or communicating with loved ones.
Misunderstanding.
Disgust.
Lack of interest.

People ask how to start communicating with people. Misunderstanding is considered one of the biggest problems encountered in communication. In this case, the person is not able to start a normal conversation. He loses his logical chain of thoughts, which prevents him from having a constructive conversation. To continue communication, a person is required to make every effort. If the interlocutor has no desire to continue the conversation, then it is easier to interrupt it.

How should a person behave? There are well-known communication models. The conversation with the boss follows one pattern, with loved ones - according to another, with subordinates - differently. Sometimes these communication patterns get confused. As a result, relationships with both the manager and loved ones may deteriorate.

The next category includes fear of communication. In this case, it is due to a personal phobia. The cause of fear of communication is most often negative experience in the past or the lack thereof. A person is afraid of how his opponent will react to his speech.

Another reason is an aversion to communication. A person is able to find common topics with other people without experiencing any fear. Sometimes communication is blocked at the initial stage.

Sometimes there is disgust from a person's appearance. After all, many of us are greeted by our clothes. A person’s external image is repulsive, especially to those who do not take care of themselves. Bad breath, dirty hair - this is a description of the interlocutor with whom no one wants to communicate. People with a bad social reputation are also disgusted. They are characterized by harsh statements and rudeness.

And it’s not always easier to communicate with ordinary people. This largely depends on the individual characteristics of the person.

And the last category is lack of interest. Everything here should be in moderation. There should be enough interest to keep the conversation going, but not too much. It's off-putting. If there is insufficient interest, the conversation between the two parties is boring and insipid. Interest is one of the main reasons for communication. If it is absent, then the dialogue turns out boring. If it is not there, then the other criteria are unimportant.

Clothes etiquette for girls

As the saying goes: “You’re greeted by your clothes, you’re seen off by your mind.” This stereotype has become a part of our lives and has not lost its relevance at all times. A girl’s correctly selected wardrobe indicates her level of education.

Important: Clothing should always be appropriate to the atmosphere of the event and its setting. A well-mannered girl will never allow herself to appear at a social event with bright makeup and a short leather skirt.

Clothes should be beautiful. This rule applies not only to the wardrobe, which is intended for going out into society, but also for home
A properly brought up girl will not allow herself to be in the house in an unkempt robe or nightgown, even an expensive one.
Home clothes should be comfortable, simple, neat and beautiful. You should always look beautiful and well-groomed so that you can receive a sudden guest or go out at any time

Another rule is to cultivate a sense of tact and taste. Those girls who wear a lot of jewelry look defiant. There is one unwritten rule - wear no more than 13 jewelry. These include bracelets, earrings, chains, bright inserts, buttons, belts, etc.

An elegant woman is a good posture, which means a straight back, gently lowered shoulders, a tucked in stomach, straight legs at the knees, a raised chin and slightly bent elbows.

What is the most important thing in communication?

When psychologists are asked how to learn to communicate with people, they advise understanding the following. The main thing is to talk less and listen more. This is nothing new. After all, the ancients said: conversation is silver, but silence is golden.

To make communication interesting, it is important to draw information from it. An interesting conversation occurs when a new topic emerges from what the other person answered. The result is productive communication.

It is important for the interlocutor to not be withdrawn, but also not intrusive. It would be more correct in this situation to talk no longer than the interlocutor wants. Any communication either brings people closer together or creates distance between people. The line fluctuates during the conversation. And it is important not to shorten the distance when the interlocutor does not want it. This manifests itself in the following. The interlocutor should want to talk more with his opponent than he does with himself. This is the correct position. However, if two masters of communication meet, then they do not have such a gap.

This should be taken into account when talking to make it interesting and lasting.

Etiquette rules for girls in society

Not only the girl, but also everyone around her must follow the rules of behavior in society. It is known that society influences a person’s character. Therefore, if you decide to learn good manners, then you cannot part with them in any society, regardless of its level.

