In the life of every person, as an individual or a citizen, certain problems may arise that can be called a difficult life situation (DLS). How to understand that the situation is really difficult, and what to do to overcome it? First of all, it’s worth understanding what THS is.
Difficult life situation
Moving away from parents
Every person sooner or later faces a situation where they have to move away from their parents. This is not about moving to a neighboring apartment or entrance. The point is that it is during this period that a radical change in all the usual norms occurs. You understand that from now on all responsibility lies with you. Even if your parents continue to help you, it will only be help, and not living your life for you (as parents who practice overprotection often prefer to do). Definitely, a person will no longer be the same as before, since he ceases to be a child in the classical sense and becomes an adult and independent person (especially if he understands how useful separation is).
Broken heel
“No matter what the day brings, you feel freshness” - if you are over 30 years old, you probably remember the commercial from the 90s, where a woman breaks her heel, and then, without being upset at all, breaks off the second one and joyfully walks on. The bad news: tearing off the heel with your hands will not be easy even for a man; the shoe will most likely break. In general, now women don’t wear heels so often; sneakers and boots are in fashion. But what to do if this is your case?
What to do
Keep a spare pair at work or in the car. If trouble happens on the street and you are going to a meeting, take a taxi home to change your shoes. In the case when there is no time for this, and the meeting cannot be canceled, make a broken heel your trump card! So you can say: “Look how I hurried to you, even I suffered, but I still came!” The one who was waiting for you will probably sympathize with you and even feel a little obliged to you.
Wedding
We are not talking about the kind of marriage registration when young people strive to separate from their parents together and do what they want. The point is to approach the issue of marriage with full responsibility. This decision sometimes takes months, years and even decades to make (this is often practiced in the modern world). By that time, each partner understands what skills and values (including material ones) he must have in order to create a strong family.
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Making relationships long-term and harmonious is not an easy task. Therefore, such changes, when people turn from children into husband and wife, and then into parents, are very useful for the formation of their personality.
Were caught having sex
Kisses also count: who as a schoolchild wasn’t afraid that during the first timid kisses, parents or a teacher wouldn’t suddenly appear behind their back? With age, everything becomes more serious, and then one day you are already worried that your own children will catch you.
What to do
Better hide! Without knowing exactly the situation, it is difficult to give advice. If your parents caught you, get dressed and introduce your partner to them (if he hasn’t already run away). If you were caught committing adultery, our advice is unlikely to help. And if the police caught you in a public place, it’s your own fault, they knew what they were getting into. But there will be more than enough adrenaline and memories.
Betrayal of a friend
You sometimes quarreled, but then quickly made up. We shared secrets, there was never any understatement between you, since all problems were resolved quickly. And suddenly you are faced with the fact that your friend has betrayed you. Accepting this is not only difficult, but at first it is almost impossible. This is not just betrayal, it is a small death of your faith, hope, confidence, etc. Time passes and there is nothing left but to realize that this happened in your life. At first, you are inclined to never trust anyone again. However, later you realize that this lesson was very useful for you.
Now you know how to communicate with people correctly, who to allow to approach and who to keep at a distance. You realize that you should come first for yourself and you should never sacrifice your interests for the sake of others if they are important to you. You have received a “vaccination” that will help you avoid many mistakes in the future.
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Help in difficult life situations
Among difficult life situations, social protection authorities pay the closest attention to dysfunctional families where the child suffers from a lack of understanding on the part of the parents. Particular attention is paid to low-income and single-parent families in which a teenager misses school due to low financial status.
In this case, the state, in accordance with the provisions approved by law, can take the following measures:
- monetary assistance in the form of subsidies, various compensations and pensions (for loss of a breadwinner, disability, etc.);
- improvement of living conditions;
- free psychological support;
- rehabilitation medical care in special institutions: sanatoriums, dispensaries and rehabilitation and other health centers;
- assistance in obtaining further education on a budgetary basis.
In particularly difficult situations, where the participants are minor children, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities are involved in solving the problem. In Russia, this is a special state executive body that controls the treatment of children.
Attention! The main goal of assistance in a difficult situation is to help the person in need adapt to the new prevailing living conditions and stabilize the situation.
Adaptation can be either favorable (the individual takes an active position) or unfavorable (the person simply adapts).
A person who finds himself in a difficult life situation can count on outside help. In order to cope with problems and stabilize his life, a citizen must make his contribution in the form of working on himself to acquire an active life position.
Birth of a child
At first it seems that nothing special will happen. A living toy will appear in the family, which will not be able to radically change your life and attitude towards the world around you. However, as soon as the child is born, everything changes. If not immediately, then over the next few years you turn off the inner child in yourself and realize that you have become a parent. You gladly accept responsibility for his safety, happily give up some of your habits, become more sensitive, caring, and sometimes even sentimental.
