Simple advice and reasoning on how to be yourself in society always sounds quite exciting to read and is easy to implement if a person is just theorizing. The reality is that the entire institution of socialization is built in such a way as to erase human individuality as much as possible and make it average and convenient. Thus, moments of education, condemnation and censure increasingly remove spontaneity, and complexes cultivated by others plunge a person into a state where the manifestation of one’s personality is the most dangerous.
Fashion for egoists2
Gone are the days when being selfish was fun and romantic. Chic Don Juans and Dorian Grays could be like that because they were formed by the female society that worshiped these great lovers and outright givers. Were they real?
Both in the past and now, there were other real men who always helped not only themselves, but also others. And while getting great pleasure from the process itself. Such a person does not need to be forced or directed; he himself knows where help is needed and provides it without reminders.
And then the classic boomerang rule comes into play here - today you help someone else, and tomorrow someone will help you.
Masculinity is...
What do people call manhood? The male genital organ – is it really an asset? Then is it any wonder that many men are proud only of what is below their belts, not wanting to develop other useful qualities in themselves?
If you consider the sexual organ to be a virtue, then you are no different from ordinary animals or fish. They also have genitals. But they are unlikely to be proud of them as their only merits. If a person calls his sexual organ a virtue, then why are his arms, legs, and head not the same values? The “soft spot” should also be called an important part, since it plays the same role as the “main advantage”. Where are the virtues in the form of honesty, strength, wisdom? Many will say that “a person can have many strengths and interesting sides.” But then the sexual organ should not be considered valuable, since it is a natural phenomenon, like the head, arms, and legs. A healthy person must have all organs for normal existence. But this is not a virtue.
If you call a sexual organ a virtue, then a person does not have the desire to have other unique features and qualities. He is already taller than everyone else only because there is an organ below the navel, which, it is worth noting, absolutely any healthy person has.
The dignity of a man is... A sexual organ? Then it is not surprising that a man cannot give anything other than this “value” to other people. Is dignity really the presence of a sexual organ? Then all people are worthy and superior to others. Who are the “rest” if everyone is worthy?
Dignity is something developed by a person himself, acquired, distinctive. Being responsible is a virtue. Being reasonable is a virtue. Being understanding and accepting are virtues. These qualities are so rarely seen in a modern person! Everyone is proud of their genitals as the only values in their lives. But they didn’t even make any effort to achieve these values, since this was given to them by nature. What is a person proud of - what is given by nature, to which he did not put any effort?
See the absurd state of affairs and, perhaps, it will make you laugh, as a person who looks at the world soberly, who is not just proud of his body as a whole (and not in parts), but is also engaged in the development of his soul and consciousness.
First exercise: “Your bag”
You will need a piece of paper and a pencil, as well as any hand luggage. It will take about fifteen minutes.
It is necessary to lay out the contents on the table, after which:
- Of all the things, select three that can most clearly reveal your personality, character, preferences, and qualities. If one is missing, you can visualize the one that most people carry in their bag.
- Now write, without being distracted by literacy, about each thing and how it reveals you.
- Then read the text and try to understand what new things you learned about yourself. To what extent has this activity changed your worldview? Don't make quick conclusions; you need to give yourself time to think.
- The exercise can also be done with things that are contained in your desk drawer, car glove compartment, on a closet shelf, and so on.
This exercise teaches you to focus your thoughts on yourself in order to understand yourself better.
How to be yourself if you don't know who you are
A person can play many characters, skillfully adapt to the character and needs of the people around him, creating a successful picture from a social point of view, but at the same time not act relative to his potential. To be able to realize this, you need a clear understanding of who we are in order to separate your aspirations from the manipulations of others, your needs from the demands of the environment, as well as your mood from the influence of significant people. People search for themselves out of a feeling of spiritual emptiness, after a series of troubles, extreme disappointment in themselves or loved ones - when everything is smooth and no discomfort arises, a person is confident that everything is going right, without thinking about the meaning of life or his purpose in life. her.
If you separate the processes of manifesting yourself in the most honest way and searching for yourself, then you can spend your life on endless meditations, visiting spiritual and psychological schools, and continuing to live someone else’s life. It is optimal to find in practice every day those moments that correspond to internal processes - this way you will understand more and more about yourself, and at the same time implement them. You can start by trying as many activities and interactions as possible in different circles to get a feel for your own comfort or interest in what is happening. Wherever more energy, emotional engagement, and practical activity appears, there are more pieces of your true self.
