Every couple wants their marital relationship to maintain harmony and prosperity for as long as possible. It is important to understand that building a happy and strong family is the daily work of both partners. A harmonious union between a man and a woman is built on mutual respect, understanding, and the ability to find a compromise in difficult situations.
The psychology of family relationships deals with the study of pressing issues, misunderstandings and disagreements between spouses. And also by finding ways to resolve conflicts and build mutual understanding in a married couple. Knowledge and understanding of situations in which conflict may arise will help to avoid sharp edges, annoying mistakes and maintain peace in the family. Therefore, family psychology must be taken seriously. It is useful for every couple to know and put into practice the rules for building a strong marriage.
Family relationships between husband and wife: stages of development
Building a separate new family is always individual. Each person has his own character, interests, level of education and material income. Families are created at different ages and under different circumstances. At the same time, the stages of development through which each family passes are clearly visible.
After the formation of a new unit of society, each couple faces the same questions: learning to run a joint household, getting along with the relatives of the other half, raising children correctly, and more. Joint resolution of such issues is the development of relationships in a couple. The psychology of family relationships identifies seven main stages of their development:
- Love. During this romantic stage of a relationship, the partner's shortcomings are overlooked or misinterpreted. For example, sloppiness is confused with cute absent-mindedness, rudeness with a strong character, lack of taste with creativity.
- Confrontation. The transition to this stage often coincides with the couple's desire to live together, after which people get to know each other better. Resolving everyday issues reveals different views on things, and the chosen one turns out to be not the person he saw through the “rose-colored glasses” of the first stage. The psychology of family life teaches how to normalize relationships at this stage of development with the help of a sense of humor, the ability to show tolerance and find positive aspects in any situation.
- Finding a compromise. At this stage, acceptance of the shortcomings of your other half gradually comes, but irritation does not go away. The couple learns to find a compromise in most controversial situations.
- Patience. The shortcomings of the other half no longer irritate, tolerance comes, and complete acceptance of the partner for who he is. After understanding this, the couple’s relationship strengthens, and it develops into a mature relationship between a man and a woman.
- Respect. After the unrest experienced between the spouses, there is a surge of feelings at a new level. A firm understanding of “WE” appears, and the development of the “I” of each spouse is not so painfully perceived. There comes sincere pride and joy in the partner’s achievements in personal growth. Success in their career is no longer perceived as an obstacle to family life.
- Trust and gratitude. Family psychology at this stage reveals the emergence of gratitude to the partner. Spouses are ready to coordinate their actions and adapt to the needs of the other half.
- Love. Only after going through all six stages, and without losing each other in constant confrontations, does a couple find true love, which only becomes stronger over the years and no adversity can separate them. At this stage, the relationship moves to a spiritual level, the spouses understand each other half a word, half a glance. Unfortunately, not all couples reach this stage.
Psychology of relations between husband and wife: levels
Family psychologists call three psychological levels of the relationship between husband and wife:
- social level. Implies mandatory official registration of marriage. Both spouses understand that they have certain obligations to each other. Such couples have an unspoken agreement in their relationship: partnership or leadership of one of the spouses. There are usually no confrontations for dominance in a couple;
- sexual level. Harmony in intimate relationships between a man and a woman is the key to well-being in the family. However, the cause of the conflict may be the infidelity of one of the spouses, more often it is a man;
- emotional level. The psychology of relationships between a man and his wife highlights this level as the most important. It happens that the emotional and sensual intensity subsides over time, and satiety sets in. The couple quietly and peacefully separate. To restore emotional connection, psychologists advise partners to live apart for some time.
Destructive infidelity
Adultery , unfortunately, the further you go, the more common it is . Why does a loved one decide to commit such a cruel, sometimes incomprehensible act? From a psychological point of view, there are several pushing factors:
- love has passed - a person is looking for new feelings, happiness;
- problematic stages of a relationship can prompt you to look for solace on the side;
- internal difficulties of the unfaithful spouse.
If you see something familiar on the list, then think a hundred times more about what to do and whether you need it. After all, you can’t turn back time , and one unreasonable act sometimes costs a family. If you doubt your feelings and strengths, contact psychologists; they can solve many problems.
Crises of family life by year
The psychology of family relationships reveals the onset of a crisis in absolutely every couple. Some people encounter this at the very beginning of a relationship, and others, 25 years later. Psychologists of family relations clearly explain the occurrence of a crisis during a particular period of the spouses’ life together. The crisis over the years is a difficult test for a married couple, and not everyone experiences crises painlessly; as a result, families are destroyed.