Everything is changing, and this is a great happiness, since you already feel like an adult and self-sufficient person who has already achieved a lot at this stage (your heart is filled with pride not so much for yourself as for the well-established circumstances).
What does “difficult life situation” mean?
TLC can be characterized as neediness in the sphere of social existence. If a citizen has a need in material, housing or socio-psychological terms and cannot get out of it without the support of the state, then it is considered that he is in a difficult life situation (situation).
Concept in law
The state in Federal Law No. 195 of the Russian Federation of December 10, 1995 “On the fundamentals of social services for the population in the Russian Federation,” based on paragraph 4 of Article 3, defines that a difficult life situation is such circumstances in which a person’s life activity as a citizen , violated due to objective reasons. At the same time, the legislation considers one of the criteria to be the inability to independently resolve the current critical situation.
The following factors may be considered the reason for this:
- illness or disability;
- senile incapacity or loneliness;
- abuse of children by parents, as well as their absence (one or both);
- lack of own housing or a specific place to live.
This rightfully includes unemployment or low-income families (individual citizens).
Important! Unemployment, as one of the conditions of the current housing cooperative agreement, is today the reason that causes the inability to pay a mortgage. As a result of late bank payments, the creditor seizes the apartment to pay off the debt, thereby complicating the difficult situation with the lack of housing and money for living.
Another option for designating a difficult situation in the lives of citizens can be read in Federal Law No. 178 “On State Social Assistance” (as amended on November 23, 2018). There, TLC is defined as one or more circumstances that worsen the living conditions of citizens, and consequences that they cannot cope with on their own.
The concept of THS
Parting with a loved one
Fortunately, not all people face this, but unfortunately, the majority of people do. Parting with your loved one at first seems like a real collapse of all hopes. Apathy or even depression sets in, you give up, you don’t want to do anything or change anything. All energy is aimed exclusively at returning to the past. I would like to return to the point when something went wrong and your paths diverged.
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But time passes, you calm down and begin to understand what invaluable experience you were able to gain. This gives you the opportunity to be more selective in your connections, understand people, and experience difficult moments in your life. You learn to live again, change your style, habits, manners and definitely become a different person who is kinder, wiser and more compassionate.
Phases of living through a difficult situation
Life position - what does it mean?
When overcoming difficult moments in life, a person goes through several stages. They depend on the degree of social adaptation of the individual and life competence (knowledge). They can be divided into the following several phases:
- unconscious knowledge - the experience a citizen has that he uses in non-problematic life situations;
- unconscious ignorance - the use of habitual competence in an already changed situation, which cannot give the expected result, but the person does not yet understand this;
- conscious ignorance - searching for an alternative, accumulating information, trying to make internal restructuring and understand one’s capabilities;
- conscious knowledge is the moment when the direction of action is determined, but its implementation has not yet been brought to automaticity and occurs through a set of trials, errors and analysis of the results.
When using conscious knowledge (competence), a person gains experience that gives him the opportunity to remain in the phase of unconscious knowledge in the future. This allows you to put any difficult life situation on the level of everyday life and solve it.
Model of adaptation to THS
Dismissal from work
Many people face this situation, and it seems catastrophic to them. Accepting that you are left out, not in demand and unnecessary in the team, becomes a very difficult and, in some cases, long-term process. However, a little time passes, and you realize that this situation has given you a chance for self-improvement, advanced training, and self-realization. You didn’t even think that you would like another job or profession so much that you would remember your former job as a bad dream.
Factors and structure in social work
Active life position - what is it?
TJS is a position in social work that is determined by the social protection authorities directly when assessing the degree of disruption of a citizen’s connections with his surrounding society and living conditions. As a result of the analysis of the situation, social services determine the scale and direction of assistance from the state.
Proven! A problematic situation can arise both due to a citizen’s own actions and due to the influence of external factors. In any case, the person cannot live and function normally, and he needs help.
The occurrence of THS can be judged by the following signs:
- inconsistency of an individual’s social behavior with generally accepted norms;
- partial or complete disruption of an individual’s social functions;
- the emergence of new demands made by the environment on a person in need;
- uncertainty or lack of prospects for changing the situation.
This also includes the appearance of a stressful state in the subject, which arises in the process of worsening TJS.
The TZS structure includes:
- participants involved in the events in question;
- actions that take place in the THS;
- spatial and temporal coordinates within which the situation is considered;
- individual experiences and how the individual sees and understands the problem situation.
Working with a client, the specialist assesses his subjective and objective inability to cope with the situation and develops a number of the most optimal ways to overcome it.