A decent girl will not allow herself to “fall face down in honest company,” but, on the contrary, will conquer those around her with her manners, appearance and upbringing.

Never respond to the greeting “good afternoon” with a short word - “kind” Behave with restraint, politely and kindly
When leaving the room, try to hold the door for the person following you
If the rules of etiquette in society allow a girl to wear a hat and gloves indoors, then you must take off your winter mittens and hat
The rules of etiquette prohibit everyone, without exception, from swearing, speaking loudly, discussing, laughing and gossiping

How to communicate with people correctly

In life, communication is an important component. In a family it is necessary to maintain warm and friendly relationships, in a team - for career growth. If you use these tips in your daily life, you can achieve success.

How to communicate more with people? Psychologists advise developing the skill as follows:

When speaking, the interlocutor must be addressed by name. This is more important for the individual than any compliments.
When communicating, you need to ask leading questions. In this case, the interlocutor should not be interrogated. It is best to ask in such a way that he can limit himself to monosyllabic answers: “yes” or “no.”
A slight provocation at the time of communication will not hurt. If you need to ask a certain question, then you can do it without worrying too much. The conversation should not touch on the following topics: politics, health, bad news, career growth, other people's mistakes. This helps improve the communication process.
It is best to talk to your interlocutor at his own pace and with similar intonations. One should not use artistic manners with a leader, and one should not behave with one’s beloved wife as if one were subordinates.
It is important to speak clearly, firmly and understandably. Popular science magazines and books can help here. In this case, special literature will not hurt.
It is necessary to carefully work with written speech. Psychologists are sure that there is a relationship between the ability to communicate orally and in writing. You can put this into practice. When communicating on social networks, you should not limit yourself only to emoticons. This is not the best way to learn to communicate.
When speaking, you can use facial expressions and gestures. However, measures are needed here too. You shouldn’t talk about your interesting journey with a straight face. But waving your arms too much is also not recommended.
It is best to maintain a conversation if you manage to get to the bottom of it during the process.

Psychologists say that self-confidence helps people communicate. You need to love yourself as you are.

People need to be trusted and open. You can do this until they show their worst side. For example, your housemate may not be quiet, but he is an excellent fitness expert. By communicating with him, you can get important advice on an issue of interest from his profession.

Restaurant etiquette rules for girls

Sooner or later, a moment comes in a girl’s life when she will be invited to dinner at a restaurant. The rules of restaurant etiquette begin right at the door of the establishment. The first person to enter a restaurant is always a man who approaches the metro-giver and inquires about the availability of seats. He must move the chair for the girl and help her sit down.

At a restaurant table you need to sit with a flat wall, not lean your elbows or cross your legs. Never wear makeup during lunch or talk on the phone unless you have an important call. Ordering is a man's lot. A lady can only express her wishes and consult with a man
In addition to the fact that a properly brought up girl knows what style of clothing to choose and how to apply makeup correctly, in a restaurant you will also be required to know how to properly arrange your handbag and umbrella
What do the rules of etiquette say in this case? If you have a clutch, you can put it on the table or on a nearby empty chair. The same applies to small handbags. But with larger accessories you need to behave correctly - put them on public display, at least not tactfully. If possible, hang your bag over the back of a chair. Otherwise, you can put it under the table so that it does not interfere with you
When entering a room, immediately close your umbrella, even if it is wet. You cannot leave an open umbrella at the entrance with the intention that it will dry out better this way. In each restaurant, special accessories are provided for this case that allow you to leave umbrellas in them - take advantage of this

Don't be afraid to communicate

How should a person behave when communicating? There is a lot of advice on this matter. The main reason for fear of communication is fear. It is based on ignorance of what to expect from a conversation. This happens even before the dialogue begins. If a person is not confident in himself, then he presents everything in a negative way. As a result, constant fear forces you to avoid all communication with people.

Experience is also important for dialogue. If it is missing, then speaking skills are missing. The result is a vicious circle. To break it, you need to acquire communication skills. To do this, a person will have to leave his comfort zone and face his fears.

