A dense ring of contradictions has formed around the relationship between the fair sex, confirmed by many real examples. It is believed that they are based solely on commercialism, and subconsciously friends remain rivals in all areas of their lives: from a new dress purchased to a successful opportunity to get married. There are many myths about female friendship, but I will tell you whether there is an emotional friendship between women, and how sincere their words and actions are.
What does the concept include?
In a scientific interpretation, friendship is a type of relationship that does not depend on gender and years lived, based on trust. Community of interests is fundamental. Depending on the duration, a friendship can be short, long, situational.
In simple terms, this is a relationship with a person who is ready to help always and under any circumstances, listen to problems and give objective, sincere advice. A girlfriend is not necessarily the one who is near you most of the day, but, for example, a friend who knows how to listen and understand your problems during rare meetings. If you can easily start a conversation about new things or shoes, new movies or sports news, complain about your husband or children, this is definitely a real girlfriend.
Does female friendship really exist?
Partnership between representatives of the fairer sex, as a phenomenon, still exists if:
- it began at school;
- the relationship does not interfere with the families of each of them;
- both people do not cross the line of trust;
- no one burdens the interlocutor with their never-ending problems;
- there is a similarity of characters and interests.
Whether a friendly relationship happens or not, time always shows; over the years, relationships go through various tests, strengthen or end.
Doubts
So why did the opinion arise that such a wonderful phenomenon as friendship between a woman and a woman does not exist?
The reason for this, again, is the peculiarities of the psychotype of the fair sex. An overly emotional nature often leads to unjustified quarrels, which are difficult to resolve or lead to a complete cessation of communication.
Also, many girls are prone to cunning and intrigue. It’s not for nothing that the female work collective is called “snake” behind its back. And this does not mean that everyone without exception is like that. Just some social and, possibly, sexual dissatisfaction entails such base manifestations as envy, a tendency to intrigue and scandals.
That’s why it’s so important, when joining a new women’s team, to keep your distance at first and not trust sensitive secrets.
Also, friendship between a woman and a woman may suffer due to the fact that friends liked one young man. Women are not inclined to give in to a potential partner; this is inherent in the level of primitive instincts. Only truly strong friendship can withstand such a test.
Psychology of female friendship
In each of them, nature has laid down the ability to immerse itself in any issue on an emotional level and perceive the world around us with feelings. Conversations and listening skills are fundamental to strong friendships. It gradually reveals trust, openness and other qualities that are not inherent in the male part of the population.
Such a character trait as the desire to maintain warm relationships at any cost results in partnership without attention. So, a girl who is close in spirit can terribly irritate, betray, you can make trouble with her and still remain in the status of a friend.
Origins
Very often, there are cases when you were friends since childhood, went to kindergarten together, then school, she was always nearby and knew your secrets. Later, you entered different universities and moved to different parts of the country, continuing to keep in touch by phone. After a while, a friend decided to stop by for a visit, and you suddenly realized that a complete stranger had come to see you. You begin to feel shame for not being able to protect a valuable feeling and feel an obligation to imitate the previous pattern of behavior.
There is another option - she was always there, dropped everything when she became sad - supported. You believed that you should communicate and meet several times a week, even when hobbies, income, and worldview change. You bear the burden of responsibility, although there is no desire to go to the next meeting; in half an hour you exchange the latest news, and then you plunge into the world of the past, because there is no conversation about the present.
Why do women carry unbearable loads?
Why does friendship between girls last for years, although neither party is interested in it? This is not necessarily subconscious violence and conscientious feelings. Sometimes it’s a banal benefit, not always material; sometimes, spiritual self-affirmation is much more important than receiving financial help.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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- Some deliberately run to help in order to assert their importance.
- Others are simply interested in the company. Going to the gym, dancing or shopping on your own is not as pleasant as with a helpful advisor.
- Still others maintain friendship in a state of loneliness, but as soon as a guy appears on the horizon, they disappear.
- A special group should include young mothers who simply need to talk to someone.
- And someone wants to be themselves at least sometimes, relax, take off the mask of emotions and talk in a relaxed atmosphere, because they cannot do this at home or at work.
As practice shows, in relationships all girls try to assert themselves and prove to themselves that she is better, if not everyone in the world, but at least her friend. Upon achieving the required status and financial foundation, entering into an advantageous marriage, competition begins to decline and tends to zero.
We select friends by common interests (fitness, drawing, courses, work, or by geographic location - neighbors, colleagues, classmates), and when the connecting link falls out, it turns out that there are no more common interests. The best time to make a friend is during your student years. During this period, the personality is already formed, open to change and new emotions. Those who met at the institute have a chance for a long relationship, since consciously generated emotions are reinforced by joint experiences.
Conversations and “chatter” about nothing
Communication between girls is a therapy that helps to get rid of the negativity inside and completely stabilize the psycho-emotional state. At the same time, the “listener” not only does not develop aggression and irritation, but, on the contrary, becomes interested in the conversation. In order to talk, it is not necessary to describe your troubles and look for a way out of the situation; it is enough to chat about something insignificant, share dry facts and unnecessary data.