Problems may begin in the fear of implementing new behavioral strategies and the expectation that the social environment accustomed to the previous version of your personality will turn away or will try to force you into the usual framework. The value of a relationship must be measured not by words, but by the emotional comfort present. Those. If when you do something that makes your soul brighten and your eyes sparkle, and your friends criticize and leave, then it also makes sense to reconsider your social circle. People who try to make you fit their own vision are not those who reflect your true being. The ability to change your environment also helps you understand who you are, and if you are repulsed by the environment of artists, but supported and cared for by travelers, then a much larger part of you is a traveler, even if not in the format in which this occurs for the majority.
How to always be yourself? Learn to live, moving away from patterns as much as possible, looking for non-standard solutions, reactions, ways of spending time and interaction. Frequently relying on the generally accepted and stereotyped, the less busy your brain will be, but the less you will be in your life. The feeling of living a full life is born from violating unwritten rules and peculiar social norms. The more unexpected your behavior becomes for others, the more inner freedom you will receive.
You may not know or be able to define who you are, but responding in each moment with unique spontaneity is the path of finding yourself in each present moment of time. It is difficult, it requires courage, as well as a constantly turned-on consciousness so that there are no stereotyped reactions, but the result is the ability to be yourself.
If you give others the same opportunity for your true manifestation, then you will not only get to know them without any conventions and clichés, but you will also indirectly study yourself. In this, it is important to concentrate and perceive any interlocutor as a stranger, even if we have been together for more than thirty years. You can forget that a person turned out to be narrow-minded in some topic and look at him as a possibly brilliant interlocutor; you can ask for advice from someone who fails after failure or for support from someone who is weak. The amazing thing is that in the end, having discarded your own stereotypes, you get to know people from an unexpected side. The automatic mechanism that works when communication is structured this way is that you get to know yourself from an unusual perspective and get the opportunity to further implement this.
How to be yourself in a relationship with a man
Many articles have been written and no less conferences have been held about how to be yourself in a relationship, because only in an emotionally significant interaction with someone who becomes dear to us, we begin to hide certain aspects of our personality, trying to portray someone kinder, softer, more comfortable etc.
Negative, aggressive sides are hidden either by the woman herself in order to attract a man or are hidden by him in order to feel her own well-being, but the problem remains. Then it turns out that you can live in a mask from time to time, but not all your life and not in the morning, only when you wake up or are seriously tired in the evening. At some stage, enormous irritation arises due to the impossibility of one’s natural existence, and a lot of energy is spent on conforming to the image.
It’s probably worth starting with prevention, and even at the moment of romance, the period when people are just getting to know each other, not giving in to the desire to be liked at any cost, pleasing your loved one as much as possible and sacrificing your whole life, waiting for some answers to this. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do something for a loved one, but female nature begins to sacrifice too much. One day you open the door to something other than your dressing room, because you dress the way your partner likes, not you, you eat not your own dishes, but what he prefers, and even relaxation and communication with friends have changed a lot under his influence. When positions have been so lost that a woman discovers with horror the loss of herself and tries frantically to return, but the fear of losing the relationship can force her to remain in an exhausting way. The relationship will still be destroyed, because there is no real sincere contact between them, but only interaction at the role level. To preserve both yourself and interaction, you will have to get out of the made-up world and go for sincere interaction, thinking how to always be yourself.
To be yourself in a relationship with a man, you need to remember your previous life, supporting it, albeit not at the same level as before, but not abandoning it. It is required to continue meeting with friends, maintaining the traditions of Saturday gatherings or other pastimes. You can connect companies, i.e. do something so that the system does not become closed, and you can receive feedback and reactions not only from your man.
Leave time for self-care - this could be sports or masks, a manicure, or the opportunity to sit with a book and a cup of something delicious. The time spent at home, even just the two of you, should not be completely devoted to the man - take care of your appearance to be attractive, engage in education to be interesting, arrange entertainment for yourself, or just daydream without involving him. This way you can feel the needs of your body and give it the opportunity to awaken your soul through these signs.
