When we act aimlessly and only react to what happens every day, we drive ourselves into limits. Our character softens, we gradually lose the ability to set tasks for ourselves in accordance with our plans, and only the strength remains to react.
We move in the flow, we are influenced by the desires and goals of other people. Only years later does understanding come to us - we finally wake up and realize that we wasted our time pointlessly. Deep feelings and suffering arise, but it may already be too late to change anything. All this can be avoided if you stop living under pressure and take control of your life.
Control your thoughts
Life unfolds here and now. But often we let the present slip away from us, and we waste precious moments worrying about the future and remembering the past. At work we dream about a vacation, and on vacation we worry about the number of papers waiting for us at work. To live the way you want, you need to learn to live every moment.
Be attentive to the present and to your thoughts. Try to observe them, but not give in to their flow. Control your thoughts. You will notice how you begin to use your time more consciously and stop procrastinating. You will have more time and energy for important things.
Learn to enjoy the beautiful view, and don’t think about how long it will take you to drive home, eat cookies without thinking that they will add extra pounds to you. Allow yourself to simply enjoy the moment and don't feel unjustifiably afraid.
Article information
This article was co-authored by. Trudy Griffin is a licensed psychotherapist in Wisconsin. She received her master's degree in clinical psychotherapy from Marquette University in 2011.
Categories: Emotional Health | Personal development
In other languages:
English: Live in the Moment, Italiano: Vivere nel Momento, Español: vivir el momento, Deutsch: Den Moment leben, Português: Viver o Momento, Français: vivre l'instant présent, Nederlands: In het nu leven, 中文: 活在当下, Bahasa Indonesia: Hidup dalam Kekinian, Tiếng Việt: Sống trong Hiện tại, ไทย: อยู่กับปัจจุบัน, 한국어: Yesterday ية
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To do something well, stop thinking about it
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We often feel like others are evaluating us every minute. For example, in a dance lesson you cannot relax because you know that you don’t know how to dance and you look funny in the eyes of others. Fear of judgment prevents people from trying new things. But every person is too busy with themselves to constantly celebrate your failures.
If something really scares you—speaking in public, having to talk on the phone to a stranger, or going to the gym for the first time—don't focus on it. This will only increase your fear.
Try to focus less on yourself. Pay more attention to what is happening around you. Recognize yourself as part of what is happening, and not the only actor. This will help you cope with emotions and react correctly to the environment. This way you can work on your weaknesses.
"Delayed life syndrome"
Postponing life for later is a psychological problem of not-so-lucky people in modern society, and the scenario of such procrastination develops in two directions:
a person’s life for the sake of one or two goals in the future (an expensive car or apartment, career growth) does not give the slightest chance for a little happiness in the present day - because true happiness, in the opinion of such a person, is possible only by achieving the goal he has set; living someone else's life - active participation in other people's events, all kinds of help to other people without paying attention to your own needs and desires.
This focus on future achievements and the miraculous emergence of a happy life allows you to avoid problems and conflicts with others, and responsibility for your own not very successful life. At the same time, people do not think that small joys are possible every day, but problems get worse over time, and their resolution will take much more internal resources.
To get the most out of time, lose track of it.
When you are absorbed in an interesting activity, you stop keeping track of time. This happens when we enjoy what we do. We also don’t count time when we sleep. But you can’t just throw yourself into an activity without wanting to, so it’s important to create optimal conditions for such activities.
Choose an interesting goal that will teach you something new. It shouldn't be so hard that you feel stressed while moving towards it, and it shouldn't be so easy that you feel bored in the process.
The most common advice turns out to be the most harmful
Most motivation gurus tell us to live in the here and now. They say that only the present moment is important, so we should only do what brings us pleasure.
Although the content of this advice is quite tempting and, undoubtedly, somewhat justified, in reality, following it often does not lead to the desired result. In fact, in most cases it simply ruins our lives. Living here and now, people often get divorced, get into debt, and lose control over their health and over themselves in general.