Psychologists suggest using several techniques to overcome fear:

Exercise 1: questions. A man gets on the bus and asks the conductor where he is going. You should also ask whether his route intersects with a specific street. There should be no fear in this situation. This is a standard question to which a person can receive a comprehensive answer. There are also no risks.
Exercise 2: calling the company. You need to take out the telephone directory and call a company. Find out the opening hours and product prices there. If you can’t cope with the dialogue, then you can hang up and say that you have the wrong number. By doing this every day, you can gain skill in this type of communication.
Exercise 3: In-store training. To do this, you need to call the seller and ask him to tell you about all the intricacies of the selected device. This could be a telephone, a microwave, etc. In addition to communication skills, one gets rid of fear when talking with strangers.
Exercise 4: Polls. To consolidate all the acquired skills, it is necessary to conduct a survey. Initially, they formulate a question that a person wants to ask the people around him. The first time it’s quite difficult, because people don’t like interference in their personal lives. But you shouldn't be afraid to ask. There's no shame in this.

Experts are asked how to behave with people. With the help of communication skills, anyone can discover important perspectives and opportunities, both personally and professionally.

Adult girl etiquette

A cultured person is, first of all, polite and tactful. To cultivate such qualities in yourself, you need to learn to clearly monitor your emotions and thoughts, that is, control yourself. For example, you are walking in the park, and suddenly someone rushes by at full speed and accidentally pushes you to the side. Naturally, the first thought that comes to your mind on a subconscious level is strong indignation. And it is precisely at this moment that you must control that your emotions do not turn into action, and that rude words do not “fly” out of your mouth in pursuit of the person who pushed you.

Important: You must learn to calmly and slowly perceive everything that happens around you. This will prevent you from committing rash acts.

Now think about what behavior might irritate people. This list is likely to be quite impressive, so you can list them on a piece of paper. Arrogance, loud laughter, swearing, smell of alcohol, etc. Work to ensure that there are no such moments in your behavior.

Watch how cultured people behave in society, on the street, in public transport. Try to instill such character traits in yourself. Behave modestly, do not argue in situations where this issue does not concern you. Do not show that you are smarter, more beautiful and more modern than your interlocutor. Remember that politeness and modesty have always adorned a person.

Development of communication skills

Becoming a master in the ability to communicate with people will not happen in a day, or even in a month. But by mastering special exercises, you can increase your level of communication:

Listen. If there is a fear of communication, then you need to learn to listen. There is a golden rule. You need to listen twice as much as you speak. And here there are some nuances. They listen not only with their ears, but with their whole body. This involves eyes, facial expressions and gestures. If there is a misunderstanding, the interlocutor is stopped and asked to clarify what he meant.
Nonverbal conversation. In psychology there is a term - whole people. They gesture in time to their own words. At the same time, more attention is paid to body language than to the speech itself. The problem is being solved gradually. Initially, pay attention to the movement of the arms, then the legs, then to the facial expressions. When the problem is resolved, the person will receive its solution. As a result, he will acquire a tandem of body language and verbal communication.
Statement of a question. This is important during a conversation. If the interlocutor talks about something and there are some incomprehensible moments, then they ask him again.

Mindfulness is the basis for any skill. Thanks to its development, a person ceases to control himself and is completely immersed in communication. He stops criticizing his interlocutor and begins to understand his feelings. Thanks to these exercises, you can learn how to have a casual conversation.

Etiquette rules for a girl on a date

If a properly brought up girl with good manners does not allow herself to be late for a visit, work or a business meeting, then with a date the situation is a little different. But this is kind of an exception to the rule
However, why do etiquette rules recommend that a girl be a little late for a meeting with a guy? It is believed that this is a kind of prevention for men
While he is waiting to meet the girl he likes, he has the opportunity to weigh everything again, to be alone with his thoughts and intentions
But you can only be slightly late for a date. If a guy waits too long for you, it may interpret this as disdain for him.

