I want love, what should I do? 5 tips to find love and 3 fears that prevent you from finding it

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At first you strictly came home before dinner, then you only took a sip of champagne at parties, then you earned money for a car and an apartment.

Now all that remains is to meet with unmarried friends and discuss the latest news. And where is the man on this list?

Here, here... He's gone. You understand that you have already outgrown the stage when you can be happy without a man. Now you realize “I want love, what should I do?” Yes, what should I do?

Love is good, don't forget about it!

Everyone wants to love and be loved. The realization that someone needs you inspires you. Our upbringing gives us the necessary knowledge about technology, success, beauty, and health. But “love” is used to being ignored, as if it were a matter of course.

And in vain. After all, it is precisely because of the lack of this feeling that self-destruction, grief, and hatred occur. To find, enjoy and keep love, you need to gain strength and carry it through your entire life. But many have nothing to find, nothing to enjoy, and nothing to preserve.

Often this desire arises due to constant loneliness. Monotonous work, the same thing every day, the same people. The result is “I want someone, but I don’t know who.”

Fear of losing yourself

“In our time, love is more than ever necessary for self-awareness, and at the same time it is impossible precisely because in a love relationship today we are not looking for another, but for self-awareness,” explains psychoanalyst Umberto Galimberti.

The more we get used to prioritizing the satisfaction of our own needs, the more difficult it is for us to give in. And therefore we proudly straighten our shoulders and declare that our personality, our “I” is more valuable than love and family. If we have to sacrifice something, then we will sacrifice love. But we are not born into the world as ourselves, we become them. Every meeting, every event shapes our unique experience. The brighter the event, the deeper its trace. And in this sense, there is little that compares with love.

Another platitude - love people!

Without knowing it, we often simply do not like those around us. We become angry at everyone.

As long as you remain in conflict with others, the path to your loved one simply remains closed. Nobody forces you to become everyone's best friend, your task is to accept people as they are.

Try to see beyond your nose and understand the reasons for their actions. Why is the boss's secretary such a bitch? Maybe because a man left her before, she was betrayed several times and now she doesn’t trust anyone?

A person’s own importance to others

For most people, the fact that they are loved by loved ones is important. Nevertheless, there are individuals for whom the value of public opinion is particularly high. A person wants to be loved by everyone around him. But is this normal from a psychological point of view?

The desire for universal love is associated with serious psychological problems that come from childhood. It is possible that a child was loved in childhood only when he was good. Thus, the child did not understand what it means to “love, no matter what.” Now that he has become an adult, he decided to earn the love of others.

A person with normal self-esteem has no desire to be adored by everyone. It is enough for him that his loved ones love him. As a rule, people with normal self-esteem are not afraid of being scolded by their boss for a poorly done job or being rude by a salesperson in a store.

Move! Move!

Sports are great. Walking is also good. But we often forget about the movement of energy and soul. How long has it been since you talked to new people? How are you going to find love if you have the same thing every day.

Learn to say “yes” to life without fear. Did a friend invite you to visit your friends at their dacha for the weekend? Agree. Is your favorite band coming to your city? Buy the tickets. Have you been invited to a cafe with an unfamiliar company? It's time for new acquaintances.

Give the Universe the opportunity to introduce you to someone.

Give more to receive more

Today it is somehow unfashionable to open yourself and help others. We are all focused on ourselves and on the houses that, like snails, we carry on ourselves. But the more you give to others, the more you receive in return.

Many people are stopped by the thought “I can’t do anything that will globally change people’s lives, so there’s no point in doing anything at all.” Meanwhile, even tiny attempts matter. Volunteering can help you feel connected to other people and bring goodness into your life, especially when it seems dull and boring.

Basically, do good, no matter how small.

Platitude number 3. Be free.

Free yourself from the past, from public opinion. Who cares what job your man has, whether he is fat or very thin, how old he is. Or maybe your chosen one is a girl? And so what?

To be loved means to fill yourself with what makes you happy, not those around you.

Falling in love with grievances and memories of your ex will not work. Your partner will immediately feel a certain coldness in your relationship. Throw away all his gifts, delete correspondence and phone number, don’t forget to unsubscribe on social networks.

Why do you need to know about his life? Be more interested in your real partner.

Remember you are beautiful!

Self-love is taking care of your body, health and beauty.

Agree that every person enjoys being around well-groomed people. What should be done:

Organize your makeup bag. Choose the right makeup, the right shades and shapes. Don't be afraid of makeup and use it to highlight your features.
Organize your wardrobe. How old is your favorite blouse? Was this dress definitely bought this year and not 10 years ago?
Buy nice lingerie. Just. For myself. You will see how much your self-esteem will rise if you have a gorgeous lace bust under your dress.

Don't forget about caring for your hair, nails, skin and teeth. If your hair is no longer fresh, it’s better to braid your ponytail. Today there are a lot of manicure studios. Finding a suitable master will not be difficult.

Don't run away from love!

