How does a husband feel after cheating on his wife from the point of view of emotions and psychology?

• Existing stereotypes
• Diversity of emotions
• Behavior change
• Who is ultimately to blame?

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Since male infidelity is a common topic in many forums, where women almost unanimously talk about betrayal, you should ask the men themselves about how they feel after their infidelity. A man’s view from the inside will be much different from a woman’s, which is not surprising, because it was not him who was betrayed. The men's site masculino.ru will consider this topic.

Usually women accuse men of cheating, considering them the only culprits of what happened. Psychologists, like men themselves, prefer to look at the situation more broadly. Undoubtedly, a man is guilty of betraying a woman by having sexual contact with another lady. However, this was the result of often not entirely favorable relations between partners.

Men often cheat not because they want to, but because in this way they run away from problems. If you listen to all the excuses they give when they explain why they cheated, they often blame the women they are in a relationship with for something and talk about cheating as a way to solve this problem. It turns out that if there were no problems in the relationship, then there would be no betrayal?

Not everything is so simple. There is a category of men who simply cannot be faithful. Even some feelings for a regular partner cannot keep them from going outside for long. They often tell their ladies: “I go to the left, but I still love you.” They are ready not to part with their ladies, if only they will forgive them for their infidelities.

The logic of men

The vast majority of men (more than 90%) deeply regret the betrayal and sincerely wish that it would never happen again. Often they don't take the time to think about what happened and just hope you don't find out. Husbands often find themselves absolutely devastated once they realize there is no way to correct their mistake.

Cheating is often a man's way of regaining self-confidence, a sense of youth and importance, or getting attention and praise that they lack.

Although the ideal way to deal with these problems is to ask your wife for help, some people behave extremely illogically in such situations. A man does not connect his marriage and his mistress with each other, and often justifies himself, thinking that this is how he solves problems on his own. Although this logic looks funny to women, it is an objective reality.

Behavior change

If a man wants to cheat because he is guided by some of his own principles, then he should act wisely. Do not make mistakes that could lead to the destruction of your family, especially if there are children in them. Walk to the left, but do not disturb the feelings of the members of your family nest:

1. Come up with an excuse why you will be home late. Here you can talk about an irregular work schedule, a possible promotion, due to which you have to stay late at work, negotiations if this is part of your responsibilities, etc.
2. Involve your wife in your transformation process. Since men need to put themselves in order in order to attract new beauties and make them their mistresses, let their wives not suspect this. Say that you have decided to take care of yourself. Your wife will like this, since she probably constantly talked about your sloppiness and lack of hygiene. Make her happy that you decided to be neat and well-groomed, she will help you with this. And thereby you will put yourself in order for meetings with your mistress.
3. Keep calm. If you decide to cheat, then pretend that nothing bad is happening. No remorse, no nerves, no strange gifts for no reason. Stay the same as before the change.
4. Agree with your lover how you will communicate. Situations should not occur when your mistress calls you and you try to be alone, go to another room so that your wife does not hear anything. Such behavior will definitely arouse suspicion. Therefore, negotiate with your mistresses so that they do not write or call you, otherwise you will break off relations with them.
5. Choose your lover wisely. If you don’t want additional nerves, then immediately tell your mistress why you need her. Since any mistress sooner or later falls in love with her man, she can begin to get on his nerves, just as a wife does at home. Why do you need this? If you notice that your mistress is starting to put a spoke in your wheel, threatening to call your wife, constantly throwing tantrums, then it’s time to break up with her. It should give you the relaxation and peace that you miss so much at home with your wife.

Do they regret

As soon as the wife finds out about the betrayal, the husband is usually overcome by real despair, sadness and remorse. The self-esteem that the husband tried to restore with the help of his mistress is now lower than ever, and it becomes obvious that the plan was bad from the very beginning.

Husbands are sorry and are willing to do anything to make amends to their wives.

Many of them say, “If I try to offer my other half love and comfort, she sees me as a sex-starved pervert, but if I step back and let her make the decision, she thinks I no longer find her desirable.” This is not a problem if cheating is a sufficient reason to file for divorce in any case, but if a woman is determined to save the family, she must be able to overcome her negative feelings.

