Whether there are sincere friendly relationships between a guy and a girl is a question that has worried both sides for many decades. During this time, people's opinions were divided into two halves: some claim that everything is possible, others insist that this is just a cover for some personal sympathies, love. In this article I will talk about friendship between a man and a woman and explain what the psychology of relationships says about this.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman: psychology
According to psychologists, such friendship is possible only in two cases:
- If the man is homosexual. In this case, he does not perceive the girl as a sexual partner. And the girl does not look at the guy as a lover or sexual partner. Such men perform well during friendship with a woman. Most often, girls who suffer from narcissism and cannot stomach competition are friends with homosexual men. They don’t want to communicate with girls, friends, because they consider them competitors in the heart of a certain man. A gay man can tell a girl what dress to wear from a male point of view. Give me some advice regarding hairstyles. Moreover, they have no interest and no competition between each other.
- The second case in which psychologists consider friendship between a man and a woman possible is ex-spouses or cohabitants who lived together for a long period of time. These people know each other's habits, but their relationship is over. They treat each other well and are considered like relatives. Therefore, friendship between such people is absolutely possible. They no longer perceive each other as sexual partners, lovers or spouses.
In all other cases, the usual instinct will take place, that is, the satisfaction of sexual needs between a man and a woman. Therefore, very often during various get-togethers with alcohol, one of the participants in the friendship crosses the line towards intimacy. It is at this stage that friendships between a man and a woman end and flow into love.
Famous Quote
What to do if you are in the friend zone? — instructions for escaping from the “friend zone” in 4 steps
Friendzone - this is a relationship format in which one person loves, and the second wants to remain only friends.
What to do if you have romantic feelings for a person, and he considers you his friend? First of all, you need to leave the status of a friend or girlfriend. The friend zone is a place that a person enters voluntarily. It’s better to take a risk and put everything on the line than to sit and wait for the weather by the sea, remaining in the “friendship zone.” Now I will tell you how to get out of the friend zone in 4 steps.
1. Show your affection
This is important to do in a situation where the person does not know that you like him.
The most common mistake that causes people to end up in the friend zone is hiding their feelings. But why are people afraid to open up and show their intentions?
And the reason is simple - fear. The fear of rejection makes people too careful not to scare away the object of their sympathy. “It’s better for me to be a friend than to be rejected and lose my loved one (beloved)” - This is how a person who has fallen into the friend zone thinks. Avoiding risk makes the chances of success close to zero.
Therefore, if you do not want to end up in this evil place called the friend zone in the future, then you simply need to overcome this fear and admit your feelings. Yes, the situation may begin to develop in an undesirable scenario, but so what? But you will try and overcome fear. In the future, you will never hide your feelings again, and your chances of success will increase dramatically.
Why should the person you like know how you feel:
- Your soul will be lighter if the secret becomes clear;
- There will be a chance to start a romantic relationship (being in the “friend zone” you do not have this chance);
- Conquer fear and be proud of yourself;
Important! Don't ask the person to start a relationship right away, just tell them how you feel and see how they react. You will build your further action plan based on the situation.
2. Take a step back
This must be done in a situation where you are too fixated on a person. You write to him all the time, you want to hear his voice, he does not leave your thoughts.
Take a small step back and distract yourself with something else. Direct your focus to friends, work, hobbies, interests. When you start to switch to other things, the following very often happens: the person to whom you paid too much attention will begin to take the initiative.
3. Pay attention to other girls or men
Very often, when we like a person, we do not notice other people of the opposite sex around us. And this is a mistake!
Advice: There are many men and women with whom we can have great relationships. If it doesn’t work out with one person, then pay attention to another, maybe that’s where your happiness lies.
As soon as you have a choice among the opposite sex, your value increases. You are already starting to choose, not you. The person who sent you to the “friend zone” must see that you will not obsess over him. Because you can easily find a partner for a romantic relationship (and it doesn’t matter whether this is true or not, let the object of sympathy think that you have a choice).
Many people mistakenly think that by such behavior they will push the person away from them. In fact, the opposite is true.
Yes, you will alienate a person if you start flirting and dating other people of the opposite sex, but only in a situation where you are already in a romantic relationship. Being in the “Friendship Zone” you simply need to communicate and flirt with other men or women, turning your attention to them.
4. Focus on yourself
This is the most important point. The strength and energy that we waste trying unsuccessfully to make someone fall in love with us can be sublimated into self-improvement. Start pumping and improving yourself in different directions, become better and your life will begin to change, these changes will also affect your personal life.
Why is it important to focus on yourself:
- The person you're in love with will notice your transformation and will look at you with different eyes (but, you don't have to improve for him, just use energy and feelings as fuel);
- During self-improvement, your focus will be on you, not on the object of your affection, so your feelings will subside a little. Falling in love is a concentration on a person, and when you are busy with something, the level of this same concentration will be lower (you can read more about the mechanisms of falling in love here)
- You will start meeting new people (including those of the opposite sex) and take your life to a new level.