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Social adaptation with the help of friends
Women's friendship is the easiest way to build relationships in society, to assert oneself and gain development. Due to the fact that physiologically boys and girls develop differently, only in the company of others like themselves can a girl change and become better. What a friend understands will remain incomprehensible and devoid of logic for a male friend. In communication, the main thing is emotional presentation and its sensitive perception. This is the main difference between female and male relationships. The goal of the first is to talk without meaning, the second is to find solutions to the problem and a logical explanation for its occurrence.
The other side of communication between women is scandals, intrigues and conversations in which gossip is born. However, this is inherent only in adolescence during the formation of personality. Representatives of the fair half may well be friends after quarrels and betrayals, protecting the sincerity of empathy, especially if the circle of acquaintances of each of them is not wide.
Friendship, warm feelings and love between women
Such a connection is similar to the one that occurs between a guy and a girl with mutual sympathy, however, without sexual overtones. Girlfriends do not get married and do not build a family, but they show interest in each other, provide respect and support, help, and joint leisure. Sometimes the manifestation of these qualities is much brighter and more colorful than in a strong married couple. Meetings may be scheduled less frequently, but they leave a more vivid impression.
Constructive and destructive relationships
Regardless of the scenario in which friendship develops, relationships in couples can be constructive and destructive. It is from destructive relationships that the myth arises that female friendship does not exist at all. “If you try not to allow into your life those types who violate your personal boundaries, secretly or openly, then female friendship, like male friendship, is subject to the same laws: we communicate with those who are close to us in worldview, who accept us as fully as possible and loves us as we are. And we reciprocate,” says clinical psychologist Natalia Branitskaya
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What distinguishes a faithful life partner from a pseudo-friend who destroys your life? According to psychologist Tatyana Pavlenko
, you really have a relationship with a friend if your relationship is built on the following principles.
Mutual selfless work. You help each other only because it makes you feel good to do it, without expecting gratitude or future help. True friendship between two women is mutual assistance. A true friend will never claim that by helping you she suffered inconveniences and difficulties. No gossip in your relationship. If one of your mutual friends speaks unflatteringly about you, your friend will never support such actions and will easily put the offender in his place. A close friend will never tell you about this episode, “savor” the details, watching your reaction. Each of you has personal relationships with men. Many people, when they quarrel with their boyfriends or husbands, run to share this problem with a friend to get support. But a good friend never gives “leave that asshole” advice without a very good reason. Also, you should not let into your life a woman who deliberately wants to quarrel between you and your man. Having constructive criticism in your communication
It is important not only to hear praise, but also smart, careful criticism, which motivates you to work on yourself. Your conversations should bring you development, not degradation of your mind
It's up to you to choose who to be friends with! In constructive female friendship, sincerity, tenderness, recognition of female sexuality, support, and love live freely. They can take a very different form: joint vacation trips, warm gatherings in a cafe, an important conversation in difficult times, discussion of painful issues, exchange of new discoveries and revelations, warm hugs and much more.
“What's on your heart? Isn't it darkness? Take a little of my light” (Alexey Reshetov).
Why there is no true female friendship
The hypothesis that women cannot be friends was invented by men who never question their relationships with each other. The stronger sex calmly assesses the situation and is able to smooth out troubles, while girls cannot forgive even a minor offense.
The first thing that stands between friends is envy. This parameter manifests itself quite sharply, but does not interfere with warm, intimate conversations. However, if a difficult situation arises, you should not expect help from an envious person.
A true close relationship between women presupposes knowledge of all the little things, while men may not be aware of the age and problems of a friend’s children, his troubles in life, communicating only on topics of interest to both. This kind of distance helps guys save their image and face. There is always vulnerability in front of a loved one - after all, she knows all your weaknesses and all your secrets, which can ultimately lead to a blow and serious discord.
From the above, it is clear that it is much easier for men to maintain long-term friendships, they make friends more closely and meaningfully, but if we talk about a critical situation, then a friend will come to the rescue faster than a bosom buddy.
What prevents the fair half from building friendly relationships?
In every communication, at least subconsciously, there is envy, against the background of personal unfulfillment. This leads to disagreements, discussions behind one’s back, and the desire to prove one’s superiority.
When the end comes
Sometimes relationships end for unclear reasons. Some “outgrow” the partnership, others become fixated on their problems, begin to compare, envy, and against this background even hate. In this case, the girl needs to try to let her ex-girlfriend go without accusing her of ingratitude or contempt.
Types of girlfriends
A friend is an adviser
- A vampire. Such a young lady will constantly need your help, complain about boredom, loneliness, and constantly wait for support. This will lead to conflicts brewing between you and your spouse.
- Assistant. Will strive to provide help without demanding anything in return. Over time, he will begin to help with housework and take on part of the care for your family. My husband will not like the fact that there is always someone else in the house. Although it is not uncommon for a man to fall in love with his wife’s friend, who was constantly in front of his eyes, and did a better job around the house than her wife.
- Advisor. Such a girl always knows what to do in one or another situation. She will constantly discuss your husband, criticize his actions, and try to open her eyes to his shortcomings. Do everything to make you disappointed in your loved one. In fact, she may be jealous of your happiness. When she sees how you suffer, she gets satisfaction (she doesn’t have such problems).
