As practice shows, men who cheat on their wives most often do not leave the family. They just need new sensations that the spouse cannot or does not want to give herself. But it happens that a rival charms a man so much that he is unable to resist her charms, so he leaves the family. The question of how to return a husband from his mistress to the family if he lives with her deserves attention, because it is quite possible to restore the relationship if the woman behaves correctly.
How to turn your husband away from his mistress?
To return your husband to the family from his mistress, you will have to carefully analyze the situation.
A man is looking for an outside relationship for several reasons:
- Not inclined to remain faithful to a single woman for a long period . Considers sex on the side to be normal for himself. He does not seek to change anything in family life; he is quite satisfied with the established life at home and established relationships.
- Due to difficulties in the family , there is a lack of mutual understanding, support, and friendship between partners. The spouse has stopped taking care of herself, avoids intimacy, has grown cold, and plays the role of “daughter” or “mother” in the couple.
- Fell in love . It doesn't have to be bad at home. A fateful meeting happened, it sparkled, and there was no moral strength to resist the temptation.
It is worth considering which situation is closer to a specific case: the course of further actions will depend on this. You don't need to do anything until you have a clear strategic plan in your head. Especially in the first day after the woman finds out about her rival.
Emotions are hard to control at first. It would be optimal to go to a friend, mother, or rent a hotel room under a plausible pretext. Exhale the first surge of stress, decide what to do next.
Behavior strategy: correct actions
Emotions are difficult to control at first.
When finding an object of adoration, a man rarely plans to break up with his wife or permanent partner. On the contrary, he tries to do everything so that people at home don’t guess about anything, not wanting global changes.
If he does not inform his legal half about the presence of a rival, the chances of a return are high. There is no need to hold a debriefing and declare that this fact has become known. An unpleasant conversation may push him to choose his mistress.
It is difficult to influence the situation, especially if the reason for the breakup is passion, a period of romance, rose-colored glasses. The only correct behavior of a wife should be aimed at smoothing out the acute moment and minimizing losses for herself.
It's worth looking in the mirror. Looking out of it is a lady with extra pounds, an indistinct hairstyle of a strange color, in a stretched T-shirt? Correct it urgently.
Fitness, diet, image change and comprehensive self-care will bring results. At first, the husband may not notice or ridicule such initiatives. This is fine. The time will come when your efforts will be rewarded, at a minimum, with an improvement in your own self-esteem.
Does magic help?
Women are emotional creatures , they need a feeling of support and security. Not receiving this from their environment, many turn to esotericism, religion, and magic.
Why does he want to return?
Entering a midlife crisis, a man suddenly realizes that all his victories, including in intimate terms, are left behind, he is no longer as young and not as desirable as before. His worldview begins to change dramatically. Frightened by the loss of his own importance, he can’t think of anything better than to assert himself on the side, replacing his boring wife and family life with a new hobby, new sensations and emotions with a new passion. It would seem that here it is, a new life, live and rejoice! But not everything is as rosy as we would like.
Quite a bit of time passes, the flurry of emotions subsides a little, and it turns out that everything is not as good in the new relationship as he would like. It turns out that he is no longer that sexual giant who can gush with inexhaustible passion around the clock (which is what a young companion needs). And her cooking tastes bad, and she can’t clean it properly. The man realizes that in the new family everything that was before awaits him - all the same family responsibilities, the same way of life and the same fatigue.
But now it’s much harder for him. After all, before they understood him and accepted him for who he really is. And now we have to rebuild relationships, adapt to another person. And sometimes the whims of a new passion, her demands become simply unbearable. He just wants to run back to the one who always understood his fatigue, supported him, tried to listen, without demanding anything in return.
Prohibited methods of use
It is difficult to influence the situation, especially if the reason for the breakup is passion.
To return your husband to the family, it is strictly not recommended:
- Call, write to your mistress, threaten her, inflict physical violence. This is criminally punishable, and expecting that a rival’s conscience will awaken and she will send the man home is the height of naivety.
- Blackmail your spouse with children. There is no need to make them hostage to the adult conflict.
- Threatening suicide . This is a sign of an unstable psyche.
- Organize demonstrative suffering, slinging mud . Social networks are a bad place for emotional striptease; acquaintances will happily harp on the topic of the Ivanovs’ breakup over dinner. Let the dirty linen remain in the hut.
- Show intrusiveness . A man is in love with another, calls from his wife, constant reproaches, accusations, thirst for attention irritate him and alienate him. It’s better to “forget” about him for a while.
- Going into depression, binge drinking. Life goes on, physical and mental health will still come in handy.