Instead of living in the present moment, it is better to live for the future and “take care” of your past. Do it in a way that you want to remember. Time really does fly by very quickly. The present cannot be grasped, it can hardly be felt. By the time you become aware of it, it will already be the past.
If you don't want to regret your actions, this article is probably for you. There is no point in analyzing what happened a long time ago. But the immediate past is directly related to your choice in the present.
How were the last two years of your life? What about the last two months? What about the last two days? Think about it.
Living for the future and taking care of the past means understanding that you are shaping your past now, and it determines the future that you would like to see.
Set your priorities
One of the problems that prevents us from achieving our goals is the difficulties we think about. We often think we have to do something when we don't. Think about whether you do something without desire, without seeing the point in it, just out of habit.
Is this really necessary or useful? To figure out what is important in your life, use Pareto's law - 20% of your actions bring 80% of the results. Find out what exactly that 20% includes and pay more attention to it, and take a fresh look at the remaining 80%. Try to invest less time and effort into them, making room for something useful.
Make a plan so that nothing distracts you. Write down all your affairs in detail. This way you will no longer have to be distracted while working and remember what else needs to be done. You can use the simplest planning. The main thing is that it is sufficiently detailed.
Don't think about the consequences
The slogan “Live for today!” can be viewed in two ways, and one of the positions from the point of view of benefit for a person will be negative-negative. Some human subjects put into it the meaning of receiving pleasure here and now without thinking about the consequences that today's actions may cause.
You don't have to look far for examples:
empty pastime: every night television shows, noisy parties, computer games are not beneficial for the body, but allow you to “kill time”; why play sports if everything is fine for now? The key word here is “yet.” The day will come when restoring flabby muscles and an emerging belly will require more than one gym membership, but half-hour daily exercise will help keep the body in good shape for years; unhealthy diets and fast food create health problems for many years, but that’s all So you need to take care of your own body every day, choosing the right food and drinks for it; senseless spending, unwillingness to save and plan money? Indeed, why deny yourself the two-hundredth blouse and the fifth professional eyeshadow palette and think about a rainy day, when exactly this amount would be useful for something useful? And if you think about it, planning expenses and reasonable savings will allow you not to live from paycheck to paycheck, go on a long-awaited vacation, and purchase a valuable, useful and long-desired item.
Modern society is full of temptations on which you can really waste your salary, energy, time and health.
But the desire to live for today does not mean an unreasonable waste of life: it is assumed that a person fills his everyday existence with things useful for himself and society, pays attention to family and friends, engages in self-education, etc. A reasonable person tries to assess the impact that spending mediocre time will have on his life, health, and the attitude of other people.
If something is bothering you, don't run from it.
We all experience negative emotions—the pain of separation, the disappointment of a failed school project, the fear of public speaking. It's quite normal.
However, the problem may lie in the fact that we begin to experience secondary emotions. For example, when we are angry about our fear of performing, afraid of the pain of separation, nervous at the thought of having to do a new project. So we only experience unpleasant feelings longer. The way out of this is accepting your feelings.
There is no need to try to change what happened. Just move on with your life without pushing away your emotions or judging yourself for them. Negative experiences allow us to grow if we are not afraid to analyze them.
Taking care of the past allows you to build your ideal future
In his famous book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey advises starting something with a clear vision of the end result. To do this, he invites the reader to imagine celebrating his 80th birthday. At this party, all your loved ones should tell you how wonderful you are, express their feelings towards you, and toast to you for living your life well.
According to Covey, keeping these questions in mind requires making decisions in the present. And this is completely justified.
In fact, the concept of “living in the moment” does not take into account the very nature of time. The past, present and future are not clearly separated from each other. One of them smoothly passes into the other. A mistake in the present instantly becomes a mistake in the past. It also affects your future.
An optimistic conclusion can be drawn from this. We can build exactly the future we want.
