Self-affirmation at the expense of other people is a destructive model of behavior. Self-affirmation as such is a person’s desire to achieve and maintain a certain social status and recognition in society. A healthy option for self-affirmation is continuous self-development, the disclosure of personal potential. However, some people choose another option - to assert themselves at the expense of others. Let's consider this model of behavior in more detail.
Meaning and importance of the process
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Is this true? If you open an explanatory dictionary and look up the meaning of the word “self-affirmation”, you will find that this is a very useful and necessary word for defining the process of development of your personality: to assert oneself means becoming more confident in oneself, in one’s abilities and one’s capabilities, that is, to assert oneself as a person
Self-affirmation is expressed through human behavior that is aimed at raising self-esteem in one’s own eyes or the eyes of other people, as well as maintaining one’s social status.
Denial of self
At first glance, self-denial is the opposite concept of self-affirmation. After all, this is a kind of renunciation of oneself, alienation from one’s own individuality. A person considers himself weak, and in order to overcome this, he mentally joins someone else, stronger, and ultimately transfers his qualities to himself.
In this situation, he lives not his own life, but someone else’s, and identifies himself with his idol. As a result, he develops those personality traits that are characteristic of the hero he has chosen. Behavior strategies change accordingly. This is how fans of famous people behave, fans of celebrities who are ready to change both their appearance and character, losing their individuality. Self-denial is typical for teenagers who strive to imitate some famous actor, athlete, or musician.
According to psychologists, each person, asserting himself, has in his arsenal options for behavioral strategies. They are studied in order to classify personality types in the process of self-affirmation, determine the reasons for choosing a particular strategy, and understand the mechanisms of self-affirmation. If a person adheres to only one strategy of self-affirmation, then he feels certain psychological problems, which can be difficult to understand. But for the most part, their essence comes down to the inability to communicate and build relationships with people.
Observing people's behavior, psychologists note the ability to refuse as one of the mechanisms of self-affirmation. People with different behavioral strategies say “no” differently. A person of the first type of behavior says “no” peremptorily, not allowing the free expression of the will of another person. A person of the constructive type of self-affirmation justifies his refusal, gives arguments, explains why things are this way and not otherwise. A person prone to self-denial cannot say “no.” He experiences psychological problems because he is often forced to do things he doesn't want to do.
Unit of measurement – self-esteem
So far, as you can see, there is nothing terrible, worthy of condemnation and condemnation. There is a whole theory of self-affirmation, which is aimed at studying how each person adapts to any information or experience if it threatens his self-esteem. So, we have come to the conclusion that the process of self-affirmation is directly related to a person’s self-esteem and is aimed at maintaining its level at the required height.
What is this self-esteem? Why will any changes in your self-esteem inevitably affect the quality of your life? Let's figure this out before we condemn self-affirmation.
Self-affirmation at the expense of others
I want coffee!
How often in your life have you found yourself in a situation where you need to defend your point of view or position? To answer this question, it is enough to imagine the simplest situation. For example, someone says to you: “Will you have tea or coffee? Yes, actually, it doesn’t matter, I’ve already prepared (prepared) tea for you.” And you really wanted a cup of hot coffee.
In this seemingly simple situation, a lot is hidden. I think you won't mind if we look at it in detail. So, in response to the current situation, several development options are possible.
- Option one.
A wave of protest rises inside you: “I don’t want tea. Why did you decide that you can impose your decision on me?” You clearly show your disagreement and get the coveted coffee. This behavior raises and maintains your self-esteem. You assert yourself by standing up for your desires.
- Option two.
You suppress your desire, thank, and drink tea. You can do this for various reasons, but the result is the same: your disagreement has not gone away, it remains, and now you will constantly return to this or a similar situation as a point of suppression of your self-esteem. The one who made you tea turned out to be stronger and was able to impose his decision on you. This is an element of his self-affirmation at your expense, but it is you who allow this to happen.
Self-esteem concept
The definition of self-esteem includes:
- your inner image of yourself;
- your idea of the importance of your personality and the activities you perform among other people;
- assessing yourself: your qualities, emotions, feelings, strengths and weaknesses.
When determining the level of your self-esteem, you rely on your existing value system, and you can show your understanding of this level openly or not openly disclose it. Simply put, self-esteem is how you perceive yourself.
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At the same time, the opinion of others plays a very important role in the formation of self-esteem: how others perceive you, and how your achievements are assessed by society. This is what the battle for in the process of self-affirmation takes place.
Why do we assert ourselves?
The desire to establish oneself in a strong position is inherent in man by nature itself. Also K.I. Chukovsky, in his book “From Two to Five,” expressed the opinion that it is important for a child to constantly be in the spotlight, he tirelessly waits for approval and praise, and proudly emphasizes his achievements. This is explained by the child’s inferior position in relation to adults, his dependence on elders. And self-affirmation under these conditions can be expressed in the form of aggression as an expression of protest or negativistic demonstrativeness, when a child deliberately ignores the demands of adults.
