Life cycle of family development and its stages from the point of view of psychology

The article explains:

1. Historical development of the family
2. Signs of a modern family
3. Stages of family development according to J. Haley
4. Courtship period before marriage
5. Marriage without children
6. The appearance of children in the family
7. Family with teenage children
8. A family whose children left their home
9. Stage of family development “empty nest”
10. Death of a partner
11. Development of the average Russian family
12. Risk factors in family development
13. Normative and non-normative crises of the family life cycle

The development of a family constitutes its life cycle. Life does not go as smoothly as in fairy tales or women's novels: everyday life drags on, raising children differs from what is presented on billboards in public service announcements, and small family conflicts merge into major quarrels.

Each stage of family development carries new developments; it has goals and objectives, as well as difficulties that any family that has reached a specific stage inevitably faces. Knowing the patterns, you can regulate relationships and take them to the next level without losses. Read more about the development of the family in general and the Russian family in particular in our material.

Signs of a modern family

The modern family is mainly defined as nuclear. This is a married couple with or without children (one parent is possible). In such a union, patriarchal family ties are cut off, because the main thing is considered to be the relationship of spouses living as their family, without parents. Generational relationships fade into the background.

The modern nuclear family differs markedly from its earlier forms:

• There is no hierarchy in family relationships.
• The value of marriage is almost lost. Official registration of relationships between a man and a woman is no longer mandatory.
• Alternative forms of family and marriage relations have emerged - in some countries the law allows same-sex marriages and communes.

Let's try to understand the signs, functions and role of the family in order to better understand its meaning.

Traditional family characteristics:

• Relationships between a man and a woman, secured by official registration of marriage or long-term civil relationships.
• Common life, joint housekeeping.
• The desire to continue one’s lineage in children, the birth and upbringing of the younger generation.

First crisis - young family

The first crisis awaits the young family. It is not for nothing that the year from the date of marriage is popularly called the “Cintz wedding”, which implies the fragility and vivid diversity of the relationship between the spouses. The dissimilarity of characters, habits, and principles create a kaleidoscope of happy moments and “grinding” quarrels. The same phenomena occur in civilian families. Sometimes this cycle stretches to five years. What happens more will determine what the exit from the first crisis period will be. Negotiations and agreements are the main weapon at the stage of a developing family in order to achieve harmony. If you manage to find compromises, learn to smooth out contradictions, stop in time when anger begins to speak, not reason, help each other, and not infantilely shift responsibilities, then family life will transform into a new quality.

Stages of family development according to J. Haley

Jay Haley's author's position was developed in the process of studying family crises of varying degrees of severity. Compared to the opinion of the majority of domestic and foreign scientists who proposed their approaches to identifying individual stages of family development, Jay Haley’s proposal turned out to be the most meaningful.

He proposed 7 main stages of modern family development:

• courtship period before marriage;
• marriage without children;
• birth of children;
• family with teenage children;
• a family in which children have left their home;
• “empty nest” stage;
• death of one of the spouses.

Problems can arise at any of these stages. Some couples do not find a solution and break up at the very beginning of the cycle, others successfully go through all stages until the moment of the death of one of the spouses.

The life cycle of a family is

You can read more about what a family is, what its functions, structure and types of relationships are here. All these parameters influence the characteristics of the family from a psychological point of view.

The life cycles of a family are a successive change of certain stages, from the moment of formation until the termination of the existence of a social unit, reflecting the degree of its formation and development. The beginning of the cycle is considered to be the conclusion of a marriage, and the end is its disintegration. The collapse of a union can be caused by two reasons:

• official dissolution of marriage - divorce;
• death of one of the group members (depending on the composition of the small social group).

The concept of the family life cycle was introduced into science by the American Paul Glick in the 40s. 20th century. The definition is not new; it comes from sociology, which distinguished 24 phases of the life cycle. In psychology, the stages are considered from slightly different aspects.

Courtship period before marriage

At this stage, close relationships between a man and a woman develop without living together. According to psychologists, partners during this period are faced with the task of self-determination. The couple resolves financial issues, determines emotional and other areas of life.

The emergence of friendship and love between a man and a woman at this stage does not exclude the emergence of problems in their relationship. For example, the degree of independence: when living together, certain restrictions appear, which can serve as a reason for the couple to separate already at the first stage.

During courtship before marriage:

• future spouses gain a sense of independence from their parents;
• full-fledged family relationships begin to form, the ability to love in each partner manifests itself and strengthens;
• a man and a woman gain independence financially and in other areas of life.