How to tell if your spouse is cheating on you

The first signs that your husband is cheating will help you fight for your family:

• thoughtfulness, irritability, always absent-minded and a desire to remain silent. These are the main indicators of your spouse's guilt;
• excessive waste of the family budget, despite the fact that its replenishment remains at the same level;
• the mobile phone is always in the field of view of your spouse, who is constantly corresponding with someone there or secluded himself in an empty room for secret negotiations;
• desire to look better. This is purchasing new things, cologne, visiting the hairdresser, bathroom several times a day;
• outings with his family for a walk after long persuasion become very short and infrequent, since halfway through the journey he suddenly has important matters that must be resolved;
• fictitious visits to the gym, fishing, hunting, workload, new projects from management;
• endless lies and concealment from friends and colleagues, and more.

About self-esteem

When wives think about how their husbands feel after cheating, many overlook the impact of infidelity on self-esteem. Suddenly, he became a second-class citizen. The man may have earned it, but keep in mind that he is now probably suffering from low self-esteem, which is what contributed to the affair in the first place.

If everything is left as is, then the marriage will be even more vulnerable. It is very important that both know why the betrayal occurred and jointly solve all the problems that arose after this.

Now let's look at what specific emotions a man feels after cheating on his wife from a psychological point of view.

Existing stereotypes

One of the established stereotypes of why a man cheats is his polygamy. They say that in the old days, when there were few people, men inseminated various women as often as possible, which replenished the demography of their nation. Whether this really happened is unknown. However, such a fairy tale ideally appealed to all men who do not want to be faithful.

The problem is that a man simply does not want to be faithful to one woman. Perhaps it's a habit. Or maybe he can’t stop anymore. However, there is a category of even fairly good and decent men who simply cannot stay with single women for a long time.

Either they cheat or quickly break off relationships with some women in order to quickly begin contacts with other young ladies. If a man does not think about his habit and does nothing about it, then he simply cannot be faithful.

The story of polygamy among men fits perfectly into the modern framework of life, when people feel free and able to explain their treacherous actions in any way they want. “All men are polygamous... All men cheat,” not only men but also women say confidently, truly believing it. However, the question remains: is a person familiar with all the men living on planet Earth? Does he really know that absolutely all men cheat?

The habit of attributing everything to polygamy makes women not trust men in principle. The gentleman has not yet had time to cheat on the woman before she is already sure that he is cheating on her. What does this lead to? To those actions that men do not like:

1. She's watching him.
2. She controls him.
3. She checks his phone and address book.
4. She initially does not trust him and suspects him.
5. She constantly talks about some kind of betrayal that the man committed.

It turns out that a man, with his pride in his own polygamy, provokes behavior on the part of a woman that he does not like. This is where problems begin to arise: if a man is dissatisfied with his relationship, then he may think about cheating. Moreover, he thinks about betrayal not from the position of his own polygamy, but because he wants to relax, run away from the problem, and get some rest.

Are all men really polygamous and cheat on their women? Even men themselves cannot answer this question, because some cheat and some don’t.

Is it worth forgiving a man's infidelity? This is every woman's business. It all depends on many factors, which include the feelings of the woman herself, her desires, as well as her willingness to be responsible for the consequences of her own decisions.

Outrage and justification

After the panic passes, many try to explain their actions to themselves. Yes, most men know that they are wrong, but they are not ready to feel pathetic, so they look for excuses.

Husbands can:

• Place some of the blame on a bad marriage or spouse,
• Tell yourself that this was a special period of life during which they were especially fragile and vulnerable.
• Present another woman or an outside relationship as completely special.

The justification or rationalization phase usually does not last forever. It's just an initial attempt to feel better, at least in your own mind.

Break off relations

“If my husband cheated on me, he is no longer my husband.” Many women adhere to this principle in life. So, as soon as they learn about the betrayal, they want to get a divorce.

There is no need to behave rudely with your husband after deciding to separate. This no longer makes any sense. All your communication should be kept to a minimum:

• Discussion of property issues;
• Discussion of child custody;
• Solving family issues, etc.

Clarifying attitudes, searching for those to blame and scandals will lead nowhere. It is especially harmful to quarrel in the presence of children.