The little man has not yet received sufficient life experience, but he is no longer satisfied with a secondary, dependent position. And the desire to assert oneself can be considered here as self-knowledge of the individual, the desire to strengthen one’s position, to gain independence.
Self-affirmation, in its best understanding, is necessary for a person. The origins of this phenomenon are in natural selection as the main factor of natural development, when the fittest survives. To assert oneself means to declare oneself: “I am, I exist.”
Self-affirmation is a complex socio-psychological complex. A person in the process of self-realization concerns the interests, emotions and views of others. There is mutual influence of personalities. In the process of communication, the need for recognition and awareness of one’s own value arises. Ambition, vanity, and ambition encourage self-affirmation. It is natural for a person to want to secure a certain social status. As a dual nature, a person is guided in his behavior by both positive and negative actions.
In addition to the great cultural achievements created by writers, philosophers, musicians, and scientists, history has preserved many examples of terrible crimes. They committed them as a result of self-affirmation. The motive for these atrocities is nothing more than the desire to stand out, attract attention, and assert oneself.
Healthy self-affirmation is aimed at revealing the potentials inherent in the human personality that require disclosure. And how this process will take place depends on the choice of the person himself.
Self-affirmation strategies
Self-affirmation can be considered as a person’s need to achieve and maintain a certain social status. Various strategies can be used:
- constructive – the ability to maintain and maintain the significance of one’s “I” through one’s own development. This occurs due to maintaining interest in other people, the so-called social interest;
- denial or self-denial - a person completely copies the behavior of another person, as if he begins to live the life of another person. This happens if the personality is not yet sufficiently formed, or, intuitively feeling the weakness of his own personality, a person strengthens the sense of his own “I” by joining another person, and complete or partial identification occurs;
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- destructive – suppression of another person, assertion of one’s “I” due to his shortcomings. To do this, there is a process of continuous search for these shortcomings, and deliberately emphasizing them, which leads to an increase in the value of one’s own “I”.
Denial of self
Fear of being alone at home
At first glance, self-denial is the opposite concept of self-affirmation. After all, this is a kind of renunciation of oneself, alienation from one’s own individuality. A person considers himself weak, and in order to overcome this, he mentally joins someone else, stronger, and ultimately transfers his qualities to himself.
In this situation, he lives not his own life, but someone else’s, and identifies himself with his idol. As a result, he develops those personality traits that are characteristic of the hero he has chosen. Behavior strategies change accordingly. This is how fans of famous people behave, fans of celebrities who are ready to change both their appearance and character, losing their individuality. Self-denial is typical for teenagers who strive to imitate some famous actor, athlete, or musician.
According to psychologists, each person, asserting himself, has in his arsenal options for behavioral strategies. They are studied in order to classify personality types in the process of self-affirmation, determine the reasons for choosing a particular strategy, and understand the mechanisms of self-affirmation. If a person adheres to only one strategy of self-affirmation, then he feels certain psychological problems, which can be difficult to understand. But for the most part, their essence comes down to the inability to communicate and build relationships with people.
Observing people's behavior, psychologists note the ability to refuse as one of the mechanisms of self-affirmation. People with different behavioral strategies say “no” differently. A person of the first type of behavior says “no” peremptorily, not allowing the free expression of the will of another person. A person of the constructive type of self-affirmation justifies his refusal, gives arguments, explains why things are this way and not otherwise. A person prone to self-denial cannot say “no.” He experiences psychological problems because he is often forced to do things he doesn't want to do.
Signs of a destructive strategy
The last strategy in classical psychology is considered dominant, leading. You can often observe signs of self-affirmation at the expense of others in everyday life:
- argument as a way to defend one’s point of view, without a specific constructive goal;
- constant search for shortcomings in the actions and behavior of others;
- unfounded accusations, condemnations, insults of other people;
- authoritarian behavior, ostentatious demonstration of self-importance.
It is very interesting to watch such a person. As a rule, external aggressiveness and ostentatious self-confidence are manifested. All this, in the opinion of such a person, should indicate high self-esteem, but if we move on to a deeper consideration, then this is just an inadequate perception of oneself.
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Why does it occur
Self-affirmation at the expense of others is a protective mechanism of the psyche that helps a person protect himself from unresolved problems. It is based on the need to constantly seek confirmation of one’s own superiority and importance. If a person can prove that everyone around him is bad, then the attitude “I am good” automatically appears in his head. With this comes a feeling of confidence, security, and comfort.
Why do some people need regular confirmation of their worth? Because they live with the belief “I am bad.” Where did this attitude come from? Parents suggested. They did not accept the child, criticized him, insulted him, humiliated him, suppressed him, beat him, punished him, intimidated him, compared him with others, etc.
Causes and Effects
The reasons for this behavior are different: dislike in childhood and adolescence, lack of acceptance of oneself in general, feelings of fear, experienced psychological trauma at different ages, a communication environment in which there is the direct influence of stronger individuals.