Infatuation as the beginning of a relationship

This period is perhaps the brightest and most memorable of all married life together.
After all, people here are just beginning to get to know each other. In relationships at this stage there is passion, attraction, tenderness, and love. Such fireworks of emotions not only brighten up everyday life a little, it turns everything upside down. There are no flaws here, only advantages, because passionate people practically do not notice anything around them, only the pleasant and good. But this stage is short-lived. As a rule, it lasts up to a year, and this is provided that during this time the couple does not move in together. And then both of them suddenly open their eyes.

Marriage without children

After registering a marriage, a man and a woman begin to lead a life together and wait for the birth of children. Conflicts are also possible at this stage: one of the couple does not want to rush into having a baby, considering, for example, career growth more important to them. But do not forget that in a family you can always solve a problem through negotiations.

It’s easy to make joint plans in the family if you agree on everything in advance: when to have a child, when to visit your parents or invite them to your place, when to start renovations in the apartment, how to create a work or school schedule so that there is time for personal relationships, etc. .

Development of relationships in a family without children:

• the general family structure is determined, values ​​are formed;
• one of the couple becomes the leader in the family;
• existing functions and tasks are fairly distributed among family members;
• the “WE” position arises and takes shape;
• From a family perspective, relationships with parents, mutual friends, and others are re-established and strengthened.

Crisis of 3 years

Which occurs when the child reaches three years of age. At the stage of families with preschoolers 3-6 years old, mothers return from maternity leave to work. In addition to household responsibilities, professional ones appear. New stresses arise on both spouses. The feeling that there is simply no personal life leads to depression and nervousness.

The baby is acclimatizing to kindergarten. The introduction of a nanny or grandmother into the family also entails a number of issues: the problem of uniform requirements for the child’s behavior, preparation for school, preschool development.

Rebuilding your lifestyle in this cycle without succumbing to natural stress is not an easy task, but it can be done. If you realize that it will become easier when everything “gets on track.” Control negative emotions, give in to each other, conduct dialogues and strive for harmony. Friendship must transform into respect and complete acceptance of a partner with all his shortcomings.

The appearance of children in the family

The beginning of the stage coincides with the birth of the first child; this decision is usually made at the previous stage. The birth of one or more children often leads to a number of problems: psychologically, one of the spouses may not be ready for the new status of a parent and will not be able to cope with the challenges that arise.

Here it is important to correctly distribute responsibilities so that the young union of a man and a woman does not fall apart due to everyday troubles. A clear division of marital and parental roles, which should be agreed upon, will help strengthen the relationship and prevent the couple from scattering.

Features of family development after the birth of children:

• the composition and structure of the family changes;
• members of the couple receive a new status - they become parents (father, mother);
• the parents of the spouses also receive new statuses (grandparents).

The birth of the first child

The birth of the first child is considered a difficult turning point. When a family moves from a childless couple to the status of a full family, the concentration on each other is broken. And building relationships in which a new participant has appeared requires wisdom and patience on both sides. For this, it is important that the emotional attachment of the spouses develops into friendship. Otherwise, everyone will focus on their own problems and complaints. Sometimes a woman believes that she will receive the lack of love from her husband from her baby. But, faced with the responsibilities of a mother, she becomes depressed, realizing that she has to “give” more again. Therefore, the birth of a child should be approached carefully and together prepared for a new stage in the family.

A woman goes through enormous stress: physical, hormonal, psychological. A man also experiences stress, but his task is to understand the state of his wife and not contrast his functions as a “breadwinner” with those of his parents. After all, a father is also a parent. At this stage of life, the ability to help each other is important.

If there were contradictions before the birth of the baby, they become aggravated. Therefore, one should not think that a newborn will breathe life into a broken relationship, although this sometimes happens. But more often, problems put on pause will make themselves felt again in the next crisis period.

Family with teenage children

This stage is often called the stabilization stage. To do this, at least one of the children must reach adolescence. This is a rather difficult period in the life of a child and his parents. A deterioration in relationships can provoke another family crisis.

At this stage of family development, adolescents gradually leave the influence of their parents, their relationships change, and children become more independent.

At the stabilization stage:

• parents recognize teenagers’ right to their own independence and self-sufficiency;
• as children have become more independent, responsibilities and responsibilities among all family members are reviewed and redistributed.