The rival is the embodiment of negativity. It is difficult to suppress a negative attitude: the desire to respond with pain, to take revenge. We need to abstract ourselves from personalities and study what the problem of the relationship was.
What did he find in her that he did not receive at home: respect, admiration, calmness, interest in himself? A family is built by two people; there is no need to shift responsibility to the spouse.
Fatal mistakes in trying to return a husband to the family
Before you get acquainted with methods that will help reunite a family, it is worth talking about things that cannot be done under any circumstances.
- To impose. It doesn’t matter for what reasons you call, write, or watch your husband every day after work - this is absolutely forbidden to do! He will be more irritated, which means you shouldn’t count on his return.
- Hysterical. Emotions are difficult to control because we are all human beings. It’s better to cry to your pillow than to your husband—tears push him away.
- Reproach. When a man leaves his family for another woman, deep down he feels like a traitor. But your reproaches will only play into his hands; he will say with a calm soul: “Yes, I turned out to be an ungrateful goat, you’re right, so leave me alone.”
- Press for pity. If you become pathetic, they will start treating you with disgust. Do you think this is the emotion that people come together for?
- Manipulate, blackmail. “I will commit suicide! You will never see the children! If you don't come back, your daughter will fail the session! Your mother went to the hospital because of you!” It is impossible to quarrel between your husband and his mistress by such behavior - they will only rally against the backdrop of your emotional delirium.
- Threaten. No matter how much you want to harm these people who have caused you incredible pain, get it out of your head, and especially don’t say stupid things out loud! Think sensibly, otherwise you will be held accountable for this!
- Don't be left alone with your tragedy. The melancholy will only intensify, and your task is to collect your thoughts and push away the depression. Change to a different mode as quickly as possible.
- Don't throw mud at him. Especially mutual friends. The husband, having learned about this, will conclude that he did the right thing by leaving for another woman.
- Don't try to awaken old feelings in him with memories. You agreed to meet to discuss your future life separately (this is a normal situation for adequate people), and suddenly you begin to remember your last wedding anniversary through tears. They also reinforce the sad story with remarks: “Oh, how could you leave? What were you missing? How did it happen that our paths diverged?” As a result, your husband does not want to meet with you anymore.
- Expect to return. If you decide to strictly adhere to the image of “an abandoned woman grieving in the night,” you will not be able to return your husband.
- Don't ignore him, don't take revenge. Revenge is a destructive feeling that destroys a person morally. In attempts to take revenge, people often lose their appearance, forgetting the original goal.
- Don't show off. Don't become a fool.
- Don't humiliate yourself, it's repulsive and disgusting. “Just tell me what you don’t like - I’ll change!” If you want, meet her, just don’t leave!”
- File for divorce immediately. Such decisions are not made rashly. And if you do this with the hope that your husband will be scared, you can make a fatal mistake!
- To sort things out with your mistress. If you are thinking of doing this, it means that she has already defeated you, since you have elevated her to the rank of the third member of your family.
- Don't focus on the fact that you will be together soon. Let everything take its course – don’t set time limits. Let yourself go a little.
If you look at the list, it is quite impressive. These are not invented stereotyped situations, but advice from practicing psychologists based on the real experience of real people. The work of returning a husband to the family is painstaking and lengthy, requiring a lot of effort and time. Therefore, the first thing psychologists advise is to memorize this particular list, so as not to ruin what is not yet completely lost! If you learn to control yourself and avoid such mistakes, the chance of getting the better of your opponent is quite high!
It is impossible to defeat your husband's mistress with such behavior! You hit - she regrets, accuse - she supports, cry - she gives a smile. When your husband has already left the family, your mistress is always one step ahead of you, remember this.
Advice from psychologists
Stop being as comfortable as house slippers.
Cheating is not always related to the behavior or appearance of a partner. Often a person realizes that life has turned into a dull swamp, he begins to look for colors to revive it.
Developed individuals work on themselves: change their specialty, study something new, jump with a parachute, play sports.
Those who lack the strength and courage to do this choose simple, primitive ways, for example, changing partners in search of vivid sensations. The abandoned half should not look for flaws in themselves too closely; they need an objective look.
You need to learn to love yourself. Stop being as comfortable as house slippers . It's difficult work, but worth the effort. Internal changes, working with your attitudes and complexes will give external results.
Without this, changing your style and losing weight will not work. A psychologist helps with this. If you don’t have the opportunity to get individual advice from a good specialist, you can find a lot of high-quality materials on the topic on the Internet.