First year crisis
In the first year of life, partners study each other, get used to each other, and fight for leadership in the family. By the end of the year, the idealized image of a partner, inspired by romance, is replaced by a real image. This crisis will pass those people who entered into marriage consciously and deliberately. Romantics will be deeply disappointed.
Crisis after 3–5 years
By this time, as a rule, a child appears in the young unit of society. The already established way of life changes, and often the man is the first to begin to experience inconvenience. A constantly crying child, a nervous wife, hyperactive grandmothers, lack of finances - all this leads to the fact that the young father of the family cannot stand it. At this stage, family psychology teaches spouses to be able to support each other in order to successfully overcome all difficulties together.
Crisis of 7 years
The most controversial in the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman in marriage is the crisis of 7 years. During this period, boredom from the daily routine and monotonous scheduled sex creeps into the relationship. The child is no longer capricious, the housing issue has been resolved, and responsibilities are clearly divided. The day you live is an exact copy of the next.
The couple got to know each other very well over the years they lived together and there was no romance left in the relationship. In search of variety in their sex life, the spouse begins to look elsewhere, and infidelity often occurs. The opinions of psychologists are divided: some believe that it is routine that causes the breakdown of the family, others are inclined to believe that the husband is unfaithful. Men more often leave the family after 7 years of marriage.
Crisis of 14 years
The psychology of family relationships calls the 14-year crisis of married life the most difficult. During this period, the parents begin a midlife crisis, and the child goes through a transitional period. Just yesterday, a smiling child, today turns into a withdrawn, gloomy teenager. Misunderstandings between the child and parents lead to conflicts in the family.
Adults begin to rethink personal achievements and come to the erroneous conclusion that family has become an obstacle to a failed career. Everything is aggravated by the difference in views on raising a difficult teenager, which leads to more frequent quarrels.
Crisis of 25 years
The initiators of divorce after 25 years of family life are more often men. During this period, a woman experiences menopause, hormonal changes occur, and her sexual activity noticeably decreases. Men, on the contrary, want to show everyone (and first of all to themselves) that it is too early to write them off, and they begin to think about cheating.
By this time, children have already grown up and left their parents’ nest, and it turns out that they were the factor keeping the family together. During this period, it is important to morally support each other, begin to actively relax together, pay more attention to your partner, and then the relationship will grow to a new, spiritual level of development.
Simple rules for building good relationships
Psychologists studying the psychology of family relationships between wife and husband have developed simple rules, using which an emerging conflict can be suppressed at an early stage. Five rules to help maintain peace in the family:
- respect each other and relatives of the other half;
- show attention and gratitude;
- be able to make concessions and forgive;
- do not focus on your partner’s shortcomings, especially in terms of sex;
- listen to the other half and look for a compromise together.
Even following these simple rules does not guarantee the preservation of the relationship. It is important not to lose physical contact, because through touch you can say a lot to your loved one. Common goals, dreams and their joint implementation contribute to the establishment of close relationships.
Family as a fundamental institution of society and a small group (grades 10-11)
The family is considered one of the fundamental institutions of society, giving it stability and the ability to replenish the population in each subsequent generation. At the same time, the family acts as a small group - the most cohesive and stable unit of society.
A family as a small group is an association of people based on marriage, consanguinity, connected by a common life, mutual assistance and mutual responsibility.
The family as a social institution is an association that is characterized by a set of social norms, sanctions and patterns of behavior that regulate the relationships between spouses, parents, children and other relatives.
Readiness for family life
When planning to start a family, a couple should have a general understanding of the psychology of family and family relationships. This knowledge will protect you from mistakes in the future and will help you assess your readiness for family life. It is a mistake to assume that puberty is enough for harmonious relationships and creating a family. The psychology of family relationships focuses on three criteria for a couple’s readiness to start a family: physical and mental maturity, social maturity, as well as ethical and psychological readiness for family life together.
Mental maturity implies a person’s ability to self-realize, look soberly at the existing state of affairs, and the ability to find a common language with people around him. Future spouses understand that they will have to share everyday and financial difficulties in half and are ready for mutual assistance.
Social maturity implies having an education, a job, and the ability to support oneself and family.
Psychological readiness implies the presence of common interests, spiritual values, views on raising children and awareness of the concept “WE”. At the same time, the personal “I” of partners should not be infringed.
Understanding the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife in marriage will protect young people from making hasty decisions and rashly entering into an alliance.