Just let him go. And you will save your own nerves.

Before divorce, prepare the ground for retreat.

Don't rush - prepare the ground for retreat. Collect money for the first time, change your job to the one you want, enlist the support of your loved ones, find a lawyer, etc.

Be thoughtful.

Guilt

No matter how many excuses a person comes up with, the feeling of guilt after cheating usually still seeps into the soul. At the end of the day, no matter how bad things get, infidelity is a personal choice, with extremely painful consequences for those we love. So no matter the context, when you cheat on someone, there are many reasons to rightfully feel guilty.

Most people do feel guilty, even if they don't always let it show in public.

How to behave as a wife after cheating

Cheating always leads to a serious deterioration in relationships and can provoke a psychological crisis in a woman. Some let go of the situation, others, on the contrary, emotionally cling to it. Let's say a man and woman have reconciled and continue to live together. How to behave when your husband returns after cheating? This is a difficult period in a relationship, because the feelings of the spouses are tested. And if a husband promised to love only his wife and remain faithful to her, then he will either truly love or endure with all his might so as not to cheat again. It is impossible to know for sure what is going on inside him. It will become clear only when he goes “left” again.

In the case where the husband assures that this betrayal “doesn’t mean anything” and “it just happened that way,” most likely, he really did not intend to cheat and did it under the influence of circumstances and momentary attraction. In such a situation, psychologists recommend coming to terms with the fact of betrayal.

Such excuses cannot, of course, serve as an excuse for betrayal, but they at least explain their reasons a little. In this case, try to take the incident calmly as much as possible.

There is no need to heat up the situation and create a tragedy for both yourself and your spouse.

Every woman is a bit of a psychologist, and you can perfectly use this quality for the benefit of your loved one. Find the positives in the current situation. Instead of suffering, give yourself time and attention, beautify yourself, go to a salon, fitness club, etc. You will not only forget that you were going to shed tears for your loved one, but you will also feel like a beautiful and attractive woman again.

It would be good not to lose sight of the intimate side of the issue. You definitely need to try, forgetting about prejudices and complexes, to show yourself sexier than your rival. This is precisely the area of ​​life where there is no place for excessive shyness. Expand your knowledge in this area and improve your intimacy skills.

It is important in such a situation to like yourself and want to be liked by others. After all, a woman’s beauty is determined not by her age, but by her behavior, mood, sensuality and self-confidence.

To forgive or not to forgive

It is very difficult to forgive the betrayal of your significant other. Accepting the situation and understanding the reason for the action will help you understand yourself and raise your fallen self-esteem. It is very important not to confuse forgiveness with the fear of being alone.

The best option in this case would be separation, but without negative emotions and hatred towards your ex-husband. These feelings ruin your life, prevent you from starting a new relationship, and constantly remind you of betrayal.

Changes in the nature of work

Now he is often delayed and sent on business trips. And meetings are held exclusively after the end of the working day. He complains to you about an unfair boss, but his income is not growing.

The specifics of work, even for office employees, can be seasonal: at certain times, the volume of work increases rapidly. But if his delays at work are not related to these reasons, then they can be explained by the appearance of a mistress in his life. Especially if after business trips on weekends he does not bring home substantial travel allowances.

He suggests you go to the doctor

Caring about health is not common for many men. Most likely, you almost forcibly dragged him to the doctor. Why does he need it? Either it will go away on its own, or it will dry out and fall off, and then it’s too late to treat.

And then suddenly he suggests that you take tests for sexually transmitted infections together. Motivates with concern for you, tells tales about how you can easily pick up such an infection in a public toilet or with a friendly kiss from a friend.

But it’s no coincidence that sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are called that. This means he has something to fear. This means he had sexual contact with another woman.

9 stages of living with infidelity and tips for overcoming them

People experience the betrayal of a loved one in different ways : they become depressed, experience shock, and begin to hate themselves and their chosen one. Experiences associated with a lover’s infidelity are divided into 9 stages. Depending on what psychological characteristics a woman has, they become longer, shorter or disappear altogether. Understanding that the emotions experienced are temporary will help ease mental pain and refrain from hasty decisions.