If this is your first date, and naturally the guy will shower you with a lot of compliments, then you shouldn’t tell him about the efforts you make to look like this, where and how much you bought this outfit or mobile phone, etc. Remember speech etiquette for a girl and its basic rules.

Never call a guy yourself after the first date - he should show interest in you himself.

How to start a conversation with strangers

Psychologists are often asked whether it is worth communicating with strangers. After all, most often a dialogue with them can develop into deep interaction. People find it strange that you can just talk to a stranger. There are a number of tips on how to do this simply and effortlessly:

Interest in other people. Every person is a unique personality. You need to understand that the interlocutor is more interested in communicating not with those who are smarter than him, but with those who listen to him and understand him. It is important to pay attention.
Smile. People who smile look much more attractive. By communicating with such people, you can get a good mood and positive emotions.
Given name. If you call a person by name, you can give him a compliment. This emphasizes people's individuality. Many of them get annoyed when their name is distorted or changed.
Listening skills. This is also important when communicating with strangers. After all, few people know how to listen to their interlocutor. Many people wait for a pause to express their own opinion and do not delve into the information that the person wanted to convey.

It is important to gain communication skills with strangers because it helps develop dialogue in other areas.

Video: Features of speech etiquette

Suppose you are invited to visit. There is no need to follow those rules that say “guests are always late.” It's not cultural. Moreover, such behavior is nothing more than disrespect for the owners of the house
By the way, a cultured girl will not allow herself to be late for a business meeting, the theater, cinema, or even a meeting with her friend or work colleague
When entering the house, be sure to greet all guests first. You should not check the rooms for cleanliness and run your eyes from one piece of furniture to another. Girls with good manners cannot afford such behavior
While visiting, try not to talk on the phone. If someone calls you at this time, politely ask the guests to apologize and step aside. Explain to your interlocutor that you are currently visiting and as soon as you are free, you will certainly call him back

Don’t look at your watch often – this can show your hosts that you are not interested in their place and are in a hurry to leave.

If the interlocutor is rude and harsh

When communicating with such people, an unpleasant aftertaste remains. Before starting a conversation, you need to assess the situation. Many of them complain that people don’t want to communicate with me.

Not responding to comments is the easiest way out of this situation. Usually the goal of rude people is to offend or offend their interlocutor. He must be deprived of this pleasure. You can change the topic or talk to another person.

Some tips for dealing with rude people:

An impolite interlocutor is capable of imposing his point of view in an offensive manner. One should not succumb to provocations, and dialogue should be returned to constructiveness.
If necessary, you can resort to sarcasm. This way you can let your interlocutor know about your speaking skills. You need to explain to your interlocutor that he is wrong and close the unpleasant topic.
There is a category of people who constantly make sarcastic remarks when communicating. In this situation, sarcasm is a type of manipulation. We need to determine his motive. Perhaps in this way a person attracts attention to himself.

Behaving confidently in any situation is an important task for everyone. If the interlocutor is invulnerable, then it is difficult for a rude person to provoke him.

How can a girl learn good manners? Rules of social life for a girl

In conclusion, let's list 20 rules of female etiquette.

Be always neat and tidy 2. Do not wear more than 13 jewelry, including bright buttons 3. Do not talk about money, health, politics and religion at the table 4. Do not go on a visit without calling 5. Do not dry your umbrella open in the office, at a party or in a restaurant 6. Do not use plastic bags from the supermarket as a bag 7. Do not place the bag on your lap or on your chair 8. A handbag is for ladies, not for men 9. Do not wear a hat and mittens indoors 10. B a man always enters the elevator first, and the one who stands closest to the door exits 11. Do not discuss people who are not present in the company 12. Address people over 12 years old as “you” 13. Before opening the door of the room, be sure to knock 14. Do not put your mobile phone on the table in a public place 15. Do not write an SMS message while talking with a real interlocutor 16. In a concert hall or cinema, walk facing those sitting 17. You cannot laugh loudly and announce publicly that you are on a diet 18. Observe speech etiquette 19. In a restaurant, whoever says the phrase “I invite you” counts in a restaurant 20. Be punctual and open to conversation

If the interlocutor is unpleasant

The world is not ideal, and not all people are kind and sympathetic. There are individuals who carry negativity in communication. You need to learn how to talk with this category of people. Psychologists have certain tips.

