Heartache is familiar to many people. Its occurrence, as a rule, is associated with the development of unpleasant events that destroy a person’s habitual worldview and devastate his internal resource. During this period, nothing is nice, familiar things irritate you, you don’t want to talk to anyone. Often this condition is caused by separation from a loved one. From numerous experiences, the nervous system simply cannot stand it: attacks of aggression begin, the voice trembles, in some cases it is haunted by fear and obsessive states appear. All unpleasant symptoms are quite understandable, so you should not be afraid of them.
Causes of mental pain
Nothing in the world just happens. In order for mental pain to manifest itself, there must be compelling reasons. Each person reacts to certain stimuli, to what is most significant specifically for him. Let's take a closer look at what factors cause disruptions in the functioning of the nervous system.
Disappointments in love
Heartache from love happens incredibly often. Falling in love with a certain person, we can never guess what a new acquaintance will result in, where it will lead. Even if at first an individual made a pleasant impression on us, this does not mean that this will continue. People make mistakes, commit rash acts, offend each other. Experiencing another disappointment in love, a person often feels depressed, unwanted and lonely.
Job loss
Unfortunately, the economic situation in the country and abroad cannot be called stable. Losing a job can even lead to depression if a person does not receive moral and financial support from friends and acquaintances in time. For almost all people, one of the most terrible events is the prospect of losing money. Many people immediately begin to imagine the terrible consequences of such changes, and, above all, they relate to external prosperous life. Losing an influential position makes you feel humiliated, trampled and uninteresting. Even if great potential is hidden within a person, but there is no opportunity to somehow demonstrate it, the person will feel useless and is unlikely to quickly recover from the shock.
Losing a loved one
Sometimes completely unforeseen events happen in life: the departure of a loved one due to divorce or death. In this case, the mental pain becomes simply colossal and it is not so easy to get rid of it. In most cases, people try to remain strong and not reveal their feelings to others. This is not very helpful because true emotions are not expressed, but are suppressed under the weight of fear or shame. Losing a loved one is always very painful. It seems that the world has ceased to exist; the brain refuses to accept terrifying information for a long time.
Passions that destroy the soul
The Holy Fathers identify eight categories of passion: gluttony, fornication, love of money, anger, sadness, despondency, vanity and pride.
There are minor illnesses - runny nose, cough, caries, and there is oncology, AIDS. These eight passions destroy the soul like serious illnesses. It is extremely difficult to escape from their power. It’s like paralysis - you would like to raise your hand, you would like to come up, but you can’t. You get tired of these passions. When you have an excessive love for stamps, you constantly collect - ten, fifteen, twenty-five years, the collection grows, and you seem to be glad to get rid of them, but you can’t. Passion binds: remember how much effort was spent, how much money, how much energy. And the main thing is that passions do not bring a person any satisfaction! A money lover saves money: one million, another, ten, a hundred - but he wants more and more. The fornicator changes women and cannot stop.
Manifestation of mental pain
It is quite easy to recognize it. Any person who suffers cannot help but notice it. Sometimes we very successfully disguise ourselves in front of others, but it is hardly possible to deceive ourselves. When thinking about how to cope with any shock, you should remain extremely honest with yourself.
Reluctance to leave home
After severe stress, sometimes you want to hide in some dark corner and not show any signs of your existence at all. The reluctance to leave the house is dictated by the fact that the individual does not expect anything good from the world around him. The greater the stress experienced, the longer it may take to recover. Some individuals give in to their desires and literally do not show their noses in the street. Sometimes additional help is not required, but this is only if the individual does not have a tendency to escape reality.
Feelings of despair and longing
We all tend to be disappointed in what has caused us mental discomfort or simply frightened us. For example, after breaking up with a loved one, a feeling of catastrophic hopelessness may appear. It feels like life is ending and you will never feel better again. In fact, everything is not like that. It just takes some extra time before that understanding comes to mind. Feelings of sadness and despair are natural. Sometimes negative emotions are so overwhelming that you literally want to scream from injustice. During this period, both men and women are extremely susceptible to the destructive effects of depression. Many people start using alcohol and drugs in order to somehow free themselves from mental constraint.