Shock and disbelief - 1

The most standard reaction to a spouse’s betrayal is disbelief, shock, and denial of what happened . Having heard about the betrayal, representatives of the fair sex try not to notice the evidence; they consider this unpleasant news a bad joke or a lie.

This reaction is a defense mechanism . Its duration ranges from a couple of minutes of amazement to 4-5 days of denial. If the wife has long suspected that her husband is going “to the left,” then this phase may be absent altogether.

To avoid shock, you need to know the signs of male infidelity:

• unexpected closeness, refusal to talk and explain;
• lying without good reason;
• the husband tries to avoid joint activities with his wife;
• excessive attention to appearance;
• avoidance of intimacy;
• sudden heavy workload;
• unreasonable financial expenses;
• aggression, irritability;
• suspicious scratches and marks on the body.

Aggression towards oneself - 2

In the second stage, the betrayed woman experiences self-hatred. She feels her insignificance and subconsciously shares the blame for what happened with the cheater, goes over “shoals” and offenses in her memory.

The duration of this stage is from two to three hours to one month. Being at this stage, it is necessary to take into account that “searching for oneself” after betrayal is a defensive reaction of the psyche.

Contemplating betrayal - 3

To avoid feeling guilty, you need to understand how to prevent infidelity and take the following actions:

• do not make a scandal, do not blame, talk openly with your beloved;
• bring back romance and care into the relationship;
• take initiative, diversify your intimate life;
• perceive your life partner as an individual, respect his interests;
• listen to the chosen one, provide assistance in solving problems.

If all this does not help, the deceived wife understands that she has done everything possible. And then the next stage comes.

Aggression towards the cheater – 4

Women's aggression, which was initially directed at itself, turns to the culprits: an unfaithful husband, a homewrecker, and other people involved in the affair. A woman stops controlling her emotions, starts scandals, and thinks through a plan of revenge. The duration of the fourth stage is quite long and can take from one month to one or two years.

Feeling of no future - 5

Over time, aggression subsides and is replaced by a feeling of constant pressure and stress. The woman feels as if her life is over and there will never be a happy relationship again. This phase is characterized by attempts to maintain the relationship or, on the contrary, avoidance of the spouse.

This period lasts a couple of months, and if the relationship was short-lived, it is often absent.

The desire to return the past - 6

At this stage, there is a desire to return everything to normal. The wife is ready to ask for the infidelity of her beloved, trying to prove that she still loves him. The flaring fire of passion is nothing more than an attempt to keep the beloved. The duration of the stage varies - it may not exist at all, last a couple of weeks, several months or even several years.

Awareness that there will be no previous relationship - 7

In the seventh phase, the wife understands that after the betrayal, the relationship will never be the same again. Despite the flared passion, the woman still feels deceived. It is difficult for her to communicate with her loved one; there is no more trust. Suspicions of new betrayals arise, and during quarrels he remembers infidelity.

If, after the betrayal, the family breaks up, then the fair sex begins to get used to the changes in her life. She forgets her ex, stops suffering, and turns her attention to more important aspects of her life. The duration of this stage takes up to six months.

Exhaustion - 8

The phase of exhaustion occurs regardless of whether the family has survived or not. In the first case, quarrels, stress, endless nagging appear, and coldness arises in the couple. Spouses become indifferent to each other. The stage lasts from 1 to 2 months, sometimes it can last longer, becoming the cause of clinical depression.

Making a decision and stabilizing the situation - 9

The last stage is emotional stabilization. A devoted woman recovers from the psychological trauma inflicted on her and returns to her usual course of life. At this stage, all the nuances are analyzed. If the relationship was able to “survive” to this phase, then the chances of returning to the previous relationship increase significantly.

Your intimate life has changed

People's preferences can change over time. Or the desire to experiment may arise after watching adult films or reading relevant materials. And if suddenly your spouse craves experimentation completely unexpectedly and you cannot understand where he suddenly got it from, then this may be a consequence of his sex with another woman. He liked what she practiced and wants to implement the acquired skill in your family intimate life.

But it is possible that he will avoid sex altogether. He will try to avoid it under any pretext. The main point is that changes happen quickly, you cannot come up with a logical explanation for them.