What helps people communicate? This includes the following:

You need to start with yourself.
You should be neutral.
Look for the good in an unpleasant person.
Distance yourself from an unpleasant person.
Openness and directness.

If you apply the above tips, life will seem much easier.

Girl has bad manners

First of all, let's look at what manners of behavior will never make a girl a real lady. So, bad manners.

Increased curiosity in communication
Gossip with friends
Humiliation of the interlocutor's personality
Snitching in a team
meanness
Vulgarity and rudeness
Complacency

This is just a short list of those manners that you need to literally “erase” from your character. And this process must begin immediately.

Communication with the opposite sex

Sometimes a person screws himself up out of the blue, although many troubles and insults could have been avoided. Instead of enjoying communication with the people around you, various reasons are invented, and then resentment arises at the fiction.

When meeting the opposite sex, there is a basic rule - you can start a conversation about your hobbies.

In this situation, they don’t even always rely on a beautiful outfit or appearance. An attractive image creates an initial impression, but the inner world, hobbies, etc. are much more important. You shouldn't rely only on appearance.

At first, you may feel constrained when communicating with the opposite sex. This is fine. It’s just that many people do not have a clear algorithm for how to behave with strangers. An insecure person is afraid to take the first step forward, which is why representatives of both sexes develop complexes.

The purpose of dating for women is not marriage, and for men it is not sexual desires. You need to be prudent and not rush things. Perhaps both people have something in common. Prohibited topics include: former relationships, work, material wealth. You should just get to know each other.

Rules of business etiquette at work

A set of laws called etiquette exists not only in social life, but also in the business environment. This is a kind of passport to the world of business people and a standard of communication. It is customary to judge a person by his deeds, behavior and ability to build the right relationships in the business sphere.

Therefore, compliance with the rules of business etiquette at work plays a significant role. We can talk endlessly about this, but we will try to briefly describe to you the most important rules of etiquette:

1. Time is money. This means punctuality, respect for the interlocutor and his time. No person will enter into relationships with those who do not know how to plan their work day, sort out urgent and important matters and do not keep control over the course of all events

2. Competent speech and business writing style. Business speech should be structured and without lyrical digressions. It is unacceptable to use introductory words, filler words, repetitions and parodies in your speech - this is taboo. The same rule applies to business writing style.

3. Dress code. Neat hairstyle, business attire and properly selected jewelry

4. Order on your desktop means order in your head

5. Workplace for work. It is not permissible to waste working time on gossip, empty conversations and chatting on the phone

6. Be able to listen and hear. Business etiquette involves hearing your opponent, and not just listening to him

7. A healthy atmosphere within the team, the basis of which is respectful and equal relationships between colleagues, goodwill and timely assistance if necessary

8. Maintain telephone etiquette. Telephone conversations in modern society are capable of establishing relationships between competitors and conducting negotiations correctly and in a timely manner. Telephone communication during business hours is permitted only for business purposes. Personal telephone calls are only permitted if absolutely necessary.

Telephone etiquette

Telephone etiquette not at work, but in everyday life is quite simple:

See the rules of speech etiquette above and follow them even on the phone

IMPORTANT: Your emotions are transmitted over the phone, despite the lack of visual contact

If you are interested in communicating, then smile and be cheerful. Your interlocutor will definitely feel it

Telephone etiquette

Don't eat while talking. No matter how hard you try to eat quietly, your interlocutor will catch you doing it. And this is already bad form
Don't talk while lying down. The interlocutor will also notice the strange timbre of your voice and consider it as indifference

IMPORTANT: Of course, you can be more free in communication with your loved ones

Set priorities

If you chase everything at once, you are unlikely to achieve anything worthwhile. And when a person knows his goals, his life becomes more predictable and conscious.