Nervous effects
A person who has suffered some kind of shock sometimes discovers a characteristic rash on his body, various fears or disturbing thoughts. All these manifestations indicate that the situation has not been understood and worked through. Often the individual does not understand at all what is happening to him and tries with all his might to overcome the unpleasant symptoms. Nervous consequences occur not only in advanced cases. Sometimes they accompany people through life who are too impressionable and who do not know how to work on themselves. Their mental state can either deteriorate or improve again without additional external influences. Each person experiences grief, loss, or any other shock differently. Unfortunately, not everyone has the strength not to give up and go to the end.
What do these patients usually complain about to the neurologist?
The most common complaint is insomnia . It is difficult for them to fall asleep, sleep can be intermittent, the patient wakes up at 4-5 o'clock in the morning and then cannot fall asleep, although he needs to get up for work at 7.
Headache is also a common symptom. Patients may have dull, aching and pressing, monotonous headaches of moderate intensity (although there may be more severe pain), sometimes they feel heaviness in the head, staleness, difficulty concentrating, memory and performance deteriorate .
Some patients notice that they have become more irritable, anxious, or, on the contrary, more lethargic and apathetic.
Sometimes the patient complains of dizziness, which is felt inside the head; such dizziness can occur spasmodically in the subway, elevators, airplanes, large supermarkets, or simply when going outside from home.
Very often, patients may experience constant pain in the lumbar, thoracic or cervical spine. And, despite small and harmless changes revealed by X-ray or tomography of the spine, the use of various medicinal and non-medicinal treatment methods (tablets and injections, physiotherapy, massage, acupuncture, etc.), the pain does not go away.
Only with careful and confidential questioning is it possible to find out that the patient is depressed by the psychological trauma that happened, he is often (or constantly) in a bad mood, he has forgotten how to enjoy life as before, he does not see prospects in the current situation...
An experienced doctor understands that stress contributes to a decrease in the body's adaptive reserve, and other chronic diseases may also worsen in the patient - for example, peptic ulcer disease, chronic pancreatitis, psoriasis or rheumatoid arthritis. Stress provokes the occurrence of type 2 diabetes mellitus, essential arterial hypertension, autoimmune thyroiditis and other diseases.
But in our patient, all blood, urine, ultrasound, gastroscopy and other examinations are normal or slightly changed and cannot explain the patient’s poor health.
How to get rid of mental pain
Severe mental pain needs correction. You cannot let the situation take its course and hope that everything will go away on its own, without any effort on your part. Taking into account the irreversible consequences of the psyche and various disorders, it is necessary to choose the right methods of influence and not neglect contacting a specialist. How to get rid of the feeling of hopelessness and despair? Let's take a closer look.
Opportunity to speak out
It definitely has to be there. If you don’t have a person you can trust unconditionally, then you need to try to find him. The opportunity to speak out gives a lot: it relaxes the psyche, allows you to stop being ashamed of your problem. Sometimes it is enough to consult with a friend to make it easier. After all, if we keep everything to ourselves, it becomes generally difficult to manage our lives. It is the nervous system that is subjected to great stress. A girl’s mental pain often goes away after a nice friendly meeting, which is full of sincerity and mutual respect. There is no need to try your best to hide your feelings just so as not to seem like a weak and weak-willed person to others. Firstly, people often don’t even think of judging you for anything. Secondly, everyone at a certain time needs support and wants to be understood.
Relaxation practice
It works very well if you do the exercises regularly, without allowing yourself to shirk. You can choose suitable melodies for yourself that will inspire new victories. It is very useful to use breathing practices. It is very important to be able to relax your body and thoughts. Then any stress will bypass you and will not cause inconvenience. The great thing about relaxation practice is that you can devote as much time to it as you can spare. You can study every day, if time allows, but know that you will definitely grow over your own problem. You can't be strong all the time, you need to be able to relax.
