Signs of love (psychology). How to recognize true love

• October 23, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Yulia Obolenskaya

Literature, cinema, and television are literally filled with the theme of romantic love in all its various manifestations. Poems are written about her, songs and ballads are dedicated to her. And when the time comes and the heart begins to tremble with excitement, it is very easy to confuse true love with the call of the flesh. And even if, for your part, you are completely sure that your feeling is the most real, then how to recognize this in your object of admiration? What are the signs to determine the sincerity of feelings? What is a sign of love?

Signs of falling in love

When a person's hormones mature enough, it is time to love. Probably every adult has experienced this delightful stage of life. And always, before true love comes, falling in love appears. These vague longings, captivating interest in the subject of one’s attention, sweet dreams and bitter disappointments leave a pleasant mark on the soul, causing, over the years, positive emotions and a slight smile. But does every crush develop into deep love?

Not every first feeling becomes great love. Falling in love is like a test of strength, a reconnaissance in battle, when you try on someone you like.

When falling in love comes, the first signs of love begin to appear:

• you really like the person, it’s nice to be around him and you want to prolong these moments together;
• thoughts of a loved one bring joy and a smile;
• its appearance is accompanied by a release of adrenaline into the blood - a feeling of tickling butterflies in the abdominal area;
• it seems that he consists entirely of advantages and is completely devoid of shortcomings;
• this is the most priority and authoritative person on earth for you;
• I want to bring him joy and give him happiness;
• nothing is a pity for him, everything can be given away without hesitation;
• You are planning a common future with this person.

However, the first hot love does not always end in a happy marriage, even if it was registered. After all, falling in love is an idealization of a partner, fitting him into your dream of an ideal man or an ideal woman with the character traits that your imagination has endowed them with. And reality is often very different from our idea of ​​it. Therefore, couples burning with sincere love over time begin to understand that their chosen one is not so ideal, and the family falls apart. In order to recognize true love, you need to pay attention to some signs.

Humanity has long been tormented by the question of how one can discern a true feeling during the course of love and ardent infatuation with the opposite sex, which will make it possible to create a strong and happy family on its basis. Psychology has its own view on this topic. Experts around the world have come to a consensus that the signs of love in psychology come down to several sensations that create a platform for real feelings.

Time is the best judge to understand yourself

It is worth sorting out the relationship, but this requires 1 to 3 months, sometimes more, to understand whether this feeling is long-term, or whether everything will end soon.

Romance passes and ordinary everyday life begins, but whether the relationship will continue can only be shown by time, when you eventually realize that you want to be with this person ALWAYS.

SMS messages, flowers for no reason, all sorts of pleasantries, unexpected meetings, hugs, kisses and the warmth of this person will warm you even when he is simply not around. You will always remember him. And miss him...

• Love's quarrel is not a hindrance

The most interesting thing is that quarrels will always end in a truce, or maybe there will be no quarrels at all, just simple misunderstandings. In love they always give in to each other.

But when you fall in love, one often attacks the other and someone will always actively prove that they are right.

• In love everything is common

Falling in love often unites partners only on certain issues, whereas in love partners have absolutely everything in common. Most often they say in conversation that “this is what we have in common.”

And once only your apartment suddenly becomes “our family nest”, you do not divide things into his and yours. It’s just that everything is shared between two people. The value of such relationships increases significantly.

Falling in love does not imply this, there is self-interest, or simply a desire to be with someone, just not alone.

Love

Falling in love is an emotional state when the chosen one, contrary to the signals of the mind, is endowed with exclusively positive qualities, and the negative ones are not only ignored, but are not taken into account at all. Falling in love lasts differently for everyone - from three weeks to several months. But sooner or later it definitely passes, since it is an intermediate state, and not a deep feeling. And then it’s as if a veil suddenly falls from your eyes and your chosen one appears in all his true glory with all his vices and shortcomings. And if what you see does not cause sharp rejection and remains attractive to the other half, then this, most likely, is true love.

How important is love? Is it possible to build a relationship only on sympathy?