At one time, this advice helped me and I switched from an object of sympathy to external goals. In my case, it was a sport that I immersed myself in.
And the following began to happen: I met a large number of girls from the sports crowd, who began to interest me much more than the girl for whom I once had feelings. They were cooler, more beautiful and easy to get along with. I forgot about my past passion, but she didn’t. And after some time she showed up, but I was no longer interested.
These are the kinds of turns in life when you begin to be sincerely interested in something, then you will not be running after someone, but they will begin to be sincerely interested in you.
Rule - I am never friends with girls (or with men if you are a girl)
This rule should be at the level of conviction. Personally, I never end up in the friend zone thanks to this rule.
I remember how one girl told me the phrase: “Let’s remain friends and nothing more.” I immediately answered her: “No, I’m not friends with girls, I either date them or just sleep with them.” She was so surprised by my answer that she continued to communicate with me and as a result we had a relationship (albeit a very short one, but that’s a completely different story)
When you have principles and beliefs, others begin to respect you. And when you have useful beliefs, your life also becomes easier. Always nip this phrase in the bud: “Let’s just be friends.”
Agreeing to be just a friend (or girlfriend) is a dead-end path that will lead nowhere. You must feel this belief on an internal level. You must have a feeling of resentment (what does it mean to just be friends with me?).
If the offer to “just be friends” is perceived sharply and negatively by you, then the conviction sits deep inside and will work for you. It is simply impossible to force a person with such a mindset into the friend zone; he would rather be completely alone than take a humiliating position for himself.
How does friendship manifest between a man and a woman?
Friends spend a lot of time together. This can be either lunch or gatherings in a cafe. In addition, a variety of parties are possible. A man can ask a woman to help with choosing a gift for his beloved or organizing some kind of holiday. But most often you can notice other signs that do not exactly indicate friendship. This is a sign of caring.
A man wants to take care of the woman he likes in every possible way and whom he perceives as a sexual partner or a possible life partner. Therefore, he can fly in in the middle of the night if something happens to his girlfriend. In addition, a man often talks about his failures to a woman and tries to share his pain with her. Also, a man can show intimate attention in every possible way. These can be vulgar jokes, and even direct conversations about sex.
Quote from O. Wilde
Why friendship between a man and a woman does not exist, it is impossible: an explanation
If your friend is not a gay man or an ex-spouse, then the concept of friendship is very questionable. The fact is that many psychologists consider sexual desire to be a priority, that is, the basic instinct is in the foreground. A man, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, may perceive a friend’s woman as a potential sexual partner. For a woman, everything is much more complicated.
The fact is that by nature a woman is monogamous and very often tells and shares incidents with her friend. Women most often cannot give all of themselves to several men. Therefore, if your spouse has a friend, think about whether you are not providing something in terms of communication.
Quote about friendship
Friendship or love happens between a man and a woman: a psychologist’s opinion
Many psychologists believe that friendship between family partners is not entirely sincere. Because the partners of friends will be jealous of each other and constantly create scandals on this basis. Because friends will want to spend some part of their time with each other. In turn, this can significantly upset and anger partners. Therefore, sooner or later there will be a choice between a friend or a lover.
Psychologists also believe that male and female friends tell each other a lot of different mysteries and secrets. Therefore, they are very close spiritually. Which can be quite difficult to achieve with life partners, as well as lovers. Therefore, if there is no understanding in a marriage, then most likely a woman or man can go to his girlfriend or friend; in such relationships there are always points of contact in the spiritual sense.
Famous quote about friendship
Why a man agrees to be friends with a woman: psychology
Most psychologists believe that friendly relations between a man and a woman are veiled love. In this relationship, one partner wants more. Moreover, he may hide it quite carefully and not show it in any way, for fear of completely ruining the existing relationship. If a man is rejected by a woman, then any relationship, including friendships, will be lost.
This guides partners when they do not tell each other about their feelings. If this is friendship from a very young age, then with puberty the relationships of friends change towards each other. In this case, they may perceive each other as intimate partners. At this stage, people decide whether they want something more or remain friends. But quite often such relationships are simply broken off as soon as one of the friends finds a soul mate.
Famous sayings
According to psychologists, friendships between a man and a woman are disguised love or desire for sex. Actually, a man can agree to be friends with a woman for several reasons:
- They already had some kind of relationship or were married. This is one of the good ways to maintain normal relationships and communicate with each other.
- If the man is of non-traditional sexual orientation. Friendship with a woman gives him the opportunity to have a good time, and also learn a lot about how to put himself in order, share secrets and secrets.
- If a man is okay with his sexual orientation, then friendship with a woman is a veiled desire to become a sexual partner. Perhaps the man himself does not realize this.
- If a man likes a woman for a long time and he is afraid to tell her about it, friendship is an excellent opportunity to be as close to the woman as possible.