Of course, choosing the path of destructive self-affirmation is easier: you don’t need to work through your own shortcomings or look for your own ways of realizing yourself in the world. This is a dead end path to personal development. To get out of this impasse, you must realize that, in this case, any achievement of success is just an illusion that will be destroyed upon closer examination, changing your area of activity or social circle. It is from understanding the inappropriateness of this type of behavior that your path to the real you begins.
Features of the phenomenon
What is self-affirmation? This is a rather complex phenomenon, in which the following components are distinguished:
- Social and psychological aspects: a person actively interacts with his environment, and in the course of this process he is realized. Opponents’ values, emotions, views, interests, etc. are involved here.
- Close connection with self-concept, self-attitude and self-esteem.
- Motives and needs related to achieving vital goals. This may include success, recognition, self-fulfillment, power.
- Tactics and life strategies (defensive, compensatory, dominant, constructive).
It’s also worth noting that you can assert yourself in different ways. This is done both through real actions and illusions. A person can either overestimate any achievement or take credit for something.
Changing strategy as a way to yourself
To change your self-affirmation strategy to a constructive one, you need to:
- honestly admit to yourself your shortcomings and accept them along with your personal strengths. In this way, you will be able to work on your weak qualities that prevent you from truly being realized in the world;
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- change the direction of your actions towards achieving life goals through the application of mental efforts without the desire to suppress other people or show a sense of superiority over them. This is a constructive way of working on oneself;
As a result of this difficult, but very important work, the need to assert yourself at the expense of other people simply disappears, becomes uninteresting, and you will be able to move to another, better level of development, where self-affirmation through creative realization and life activity comes to the fore. The main bonus will be the development of self-esteem, which will become part of your self-realization and harmonious mental development.
Developing your self while maintaining interest in others
People assert themselves at the expense of others.
self-affirmation: why do we assert ourselves? Constructive type of self-affirmation. A person strives for self-discovery through the development of his own personality. Such self-affirmation is a natural process for a person striving to realize himself in society
Constructive self-affirmation is important for the individual, as it is a motivating factor for self-realization. Self-realization is one of the main tasks of personality development
This means that a person is doing what he loves, he has succeeded in his profession and family. I found love and discovered my creativity.
The concept of self-realization is sometimes confused with the concept of social success, although they are not the same thing. In the public consciousness, the understanding of success is determined by material security, popularity, and power. Self-realization is the disclosure of natural data, one’s purpose.
Self-disclosure of personality is not always successful in all areas of activity. At each age it has its own characteristics. For example, there are cases where physically weak teenagers achieved high results in sports. This age is especially characterized by the need for self-affirmation. And his best side is his hard work on himself. Adults assert themselves in their profession. In this case, a person reveals his abilities without denying other personalities; the essence of his self-affirmation is the ascent to higher levels of development. Finding oneself in a new quality, a new role at each specific time (age) stage.
With the constructive type of self-affirmation, a person himself determines how to establish himself in society and gain confidence in the value of his self. Women are characterized by self-affirmation in the role of mother, wife, and housewife. Male wealth is determined by success in social and professional activities.
A successful person can do a lot for others, but his success may not bring him a sense of self-satisfaction. A self-realized person is a happy person. These two concepts are not at all mutually exclusive. Some people manage to combine both social success and personal fulfillment.
Denial of self
At first glance, self-denial is the opposite concept of self-affirmation. After all, this is a kind of renunciation of oneself, alienation from one’s own individuality. A person considers himself weak, and in order to overcome this, he mentally joins someone else, stronger, and ultimately transfers his qualities to himself.
In this situation, he lives not his own life, but someone else’s, and identifies himself with his idol. As a result, he develops those personality traits that are characteristic of the hero he has chosen. Behavior strategies change accordingly. This is how fans of famous people behave, fans of celebrities who are ready to change both their appearance and character, losing their individuality. Self-denial is typical for teenagers who strive to imitate some famous actor, athlete, or musician.
According to psychologists, each person, asserting himself, has in his arsenal options for behavioral strategies. They are studied in order to classify personality types in the process of self-affirmation, determine the reasons for choosing a particular strategy, and understand the mechanisms of self-affirmation. If a person adheres to only one strategy of self-affirmation, then he feels certain psychological problems, which can be difficult to understand. But for the most part, their essence comes down to the inability to communicate and build relationships with people.
Observing people's behavior, psychologists note the ability to refuse as one of the mechanisms of self-affirmation. People with different behavioral strategies say “no” differently. A person of the first type of behavior says “no” peremptorily, not allowing the free expression of the will of another person. A person of the constructive type of self-affirmation justifies his refusal, gives arguments, explains why things are this way and not otherwise. A person prone to self-denial cannot say “no.” He experiences psychological problems because he is often forced to do things he doesn't want to do.
You are the only person who can change your life
In every situation you've ever been in, positive or negative, one common thread is you. It is your ability, and yours alone, to understand what has happened in your life; you can choose to change the situation or change the way you look at it. Don't let the opinions of others interfere with this reality.
The fact that you are capable of achievement is not due to what other people think about you. What you are capable of achieving depends entirely on the decisions you make regarding your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people who will accuse you of doing something wrong are people who want you to lead a double life.