The answer to the question of whether there is a strong friendship between girls is negative. No, friendship is possible, the main thing is not to put your girlfriend in first place, leaving your husband in second, and secondly, always remain with your opinion, and not listen to your girlfriend’s every word.
Why true female friendship, despite all disagreements, happens
If you know how to properly distribute friendly energy, not be too intrusive, provide support when it’s really needed, and not trespass on each other’s personal space, you can build a long-lasting and strong relationship.
Rules
It is possible to lose a friend if you do not comply with a basic list of requirements:
- Try to choose as a companion a person who is similar in social status in society, intelligence and family status. The smaller the gap in different areas of life, the easier it is for friends to understand each other.
- Personal problems that arise at work or at home with your husband - try to solve them yourself, without consulting a close friend. Otherwise, you risk dragging her into unnecessary squabbles, further complicating the situation.
- Be sure to protect your personal space and set aside time for relaxation without strangers.
- Don't give her all the information indiscriminately. She can tell it to third parties without bad thoughts and thereby damage your reputation.
- The grounds for close relationships are equality and mutual assistance. If one of the girls always has time to help or meet, and the other is busy at the right time, this is already parasitism.
- There are also unspoken rules: if a person is absent, you should not judge him, discuss him, or express criticism. If she finds out, there will be a quarrel and the end of trusted ties.
And most importantly, appreciate those who know how to sincerely rejoice at their achievements!
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Features of choice
Before choosing your best friend, you need to pay attention to certain points.
- Female friendship can exist between people of the same social status and intellectual level.
- Normal friendships cannot be observed if one girl is much more beautiful than the other. The second will develop complexes regarding appearance and inferiority.
- There is no need to start a friendship with a girl who already has a lot of friends if you are looking for a best friend.
I have a friend, our friendship is already 16 years old. When my son was born, I called her to become his godmother. Now she lives in another city, she has her own family, her own children, she gets to see each other once a year, but we constantly communicate on the phone and support each other.
How to build strong relationships
If you can treat a friend without subtext or prejudice, without demanding anything from her and allowing her to remain herself, you will most likely be able to build strong and long-term friendships. The main rules of close relationship:
- Identify a person with similar interests and goals.
- Do not demand anything from him in return and do not spare anything for him.
- Trust and be sincere.
- Learn to live without envy and enjoy your friend’s happy events.
- Carefully protect your privacy and space, not allowing your time to be occupied only by your friend.
- Stop complaining all the time. Strong communication does not depend on “whining” alone.
- Accept the personality as it is, without trying to impose your current view;
You shouldn't keep in touch just out of respect for the past. In your time, you were able to give a person everything that was expected of you. Going to meetings “out of politeness” means wasting your time on something you don’t like. You need to be able to change people in time to those who will open up new opportunities for you. A woman needs to go to sports, develop hidden talents, take part in trainings, take care of her appearance, and not drown in obligations to a loved one.
Origins
There are often situations when friendship was formed in childhood, starting in kindergarten, then school, all the time together. After graduating from school, you enter different universities and travel to different cities, maintaining communication only by phone and via the Internet. After a certain period of time, a friend decides to come for a visit, and upon arrival you realize that this is a completely different person. You are overcome by a feeling of shame that you have become so cold towards a once close person and you begin to feel an obligation to imitate a good attitude towards your friend.
There is another version of the event - your friend constantly supported you, no matter what, even to the detriment of herself. It seemed to you that communication needed to be maintained, despite different views on life, interests, financial situation, etc. At your next meeting with a friend, you feel responsible for maintaining communication. Although, in reality, you don’t want to communicate with this person at all, you only talk about the past, since you have no desire to share the present.
How to save
Relationships are more serious work than what you do every day in the office. Various crises and misunderstandings can lead to the breakdown of relationships. To prevent this from happening, you should build a correct behavioral line.
- It is impossible to communicate without mutual exchange of secrets. The desire to share feelings or, conversely, to hear details overwhelms the beautiful half of humanity. However, every lady can have her own little secrets. At the same time, you need to be able to keep secrets if everyone has entrusted them to you.
- You should not start a relationship with her ex - this can become a real test for a friend, especially if the breakup was painful.
- Competition and rivalry are excluded. In the struggle for primacy, people become real enemies.
- Moving to another city, vacationing abroad or a business trip is not a reason to stop communicating. It is important to pay attention to a text message, a photograph, an interesting post, or a call. Perhaps she needs help now.
We all come from childhood,
and all our relationships with different people begin to form in childhood. Each of us remembers how carefree we played in the sandbox with other children in the yard or kindergarten. But among this noisy flock, we gradually developed a closer relationship with one girl. And now other children no longer matter: we go for a walk when our friend is walking, we play those games that we both like, we get bored when we can’t talk to her. This is how female friendship is born. Some people manage to carry it through their entire lives, while others outgrow it. Relationships between friends are tested by time and circumstances. And this is all good because by meeting and communicating with new people, we better understand ourselves, evaluate our new and old friends and our friendship.