Defend your own global life values and plans that appeared long before you met, and especially those for which a lot has already been done. A job you chose many years ago that brings you pleasure and money is clearly not worth quitting because your loved one wants you to greet him with borscht. Scheduled courses must be attended, and your favorite countries await your feet. If you encounter sharp criticism, prohibitions, the same applies to friends, think about whether you are connecting your life with a manipulator who is trying to turn you into a housekeeper without development and social connections. There is no reason to sign up for something like this out of love, turning into a different person than the one that attracted him, and he will leave you, citing the fact that you are no longer the same and have changed a lot.
Get yourself hobbies that do not require his participation, and it is better that other people are present in them or the need to get out of the house. This way you expand the range of your skills and interests, don’t constantly stick to a man, create space for further joint conversations and just relax. By the way, this will not only help preserve your personality, but also your relationship, because the man will have his own space for development, and then he will have something to tell you about his achievements.
Why I decided to write this guide
My name is Yuri Galmakov. I made this guide when I was searching for myself and wanted to become more confident in myself. Therefore, here is everything that I myself experienced.
Developing self-confidence is painful. You have to give up a lot of things that seemed true and accept new things, learn new things. It's like quitting smoking, only ten times harder. Because to quit smoking you only need to change one habit, but to gain confidence you need to work on changing yourself from all angles. But it's different for everyone. It was difficult for me, but it seems I managed it, and continue to cope.
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Only benefit and nothing but benefit
Self-confidence will not come immediately after reading the article. This is a process of change within a person. But, when you finish reading this article, you will have an understanding of the issues of confidence, knowledge of what to do next, and the desire to take steps towards change. I really hope so.
The purpose of leadership is to launch the mechanism of change in your head. Self-confidence comes through action, so reading what is written on this page is not enough. We need to act.
After reading this guide, I want you to take action, not because you need to, but because you want to. In this case, actions are easy. And you will enjoy every action on the path to self-confidence.
What has changed in my self-confidence during this time? I stopped being sensitive to criticism and started writing songs and poems and publishing them on social networks. I learned to say “no” to people who asked me to do something I didn’t want to do. I became more attentive to my desires, body and time. I started getting enough sleep and enjoying each day more. The main thing is that I took the path that is most important to me in this life. The path of creativity. The Creator has been inside me since childhood. But someone put him to sleep. And so I managed to wake him up again and force him to create for the good of everything.
I hope this guide helps you change, find yourself, and become confident in your path. I will be very happy about this. If you would like to chat or ask a question, write to me at [email protected]
Be the best and be in charge3
Leadership is an important quality for any person, especially men. In order to feel needed in your own space, you need to be a leader in at least one aspect of your life: at work, among friends or in relationships. If you manage to succeed 100%, then a wonderful feeling of importance will appear.
Film "The Wolf of Wall Street"
The opportunity to be the best is extremely attractive. They consult with you, accept you, and the right to choose is always left to you. But it is important to understand that the leader is the most responsible person in the state, on whose shoulders the fate of many people rests.
Therefore, a real man understands the degree of responsibility and does not slip into narcissism when he stands on a pedestal and rises above many thanks to his merits.
A leader always hears the opinions of others, takes them into account, and even sometimes gives in to the requests of the “workers.” And besides, he always respects leaders from other spheres without humiliating them.
Results
Thus, to be yourself means to follow your convictions, not to change your worldview in order to please other people, to please them. Honesty with yourself, regular self-knowledge, healthy reflection and self-analysis are the main tools for preserving yourself.
To be yourself, you need to know, understand and accept your characteristics, use both your strengths and weaknesses to your advantage, be able to compensate and mask your weaknesses, while not forgetting to constantly work on yourself and increase their strength.
It’s simple to be yourself: understand what I want to eat and drink, with whom and where I want to live, what I want to do, with whom I want to communicate; constantly remember this, choose and be responsible for your choice, set goals and achieve them. You have only one life, which neither your parents, nor the media, nor other people, nor stereotypes have the right to take away.
IQ8
It is important not only to develop physically, but also spiritually. This is where education comes to the fore. A real man knows how to behave in society, those around him are not ashamed of him, and such people do not become the center of universal shame.
In the modern world, a certain swagger and ease, when a man is charismatic in any society, is confused with “redneckness” and the absence of any norms. The ability to behave in a stressful situation and in front of any people with dignity is a big plus, therefore, if there is a gap here, then it needs to be filled as quickly as possible. The yard cattle don’t even have the desire to learn about their shortcomings, because they have much more problems than a well-mannered man.