- The opportunity to share emotions and experiences with a woman that are difficult to share with men. A man is afraid that he will be laughed at or that he will seem soft. Women are more emotional and understanding. Therefore, you can discuss even sensitive issues with them.
- Hope for future relationships, the possibility of creating a loving couple.
- Some men may pretend to be friends with a woman in order to get her friend or to be as close to her as possible. This is an insidious option that most men are not capable of, due to its straightforwardness and simplicity.
Friendship between a man and a woman
Maybe it's just a disguised attraction
Yes, this option is certainly possible. But you shouldn’t spoil relationships because of simple speculation, when you can find out exactly what lies behind friendly conversations. Clear signs of sexual desire may include:
- Excessive attention and the need to always be together.
- Frequent gifts.
- The desire to spend time only alone, and not in common companies.
- Too frequent tactile contacts.
- Jealousy of your friends and partners.
In fact, it is not difficult to understand what feelings your friend has for you. It’s just that some of us don’t want to notice the obvious and lose a loved one.
Where is the boundary of friendship between a man and a woman: description
Most psychologists consider friendship between two free people to be veiled love or latent love, which sooner or later will develop into real feelings. It all depends on the points of contact. The reason for the breakdown of relationships, that is, friendship between a man and a woman, is alcohol. Because in this case, one of the partners begins to pester the other with a desire for sex or intimacy. There are two scenarios for the development of events: the partners either become lovers, or their relationship is severed.
The line between friendship and love between a man and a woman is quite thin and easily destroyed, because in most cases a decent amount of alcohol is enough for a man or woman to cross the line of friendship and enter into an intimate relationship.
There are several ways to suspect that you are being scammed. A few examples of a man wanting to be more than a friend:
- At your first call he comes to you. And even if nothing serious happened. Friends are usually not willing to spend so much personal time solving other people's problems.
- A man gives expensive gifts and borrows money without return. This suggests that the man is ready to spend money on you. Usually this is not done with friends.
- The man is ready to spend a lot of time with you. Moreover, it is useless for him, such as shopping and purchasing some new things and clothes.
- Discussion of failed relationships. A man who wants to be more than a friend tries to be by your side in difficult times. Very often he is a vest in which you can cry. He becomes some kind of joy and often after such sessions of communication with a friend, he becomes more than a friend. He turns into a loved one, because he was able to support him in difficult times.
Relationship
Why is it dangerous?
The consequences of a friendly relationship will be sad for both parties. Broken hearts, conflict, and most importantly, the cessation of communication with the closest person.
Ask a question
It is simply impossible to build a trusting relationship when one of the partners hides something, and the other allows him to do it. After all, it has already been said that friendship is the absolute affection and devotion of two people.
If you notice problems, talk about them directly. Only in this case can you get by with “little bloodshed,” although no one can guarantee whether it will be possible to maintain the same connection.
Is friendship possible between a married man and a married woman, between colleagues?
Psychologists say that friendship between married partners is impossible, because family members will constantly be jealous of their friends. Experts also advise the husband of a woman who has a friend to pay attention to such communication. Most likely, her partner is not giving her something, since she is looking for a male friend. The same goes for girls. Because a man cannot tell some secrets and mysteries to his beloved. So he tells his friend.
It is believed that such friendship is one of the most dangerous, because sooner or later it leads to a break between spouses. Possible betrayal, clashes due to constant jealousy. Sooner or later, such a friendship will simply be severed due to constant squabbles with family.
Fun
Cases of friendship between a man and a woman in literature: a brief description
In world literature there are not many examples of friendship between individuals of the opposite sex. More often than not, such relationships grew into something more or ended completely. An example would be:
- In Hemingway's story "Fiesta", the hero Jake and the girl are friends with each other.
- Also, a description of a strong friendship between a man and a woman can be found in the work of The Gadfly, Lilian Voynich.
- An example of friendship between a man and a woman in literature is Chernyshevsky’s work “What to do.” Although in this work friendship develops into love.
- It is also impossible not to note the friendship between Mark Twain and Helen Keller. Their friendship began when Helen was 14 and Mark was over 50. The friendship was based on the fact that Helen very much reminded Mark of his own daughter, so they were friends and spent a lot of time together.
Friendship in literature
Whose friendship is stronger
I don't believe that the strength of friendship depends on gender. The strength of relationships depends on the characteristics of their participants and the ability to be friends. Every person needs a like-minded person, an understanding loved one, an ally. And sometimes interests, hobbies, personal experience, vision of the world bring together seemingly completely different people. It could be two women, two men, or a man and a woman. The ability to listen and hear, support, empathize, keep your word, show nobility, be faithful and devoted, share bitterness and joy does not depend on gender.
The strongest friendship is the one in which both participants invest maximum energy and strength. Stronger are those relationships in which there is unity of mind and souls, interests, hobbies, desires, beliefs. The greater the similarity, the greater the sympathy and the stronger the friendship.