Psychology of relationships between parents and children

The psychology of family relationships between wife and husband should exclude any targeted influence on the child in order to seek support from him. It should not be used as a tool for manipulation. The psyche of children is vulnerable, and participation in conflicts between spouses will cause irreparable damage.

You can find mutual understanding with a child if you treat him as an equal, a person who has his own needs and views. You need to learn to hear his words, learn to accept his point of view.

It is important not to be shy about openly showing feelings of love for children. Hugs and kisses are an integral part of the closeness between parents and children.

You cannot limit a child’s freedom, reproach him or try to manipulate him. Negative emotions and accusations should be avoided, as this will force the child to seek understanding in communicating with peers or with any adults, whose influence may not always be positive.

Communication in the family should be based on the principles of equality and mutual respect.

A family whose children left their home

For parents at this stage, there is only one task left - to understand and accept the departure of their children into adulthood as the only correct decision. This process is important: if children suddenly remain with their parents for the rest of their lives, a number of problems may arise in the development of the family.

After the children leave:

• the spouses return to life together;
• The type of communication between children and parents is changing - the relationship was “child-adult”, it became “adult-adult”.

Teen crisis

When the eldest child reaches the teenage crisis, most parents begin to have a midlife crisis. The stage of family life with older teenage children is a crisis stage due to the children reaching puberty and the challenges associated with this process. And also with the ongoing physiological and psychological changes of the married couple themselves. Re-evaluating life experiences opens your eyes to missed opportunities. You take your own failures out on your partner. Men can look elsewhere for confirmation of their masculinity and wealth.

Maintaining hierarchy in the family is possible if a flexible system of rules is built and intra-family communication is established.

Stage of family development “empty nest”

The children left the house at the previous stage, and the parents were left alone. For them, this is a chance to return to the relationships that developed at the very beginning of family life. They begin to take care of each other again, show attention, and help as much as they can. Age does not affect this process: retired spouses can again become tender and in love.

But such a rapprochement between a couple can also result in an unexpected problem: statistics convince us that jealousy may again appear on the part of a man or a woman, demands on each other increase, and unjustified claims arise.

Do not forget that when children leave the family, the range of opportunities for spouses expands in both family and social life. If you use them wisely, relationships can be strengthened. Otherwise, a rupture is possible, but it occurs extremely rarely.

"Empty nest"

The wedding of a daughter or son has already been celebrated.
The house, where there was always eternal noise and not a day of peace, suddenly became empty. All that remains are memories and rare visits of the newlyweds to their parents. Life has actually already been lived. Looking back, spouses often replay another development in their lives with other partners. There is no point in getting a divorce here, since they are unlikely to meet someone better. Such a couple already understands each other without words. They make fun of each other together. But, having gone through almost their entire life path together, they are firmly connected by the trials of fate they have experienced.

The couple continues to go to work or even starts their own business by then. Joint affairs, as a rule, are very uniting. They also try to become more interested in social life and socialize more. Such a couple is very interesting: she can carry on a conversation on any topic, thanks to her rich life experience.

But it also happens that after a child leaves the family, the spouses don’t even have anything to talk about.

They don't even fight. What's the point of arguing if they won't make up? They will live like this, practically without communicating with each other. They are bored, even sad. They used to have a joint “project” called “son” or “daughter”. And now the “project” is gone, taking away all the love and energy spent on his upbringing. Therefore, it is imperative to find pleasant hobbies for both spouses and move on as if nothing has changed. After all, life goes on, and it’s worth coloring it properly.

Read more: The complex psychology of the relationship between a mother and an adult son: tips

Death of a partner

The stage begins on the day of the funeral of one of the spouses. Those left to live experience pain, a feeling of loss, and increasingly need help. At this time, the emotional connection with children may strengthen, which will smooth out the heightened feeling of loneliness and the pain of loss.

The surviving spouse remembers the years they lived together, grieves for their loved one who has passed away forever, takes stock and gradually accepts these changes in their life.

Simple rules for building good relationships: advice from a psychologist

The psychology of marriage and family includes some general recommendations, following which you can save your marriage even in times of crisis. To do this you need:

• respect your partner and his relatives;
• regularly show gratitude and attention;
• be able to forgive, give in, compromise;
• not to notice the minor shortcomings of a loved one;
• be ready to engage in dialogue;
• be able to listen to your partner and try to change.

Common goals, developed the same system of values, and tolerance towards a partner will help strengthen the union and survive even difficult periods.