Objective and subjective family difficulties
Serious illness
Unfortunately, this situation is also not uncommon. The disease becomes a real test not only for the person himself, but also for his loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to survive it, because it requires a long time and a huge number of different actions. However, when a person manages to recover, everything in his life changes dramatically. He begins to appreciate every minute and every second of his life. People who have been around all this time become so close that repentance appears for the smallest offense.
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Understanding that all this could have been lost becomes a priority for making the most important decisions in life. The world is opening up in a new way and definitely from the most positive side. Compassion appears, a desire to share your experience and help if possible.
Came to visit with holes in socks
Let's start with the hit of all seasons! Suddenly you’ve been invited to visit, and your socks look like you feed moths with them at home. This happens more often with men, but women have the same problem with tights, and they can tear at any time.
What to do
Remember the Japanese wisdom: “Even if you need a sword once in your life, you should always carry it.” You never know when you'll need whole socks. So always wear them! What to do if they break literally on day X? If you have time, run to any large store.
If you can’t buy new socks, use the following samurai tricks: first pull the socks with the holes down, and quickly ask for slippers when visiting. If you don’t have slippers, you can ask the owners if they mind if you go barefoot. You can quickly and discreetly wash your feet in the bathroom; many men do this.
Death of parents
It is normal for children to bury their parents. Therefore, many people will have to face this situation sooner or later. The closer the relationship was, the more difficult it was to move on from grief and suffering. This is not to say that this pain will disappear over time, it may just subside a little. But this will be enough to become a completely different person. Rethink your past, remember your mistakes, work on them and think about how to live on.
The realization that life has not only a beginning, but also an end is a very wise philosophical conclusion. There is an understanding that sooner or later this end will come, so there is also greater compassion for the other parent or for older people. The feeling of being someone's child disappears. This means that now you are the older generation, and there is an opportunity to stop your children from rash actions, based on your own experience.
Life situations in contrasting positions Author - Victim
A pessimist sees difficulties in every opportunity, an optimist sees opportunities in every difficulty.
Winston Churchill
Situation No. 1: Dissatisfaction with yourself and your life
Woman, 40 years old, married, mother of two children (a boy and a boy), has been doing housework for 7 years in a row.
Victim
“If you knew how much I hate myself, I’m fat and clumsy - I can’t pick out clothes, I walk like a lahudra.” I don’t have time to do anything and I don’t want to do anything. One joy is cakes and sweets. And they make me fat.”
Author
1. Rethink what is happening:
I'm only 40! I have a husband who provides our family with material goods. I have a lot of free time. I want to become slim and sometimes enjoy cakes (I don’t know how to do this yet). I want to add lightness in my gait, and ideally “flutter like a butterfly,” happily doing household chores and taking care of my beloved family. I want a new beautiful dress size 46!
2. Resolve what happened.
- I'm making an appointment with a nutritionist right now.
- Within 3 days I choose a suitable fitness club for myself. I buy a club card and 10 personal training sessions with an instructor. I visit the club in the morning according to my training schedule.
- I'm calling my friend. She will definitely recommend a good cosmetologist and stylist. That's it, I'm changing my image!
- I treat myself to cakes 3 times a week, 1 piece of 50 grams. Until 12.00 noon with tea without sugar. I eat slowly and with my eyes closed to make it taste better!
3. Prevent similar situations in the future: I am a young, beautiful and slender woman, mother and wife! From today and always, I take care of myself and my family with love and joy!
Situation No. 2: “Road accident”
A husband and wife, on the way to the dacha, get into an accident in their beloved and only car (the wife's) in the family. My husband is driving (for the first time after receiving a driver's license). The car is 80% totaled. No casualties.
Victim
Wife: “Lord, I knew it! I felt like something was going to happen today! What a nightmare! It's always like that with you! I didn’t drive, and I didn’t have to start! There are men around like men, but I managed to marry you! Why do I need all this? He ruined my whole life and wrecked my car!
Husband: “It’s all because of you! You talk all sorts of nonsense into my ear all the way. There's nothing to even talk about with you. You always come to me with your advice: Overtake. Don't overtake. Faster. Slower. Rebuild. Don't change lanes. And in general, “Five” cut me off. I told you that the car needs to be insured. She didn’t listen to me.”
Author
1. Rethink what is happening:
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Wife: “Honey, are you okay? It’s so good that we are alive, safe and sound! What a great fellow we are for not taking our children with us. It’s good that at such speed we didn’t hit anyone. Thank you to life for such luck and a lesson for the future!” (Pressed to her husband's chest).
Husband: (Caringly hugging) “Thank you for being okay!”
2. Resolve what happened:
- Install an emergency triangle. (If the trunk is jammed and there is no access through the interior, ask other drivers for help).
- Determine location coordinates.
- Report the accident to traffic police officers.