Relationships between happy couples are built on mutual respect, common values, and shared memories. But the main “glue” is true love. If you realize that there is ordinary sympathy or sexual attraction between you, it’s time to go your separate ways to meet “that same person.” Don't be afraid to start a new relationship: by staying with an unloved partner, you are depriving yourself of a happy future.

By the way, the fear of loneliness visits not only women, but also men. Do you want to “pump up” your charisma and become irresistible? Visit my “Total Influence” training, which allows real men to achieve any goals and conquer new heights.

Have you ever doubted your feelings? How did you get out of this situation?

Attachment

Attachment is an established habit of always being there, seeing someone you like, and having the opportunity for long-term communication. Many truly happy marriages have been built on the basis of this feeling, because nothing can unite two different people like a common interest and a common cause. First there is a passion for solving these common work or scientific problems, and then signs of love begin to appear. But here it is worth keeping in mind that joint work may end and along with it the factors uniting the spouses will disappear. So if, apart from the work of the two, nothing else connects, the marriage may lose its relevance. Therefore, in marriages based on affection, you need to find other, no less important points of contact, and then your union will be successful.

Types of love in psychology

There are several types of manifestations of love in psychology. Each of them has the right to exist. Sometimes several types are combined at once. The classification has been developed since the times of Ancient Greece, but has not lost its relevance to this day.

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish the following types of love:

1. Consumer love. Based on mutual benefit. A person may be interested in money, intimacy, or attention.
2. Infatuation. Develops against the background of sexual desire. This is what often leads to the birth of a family. Some couples manage to maintain passion in their relationship for a long time.
3. Friendly love. Based on mutual respect and common interests. It is also considered a good option for creating a family union.
4. Rational love. Involves a reasonable approach to creating relationships. It is based on the need for comfort. In such relationships, the social roles of the partners are clearly distributed.
5. Storge is love formed on a sense of duty. As a rule, we are talking about long-term relationships that have become a habit.
6. Agape is a type of selfless love like that which a mother has for her children. It is based on devotion and complete dedication.

Passion

Passion most often manifests itself in relation to brilliant personalities - movie or pop stars, famous artists or directors, scientific luminaries, musicians, writers and other people who have succeeded in life and arouse the admiration of others. Wives and husbands in love often sacrifice their personal careers to ensure the successful creativity of their chosen one. This feeling is based on sincere admiration for the abilities of the loved one and his achievements. You can live your life happily in such a marriage, but on the condition that the half of the family serving the genius is not burdened by such a secondary position.

Signs to Rely on with Caution

1. The time you spent with your partner is the best of the day. Depends on how things go with the rest. It’s good if you are happy with your life and your partner only makes it even better. It’s bad if you don’t like everything, and communication with him is only outlet. It's time to get on with your life.

2. You put your partner's interests above everything else. It’s good if you really care about his desires and needs and pay attention to them without destroying yourself. It's bad if you sacrifice your needs or evaluate yourself only by your ability to make your partner happy.

Love and its manifestations

There are other signs by which lovers can be recognized. And the first of them is a constant desire to hold your other half’s hand, as if subconsciously afraid of losing it. Sometimes love arises suddenly, taking us on an exciting journey in a powerful cycle, and then we have no time to doubt and look for signs of love. But more common is unhurried love, which matures gradually. She needs time to get stronger. Swift has the ability to be born quickly, but it also passes no less quickly. But hard-won, slow love has a very high chance of a successful marriage.

When doubts arise inside whether this person will really be a worthy life partner, he begins to analyze his relationship and look for signs of love in himself and the chosen one. The assets of a future union include such important human feelings as trust, passion, recognition, the joy of being together, while the liabilities include the fear of being rejected, the fear of future responsibility to another person and dependence on him, the fear that both are not ready for this a serious step like marriage. If you have such doubts, you should pay attention to nonverbal signs of love. We will consider them further

Why and for what do they love?

Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!

I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!

One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!

Nonverbal signs

There are many non-verbal ways to show your love when you are embarrassed to say it directly. They appear mainly in the early stages of a relationship, when people are just taking a closer look at each other. If you want to make sure that you really care about someone, learn to decipher these veiled signs of attention and love. It should be said that non-verbal signs for men and women are different in accordance with their nature, but there are some common ones that appear equally in representatives of both sexes.