Development of the average Russian family

The stages of development of the social unit of society proposed by J. Haley are difficult to use when analyzing the average Russian family. This is largely due to historically established public morality and the peculiarities of the country’s socio-economic development. In most cases, young families were unable to build their lives separately from the older generation. In modern Russia, the only opportunity to have your own home is to take out a mortgage loan for many years. But this solution is not available to everyone, which has noticeably aggravated the situation and left its mark on the formation of family values ​​and development trends of the modern family.

Parents + adult child.

Living under the same roof with their parents deprives adult children of the opportunity to gain their own life experience. The lifestyle of parents, their rules and norms become a role model. The formation of children's personality occurs in conditions where the manifestation of independence is not welcomed, as a result, young people do not know what to do in the current situation, how to make the right decision. They do not have their own worldview, since they are forced to be guided by the rules of behavior in society that their parents impose on them.

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Parents + young family.

The child has matured and is ready to start his own family. A meeting with a potential partner and further development of relations lead to the emergence of a new unit of society. But more often than not, the financial situation of young spouses does not allow them to start an independent life, and they are forced to stay in the same house with their parents.

Living together creates its own conditions, so families must definitely agree on what rules and regulations will be binding for everyone. Successful negotiations will ensure an acceptable moral and psychological climate in the house for both families. Unfortunately, practice shows that when parents and a young family live together, conflicts often arise due to the unwillingness or inability to take into account each other’s interests and accept common norms and rules of behavior.

Parents + young family with a child.

The arrival of a baby makes its own adjustments and gives rise to a new stage in the development of relationships in the family. Children themselves become parents, and their mothers and fathers acquire the status of grandparents. New rules of behavior appear for all people living together, which inevitably leads to conflict situations. Often at this stage another crisis in family relationships is provoked, which can lead to divorce.

Without a clear division of roles in the family, the functional responsibilities of its members are violated. For example, when a grandmother sits at home and raises her grandson, confusion arises in the “grandmother-mother” relationship. Or in a family consisting of a grandmother, mother and child, conflicts between adults constantly occur in front of the child, who begins to treat his grandmother the same way as his mother.

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Parents + young family + two children.

There are more children, but this stage is noted as calmer, because all emotions, mistakes and crises were passed at the previous stage. The only possible manifestation of jealousy of the older child towards the newborn is what many families face. But if the parents prepared him for the arrival of a brother or sister and competently distributed love and care between the children, then this crisis will not arise.

Old age of the ancestors.

The next stage is associated with the fact that the ancestors grow old, begin to get seriously ill, become somewhat helpless or cannot take care of themselves at all. This imposes certain obligations on their children, making them dependent on the older generation. This situation often causes irritation and even aggression.

As a result, functional responsibilities and rules of behavior within the family are again revised, which leads to another crisis in the relationship. First of all, it hits the elderly, who are accustomed to being at the head of the family and being responsible for it.

But despite all the difficulties, it is not customary in Russian families to leave helpless old people alone. Society condemns those children who send their parents to a nursing home or abandon them to their fate. Perhaps this is one of the fundamental differences between the Russian family model and the Western one.

Grandparents quite often at this stage unite with their grandchildren against their own children. They pamper the younger generation and cover up their tricks in front of their parents. In another type of relationship, parents involve teenage children in caring for the older generation. Such behavior forms a sense of responsibility, correct moral principles and norms in growing youth.

Middle generation + older children.

In fact, at this stage, the first phase of family development is repeated, only generations and their roles have changed. The old people have passed away, their children have become parents, and the children’s children are ready to create their own unit of society.

We can say that Russian families have the following main distinctive features:

• family model consists of three generations;
• the younger generation is financially dependent on the older generation;
• children do not have the opportunity to exercise independence, make decisions, or form their own worldview;
• cohabitation of two generations leads to disruption of functional responsibilities and confusion of roles;
• group members lose individuality and independence.

The life cycle of each family is unique, and its duration depends on many factors. Some couples live for a long time without children, others have them at the very beginning of their life together. Most remain to live with their parents, but some manage to separate and build a family according to their own rules and norms. Divorce or death of one of the spouses shortens the life cycle of a family.

FAQ

Below are answers to the most frequently asked questions by our readers.

What is a nuclear family?

The concept is usually applied to families consisting of parents and children or only spouses. This implies that only the relationship between spouses and their children takes place. Parents of spouses are not considered as elements constituting the concept. That is, in the case when a couple and children live together, this is a nuclear family. If the parents of at least one of the partners live with the spouses and their children, the concept is not used.