Girls who just want to be loved choose one of three paths:

They begin to constantly search for their ideal love and, as a result, get used to this state. Over time, they will no longer be able to truly become attached to someone.
They give their love not to a specific person, but to music, work, and travel. Such girls devalue feelings.
Moves into a relationship with one-sided devotion. She cannot take, she only has the attitude of giving.

All these women are running away from true love in one way or another. Hiding behind an imaginary ideal, a favorite hobby or obsessive devotion.

Between two people

Very often from many women you can hear the following phrase: “I want to be loved.” What does a representative of the fair sex mean by her words? Of course, we are talking here about the relationship between two people - a man and a woman.

Girls want to hear pleasant words from their lover, experience tenderness from his touch, and receive a lot of warmth and care. For most women, this is the love of a man. However, in a relationship, only one person cannot love. Because true love means working on the relationship. Accordingly, each partner should not only receive warmth and tenderness from the other, but also give it in return. If this does not happen, then the union is gradually destroyed.

Thus, people must learn not only to receive, but also to give love. If in a relationship only the woman experiences feelings, and the man only takes advantage of this, then over time the girl may develop psychological dependence on her partner and the fear of losing him. As a result, the union is destroyed.

What to do if you want love, but there is none?

The need for love is a normal and natural desire. This is human nature: to love and be loved. Even the most callous and evil people secretly dream of this feeling.

To love, you need:

get to know yourself;
find harmony with others;
take care of your beauty;
move;
become free.

Some, out of fear of rejection, begin to run away from love. They hide, withdraw and live in eternal fear.

Love is not a commodity-money relationship. If you chose your partner based on his wallet, don’t be surprised why you still haven’t felt loved.

In addition

“I want to love and be loved,” - how much can be read in these words. After all, women want not only to give their warmth, affection and tenderness to their partner, but also to receive it in return. Only then can we talk about mutual feelings.

However, some men simply do not know how to love the way women would like to. Many representatives of the stronger sex are not able to speak beautiful words, but prove their feelings with actions.

In a relationship between a man and a woman there must be an exchange of energy. Because if one loves and the other allows him to do this, then sooner or later such a union will fall apart. After all, there are no mutual feelings in him.

Apperciate things which you have

A lonely person often feels like he is deprived of something and is unhappy because of it. There is a rational explanation for this. The fact is that the brain remembers negative experiences better. This is important for survival and evolution. Therefore, it is generally difficult for us to appreciate what we have. It is doubly difficult for a lonely person to appreciate his achievements.

Take time to pause and be happy with what you have. And these are not necessarily material goods: apartments, cars and oil rigs. There are people who would give half their lives for the opportunity to read this text with their own eyes or see the sun at least once.

You can have little and use it to achieve more.

Periodic reappraisal has a beneficial effect on the brain: it increases the production of serotonin and dopamine. It is also useful for creating and reinforcing the habit of positive thinking.

And don’t be shy to thank the people you care about: they make you happy and love you, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Voice

One of the most important guidelines that determines attraction to a particular lady. On a subconscious level, men perceive women with a beautiful voice as more sexually attractive. External data may fade into the background.

Voice timbre is associated with body features. Often (but not always):

high ringing voice - slender, petite girl;
low bass timbre - the owner of large “grace”.

Guys can tell their age by their voice. High, sonorous voices intuitively evoke associations with youth and carefreeness, while low, bass voices are identified with manifestations of maturity and experience.

Causes

Why is one drawn to a person? Psychology as a science deals with this issue. There are several main reasons to consider:

There is something called sexual craving. This is mainly characteristic of men who feel in love or desire for a certain woman.
Habit is also a significant reason why people can be attracted to each other. For example, ex-husbands and wives who have lived together for many years, and after a divorce still continue to feel affection.
Children and parents, as well as people simply close by blood, also often feel craving and affection for each other.
One of the significant reasons is loneliness. Lonely people may feel a lack of warmth and companionship, and that is why they may feel longing for a certain person who fills such gaps.
Falling in love is a feeling through which many people can begin to feel drawn to the object of their desire.
According to some psychologists and psychoanalysts, there may be a craving for a person who is somewhat reminiscent of a person who left a deep mark (or even a wound) in the “heart”. But this doesn't always happen. You can feel a craving for a certain person, even if he just slightly resembles your ex, but with whom there was a separation by mutual consent, without sacrifice, and not necessarily painful.
According to many psychologists, people are more drawn to those who resemble their parents. So, a girl may experience attraction to a man who unconsciously reminds her of her father. Or a man is drawn to a woman who resembles his mother.

Thus, there may be an infinite number of reasons why one is drawn to a person, but the most basic ones are highlighted above. It's also worth noting that some of us are more likely to become dependent on other people, others less so. There is a type of individual who in psychology is called “victims”, so they may have a tendency towards this. A very striking and common example is a wife who has become dependent on her tyrant husband. And also dependent people can be people for whom it is important to be needed by someone, who cannot stand loneliness.