The most obvious sign of love is the involuntary blush that appears at the sight of the object of your affection or even when someone talks about it. This indicates that the person is not indifferent to you and occupies all your thoughts and feelings. These also include a changed voice and a manifestation of awkwardness. Sometimes, trying to hide our interest in a person, we begin to pretend and demonstratively pretend that we are indifferent to him or, moreover, find fault with him, even offend him, as a little boy does, showing his love for a girl by pulling her pigtails.

What psychologists say

Psychologists have studied love as a distinct emotion for many years. Each of them has an opinion on this matter. American psychologist Robert Sternberg argues that love cannot exist without passion, responsibility and physical attraction. In his opinion, these three components are the most important.

Erich Fromm believed that long-term relationships can only develop if there is a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. According to his theory, if this approach is implemented on both sides, then the marriage will automatically become successful, even when the primary passion disappears.

Harry Sullivan believed that love can be expressed in different ways, but its main feature is the exaltation of the interests of a loved one over personal needs.

According to Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel, in order to maintain love, it is important to never lose self-esteem. Although from the point of view of science love is a physiological process, all psychologists talk about it as an experience and consider it as a feeling or sensation.

Understanding and recognizing the feeling of true love is not always easy. It is important to learn to distinguish ordinary love from deep and sincere feelings in the early stages. Although modern research has proven that the feeling of love is a chemical reaction, people still consider it a magical feeling, a source of inspiration and the main motivation for achieving serious goals in life.

Nonverbal signs in men

Next, let's look at the nonverbal signs of love that are unique to guys and exclusively to women. If a man is inflamed with passion for a girl, the following external manifestations of his interest become very important to him:

• touch - physical contact with their beloved is simply necessary for them;
• being in the field of view of your subject;
• demonstrative indifference;
• offering his help in some manly task - bringing it up, moving it, nailing it, lifting it, and so on;
• showing interest in various questions about the beloved to her and the people who know her;
• desire for physical contact - hugs, kisses, cuddling, touching with feet, hands and other types of contact, including sex;
• unlimited trust in the woman you love, even to the point of denying obvious facts.

How to understand if I love a person

At the start of the relationship, the couple does not know each other well enough. Perhaps she was attracted by charisma, model appearance, intelligence, sexuality, or general interest. It is not possible to build serious and long-term connections with every person you liked at the first meeting. At the end of the “candy-bouquet” period, the time of insight comes. Emotions fade into the background, the mind begins to wake up.

Questions arise:

• “What kind of husband and father will he be?”
• “Will he be able to provide the necessary amount of attention and solve everyday problems?”;
• “Are we good in bed?”;
• “Will I be interested in him in a year, when we graduate from university or go to different companies?”

If such reasoning has come to you, this does not mean that there is no sincere attraction. It’s just that everyone wants specifics in life. On the contrary, people who have a desire to understand and decide on their feelings are in no hurry to put a stamp in their passport. They have the ability to calmly build relationships and, in the end, understand whether this is the person with whom they want to grow old. Children, as a rule, suffer from unreasonable marriages, after short communication and several nights spent together and premature conclusions.

If you never cease to surprise your partner, do not tolerate separations well, are bored, want to spend more free time together - this indicates a common interest that can develop into love. When you both express feelings with kisses, touches, crave to own your loved one, feel the need to study habits, get acquainted with the interests of the other half - a strong and reliable union awaits you, where there will be support, understanding and care.

What is love

A bright feeling does not arise just like that. Usually this is the outcome of falling in love. Affection, devotion, touching and caring cannot be destroyed or questioned by surrounding events or the opinions of family and friends.

The girl trusts with her inner conviction, without denying that her lover is not without flaws and is far from the ideal chosen one. Sometimes he is not attractive enough, but she appreciates his spiritual qualities and understanding.

The main thing in the formation of deep feelings is friendship. It is true friends who can eventually become ideal husband and wife. But sparkling lovers who put sex into the basis of their relationship will never become friends.

How does love manifest itself?