What to do: advice from men
Representatives of the stronger sex say: while the husband is in the rutting period, everything that the spouse does will pass by. He is blinded, carried away by the fireworks of emotions. The rest does not interest him or irritates him. Pulling the blanket over yourself at this time is pointless and harmful. You need to be patient until the feeling begins to fade.
After a while, the euphoria passes, and the realization sets in that the woman is different, but the problem is the same. The mistress wants money, household help, she has a runny nose, diarrhea, and a bad mood. The holiday ends, the daily routine begins.
It is important to catch the moment when the desire for novelty wears off and the unfaithful spouse begins to think: “I’ve won. Shouldn’t we return to a family where everything is stable and organized?”
If the wife wants to preserve the union, her systematic work on the relationship begins . By this time, she should come ready, having changed her consciousness, her attitude towards the man, herself, if this was the reason.
Do I need to return it?
If the wife wants to preserve the union, her systematic work on the relationship begins.
It is impossible to answer the question unequivocally. Everyone has their own opinion whether to give the traitor a chance to return or not. If a woman wants to save her marriage, loves this man and believes that she can forgive him, it’s worth a try.
If she is driven by a thirst for revenge on her mistress (it will still be mine), the desire to give her children a natural father, despite her reluctance to live with him, the fear of remaining a “divorcee” - there is no need.
Every person has the right to make a mistake; many couples have passed the test of infidelity and maintained their relationship. The betrayal became a kind of reboot, it allowed us to better understand what the other side wants and work on mistakes. Such unions can be strong in the future, since they have received immunity from separation due to spree.
Reasons for returning
A husband who has left for another woman will return if he realizes that he was stupid and lived in a fantasy land. Often men wake up and realize how stupid and selfish it was to cheat on their wife. The couple realize that they really love their wives and try to fix the problems in their lives, which often have nothing to do with their marriage, in the wrong way.
Often after this they want to immediately fix everything and abruptly break up with their lover, who is left confused, not understanding what she did wrong. She may not have done anything wrong, it's just that the other person realized that the relationship was wrong and there is no reason to continue it.
Husbands return to their wives from their mistresses because they understand that their mistress will not solve their problems. An affair is usually needed to fix something in oneself, to support low self-esteem or the inability to feel strong. This is a quick but temporary cure. But men wake up and realize that they are not really better, and that the same doubts and insecurities that plagued them are still there. Thus, cheating only worsens the situation, and the spouse begins to want everything back.
Husbands return from their mistresses to their wives when they realize that they love them (and never loved the woman with whom they cheated). Another woman does not understand that it is unlikely that her partner loves her as much as his wife, who has a long history and family with him. Yes, the spouse may well have felt some kind of connection and deep spiritual understanding with the homewrecker, but most likely this is because so far everything has been going smoothly, and no one has had to deal with sick children, dirty laundry or a broken car.
Mistresses think they have something special that their wife doesn't, but this is rarely true.
My husband has returned: what should I do next?
Having made the decision to reunite, you can have a conversation once in calm tones, talk about the reasons, find out all the slippery points, and agree on the future.
This option is suitable for a wife who has good self-control and is ready for constructive dialogue without accusations. You shouldn’t go deeper: ask about intimacy, find out details. Then the topic is closed forever! It is difficult to trust a deceiver again, but without this, establishing relationships is not possible.
Jealousy and reproaches will have to be left in the past. There is no need to search through your spouse’s phone number, correspondence history, or pages viewed from the computer. This is a good time to go on vacation, change your surroundings, and do something new together that will give you unusual emotions and impressions.
You shouldn't force yourself. Naturally, a woman who wants to save her marriage and has accepted her husband back cannot behave as if nothing had happened.
It is worth warning your spouse that rehabilitation will take time. Gradually, the resentment will cease to be so acute and love will come first again.
Reasons for leaving
A man's reasons for leaving will influence whether he will regret it. Those who leave their wives for other women are often disappointed once they realize that the other woman is not what she first thought. The process may take some time, but there is often regret at the end.
Many regret that they left a woman to whom they were unfair, or that they acted too quickly. A husband may well admit that he made the biggest mistake of his life, leaving a person who loved them unconditionally and understood them like no other. At the same time, sometimes it is too late to fix something if the ex-wife decided not to wait forever, and the other man was able to very quickly discern all her many advantages.
Other exes will say that escaping their marital prison was the best thing they ever did and this may be the reason why the husband does not return from his mistress. They will say that every day they were desperately unhappy in their marriage and felt like they were living for someone else.
But why does one person regret and the other not? Part of this depends on the person's personality, which is independent of you, but it is also determined by the experience of his interaction with you, which, of course, can be influenced.