Do ideal families exist?

Yes, but for each person the concept of an ideal family is different. It's about cultural, national, religious characteristics and more. For some, for example, polygamy is the norm, while others cannot even imagine the very possibility of living with several partners. And this is just an example: try asking your friends or parents what they see as an ideal family. The answers will vary almost exactly.

What does an ideal family mean?

It has already been repeatedly emphasized that such families do not exist. More precisely, they exist, but the concept itself is abstract. Therefore, we propose to talk about happy families. In them, each member is happy and has the opportunity to satisfy all their needs: in communication, in activities, in business, in hobbies, sexually and more.

Why is it so important to have a family?

The institution of family is one of the most important from a social point of view. But not everyone and not always realize the real importance of family as such. In it we do not just give birth and raise children or share household responsibilities. This is not the only function, although it is one of the main ones. In some families, people not only love each other, but also do the same thing. They may unite for other reasons. The characteristics of these reasons determine the importance of family for a particular person. It is here that each of us can find support and understanding at any time.

What is a family, according to children?

For children, the family circle is the place where they grow, develop, and receive their first ideas about what life is and how to behave in certain situations. For them, both mother and father are the most important people. Even when they become teenagers and leave their home, the importance of their parents for them does not diminish. Children most often associate their families with: • relatives and friends; • love; • happiness; • support and understanding.

What types of family are there?

There are many classifications. They are based on different criteria. For example, according to the form of marriage, monogamous and polygamous families are distinguished, and according to the structure of family ties - nuclear and extended. According to the criterion of residence of spouses, the following are distinguished: • patrilocal families (spouses live with the husband's parents); • matrilocal (spouses live with the wife's parents); • neolocal (live separately). There are matriarchal (female-dominated), patriarchal (male-dominated) and egalitarian (based on the principles of equality and partnership) families.

What is the most valuable thing in a family?

Everyone decides for themselves. But it should be understood that none of the family values ​​would exist if it were not for close people. Therefore, any value literally comes from the people you love.

Risk factors in family development

Even at the stage of acquaintance of potential spouses, there may be objective reasons that could lead them to divorce in the future. These reasons are called risk factors in family development.

The existence of factors that can destroy a family may be related to the personality of one of the spouses, his upbringing, origin, or the conditions under which the marriage was concluded. Risk factors most often include:

• different levels of education, large age differences (the risk increases if a woman is much older than her husband);
• alcohol addiction of one of the spouses;
• insufficiently serious attitude towards marriage and family relationships;
• the age of those wishing to register a marriage is too early;
• accidental pregnancy and childbirth;
• short period of acquaintance;
• sharp opposition of parents to the development of relationships and marriage;
• marriage by force or convenience, without the mutual consent of the partners;

Risk factors begin to appear at the very beginning of the spouses' life together. This is why more than one third of divorces occur among couples with a marital history of one to three years.

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Public opinion polls have shown that approximately one third of young people get married for reasons that have nothing to do with a full family life. They may be driven by the desire to quickly leave their parents, to show their independence and make a responsible decision, to take revenge on someone, to go to the registry office for a dispute, or simply to work together with a friend. With such motivation, young spouses do not even think about the tasks of family development that confront them after registering a marriage: understanding themselves as a couple, distributing marital roles and responsibilities, finding out the status of each spouse within the family, setting common goals, etc.

How to cope with a family crisis

If you realize that your couple is going through a crisis, this is half the success in getting out of it successfully. How to cope with a family crisis and take relationships to another level?

Communicate. Talk through all the problems and mutual complaints one by one. State the general rules and distribute responsibilities. Come to a compromise, that is, to a result that suits everyone. Know how to apologize if you realize you made a mistake. Learn to forgive. If you are not ready, then instead of ignoring, explain your condition and reschedule the conversation. Don't criticize your partner in front of witnesses. When expressing complaints, avoid insults and generalizations. Don't provoke your partner. If he is already stressed, help him. Don't do anything rash. Avoid hasty decisions. Look at your partner with new eyes, find new points of contact. Contact a psychologist.

Only with the cooperation of the spouses, the mutual desire to preserve the relationship and transfer it to a different quality, do they emerge from crises renewed and united. Don't give up, work on yourself, do your best in every life cycle to maintain a happy family. To be winners, not losers.