- Call a tow truck.
- Call the insurance company (if the car is insured).
- Calm down and wait for the arrival of authorized persons.
- While waiting, you can: roughly estimate financial losses; optimize upcoming costs (repairing a car or selling it in a broken state).
- Estimate the time it takes to eliminate an accident and fill out the necessary documents.
- Think about the route back home (if necessary, book bus tickets or order a taxi).
3. Prevent similar situations in the future:
- Ensure safe movement for yourself and your children (working seat belts, install child seats, safety locks of the established type).
- Ensure traffic safety (technical serviceability of the vehicle, compliance with traffic rules and speed limits).
- Insure your own risks and the risks of road users.
- Gain experience in the “Driving a vehicle in extreme conditions” courses.
- Continue your driving experience.
- Treasure family relationships and every moment of your own life! continued
Situation No. 3: “Unloved job”
Girl 26 years old. Single. I have a 5-year-old daughter (raised by my grandmother). Works as an assistant accountant in a large trading company.
Victim
"I'm going crazy! Every day is Groundhog Day. Home - work - work - work..." When I leave, my daughter is still sleeping, when I arrive, my daughter is already asleep. They pay me a pittance salary. Almost all of it is spent on travel, fines and lunches. The boss is a “tyrant.” Give him everything, and do it. He himself doesn’t understand anything, but he demands and demands everything from me. I can't do this anymore. I can’t do it any other way either.”
Author
1. Rethink what is happening:
“I am a young woman. Free from relationships. I have a charming, smart daughter and my mother is an assistant in raising her. Thanks to her, I can develop as a specialist and professional in my field. I am executive, responsible, attentive. I love to study and work for results. I respect my work and time. I want to devote more time to my family and raising my daughter.”
2. Resolve what happened:
- Organize a conversation with your manager: think over and write down proposals in a notebook (for example: “Classification of reports and folders” - for your convenience when I’m not there; “Expansion of staff - assistant” - for better and faster processing of your orders,” “ Opportunity for training and advanced training at the expense of the organization”, “Purchase of additional programs”).
- After approval and implementation of one of the points, raise the issue of increasing wages.
- If you refuse, accept the manager’s decision and start looking for a new job. More convenient geographically, financially with a convenient work schedule. It is decent to transfer matters and part with the organization on a “good business note.”
3. Prevent similar situations in the future:
- Taking into account the experience gained, formulate your own request for a new position, functions performed, work schedule, career opportunities.
- Discuss issues with the new management immediately as they arise.
Situation No. 4: “Betrayal of a loved one”
A young girl (22 years old) is engaged to her beloved young man (23 years old). We dated for 1.5 years before the engagement (of which 1 year we lived together on her territory). There is a best friend of a “young” family (21 years old, classmate of the girl). The wedding celebration will take place in 5 weeks. Arriving home from work a little earlier (with plans to organize dinner and an evening in a romantic setting), she unexpectedly finds her future husband in bed under intimate circumstances in the arms of her best friend.
Victim
"Horrible! How could you! You killed me! You betrayed me and our relationship! You cheated on me with this... right in our “nest”. How can I continue to live now? What a disgrace! What should I tell my relatives and parents?” (Tears. Snot. Threats. Fainting. Suicide attempts).
Author
1. Rethink what is happening:
“Everyone has their own understanding of friendship and loyalty. My values and principles in relationships are different from the values and principles of my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. It's good that I found out about this before the wedding! Well, everyone has made their choice! We need to calm down and think about the future! I will tell my relatives that we “had a serious conversation and realized that we want different things from life!”
2. Resolve what happened:
- Be calm.
- No humiliation or insults!
- Give both of you time to get dressed and pack your things.
- Ask for the keys to the apartment back.
- Set a convenient time for yourself to remove your belongings to your “loved ones.”
- If a young man wants to break off the relationship on his own, you need to let him go. You won’t be forcefully sweet, just like you won’t be loved. In addition, if he sees that the separation is happening with a smile, and not attempts to keep him by hook or by crook, this will at least surprise him.
- If you plan for the future to tolerate betrayal and continue to live together, remember that it will not be easy (you need to think about how to behave in this case!).
- After everyone has left, you can cry for therapeutic purposes!
- Describe the situation in a notebook with emotions and details. Tear out the leaf. Rip him to shreds and learn his lesson!
- Consider all the chances for a new life: moving to another city, vacation, travel, expanding your circle of acquaintances, taking up new hobbies...
3. Prevent similar situations in the future:
- Give other men a chance to show care and courtship (be aware of what is happening based on experience!).
- Discuss in advance important issues of joint plans for the future in a new relationship! (family contract questionnaire)
- Trust your chosen life partner in a new relationship.