Family in modern society (grade 11)
In modern society, the family is experiencing qualitative changes. They are associated with global social processes of industrialization and urbanization, which are unusual for pre-industrial (traditional, agrarian) society. Traditions, norms of behavior, the nature of relationships between spouses, parents and children are tested by life, sweeping away what is outdated and inappropriate to social development. The position of women in the family has changed, and as a result, in society.
Professional and public employment of women is increasing. Their education is growing and their interests are expanding. In our country, in all categories, more than half of the workers are women. It should be noted that among specialists with higher and secondary specialized education, over 60% are women.
The number of patriarchal families is currently declining. Traditional roles, when a woman runs a household and raises children, and the husband is the owner, owner and ensures the economic independence of the family, are changing. There is a tendency towards establishing equality and mutual responsibility of spouses in the family. A partner-type family is developing, in which the woman’s authority as an individual, mother, and wife increases. Such a family involves spouses jointly managing the household, raising children, and mutual support. The life of such a family is organized with the participation of all its members.
How to build trusting relationships?
At the initial stages of relationship development, a high level of trust in the partner is formed. Lovers share secrets and dreams, reveal their souls to each other, and make plans for the future together. But after the start of family life and the birth of a child, the difficulties of everyday life and everyday routine minimize warm communication in a couple. Over time, this leads to alienation, and as soon as the children grow up, there is no need to maintain the appearance of a family for their sake. As a result, the spouses divorce.
The psychology of family relationships gives the answer to how to avoid such a plot, rebuild and subsequently maintain trusting relationships between partners.
Knowing and using the following advice from psychologists, the likelihood of alienation of the other half is reduced:
- try to praise your partner as often as possible, give compliments, say kind words;
- watch your words and, even jokingly, do not allow offensive words addressed to a loved one;
- do not use “closed” gestures during quarrels (crossing arms, looking from under your brows, leaning your body forward);
- do not invade your partner’s personal space without asking;
- do not allow strangers (parents, friends, colleagues) to interfere in the union;
- do not throw out irritation on a loved one, no matter how strong the desire;
- do not accumulate resentment, directly say what is not satisfactory in the relationship.
In addition, it is important to perform household duties together, dividing them equally. Often, a lack of understanding of responsibility for daily obligations at the household level becomes the reason for the breakup of a young family.
Family under state protection
A family is a small group of people who are related by marriage or blood. Family members are also connected by everyday life, common interests, mutual help and responsibility.
Family, motherhood, paternity and childhood in the Russian Federation are under the protection of the state. The state is interested in preserving and strengthening family relationships.
What is the state doing for this?
- Builds kindergartens
- Provides financial resources for schools
- Cares about the well-being of families
- Pays maternity capital
- Help for large families
- Helps families purchase housing
Family is the most important thing in a person’s life, the most precious thing, what gives him strength. A family unites people who are blood relatives to each other.
Family counseling
Even knowledge and practical use of the above rules and psychological techniques does not help save the family. In this case, you should seek professional help.
Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin provides similar assistance at a high level. The YouTube channel contains interesting, educational videos that describe in detail psychological problems and methods for solving them.
Joint family counseling provides an opportunity to understand the problem of one or both spouses and find solutions. The psychology of family relationships gives general concepts of difficulties that arise in the family, but the same events in each family are perceived and experienced differently. Without specialized psychological help, some couples are simply unable to cope with the crisis on their own and change themselves to save the family, even if they love their other half.
Adultery (Why do spouses cheat on each other)
Cheating can happen at any stage of a family relationship. Occasionally, the reason for a man’s drinking spree becomes banal physical attraction combined with low moral principles (when the desire to get pleasure “here and now” exceeds the sense of family duty to his wife). However, much more often, factors such as:
- sexual dissatisfaction or boredom in bed;
- lack of self-confidence, the need to recognize one’s attractiveness in the eyes of the opposite sex;
- lack of spiritual intimacy, mental loneliness, when “there is no one to talk to”;
- violation of personal space, the need to feel free;
- tense family situation, need for psychological release, need to relieve stress;
- need for protection: the family is not a support system, one of the partners does not feel stability (in money or feelings) and tries to find it on the side.
If a person receives everything he needs in a family relationship (love, respect, sexual satisfaction, recognition, understanding, care, physical and mental rest, stability), the desire to look for someone on the side does not arise. Not everyone is able to forgive betrayal, but trying to prevent such a turn of events is the task of both spouses.
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