You don’t have to shout about it to the whole world. Relationships should not be demonstrative at all. Everyone opens up to each other differently - some calmly hug and kiss in public places, others are embarrassed and blush from an air kiss, preferring to show emotions in private. It doesn't matter how it happens. The main thing is attention and care, which is impossible not to notice.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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If they give you gifts, give you pleasant surprises, remember your hobbies, rejoice at your successes and achievements, objectively give you compliments, treat you with respect when you are not around - these are signs of real feelings. The sincere smile that appears when you appear will also help to identify them. A loving person will not get into your soul; he will respect your reasoning, values, deeds, and actions. He will not burden you with his problems and pour out negativity, he will gladly fulfill your request, and ask for your opinion before an important choice. You will not be reminded of past mistakes and missteps, or laughed at at your behavior or mistakes. In the end, a loving man will carry you in his arms, in the literal sense of the word, please, hug and kiss. He will call periodically to check how you are doing and how your day is going. He will find a moment even with a busy schedule and pressure at work.

Nonverbal signs in girls

Signs of love in women are completely different. As you know, female logic is the absence of any logic, therefore the signs of her love can sometimes be very contradictory, but clear. These signs in women appear as follows:

• playing with eyes;
• attracting attention;
• excessive care and guardianship;
• modesty and shyness;
• glow from within or extreme absent-mindedness;
• showing attention to the affairs of your man;
• increased attention to your appearance and wardrobe;
• mysterious behavior;
• smoothness and femininity of movements;
• manifestation of sexuality.

When love is born

To understand and understand that you really love a person very much, you need to be patient. True feelings appear after a long period of time. The transformation of affection into true love occurs gradually. Hot passion does not always turn into feelings, and this is not scary. Many people can experience love only once in their life, while others never know it.

It is impossible to say exactly at what point infatuation will degenerate into love. For this to happen, partners need to get to know each other. Having made sure that your beloved person is reliable, your life goals coincide, we can say that a true feeling has arisen. As a rule, this happens after 2-3 years. You should talk about love no earlier than a year after the formation of a couple.

We have considered all possible aspects regarding how to understand whether you really love a person or whether this is attachment. Before deciding to enter into a serious relationship, you need to listen to your inner voice. This is the only way to find out the exact answer to this question and get rid of doubts.

How to recognize true love?

Dr. Ray Short, in an effort to help lovers explore their feelings, offers some important advice:

• understand what attracts you most in a person. If these are physical characteristics, then most likely you are simply passionate, but if you are interested in him as a person, then this is love;
• if you truly love, then you like absolutely everything about your chosen one, even his shortcomings seem sweet and pleasant, and when you only like a sexy figure or a beautiful face, then this feeling is fleeting, and love is not real;
• the quick start of a love story is almost always infatuation; true love manifests itself slowly, but thoroughly;
• if the feeling either fades or flares up with renewed vigor, this is most likely passion, and constant tender and warm feelings indicate true love;
• when love is real, you strive to become better, superficial infatuation does not give rise to a desire for improvement;
• with real feelings, separation only increases the significance of the object of love; in other cases, even a short separation can cool feelings;
• true love is selfless and aimed at providing joy to its soul mate, and love implicated in material wealth is very fragile and will fall apart at the first sign of financial troubles.

What is this feeling: love or infatuation?

Based on the results of numerous studies, psychologists have identified the top factors that help a person, in theory, distinguish falling in love from love:

1. Idealizing a partner is a sure sign of falling in love. A person in love never takes offense at the object of his love and is ready to forgive all shortcomings in the character and actions of his loved one.
2. A difficult breakup. Lovers endure short-term separation painfully; long-term separation can kill this feeling.
3. The desire to own a person. People tend to feel jealous. It appears because a person wants to possess the object of his love undividedly.
4. Suddenness of sensations. This mainly concerns “love at first sight”. Despite the name, a person still experiences love. Feelings come suddenly and cause severe emotional shock.

If a person decides to identify relationships through tests, then this is an inherently bad idea. Feelings can only be determined by the internal sensations and emotionality that a person experiences for his soulmate.