And, just as important, we can have the past we would like to have. And be proud of who we have become
Find happiness today
We can talk a lot about how you shouldn’t put life off until later, but what exactly should you do to ensure that your day isn’t wasted? Making yourself happy every day is possible and easy:
List of fun. Psychologists recommend making a list of events that would please the owner: favorite ice cream, a day spent in the park with children, a tourist trip, etc. Next to each item, note how long ago it last happened. For a long time? Then today is the day when you definitely need to repeat this. Working with a list of pleasures will be more fruitful if you evaluate in monetary terms the possibility of obtaining each joy. Yes, a tour abroad is not cheap and it’s unlikely that you can afford it right away tomorrow, but the list probably includes completely “free” joys. Have you long dreamed of a cute kitten? Why take a purebred that costs crazy money, if in any animal shelter or through advertisements in the newspaper you can find a small lump in need of care? Health is worth a lot, but why waste it? A daily walk for an hour significantly strengthens the body's immunity, strengthens muscles, improves complexion - and there is no need to spend money on expensive pills and gyms. Stop in the race for material values: pleasant and joyful memories of past days, amazing trips and inner freedom are much more valuable than your own dacha, an expensive car or a mink coat. Alas, owners of expensive real estate, jewelry, etc. are not always happy. The undesirable material side of a person’s life also includes monetary loans: nothing poisons every hour of a person’s existence more than constant thoughts about one’s own debt to a creditor, hanging like the sword of Damocles. Concretize your dream. Go abroad to show off an inexpensive tour to your colleagues, or visit a city that has been on your mind for a long time? Marry for the sake of a change in social status or for the sake of love for this particular man? Change jobs because the new offer is more interesting, or because of a solid salary? If dreams go against actions, then the result of such actions will not bring either joy or happiness - because this is not what you really want. Sad, but correct advice: do not put off communicating with children, parents and friends until later - “ “later” may not come for everyone, and in order not to subsequently regret what was left unsaid and unheard, listen to people, delve into their problems, if necessary, take part in their lives or give advice.
6. The phone is something that often unsettles, stresses, worries and does not allow you to relax. The opportunity for others to “get” you at any moment (unless it is part of your profession) is depressing and does not allow you to switch from the needs of the outside world to your own. The habit of taking your phone with you even to the toilet is completely eradicable: it is enough to realize that having a phone does not oblige you to answer calls that come into your personal life at the wrong time.
7. Don’t bring your work home: neither in your briefcase, nor in your thoughts. Work takes away personal time and a person’s internal reserves, “eating up” other worries and personal needs. Meditation, yoga, interesting communication will help you disconnect your brain from work problems - harmony and peace of mind will put everything in its place: for work - work, for communication with family - home comfort.
8. Live for results. At the end of each day, it is recommended to sum up the day: a positive result pleases and brings self-satisfaction, and at the same time brings you closer to your global intended goal.
Living for today does not mean not thinking about tomorrow. It is only recommended to try, along with the pleasure of achieving the final goal, to enjoy the process of achieving it. Create every day, create something worth living every day and enjoy what you are investing now in achieving your plans - it is not easy, your thoughts are overloaded with memories, regrets about the past and worries about the future. But having developed a strategy for your own stay on this planet, you can learn to “not worry” about the insignificant and enjoy every second you live.
Living for the future makes it easier to make the right decisions
Sometimes it's so easy to make excuses for yourself and not keep your promises to yourself. It happens that we cannot control our anger and take it out on our children. Sometimes cookies look so delicious that we can't say no. And sometimes we just lie on the couch instead of going to work out.
Sometimes we all allow ourselves some weaknesses. But if we do this too often, then our past will not be at all what we would like it to be.
If we always remember our past and future, then it will be easier for us to gather our will and make the right decisions. You will be able to work while others are having fun, save money rather than spend it, and not give up even when you really want to quit something.