Taking responsibility
This must be done mentally before taking the main steps to restore peace of mind. It must be remembered that the final result depends only on you. If you want to change yourself, everything will work out. Accepting responsibility implies that a person will give up the idea of blaming other people for his own failures. People around you sometimes have no idea what exactly you are experiencing. You cannot blame your relatives just because they do not listen to you well enough and do not perceive your words. You should not become a narcissistic egoist to whom everyone around you is beholden.
Working with a specialist
If you don’t know how to relieve mental pain, and it continues for a long time, do not hesitate to ask for help. Today, working with a psychologist is very valuable. That is why more and more people prefer not to remain silent about their problems, but to speak out in time. You should not think that only those who are morally weak seek the advice of competent experts; in fact, this is not the case. A person may need participation and support at any time. There is no need to limit yourself if you feel you need help. This is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. The main difficulty is how to find a good, decent psychologist. After all, a lot in life will depend on the result obtained.
Thus, the mental pain caused is not a reason to become limp and stop believing in people. Believe me, troubles happen to everyone. The only difference is that some people are ready to fight their inner state, while others plunge into the world of sadness and remain there for a long time. If you don’t know how to solve a problem that worries you, feel free to seek advice from psychologist Irakli Pozharisky. Together with a professional, you will come to an understanding of what is really happening to you and outline ways out of the impasse.
When the soul hurts
If we feel physical pain, it means that our body is signaling us about some kind of problem. If the soul hurts - it aches, grieves, worries - this is also a signal that there is some kind of disturbance, distortion. This happens when we go beyond the laws of God. They hit me on the hand - my hand hurts. They hit the soul - in a word, with obscene spectacles, cruelty - and the soul begins to rush and ache. This is where the worst thing is. I can’t say: even if my teeth hurt, I went to bed. This pain makes me want to climb the walls. And if a person’s soul is not healthy, then the body cannot be healthy. A sick soul gives no rest.
“I was offended” and “I’m offended”
First, it’s worth understanding the difference between “I was offended” and “I’m offended.”
In the option “I was offended” there is an objective manifestation of negativity in your direction: you were insulted, called names, you were rude, you were rude, your voice was raised at you, you were unfairly accused, you were devalued. In this case, the offender wants to offend you, this is his malicious intent, plan.
You may feel resentful even if the person did not mean to offend you.
What can’t be said about the “I’m offended” option. In this case, it is not the actions, words or actions of the other that become objective, but your feelings. You may feel resentful even if the person did not mean to offend you.
If the emotion of resentment is your feeling, and not the goal of the offender, you should immediately say this directly and openly. The best form of communication is the I message. Its formula is simple: I am the feeling experienced - the cause. It might sound like this:
- “I get offended when you ignore my requests.”
- “I feel a burning resentment when you praise your colleagues to me, please don’t do that.”
- “I’m very upset when you’re late for family dinners, try not to do that again.”
If the actions of another are objectively offensive, if they want to offend you, in response to this you can ask the offender: “Why are you offending me?” Here you don’t have to use I-messages, because the object is not your personal experiences, but the actual behavior of your opponent, that is, his feelings, because of which he seeks to hurt you. Bringing these feelings to the surface is the way to resolve the conflict.
What is a toxic relationship
Resentment is always a message
All human behavior is communication, and it carries a certain message, a message. There is no behavior without a message. Even refusal to communicate is also a message. For example, a man decided to go as a hermit into the Amazon jungle and never see anyone again. In this action you can also “hear” the message:
- “I feel bad with you, I’m leaving”
- or “I cannot live among you because you...”
- or “I am unique, I don’t need anyone”
Feeling resentful is also a message. When you are purposefully offended, this is a message from the offender to you (“you are not important,” “I don’t respect you,” “everything will be my way anyway”). When you show your resentment through specific behavior (ignoring, remaining silent, crying, taking revenge) - this is a different message from you to the offender.
There is no behavior without a message. Even refusal to communicate is also a message.
The purpose of resentment is for the opponent to experience negative feelings. The person who insults you clearly wants to do you harm. A person who is silent because he is offended also wants you to suffer - from helplessness, conscience, guilt.