For example, Kostya realized that it was important for him to learn a new profession in order to get a higher-paying job and move to Moscow. Therefore, instead of hanging out with friends on weekends, Kostya studied programming languages. When an acquaintance boasted about his new iPhone, Kostya was not sad. He understood that he did not have such a goal, but to achieve his he was doing everything possible.

To determine your priorities, you can ask yourself the question: “If I live and behave the same way as I do now for 10 years, where will I end up? Will I be proud of myself? Will I be satisfied with my life? If the answer is “no,” you need to dig deeper and figure out what’s going wrong now. For example, a person may realize that if he continues to eat fast food and lead a sedentary lifestyle, then in ten years there is a risk of ending up in rehabilitation after a stroke. Therefore, it is worth prioritizing health: adding physical activity and changing eating habits.

Sometimes it’s easier to decide on priorities if you think about what a person definitely doesn’t want. For example, Christina knows for sure that she does not want to return to her hometown. To do this, she needs to be responsible for working in a new place and save money in case something goes wrong. This is how Christina determined her priorities: to develop in a professional environment, manage a budget and create a safety net.

How to behave at the table

The main rule of table manners is to not chew with your mouth open. Talking is also undesirable, especially when chewing food. Before you put some of the common dish on your plate, you must first offer it to the rest of those present. You should not serve your own plate first, but give the opportunity to guests or older family members to do so. When setting the table, common cutlery is placed next to each dish. The soup must be served in special bowls from the person sitting to the right.

Open up

In a study by psychologists Nancy Collins and Lynn Miller, two groups of students took part. The first group was asked to split into pairs and get to know each other, asking standard questions: “Where do you work?”, “What is your name?”, “What films do you like?” The second group was given special tasks. For example, looking into each other's eyes for five minutes or asking unexpected questions like “When was the last time you cried?”

Although members of the second group felt awkward, they subsequently developed a stronger bond than the first group. This leads to advice: don’t be afraid to be unusual and surprise your interlocutor.

Don't let yourself be manipulated

Here are some techniques that are more common than others:

Reciprocal exchange technique. If you want to ask a person for something, then the chance that he will do it is much higher if you have done something for him before.
Two requests instead of one. Another technique that comes in handy if you want to ask for something. First you need to ask for more than you need.
Anchor technique. When you are told, “Most people donated X amount of money,” or “Most people work Y hours a week,” you are tied to those numbers. You will subconsciously not want to stand out, and you will be easier to manipulate.
Attractiveness. It is much more difficult to refuse a person who seems attractive to you. This can also be used.

How to properly accept gifts?

IMPORTANT: If a woman does not receive enough gifts, then the reason may be her inability to accept them correctly.

It is with her behavior that a woman can kill any desire of a man to give gifts. Therefore, follow the following rules so as not to kill the very hunt of a man:

sincerely happy about the gift. Even if the gift is not exactly what you were expecting
Don't skimp on your emotions . If your man sees how childishly you are happy with his gift, he will want to give them again and again
Don’t start apart “ by piece ”. Those. If a man gave you a dress, then you don’t need to look at its composition first. Try it on, tell me how you like it and hug your man. After you are alone with the gift, look at what interests you

How to accept gifts correctly

IMPORTANT: Your first emotion is important to a man. And if, instead of joy, you begin to meticulously examine and reason about everything, then it will seem that you don’t like the gift

If you don’t like the gift, then hug your man and thank him. In the first 10 seconds, you won't be able to hide your disappointment in your eyes. After the hug, play the role of a satisfied woman
If flowers are not your favorite, be happy , because these are good too. Only then, after a couple of days, inadvertently tell me which flowers are your favorite

How to accept flowers

IMPORTANT: If you don’t like the gift, don’t say so right away. After a while, randomly go to the topic and gently say what exactly you didn’t like